Made a huge mistake

[u/Appropriate-Ant-2283]

I was in a happy relationship with my bf .He was the best , most beautiful person I've had in my life . I suffer from anxiety and it used to ruin my whole day , however with him around I could be at ease . I felt the most safest around him. But due to my lack of communication skills and pride about few things we got into fights . We both are from the same religion but I wasn't as religious as he was, and we would sometimes fight about it .

He gave me 2 chances after the first fight which half way broke our relationship , and I took it for granted . Ik im not the best at solving things on my own and it would create huge misunderstanding and cause us to fight . But even after that he was every loving .

Not long ago , my 1st ex who also knew my bf , started talking to my bf and then messaged me , he told me he was very sorry and would like to apologise for whatever had happen and would like to be my friend. Then he told me he likes me and want me to give him another chance . He said bad things about my bf and I didnt trust him since I got manipulated when I was in a relationship with him , so I went along his conversation to see what he was actually upto and what more bad things he has to say about my bf and he told me all the absurd things about my bf and at first I didn't believe it but at the end I started to doubt my own bf .

I tried telling my bf about this but I was drowned by my own doubts . I wish I did not try to see what my ex was upto and told my bf. Everything that was going on that same very day .

I lost the person whom I loved and who truly valued me . I regret doing this . I am so overwhelmed that im not a le to continue with. My daily routine, I don't have the courage to ask for the forgiveness anymore .

He forgave me for what I did but I cant bring myself to a accept that everything ended . I try to different things. But still I'm not able to move on . Right now I want to go and say all the things I want to I want to say I love you and that I pray to God everyday for us .

Currently we are just friends but I don't think this is going to last anymore .

Alas , I bid him goodbye and a happy future . I don't want to admit but I'm jealous of the girl who will be his wife .

I'm sorry my beloved.

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[u/CloverAnnabellex]

Give yourself time to think before jumping back in.

[u/lirium_39]

I’m sorry that you’re going through so much emotional pain. You’ve mentioned that you have been praying. How about trusting that God will do what’s best for you? But you have to truly have faith and rest in Him.
Also, you have to prepare yourself for the outcome because it may be that you both are not supposed to be with each other. Through the pain, find that stronger version of yourself! Nothing lasts forever. The pain won’t last either!

[u/Grouchy_Western_2482]

The weight of waiting will only increase in time and it is finite,  and regret is a lifetime.