I'm so drained

[u/maybeolie]

Iv been having thoughts of contacting my mom again. It's been 7 years says we had contact and I'm still grieving the mother I never had. Every time I have thoughts of wanting to talk to her again I always remember all the times she abandoned me or hurt me. I can remember how long I was left at home alone being so used to going out alone too or only getting to eat at school. I'm so mad I miss someone who wasn't even there for me or didn't even care to protect me. does anyone else ever get these thoughts, I feel like no matter what I do to cope with it the feeling always comes to me.

[u/Ryl0225]

You’re not alone. I’m glad you recognize her patterns. People can change, but most do not.

Never walk backward towards someone who is actively walking away/not caring.

I’m a mom. I’ll hug you. You are doing so great kid.Im so proud of how far you have come. You are perfect just as you are.

I say this to my kids from a book I use to read to them as a kid,
“I love you through and through. Today, tonight, and tomorrow too.”

You got this. Seasons changing is always a heavy reminder of times passing. You are wanted here. We are lucky to have you here. You belong.

[u/maybeolie → u/Ryl0225]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your comment. You're right about some people not changing. I can't think of how many times I tried to fix our relationship or begging her to be a mother until I got exhausted of it. I don't know if the child should be the one wanting to fix what wasn't there to begin with

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