CougarsAndCubs is now officially over 150,000 subscribers!!! Thank you for making this a great community! It's great but it does come with challenges. After 13 years just about every topic has been addressed and readdressed 100's of times. There is a wealth of information here, all one has to do is search.
This is our Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) and content guidelines. All members should read the FAQs before participating in the sub and reviewed from time to time as this will be updated regularly.
r/cougarsandcubs is our main sub. It is a discussion sub. No seeking is allowed here. To participate in our main sub 10 comment karma is required. Please read the rules
and these FAQs before posting. Our subs are actively and strictly moderated.
r/Cougars_Den is our sister sub. If you are brand new to reddit and/or have no karma and have a legitimate question please post it in The Den. Articles and memes are also welcome.
r/Cougar_Love is our reference sub for newbies to this dynamic.
If you would like to post a seeking ad please go to our dating sub r/cougarsandcubsmatch. Read the posting guideline in the Match before posting.
For a collection of posts that include tips, advice and suggestions read the posts that are flaired with Cub Guidebook
FAQs IN PROGRESS
Definitions and Target Audience
A cougar/cub relationship is one where the woman (cougar) is 40+ and is at least 10 years older than the man (cub) or woman (kitten).
A woman between 35 - 40 is a Puma. If you are a woman under the age of 35 your posts may be subject to review depending on situation.
Although somewhat rarer we do have some women who date women so please feel free to join the discussions.
I'm new here... Don't know how to get "started"?
If you are new the to cougar/cub dynamic its not much different than dating a woman your own age. We are just older. That's it... Really. We do not want to be seen as a fetish or a kink. This is not a "lifestyle" sub or a porn sub.
If you are new this post might be a helpful TLDR:
Are Your New Here?.
It covers what our subs are about and what they are NOT about.
If you are new to reddit and need some help checkout Reddit 101.
Why isn't my post or comment showing up?
It's probably in the moderation queue. A moderator will decide whether it fits the content guidelines listed below.
If your post does not make into the sub or is removed automatically by the "automod bot" you will generally receive a message with details as to why. Please read the message before contacting mods. If you feel it was an error please do contact the mod team.
I want a sųgar m@ma!
Goodluck with that. You won't find that in this sub. Online sugar mamas DO NOT EXIST. The discussion of sųgar m@mas is prohibited in our subs and permanent bans apply. The truth about sųgar m@mas
The sugar mama I found online wants me to buy gift cards / give her my banking info!
You are about to be scammed and probably will have your identity stolen as well. Posts concerning scams will be removed because they are off topic.
For more info please read this post The Financial Assistant Fairy Godmother and How To Recognise A Scammer
An older woman did/said this/that, is she interested in me?
You're going to have to ask her to be sure. Be ready for a high rejection rate, though, because many older women are either in stable relationships or don't think of younger men as relationship material.
An older woman at work did/said this to me. Is she interested in me? I'm attracted to an older woman who is in an postion of authority over me at my workplace/college/organisation
Our recommendations: Don't. Just Don't. This question comes up time and time again. There are thousands of older women all over the place... don't endanger your livelihood for a brief fling that may end up costing your career.
How do I approach this lady I'm interested in?
It's best to start a conversation based on mutual interests that you have. If you don't know if you have any mutual interests, you can try starting to chat based on where you are at the time or something that's happening there.
For more help, I recommend reading subs such as r/socialskills if you want more coaching on how to start conversations. It's not easy, believe me I know. But it can be learned.
Are there cougars in my area?
Probably. The chances they're on Reddit are pretty slim, though.
Are cougars into black/Asian/Jewish/left-handed/bisexual/paraplegic/etc. cubs?
Cougars are women. Their tastes vary, so probably yes. Cougars are not a monolith and our tastes, preferences and personalities are varied and are just as individual as your own.
I'm a virgin/inexperienced! Do cougars like that/not like that? Do I have a snowball's chance in hell?
As with the previous question, cougars' tastes vary. It'll depend on which one you meet. But in general, don't focus on your actual experience level with sex. Go in with an eagerness to learn, and you'll get the hang of it.
Are there cougars who want long term/short term/just sex/just cuddling relationships?
Yes. See above.
Where/How Can I find a Cougar?
There are older women literally everywhere; we generally go unnoticed because we (a) aren't young anymore and (b) we have shit to do that doesn't involve attracting your attention. Past success stories have mentioned/suggested wine bars, yoga studios, grocery stores, bars that play 90s/80s/70s music. Basically, just keep your eyes peeled.
Check out this post in our reference sub r/Cougar_Love
Suggestions:
Online dating sites: Use Mainstream Apps
Hinge, Tinder, Bumble, Match.com, OKCupid, AdultFriendFinder etc
Be aware that there are scammers and bots on all dating apps but they seem particularly prevalent on cougar specific apps
Plenty Of Fish will limit your contacts to people within 12 years of your age. While that technically includes cougars, it sure does rule out a lot of viable candidates.
Fetlife has some cougar/cub forums, but it's definitely a sideline to their focus on other fetishes.
Make sure you are giving yourself the best chance by putting some effort into your profile. This post may be helpful: Dating App Profiles and Tips for the Guys
Real world: Yoga studios, upscale bars (especially if they host wine tastings), coffee shops, social groups/clubs More Tips in This Post
How Do I Approach Cougars?
The short answer is you approach older women the same way as you would a woman your own age. There is no special code that will unlock an older women's attention.
Know what you want and what your boundaries are.
Find common interests and talk about them. Show off your thoughtful, mature side.
Dress and present yourself as responsible and mature.
Am I too Young/Old?
The working definition here at CougarsAndCubs is at least a 10-year age difference. So if you're 40 now, women over 50 still count as cougars. If you're a freshly minted 18-year-old... attracting a cougar be tricky. Your maturity level will be especially important.
Are younger men honestly interested in a woman my age, or just looking to notch their belts?
Cubs in this subreddit have carried on relationships for years, some are in LTRs or even married. Some had briefer flings, or mutually agreed-on one night stands. Some are just curious. But hey, maybe you're just looking to notch your belt. It can be fun, after all...
I'm XX years old and the sags/wrinkles/grey hairs are setting in
Read the following posts:
How old is too old - insecure about my Body
Cub question about aging female body
Saggy Boobs
Mum Tum
Curvy/Mom Bods
Where can I chat with Cougars/Cubs?
C&C Discord Server
We do have a Discord and from time to time we will make an announcement post when we can offer invites for new members or please send a mod mail and ask for an invite. Please DO NOT DM mods for invites. However, please note this discord is not an NSFW space, if you are expecting a stereotypical notion of a Discord server full of Cougars sharing Nudes etc, this is not the space for you. Our Discord is based on friendship, a place to chat, connect and share your day with like-minded people. If your Reddit profile is full of NSFW, inappropriate/derogatory posts and comments you will not be a good fit for the Discord. Empty or new profiles will most probably be denied access until you have something in your profile. Negative karma and shadowbanned accounts are ineligible for invites.
Regarding the chatroom:
As of Dec 2020 Reddit has depreciated chatrooms and they were transitioned to Group Chats. And while it is still active, it is however broken and we can no longer add new members. Reddit has made no announcements about the future of the transitioned chatrooms.
Content Guidelines
This is a discussion only sub for issues that may arise in relationships between older women and younger men. If you do not observe these guidelines, your post may be removed.
This it NOT Dating 101. If you don't know how to strike up conversations, take risks, or can't realize that being turned down may have nothing to do with you, then please do some reading in r/dating_advice or r/socialskills and practice on strangers you aren't hoping to date. We have a reference sub r/Cougar_Love that has a curated collection of posts that will answer most basic/common questions if you are new to this dynamic.
It is NOT for posting seeking messages, asking where to find cougars, asking about sugar mamas, asking to chat, posting photos etc.
DO NOT post your kik, IG, phone number, etc or ask for anybody's in return.
If you are looking to date or find someone please go over to our dating sub r/cougarsandcubsmatch (The Match) where you can submit stand alone dating/seeking posts. Also every week on Thursdays and Sundays we have our "Thursday's Roll Call" and "The Sunday Hunt" posts where you may post shorter seeking messages. Please read the rules/posting requirements in The Match and instructions on each post before participating. This is the ONLY place you can seek in our subs.
DO NOT randomly ask people to message you in r/cougarsandcubs.
It is NOT for advertising dating apps or asking what apps to use. We all know what the major dating apps are and they are no secret stashes of women out there. Who is available in your area depends heavily on where you are. Also, don't limit yourself to apps.
It is NOT an index of places to find cougars in your local city. Don't waste everyone's time asking.
It is NOT for posting sexual escapades. This sub used to allow success stories, but between the explicit porn and the transparent bragging, any success stories must be in context for a substantial relationship question. Stories without a substantial question (be more specific than "what do you think?") may be removed.
DO N0T post random thoughts, rants, or questions unrelated to age gap relationships. Wishing everyone a good day/week/month is fine, but let's not go overboard. Please stay on topic.
NO racist, sexist or vulgar language will be tolerated. Phrase your unpopular opinions politely and be ready for backlash. We try to keep things PG-13.
DO NOT post photos of yourself for the purposes of introduction or soliciting contact. Go to our dating sub r/cougarsandcubsmatch and read the post requirements and rules before participating.
NO NSFW photos/videos/links. Permanent bans apply.
Links to videos/articles/blog posts/research are now allowed however they must be related to Age Gap relationships in some way. Posts that contain links and videos will be held in the moderation queue for review so please be patient.
If you made it to the end of the FAQs and have read the rules you will be at an advantage and unlikely to receive any kind of ban. However, if you do receive a temporary ban please accept this as a gentle reminder to re-read and follow the rules. Abusive and angry reactions to temporary bans will not be tolerated and will be dealt with accordingly.
If you have read everything and are still unsure please contact the mod team HERE