r/DadForAMinute • u/Therainydays123 • 3d ago
Asking Advice I’m scared I’ll fail
I’m a freshman in college, this is my first semester, I’m terrified that I’m going to fail one of my classes. I have an exam coming up and I didn’t study properly, I’m literally in college and I have no clue how to memorize things properly, I’ve gone to office hours, teaching assistant sessions, I’ve worked so hard but I’m scared that nobody will even notice it. The exam is worth 20% of my grade and my second exam is worth 25%, hopefully I figure it out by then, all that I need is a D- to pass the class. Dad, what happens if you fail a college course? I’m so scared and anxious and I need advice.
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u/mybrotherhasabbgun 3d ago
Fail a single college course? You retake it. It's not unusual for people to exit high school without any real study skills, especially if they have any academic acumen at all. Imposter syndrome starts to hit hard when you get into college because first, everyone that is in your class also managed to do well in high school and second, the expectations from professors are completely different. Most of them don't care about you much as a person, which is a stark contrast from your history with (at least some) teachers.
For context - I had a 3.7 high school GPA and a 2.65 undergraduate GPA. I earned 2 Ds and a F in a single semester my sophomore year and let me tell you - my parents were pissed. I ended up graduating on time and a few years later went back and earned a Masters and Doctorate with a 4.0. I'm saying this b/c I'm proof that one bad grade (or 3 in my case) isn't the end of the road.
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u/RhesusMonkey79 3d ago
I concur. I'm not sure I'd use "imposter syndrome", but in my experience it was "you may have been a big fish in a small pond in your high school, but you're all big fish now. In a smaller pond."
I explain this to my kids as a distribution curve, because they were learning mean, median etc. So for now, they may be in the upper 5th %ile of their peer group, but when they get to Uni, they are all in the 5%+ group, and so what constitutes the "mean" for that group is much much higher.
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u/gryphonlord 3d ago
A tip to help you memorize things is to take all your notes in class by hand. Studies show that writing by hand helps your brain remember the information better.
I'm sure you'll do better than you expect. Try to stay as calm as you can because calm nerves help you focus better when you're taking the test. If you do poorly on this one, that's okay. You'll figure out what went wrong and what you need to improve. Talk to your TAs after and ask what you got wrong and figure out what areas you need to study more. It's your first year and there's a lot of new stuff coming at you, so it's fine if you don't get the hang of college right away. Nobody does. Just do your best and you'll learn. I believe in you. Big, big hugs 🫂🫂🫂
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u/phd_failure 3d ago edited 3d ago
I think a part of college is learning what studying style works best for you - it’s not a one size fits all type of thing.
For me, I learned best from (clear, high quality/yield) textbooks to build intuition and a solid foundation, and less rote memorization of lecture content. In addition, I also worked through lots of practice problems - including practice/past exams (a really great study resource). Printing (or keeping a digital copy) and annotating lecture slides/notes during class was also really helpful as that’s typically the focus of exams. But that’s just me - something else might work better for you!
Also definitely recommend making study buddies! You can usually find them also attending office hours. From personal experience, most of them would be happy to find someone to study with. You’re definitely not alone in feeling stressed out in your class - and having other people to bounce ideas off of, share knowledge/teach each other and fill in gaps, and struggle/triumph together can make the experience feel less daunting! If there are multiple TAs in your class and they’re in a different TA section, you could gain access to their notes/resources as well (which could explain things in a different way or emphasize different topics).
Obviously you should try your best, but even if things don’t work out as expected it’s not the end of the world either. Being comfortable with failure, accepting it, and learning to move on is something that can benefit you well beyond college. It’s something that I would have emphasized to myself to take away from college, if I could go through it again. Life is full of uncertainty, obstacles, and failures - and building that acceptance and resilience in the face of adversity early on is so invaluable imo.
You seem hardworking, and I believe you will find what works best for you! Best of luck 😊
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u/IdontgoonToast Dad 3d ago
Hey kiddo, try not to be too hard on yourself. I've worked on a college campus my entire career (someone has to help the faculty turn on their computers), and most colleges that I am aware of, will let you take a course over if you don't do so great the first time. In addition to being able to take it over, you'll most likely get a chance to take it with a different faculty member who explains things differently which might help you retain things easier. That said do your best, I bet you will do better than you expect. You've already put in a lot of work that others don't by going to office hours and TA sessions. You've showed up, that does mean something, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Take some deep breaths, and do your best. You've got this. -Dad.