The story is, we met and got pregnant pretty quickly, 2 years later he left saying he was unhappy. For 3 years he begged me to come back and I said no. I just didn’t feel he had it in him to be a good partner to someone, ever. Anger issues and very immature.

Cut to, I find out he’s dating someone else, and it’s been one year. So he’s now introduced her to my daughter, and I feel terrible.

How could he be dating a woman who is apparently kind, beautiful, classy, 10+ years older than him, wealthy, adventurous? How can this shit last? He said they’re not planning to live together and she has 3 kids so they’re not having another one for sure.

I just don’t understand and I know it’s wrong, but I really wish it would just end, rather than evolving like it has been. I’m not prepared for my daughter traveling and hanging out with this other woman.

One interesting thing about dating later in life is how different your priorities can become.

When you're younger, excitement and chemistry might dominate your decisions.

After a serious relationship or divorce, things like communication, consistency, emotional maturity, and personal boundaries may start carrying more weight.

That doesn't mean excitement stops mattering.

It just seems reasonable that experience would change what someone considers a healthy connection.

I'm interested in hearing different perspectives.

Kindly, no DMs to chat or flirt 😞. I’d appreciate keeping discussions in the comments. Thank you!

My husband and I are both physicians (I’m a resident, he’s an attending). We’ve been together 12+ years and married for a few. We met young, spent years long-distance, and were deeply in love.

Sex was frequent initially, and he actually had the higher libido. Things declined about eight years ago, and for the last three, we’ve had sex maybe once a year. I have a normal libido and consider myself attractive and in shape, so feeling unwanted by my own husband has been painful and confusing.

I tried initiating and wearing lingerie, but he’d usually cuddle and fall asleep. He said initiating felt like pressure, and attributed our lack of intimacy partly to ED and feeling criticized. He still masturbated, explaining it was easier and relieved stress.

Our marriage wasn’t loveless. We kissed, cuddled, went on dates, and genuinely enjoyed each other. He’s a sweet, gentle man who supported my accomplishments, but often seemed exhausted and emotionally withdrawn.
I also carried most of our household responsibilities throughout our training. When I became overwhelmed with residency and felt unsupported, I grew resentful and sometimes snapped at him towards the last few years. I recognize my shortcomings and have apologized. I suggested couples therapy, but he didn’t think we needed it.

Last October, I reached my breaking point and initiated a separation. He genuinely tried to change, and we continued spending part of each week together, but I struggled with why it took me leaving for him to try. By January, I asked him to move out.

We agreed we could date others (mostly my idea, since he’d been my first and only partner) and revisit things in July. I later dated someone in the spring and experienced great physical chemistry, but the relationship wasn’t emotionally healthy. It made me appreciate my husband’s kindness, stability, and friendship even more.

By July, I wanted to give our marriage one last chance, ideally a 3–4 month trial. Unfortunately, my husband was now unsure. He says he’d held out hope until May, when his feelings changed. He still loves me and isn’t ready for divorce, but wants time to see whether his desire to reconcile returns.

We began having lunches, dinners, and occasional sleepovers, but he remained emotionally guarded. I stopped dating others, assuming we were focusing on us, although we never explicitly agreed to exclusivity.

I eventually discovered he’d been seeing another woman. When I initially asked, he denied it. After noticing secrecy with his phone, I looked through it (which I know was wrong). He first insisted they were friends, then admitted they’d kissed and eventually slept together.

I’m not upset he dated, since we’d agreed it was allowed. What hurt was the dishonesty, and admittedly, knowing he’d slept with someone new so quickly after years of rejecting me. He says she made him feel wanted after feeling inadequate in our marriage, that he doesn’t love her, and that he plans to end things regardless of what happens with us.

I told him I love him and want to reconcile, but can’t essentially date my husband while he’s involved with someone else. I asked for no contact until she’s out of the picture and he’s genuinely ready to try. He seems to be moving toward ending things with her and possibly reconsidering us.

He’s been my best friend for most of my adult life, and I’m terrified of losing someone I love so deeply. I’m equally afraid of returning to the same dead bedroom and resentment. I’ve done considerable individual therapy and am willing to pursue couples therapy, but he hasn’t shown the same initiative.

Has anyone left a dead bedroom despite deeply loving their spouse, only to regret it?

Has anyone successfully rebuilt sexual intimacy after years of little to no sex?

If your partner initially fought for the marriage but later became unsure, did giving them time help?

TL;DR: Left my husband after years of sexual rejection and feeling unsupported, despite deeply loving each other. He initially fought for our marriage, but I was too resentful to reconcile. Now I want to try again (after months of therapy and reflection), but his feelings have changed. I’m scared of losing something rare, but equally afraid of returning to the same problems.

We decided to get divorced over 2 years ago and split everything amicably. No kids or anything. Basically, gave her the house and everything inside and I started fresh. We were friends and even used to hangout once a week or so. But I started getting serious with someone and we quit talking.

We already divided everything and agreed. My understanding is it was just a dissolution and we needed to just get an attorney to file everything. She was the one pushing to finalize it all while I've been busy with other things.

So she finally met with attorneys and filed. She told me they put the paperwork to ask for alimony and I was finally served. It says she wants alimony and for me to pay all legal fees. Everything be split equally and such. Also said something about gross neglect of duty and extreme cruelty which seems crazy but maybe its just normal legal talk??

She makes like 150k/year owes 300k on the house thats worth 800k and has 100k in 401k and such.

On the paperwork she wrote I made 100k and no info about my businesses or assets or anything.

I run multiple businesses and on paper only make like 40k/year. My businesses are worth a couple million including 2 homes that are paid in cash (airbnb). We got a postnup right after marriage that says she has no rights to my business assets, This was required by her company and also something we already agreed prior.

My biggest issue with the divorce is they need me to list all my assets and value. I don't want this made public or to have any impact in the divorce. Our whole relationship she was against me working and building my business, She refused to help me and I lost on tons of deals to make millions because she didn't like me more successful, She even switched jobs and took a massive demotion and dropped from $250k to the $150k because it was easier.

I'm not sure if I should show up to court or just ignore it or hire an attorney or what. I don't know what all happens during this procedure.

Short lived marriage. I’ve known my husband since childhood. We never took interest into each other until adult hood. My husband was in the military and been married 6 times. His first wife cheated while deployed and he was with her for a few years. His second wife if 9 years cheated on him. He a had a few short 6 month marriages then his 5th wife for 5 years. I am his 6th wife. I was close to his family growing up. Issues started when I found small white lies. The 5th wife and mother of his younger 2 boys crossed boundaries. He didn’t tell me while we first started dating that she sent a photo and said something about her weight while they were together. He just replied about his weight. They would joke around about the kids looks and small things like that through text. I didn’t find it appropriate. I think there should be boundaries. He said when it comes to the kids he thinks jokes are okay, and he didn’t lead her in with anything about the picture she sent but it wasn’t right. I later found small lies about things about lots of debt they had that he never mentioned knowing we were married at that point. He said it was none of my business to start with. Then I went through his iPad and in a hidden file I seen videos of him and multiple women before me and pictures that were saved to his iPad and on the phone linked together. He knows the photos are there so I was upset that he hasn’t removed them out of his phone bc I know he scrolls through his stuff daily for work photos. I found it inappropriate. He said I shouldn’t have looked through his stuff. I would see on his social media that all these undressed women were there every time he opened his phone . Now mind you yes he was single at one point so the people there are the people there. Doesn’t mean he interacts but I wasn’t comfortable with it. Too many issues with women and we got together quick and married quick. Really quick. I was hurt and argued with him about women constantly until it died down after like 4 months. But he got distant. We separated for like a week and I stopped all the arguing about the women and the ex. I just quit. I wanted to repair my marriage and I knew deep down he would cheat but I knew he was lusting a lot. I knew his eyes roamed. We argued so much he said he went numb. We recently tried to repair it and there was no arguing. It’s just been egg shells. Yesterday he told me he felt stuck and he didn’t have the want or desire for me anymore and he thought divorce was best. I plan to stay no contact until he either returns or sends papers. No mind you I say all this but he is a very good man. I just had a crash moment for the one time I loved someone he made me feel disrespected and slightly insecure I could say. Can a marriage be salvaged? Can someone’s feeling return after they’ve been broken? We didn’t treat each other bad outside of my issue with all the small things that involved women. I was more than willing to do anything or remove anyone without arguments and I did. But I express my concern and it was arguments to him. I started therapy to help me wi try all my personal issues, but I don’t know if time apart will help him love me again or even miss the idea of me. Or if I should just pull the trigger with divorce. Did you save your marriage after you felt nothing?

CONTEXT!!!:

We matched on a dating app. During that week, he asked me out and we had a really good dinner date and 3 other days spanned out within the same week. He cooked for me and was very communicative even if he was busy with work. He planned dates. On the first date, he told me straight up that he has a 4 year old daughter and has been divorced for 4 years. I took it partially. Until a week later, he turned completely cold to me and told me that he couldn’t be consistent with giving me affection and he can’t offer me what I really need and that it will only get worse. These are this own words. I was confused. I did my research. I found out that his wife filed for a divorce in July this year and he just appointed his attorney yesterday based on the legal document I found. I couldn’t help but wonder. If we were still together today or say if he reached out to me one of these days, what should I do.

There is so much to type - I don’t know how to make this short. Our 12th anniversary is a week away and today he tells me he is done. Our kids are 7 and just turned 9 (two days ago). I homeschool the children, have given up my career for the family and was happy to do so.

We have struggled for years. He left the children and I almost 5 years ago and honestly, we never healed. Tried a few marital counselors but never for more than 2 sessions. I asked him if we could find one- one that really fit - and give it our all for 6-8 months. After that time re-assess. He said no. He says we already tried that (even though I disagree, as 2 sessions is not trying).

He is now walking around the house giddy as a pig in poop. Sending me mediators, telling me he wants to work this out, he is going to continue taking care of the kids and I and that he gives me permission to go stay with my family on the east coast. I have nobody here, not a single friend or contact. I can’t do this alone.

I am not trying to point fingers, but darn this hurts and I can’t keep it together in front of the kids. He leaves tomorrow to travel for work for a week. I don’t know what I’m looking for out of this post, but I am heartbroken. I won’t miss him, but I will miss having a family.

So I’m(23M) currently getting separated from my Wife(19F) of only a year of marriage, I know short but that’s how military life be. I wanted to work things out but she’s currently not sure she’s able to and told me the other day she’s 60% sure she doesn’t wanna be with me anymore. This is cause I was apparently extremely neglective in our relationship causing her to constantly be hurt and feel like I no longer loved her. I never got that feeling in our relationship from her but i won’t put down her perspective in anyway cause maybe I was just that big of an asshole and never knew.

Since being separated(she moved out of the house) I’ve tried all I could to look out and still take care of her either with money or emotional support, both out of guilt and because ofc I still love her. I’ve tried to convince her to go to couples counseling with me so that we could work on bettering this relationship together but she has refused to do that cause she’s too stressed with tryna find a place and a car all while the friend she’s staying with is being a huge asshole to her the whole time. I understand she is stressed and needs time but i can’t help still pushing cause I can’t handle being without her. I know I should respect her boundaries and that she’s not ready yet but it’s so hard to be in this limbo state and still try to talk to her especially when nowadays all we do is argue since we can’t seem to understand each other and constantly bicker bout even the smallest of things. Things are way too tense between us.

It would be easier to go no contact and take time to ourselves but i can’t do that since i feel obligated to help her financially and emotionally since she’s not actually the best at handling life by herself. I’ve had to help her get a car, navigate the dmv to get her tags for her since it’s too overwhelming for her, put her car on my insurance so she could start driving it, constantly give her reassurance that things will be okay for her since I’m here for her, given her over 2000 just this month so that she could move into this new apartment, and even put my name on the lease so she was eligible to get it with my income statements. I’ve been doing everything I can to make up for how I’ve treated her and to ensure she doesn’t end up homeless and alone all while she barely seems to appreciate it.

For context she was homeless when I first met her. She wasn’t working, she had no car or license, and was living with her best friend. I was tryna to at least make sure that I left her in a better state than how I found her if she truly didn’t wanna be together anymore with me. I was fine with the attitude and snide remarks she’d constantly give me in regard to our relationship cause i genuinely felt guilty about all of it. That’s not to say i openly accepted it at first tho we had bigger fights during the beginning of this separation due to me not accepting the blame in where things went wrong.

Now for the issue that’s currently happening I’ve been giving her way too much of my money and is now getting to the point where I’m at risk of being evicted. I’m also 3 months behind on my car payment and the actual car itself has a hole in the engine. I’ve been fighting to just keep going to the next day and have been forced by my leadership to go to therapy since I’m at the risk of doing something really stupid. She’s tracking all this and really doesn’t seem to care, I know she doesn’t have a job so I’m not asking for money but just emotional support would be nice but she always goes back to the fact she’s not ready to give any of that to me rn. I’m trying to be understanding but with how much I’m doing for her i didn’t think it would be too much to ask for her to ask me how I’m doing every day and just try to be here for me when I need it. It’s been hurtful me doing so much for her yet she hasn’t even been here for me at all. I’ve let her cry to me about everything she’s going through and have tried my hardest to make her life a lil easier and yet not even a bit of that effort has been given to me.

I’ve given her my whole paycheck this month so she could finally move into her new place today. She decided to pick a 2 bedroom and 2 bath place so she could get a roommate I had assumed ofc she’d get a female roommate but instead she found this guy(18M) that was willing to split the 1,400 a month with her. I was uncomfortable with this but at the same time we aren’t together so i couldn’t say much bout it and she assured me nothing was gonna happen with them. Fast forward to a couple days ago the original plan was for me to only give 600 of my paycheck so she could get this place with him and I thought he would just cover the rest since he’s gonna be living there too. Turns out he told her he wasn’t gonna be staying there till the next month so I had to pick up his slack not just for the rent for her to move in today but also for the security deposit as well. I was upset but if he wasn’t staying there yet and she just wanted to move in fast i understand him not being ready yet so I just covered it, he wasn’t even on the lease yet. Well that was bs on their part cause turns out he also moved in today with her. I found this out when I went over tonight to give her back her spare tire for her car and saw him in there with her. She was wearing a long shirt and the shortest shorts I’ve ever seen her in which showed off her entire ass and was clearly surprised to see me there. Now for context this guy roommate isn’t someone she knew before me or anything he’s just a random guy she met a month ago and decided to room with him. Idc if she says nothing is going on the disrespect of me paying for both him and her to live there, her showing off around him, and her not even seeming to care how I would feel about that kinda tipped me over the edge. She told me to leave so I did.

I’m so upset and hurt rn how could I be giving so much to her literally breaking my self while she shows such a huge lack of care for my emotions and feelings idc if we aren’t together anymore we’re still technically married rn and there was a chance of us working things out in the future but now I’m so done with it. I’m so close to just taking my name off the lease, removing her from my insurance, stop giving her money and just get a divorce. She has no job or any income so if I did that they wouldn’t be able to afford the place and be kicked out which I don’t want for her but I also can’t keep feeling uncared for and disrespected in this way. It’s too much to bare, please some help or insight in this situation would be greatly appreciated.

I just really guess I’m looking for some insight.

Just for context, we’ve been married for 9 years, she’s older by about 9 years as well. She recently lost her job and is on the hunt for a new one. The problem is, I’ve been wanting to call it for a while now. We’re not meant to be together at this point due to fundamental differences we’re both not willing to waiver on that are extremely incompatible.

The only reason I don’t go home and tell her I want a divorce is purely out of pity that I don’t want to make her feel like her entire world is crumbling. She lost her job and her husband which will force her to completely start over in her 40s. I just feel so rotten thinking that my decision to ask for a divorce would put her in that position. We’re great friends, we love one another, but I just don’t think I’m IN love with her and what kind of life she wants.

What the hell do I do?

My(37F) husband (38M) recently filed for divorce, and I’m still trying to process how quickly my life has changed. Just a few months ago, we adopted a puppy together, and I genuinely believed we were building a future as a family. Now I’m preparing to move out of our home, start over on my own, and figure out whether I can realistically keep her.

Our puppy, Mila, is almost five months old. I adopted her from a shelter when she was nine weeks old, and I’ve poured so much love, time, and energy into raising her. She’s been attending puppy day school, is fully crate trained, and has made incredible progress. I absolutely adore her.

The challenge is that I have a demanding career that requires frequent travel, sometimes up to 12 days a month. When we adopted Mila, my husband and I shared the responsibility, so my travel schedule wasn’t an issue. Now he doesn’t want to keep her, and I’m left trying to figure out how to manage everything alone.

My parents have offered to care for her when I travel, and I can explore daycare, boarding, and pet sitters.
What makes this especially painful is that Mila represents so much of the life I thought we were building together. I imagined us buying a home, raising her, and having this little family. I never anticipated that just a few months later, I’d be facing divorce and potentially having to say goodbye to her, too.

There’s also the financial toll of all of this. Throughout our marriage, I was the primary financial provider and covered not only my own expenses but many of my husband’s as well. Now I’m facing the costs of divorce, attorney fees, moving, furnishing a new home, and essentially rebuilding my life from scratch.

On top of that, keeping Mila would mean paying for daycare, boarding, pet sitters, training, and veterinary care, especially given how frequently I travel for work. I’m fortunate to have a successful career and be financially independent, but that doesn’t mean the financial impact of this divorce isn’t significant. I’ve already carried so much financially, and the thought of taking on even more expenses during such an uncertain time feels overwhelming. I love Mila deeply, and I don’t want money to be the deciding factor, but I also need to be thoughtful about my own financial future and stability.

Part of me thinks I should do everything possible to keep her because I love her so much. Another part wonders whether I’m being selfish if my lifestyle means she would spend a significant amount of time with other caregivers.

I’m also aware that I’m grieving the loss of my marriage and the future I thought I had, and I’m worried about making another life-changing decision while I’m still emotionally overwhelmed.

For those of you who went through a divorce with pets, especially dogs, how did you navigate it? Did you find a way to make it work as a single owner? Did anyone make the difficult decision to rehome a pet, and how do you feel about that decision now?

I would really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar. I’m trying to make the best decision for both of us, and right now it’s hard to know what that looks like.

I am ready to leave my wife. I want to get as much cooperation as possible on splitting our assets and sharing custody of our 4 year old son.

Does anyone hear have advice on how to have this conversation?

I'm still wrapping my head around things, and the paperwork is moving slowly. Any advice, help, or general support would be greatly appreciated.

No kids, no real assets, and she now identifies as a lesbian, with a girlfriend and everything.

Hi,

Unfortunately, my husband (age 60) and I (age 54) have been in a rough spot for many years. I have thought about divorce but wanted to get our kids through college.

I recently overheard my husband on the phone saying that he’s had two visits with a new financial planner (different from the one we’ve used together). I did not know about these meetings. Then he told the person on the other line that he’s planning on retiring in February/March of 2027. This was all news to me.

I confronted him and expressed my concern about him retiring now. We have one kid in college and another who is a senior in high school. Our house needs some major repairs including a new roof, deck, and windows. The conversation did not go well and he thinks it’s fine to start drawing off his 401K.

Now I’m really leaning toward a divorce. Here is my question. Will I have to pay him alimony if he retires now because he’s not working? Or does the judge take into consideration that he chose to retire early, leaving his family in a financial lurch?

I make slightly more than he does, about 50K more a year. I provide the health insurance for the family. Our 401Ks are roughly equal. He bought a house into the marriage but my inheritance from my parents went into the joint account so we should be equal there too. I have a government pension coming when I retire.

Divorce just became reality for me today. And the person who was my purpose for 7 years said she can’t see me as anything more than a friend anymore.

There was a lack of affection in our marriage that started due to my high stress around work. I love her so much, I just had nothing in the tank when I got home.

I tried to express that but I know that even if that’s true it’s not fair to her.

I was trying so hard for so many years to work and uphold the life that I was planning for us to grow old together. It’s that very work and planning that ruined my marriage bc I forgot to live in the moment as well.

I’m just so lost bc I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do tomorrow. Why I’m supposed to go to work? What’s supposed to be my purpose now?

I never envisioned my life with anyone else since I met her. She’s been my focus and I thought I was making her my priority but when work and stability became the thing I would chase to ensure a long term relationship, I ruined it and ultimately took her for granted.

I thought that we made vows, and we could work things out after a fight. I thought we said sickness and in health and that that meant mental illness as well. She has her own issues and I thought “yeah this is really hard to deal with” but I never thought “I don’t love her like that anymore”. I’m just so sorry and lost and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to plan for now. I’m not sure how you’re supposed to rebuild. Or how to even have something rebuilt that matters again. Or how to trust or fall in love again. It just feels impossible.

I am in the process of getting a divorce. I am hurt, devastated, relieved, worried, and happy. We were married for 2 years together for 6 with a 1.5 year old child. Having a baby really showed me everything I was ignoring. Things that felt weird to me but I couldn’t place why so I wrote it off as my own issues. He would put his mental health into my hands. Ask me for reassurance in moments that I needed his support.

I had my first and only child last year. The pregnancy was hard and the delivery was worse. I was exhausted and sick all the time while still working my physically and mentally stressful job in a hospital. I could no longer cook due to the symptoms and he didn’t cook either while he was working from home because “it felt like another chore.”

I had a three day labor and a c section in which the epidural wore off during it and I was screaming for help. He says it was just as hard for him because he had to watch this happen. I was in the hospital for almost a week after due to my preeclampsia and I could not meet my son (he was in a children’s hospital. But it was just as bad for him because he had to drive between my hospital, the house, and the nicu where our child was. I wanted to visit as often as possible but I was not cleared to drive so we only went every other day because he didn’t want to drive everyday. He would constantly ask if I resented him for not going more.

I hadn’t slept through the night in over a year while taking care of the baby and still healing from a C-section while also working 10 hour days at a hospital but it was just as hard for him because he had the baby when I was napping on my day off. I wrote it all off until I started falling asleep at work. We tried couples therapy (after I convinced him to go) and we had 1.5 sessions together before he said the distance between us was too much for him and we started the divorce process.

He makes more than me and offered money to help me but then would get angry and threaten to not give it to me when we fought. During an argument he told me I was getting “really fucking brave” with how I spoke to him. He painted me as manipulative and abusive to his friends. I wasn’t a great wife this past year but I almost died in childbirth and I hadn’t slept through the night in over a year. I needed more support and I never got it. I feel more rested being in my own apartment than I ever did together.

Sorry for the long story and thanks for reading!

TLDR: I got out of a bad relationship and I’m devastated for what could have been.

My husband (38M) and I (33F) have been married for exactly 2 months. Every time we get into an argument he throws up divorce. Is that normal? Should I take him up on his offer and just annul the marriage while it’s still early or should I stick it out? I just don’t like how he brings it up as his first line of defense but I’m already tired of it.

Well guys. It’s been almost year since we started separation to divorce. And we have started the process of reconciling in the relationship. We both had separate relationships through this. Her’s ended way before mine. Mine ended about a month ago. We both are still taking the time understand what we want in life moving forward because we are young (early 30s). We’ve been married 10+ years and have kids. We both are now offering each other grace and understanding. I don’t know if this good feeling will last in order for us to figure if we really want to stay together but for now I’ll take it. I really thought there was no way back but somehow light has emerged 🔥.
I know not everyone gets this moment in their divorce so I’m just hoping for the best.

So my (36F) son (9) told me this evening that his Dad (38M) told him I am stealing the house from him and this huge big sob story about how he has to find a place to stay in a year (he is staying at his moms until then). I had no family or friends I could have moved in with and had only part time work when we separated bc our youngest (3) started day care a couple of days of week in March). I haven’t asked for child support or alimony and have been paying all the mortgage and bills bc I felt bad he left the family home and so he could start to save.
He told them when both are in the car that he would have to start working in kitchens again and probably wouldn’t get to see them as much because I stole the home?!? Not to get into the legal stuff too much and I haven’t talked to a lawyer yet (I know I really need to) but I know and he knows that is not how things work. The house has very low mortgage and is a prime spot to our children’s schools and friends and they were born there. We will likely refinance the house and he will get a big chunk. I’m not stealing the house. How can he think that is appropriate to tell a 9 y old and 3 y old?! He has a history of covert manipulation, a complete inability to take accountability or responsibility for anything, gaslighting and emotional abuse.
I told the kids that that’s adult talk, I’m not stealing the house and everything is going to be ok. I can’t communicate with him rationally but I hate knowing he is smearing me with lies to the kids.
So happy to be leaving the emotional abuse but I hate that my kids have to be subjected to this kind of behavior.

I feel horrible. Numb. Scared I made a mistake. She wanted to try asked if I would consider. I said I didn’t want to try. I know I don’t because I wouldn’t want to divorce if I wanted to try.

My husband and I are both 28. We’ve been together since we were teenagers and moved in together in November 2017. We now have three children together. He’s a genuinely caring man, a wonderful father, and someone I love deeply, but for quite some time I’ve been struggling with feelings of wanting to be on my own.

We grew up in a very religious environment, and our relationship moved quickly. Looking back, I sometimes feel like I never really had the opportunity to discover who I was independently before becoming a wife and mother. Over the years, there have also been issues with controlling behavior, particularly around my clothing, personal choices, and things I wanted to pursue for myself. My husband has since acknowledged those behaviors and has made efforts to change, which I genuinely appreciate. However, I still carry resentment and struggle to trust that things will be different long-term.

Another factor is that we’ve moved frequently because of his career. I’m a stay-at-home mom, and I’m exhausted from constantly starting over. I miss my hometown, my family, and having a sense of stability. I’ve also put personal goals, including pursuing a career, on hold.

Last year, an ex-boyfriend who was also a close friend reached out, and we developed an emotional connection that crossed boundaries in my marriage. I was honest with my husband about it, although I also broke his trust by contacting my ex again afterward. We no longer have contact, and I don’t intend to reopen that relationship. But the experience added another layer of confusion and hurt for both of us. Importantly, I was already questioning my marriage and feeling trapped before my ex ever reached out.

My husband and I have had several serious conversations about our relationship. We’ve both acknowledged things we need to work on, and we’ve had periods where things genuinely improved, but we often fall back into old patterns. There are still moments when I feel loved, connected, and hopeful about our future. Yet even during those good moments, the desire to experience life independently remains in the back of my mind.

I’m torn because I love my husband and don’t want to hurt him or break up our family. I’m also scared of the financial and emotional realities of starting over, especially with children (2, 4, & 6). But I don’t want to stay simply because I’m afraid to leave, either.

Has anyone experienced something similar after marrying young?

For those who struggled with the decision to leave, what helped you know it was time? Did you ever regret leaving, or did you eventually find the independence and peace you were looking for?

Leaving abusive husband

It’s so hard. I have been applying to jobs since my youngest was born which was 9 months ago. Had a couple interviews but never heard back. I don’t have a car but once I’m able to buy one I plan on leaving. Might be stupid idk. There’s no way I can go without a car. I’m the only one that take our kids places.

Tips on getting a job? And tips on getting a decent/cheap car with bad credit? I’m fine if I have to finance it.

Hiya. Throw-away account here.

I have a question for people who have been cut off from seeing their bank accounts and credit cards.
There were years of financial and emotional abuse (ty mr. therapist and team for making me see that because my brain couldn't do it himself). I'm not cut off as far as having no money, but I've been removed as being able to see all accounts.

Reason was "for my own good" when I was combing through and calculating the 100's of thousands spent in efforts errrr "outside the marriage". Now the issue is that there's so much new debt AFTER his parents paid our bills that I can't even get a credit card of my own... I'm still an authorized user on my own card, but with him as primary. I cannot see his cards nor spending though he can see mine (I have nothing to hide in the respect).

My question is that I'm having to fill out the financial disclosure forms needed as the preliminary discovery in pursuit of arbitration, but I don't know a ton of questions because I'm hyper isolated despite previous years of effort to try and bring transparency. How can someone fill out that information honestly to the best of their knowledge without being able to see it? I want to just ask him what those numbers are, but I have no reason to believe they are true and honest. And that brings further questions of how do I know what he presents to arbitration is actually accurate? Can I request a credit check? And how do I find out those simple silly questions like "how much does the household spend on gas and electricity" if it's been obfuscated and locked from me?

Any guidance is appreciated.

After several phone calls and consultations, I have finally found an attorney that will be a good fit. I bought a new phone and started moving all my bank accounts and logins to the new phone number for two factor authentication.

The biggest mental obstacle that held me back? I started and ended a business during the marriage, and I made very good money for those few years. I had a hard time accepting that my business earnings were "community property".

Why, you might ask? Well, I'll explain. I got no mental or emotional support from him at all during my graduate studies or during the four years I had my business. When I brought up the idea of going solo as a case manager, he told me to "keep my day job" and said that "no one will take your seriously." Then when I was successful and making six figures, he said I had found "lightning in a bottle" and that I "got lucky". When I told him how hurtful those comments are, he said, "Well, do it again and change my mind."

When I chose to go back to school for my Master's degree, I got the same backlash. He refused to converse with me at all about school-related topics because I was "being indoctrinated by liberals" at Ohio State.

Coming to terms with splitting my hard-earned business income with that was incredibly difficult.

He comes from a Christian Fundamentalist background. I am not religious, but I had parents who were believers, so I had a different idea of what a "Christian" was versus what his faith dictates. I was ignorant to what Fundamentalism is, and I learned the hard way that this branch of Christianity is one in which women are not seen as equals. The household is to be run by the man. The woman's "job" is to be a nurturer and raise the next generation of believers, not go out and earn a Master's degree and start a business. I had to fight him tooth and nail to further my education and pursue my career goals.

One major red flag I missed in the beginning was when he would tell me that I don't need to focus so much on achievements. He said, "Isn't it enough to be loved and desired?" It sounded innocent enough, even flattering (at the time), but all along, it was a grooming tactic. I was "supposed" to grow into the the role of nurturer and homemaker and "let the man lead".

I reached a breaking point early last week. My 12-year-old son from a previous relationship was outside playing with a friend and came home 10 minutes late. To me, ten minutes is not a big deal. It wasn't dark outside yet. I got called a b**** and a c*** in front of my child because my husband said I am "disrespecting him."

Never again. I cannot wait for this divorce to be finalized.

My wife (24F) and I (24M) got married earlier this year in April. We met 3 years ago at the job we both worked at when we were 21. We started dating pretty quickly and pretty sooner after that, I was driving the opposite direction to work every morning just to pick her up and drive her so that she didn’t have to ride with her mom. (She had her license, but she hated driving, so her parents wouldn’t drive her everywhere). Well, now I drove her everywhere. Fast forward, we got engaged, spent two years engaged at her request. 5 months before we got married, so December 2025, she asked to move back into her parents house. I told her my concerns, but she assured me this would be better as her relationship with her mom has gotten better, and we’ll have so much more space over there. We moved, got married a few months later, honeymooned in Japan (our dream vacation) and after we got back, we agreed to stay in her parent’s house for a bit longer while we recoupe our funds and get ready to move out. We hardly ever fight, but one night about a month aho we argued, and her parents inserted themselves in our argument. Ever since then, her parents have set up tons of cameras around the house, and one right outside our bedroom door that I’m sure can hear things they should NOT hear. We’ve discussed moving out, looked at apartments, but she’s recently been very depressed. She says she doesn’t feel like herself anymore. I’ve offered to help on all kinds of ways, she refuses everything. I’ve also been a little depressed living in her in law’s house, so I went out, looked at apartments alone, picked one and applied. Because she is an adult who would be living there, she needs to fill out her information. She refuses to. She tells me we need to talk after work. She gets off work, doesn’t show up. I text her worried, she’s at dinner with her parents. Fast forward to when she gets home and I come to speak with her: her dad are sitting on the couch in the dark. She doesn’t say a word, her dad tells me that his daughter is unhappy and wants a divorce.

I asked her where this is coming from and she says she’s been depressed, she’s sickly, and weak. I tell her I try to help her, get her out of bed, I’ve offered get her a therapist/counselor, but she refuses. I’ve tried to move us out but she refuses. She then started to get very mean out of mowhere. My wife has always been loving, kind, and incredibly patient. She’s never insulted me. Well, she started hurling insults at me and saying I don’t provide for her. I was stunned. I’ve always provided for my wife. She said she expected to be moved out by now. Meanwhile, Im trying to move us out and she refuses. She says I don’t provide, meanwhile I’ve paid for the honeymoon, the absoltuely gorgeous ring, so much extra gas that I never even worried about because it was worth it to bring her comfort. Then she starts to tell me not to throw those things in her face and “I thought you did those things out of the kindness of your heart, not to throw back in my face in an arguemnt” and Im just stunned. Lost for words.

We were fine. She goes to dinner with her parents, comes home and wants a divorce. I havent spoken to her without her parent’s presence in days. Ever since this all started. She’s a completely different person than she was 3 days ago. I don’t recognize her. I think she’s being manipulated by her parents. Sorry for my poor sentence construction, feel free to ask me for more details and I’ll explain. There’s a lot… I don’t know what to do but I’m trying to figure it out.

Well, it’s been a long time coming and a few years of us both saying we wanted to divorce, but he told me he’s finally ready for it and now that what he wants to happen. It still hurts, I’m a sahm with 4 kids ages 10-3, who is going to love me? We moved 3 hours away from home for his job almost 2 years ago because he used to only be home on weekends and IDK, him being home with me and the kids is too much? I swear I tried over and over but he swears I didn’t try at all. I know I have also suggested divorce and I know I’ve played a part in the relationship ending but I thought moving was a step to fixing things. I feel so stupid and crushed. I’m sorry for bumming anyone out who’s reading this, IDK my head hurts and I feel like puking and I’m just ranting. I don’t have any friends, only my mom, who is 4 hours away and dealing with shit from my brothers. IDK. I’m sorry