Hi all! I've been trying to figure out how to write this post for a long while now, but the problem has gotten more consistent as time passes and I'm coming to the end of my considerable patience.
I live in the Pacific NW, in the Portland metro area, which is pretty famously liberal & makes a big deal out of being accepting to trans people. I'm bald with a full beard, and I haven't been misgendered out in public for nearly a decade. Unfortunately, despite all the clinics in my area having rainbow and progress flag stickers everywhere, the front desk staff at every medical facility I walk into constantly ask me if I'm "legally female."
I changed the gender markers on all of my IDs back in 2015, and my birth certificate a few years ago. I know they're actually trying to ask me if I'm afab, so I say that I'm legally male but I was assigned female at birth. They act confused, ask to see my ID (Sex:M) and my insurance card (Sex: M). Then they sigh and tell me I'm checked in. Then while my vitals are taken, the nurse asks if I'm female. I explain again. Then the doctor comes in, and if I'm lucky they'll ask "so you're transgender, correct?" but some just mark all my paperwork with an F and she/her me all the way through their client notes.
I've brought caseworkers and friends to appointments before, to call people out for being weird, but they never catch the issue.
The emergency room is the worst repeat offender. Unfortunately, I go to the ER once or twice a year. Every time I check in I get a patient bracelet with an F on it. I've asked to have ot changed, and they just print me another bracelet with an F on it.The F has confused many nurses, registration clerks, lab techs, medical assistants and doctors. I've asked several different people at the ER why this happens, and they've all given me incorrect answers.
— "Insurance purposes" (my gender marker is nowhere in my insurance information; I've called my insurance company several times about this very issue because some offices request my 'Insured gender marker" for reasons that are never explained).
— "If you need a blood transfusion, giving you male blood could cause birth defects if you were to get pregnant" (Fully incorrect. Blood doesn't get sorted by gender because there's literally no difference in the stuff other than slight variations in red blood cell count)
— "For testing viability" (I get that you're going to pregnancy test me regardless of why i'm here, because the protocol is pathetically obsessed with my uterus, but I've asked if my gender marker in the system would change if I had a hysterectomy, and I just got a chuckle like I'd asked a rhetorical, philosophical question).
Have any of you figured out how to answer these people so they'll stop half-misgendering you in public? I've asked my obgyn-endocrinologist, who works almost exclusively with trans men, and she doesn't have any ideas. Do you have a stock answer? A little business card you slide over telling them to knock it off? A joke that gets the point across without coming off as too indignant?
The best I've ever seen someone react to an F in my medical paperwork and a beard on my face is to look at me and ask, very casually, "do you have a uterus, my friend?" All my love to that person. I wish they could telepathically teach everyone in the world that trick.
Anyhow, thanks for reading all this, & if you have any tips I'd appreciate it. Despite how liberal this area thinks it is, there's still a fair number of bigots and assholes to deal with. Everyone (except my obgyn/endo) asks this stupid and potentially dangerous question in public — Allergists, ENTs, Physiotherapists, Gastroenterology, Sleep clinics, Psychiatry, Cardiology, Neurology, Primary Care, Phlebotomy — and I'm just. So. Tired of it.