walked out of a date after 5 minutes

[u/immaterialgrl]

matched with this guy and he asked me out on a date so we agreed on a location which is a very popular food area after work but not the exact place we were gonna go.

when we got there he suggested this takeout bento place, i don’t like getting takeout for a first date so i said i always love going to this other restaurant (not too expensive like around $30) and he said more reason to try something new. i was like well i have tried the place he suggested before (and i genuinely wouldn’t go again, the food was not very good) but he didn’t get the hint and i didn’t want to push it so i was like ok fine whatever.

at the bento place it is a like pick your food, pay, and sit at the sitting area kinda situation. because i don’t really like the food there i was taking a few minutes to choose what i wanted to get. after a bit i was like oh let me ask my date what he’s getting. then i look around and he’s nowhere to be found, until i saw that he was already at the counter paying for his food? and without telling me at all he went to find a table to sit down.

okay so first of all i do think the man should pay for dates. i don’t do 50/50, and for context this guy works in finance so he’s not broke and the bentos were like $10. that being said, i wouldn’t walk out on a date just because of this because i know it’s really rude (it just means no 2nd date).

however, even with a platonic friend where we are splitting, i would not go pay and sit down without waiting for my friend to finish picking their food or at least i would inform them first so they are not confused as to where i am.

i was really baffled by the lack of basic manners of this guy. so i weighed my options: i could spend my money on this mid bento box that i wouldn’t enjoy with this guy what doesn’t have any courtesy OR i could go eat the food i wanted to eat in the first place and have a better time.

tbh i feel like i should’ve just left without telling him like he went to pay without telling me but i do have manners so i told him i don’t think that we are a good match and left to go get barbecue. it was a lot better than the bento! i also felt very empowered to know that if a date isn’t going well i can just leave as i have definitely stayed on dates for too long as i felt pressured to be nice and polite.

bbq i had instead of the bento!

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[u/throwaway564858]

"you can just leave" is honestly one of the most important lessons to be learned in life in general

[u/Little_Touch_3733]

I think he genuinely ran to sit down to not have to deal with the 50/50 thing. To me going 50/50 with someone you just met is not an issue. But people who just run off from people to sit down/etc drive me crazy!

[u/FigNinja → u/Little_Touch_3733]

Yes. It's likely also why he insisted on the bento place vs somewhere that brings the bill at the end. When I was single, I preferred to split the check, but I would have been quite unhappy with a guy insisting we eat somewhere I have been to and already know I don't like. His unsociable running to sit without me also would have hit a sour note. All that to avoid a simple conversation about splitting the check. How long does he think he can put that off? Does he think if he can get one date in, that she's going to have sex with him, despite his inconsiderate behavior?

[u/thac0tac0 → u/Little_Touch_3733]

A lot of guys do seem to be rebelling against the financial expectations that are being put on them while dating. I understand the frustration, but it is rarely handled well.

Lots of people are going back and forth “testing” each other instead of communicating like adults.

[u/bitchytrollop → u/thac0tac0]

"Financial expectations"------it's called, thanks tp sexism, men make more money than women.

[u/Glittering-Elk-8308 → u/Little_Touch_3733]

So he talked her to a cheaper place and ran from her so he wouldn't have to pay 😂 I don't miss dating.

[u/StaceOdyssey → u/Little_Touch_3733]

Right? Like somehow asking someone to split a bill at the end could be worse than “you can’t make me pay if you can’t catch me!” Such childishness.

[u/TemporaryLion9085 → u/Little_Touch_3733]

To me the issue is homie being too much of a fucking pussy to have the conversation about splitting the bill. I don't understand women who think that the man paying every time is a standard or even appropriate, but like this dude is just displaying trash behavior.

Communicate your expectations beforehand and save everyone time if this is a deal breaker for you lol. If you're afraid to talk about it, maybe examine why that is. This goes for both men and women.

[u/Loose-Guarantee-2854 → u/Little_Touch_3733]

My take on this is generally u pay even if u don’t know them, u liked them enough to take them on a date after all. If you don’t know them well enough to know whether u like them or not, converse…

[u/ObviousSalamandar]

Don’t hint next time. Say “I have been there and I don’t like the food. I do not want to go to that restaurant.”

[u/ortizj0987]

I’ve literally made a guy pullover while driving us to a restaurant so I could get out. The date was going horribly and I couldn’t stand being with him another minute!! You absolutely have the power to end the date whenever you want. Don’t continue doing something you’re not comfortable with just to be polite, no matter how small it might seem 💕

[u/False_Network_6854]

I’m a 50/50 girl no matter how much the man makes, but that’s hella rude of him leaving you to figure out where he’s at.

Good on you for bouncing and having the decency to tell him that it wasn’t a fit!

[u/2pkp → u/False_Network_6854]

Same. For a first date I didn’t want anyone to think I owed them something because they paid for my food.

[u/False_Network_6854 → u/2pkp]

I also think it shows my investment in getting to know them. I want to find a man who shows up for me equally, so our first meeting and introduction to each other should be 50/50. That’s just me.

[u/moonbye → u/2pkp]

this is precisely why i don’t pay on the first date! if he has that kind of entitlement in him, i want to know upfront.

i’m a huge simp and love gifting without expecting a gift back but i’ve learned that can turn one-sided.

in my last relationship i gave a lot of little gifts to my ex. they made him happy and i could see that they continued to cheer him up day to day (like when he was putting on a shirt i got for him). and he just…took all that, reveled in how it feels to be thought of, how nice it is when someone puts the effort in and…felt ZERO need to reciprocate.

so it’s not about not getting my money back through equivalent gifts that hurt me but that my happiness wasn’t a consideration for him at all. and no, he didn’t use any other ‘love languages’ either. he was just a taker like that — the fact that i let it go on for as long as i did is on me but i am not accepting a dynamic like this again.

wooof that really just came out, sorry for coming to my ted talk

[u/What_A_Weak → u/False_Network_6854]

Same. Dude was acting like an asshole (not waiting for her etc), but framing 'having to pay for your own stuff' as an insult in 2026 is crazy.

[u/False_Network_6854 → u/What_A_Weak]

I know 😬 I cringe at that mentality.

If someone is insisting on the place and it’s not an affordable place, I have even told men that it’s not in my budget and I’d prefer our first date was within a certain price range so I can pay for myself. If they want to take me to a nice place after we both decide we like each other then that’s fine. But I do not understand the entitled mentality a lot of women have about their first date.

“Not too expensive like around $30”. So you want the guy to spend $60 plus tip to figure out if you’re a good fit?? Girl, please don’t make me side with these men!!!

[u/RichEntertainer3024]

This guy definitely sucks and you made the right move. I don’t get the “guys always pay” concept though. It’s pretty antiquated

[u/eugeneugene → u/RichEntertainer3024]

Yeah I don't get the guy having to pay thing BUT. If you take me to a restaurant that I've told you I don't want to go to but you insist, then you better be paying lol. If I were OP I wouldn't have paid either, I don't even wanna be here

[u/thisisinfactpersonal → u/RichEntertainer3024]

Yeah I always assume fifty fifty. Once I went to the bathroom on a drinks date and came back to my date having paid what I later learned was his tab and that’s how I learned that it’s very easy to walk out on your tab at my corner bar.

[u/seriousjoker72 → u/RichEntertainer3024]

Personally imo, if person A invites person B for dinner, person A should pay, regardless of gender or financial situation. Especially if they're picking the restaurant/location. If person A doesn't wanna pay a lot of money, they should have suggested coffee or a walk in a park or something. 50/50 is absolutely fine but I do think it should be discussed in advance.

[u/hotlibramess → u/RichEntertainer3024]

I think whoever did the asking should pay.

The issue I have is that men want to date, but they want to act like paying for a $20 meal for someone is the equivalent of asking to be made beneficiary of their life insurance policy. It’s weird. I buy dinner for people all the time. Friends, strangers, whoever.

So many men out there are stingy and it’s weird and impolite.

Dating is optional. They don’t have to date if they don’t want to do the things that come along with dating.

[u/grumpy__g → u/RichEntertainer3024]

I was raised not to let the man pay. „Because they often expect something in return.”

[u/Beginning-Damage-555 → u/RichEntertainer3024]

I don’t get why the restaurant wasn’t discussed beforehand. Literally all of this could have just never happened if they had actually planned the date

[u/K1ttehKait → u/RichEntertainer3024]

Shit, I'm married and before my husband and I got a joint credit card about a year ago, we alternated who paid (both of us were in absolute agreement on this, and both pay toward the CC balance, split the bills, etc.) when we went out. Different strokes for different folks and all, but even when I was single, I never wanted anyone to think I owed them something, even for just buying me a drink.

[u/HabaneroPepperPlants → u/RichEntertainer3024]

It was originally "the guy pays and the girl puts out." Which is disgusting. I think we should throw out the whole thing

[u/beepbop110 → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

Yeah this is why I like splitting costs until I'm comfortable with someone. Too many guys offer to pay but then act like I owe them something later and get mad when I don't put out. If I pay for my own half of the date, I owe nothing, lol.

[u/Chunderhoad → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

This isn’t true at all. It goes back to when women didn’t work outside the home and therefore had no money. Also couldn’t have bank accounts or credit.

[u/SMKnightly → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

Not rly. It was originally “the guy pays” because women had no way to pay. That’s no longer true, so holding on to the antiquated rule makes no sense.

[u/Beginning-Damage-555 → u/SMKnightly]

Since like the 80’s(?) it’s been the guy pays the girl puts out dynamic. I agree with you if we’re going back to like the 1950’s

[u/ChillSexyOld → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

No. Etiquette demanded that the inviter paid for outings. Women did not have much of the own money, for one, and secondly, men were expected to invite women out (once we got to the era that this was acceptable). 

This meant that the woman who invited her female friends out was expected to pay for them. And a man inviting his friends. This only began to change with "pot lucks" and such. 

The host pays mindset is extremely common culturally. It's still prevalent in East Asia, south Asia, as far as I have directly experienced

[u/Unhappy-Laugh1282 → u/ChillSexyOld]

+1 to this. I will pay if I asked them out but if they asked me out I don’t see why it’s suddenly 50/50. 

[u/Willow_Winnifred → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

This is why I always pay

[u/AnyIndependence5328 → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

How on earth are you getting upvoted? Originally the guy paid for the date (and the chaperone’s cost too!) because 1) men had paying jobs and women usually did not, and 2) he’s trying to show her father that he can afford to take care of her.

There absolutely was never an expectation that “the girl puts out” before marriage.

[u/thisisinfactpersonal → u/AnyIndependence5328]

I’m pretty sure it’s being upvoted because this has been a pretty prevalent attitude and still is, you can still find men talking about what they are owed for buying a woman dinner.

[u/Unhappy-Laugh1282 → u/AnyIndependence5328]

I think this depends on how misogynist their country’s/city’s/town’s day-to-day culture. This doesn’t get said where I’m from and I worked around mostly men my whole life. 

[u/ChillSexyOld → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

No. Etiquette demanded that the inviter paid for outings. Women did not have much of the own money, for one, and secondly, men were expected to invite women out (once we got to the era that this was acceptable). 

This meant that the woman who invited her female friends out was expected to pay for them. And a man inviting his friends. This only began to change with "pot lucks" and such. 

The host pays mindset is extremely common culturally. It's still prevalent in East Asia, south Asia, as far as I have directly experienced

[u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

It was originally that the guy is hosting by asking her out on a date and that he is the one with money.

[u/thatturtletouch → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

It was never actually that.

[u/WhistlerIntheWind → u/RichEntertainer3024]

My partner and I have an easy system of whoevers idea it was to go out pays and the other person leaves the tip. We fell into it almost automatically when we started dating and it works perfectly.

[u/VelvetCactus50 → u/RichEntertainer3024]

Whoever asks, pays.

[u/FemaleMishap → u/VelvetCactus50]

I always ask how they want to split things. Some say, in the one that asked, I'll cover it, just don't be silly, some are even 50/50 no matter who orders what, but I prefer separate tabs to start.

[u/Swallowedoxygen → u/VelvetCactus50]

I'm a lesbian and this is how I operated when I was single. Who ever asks the other person out pays for the first date as a courtesy. Also, I find it much sweeter and more romantic for us to take turns paying for each other than to pay 50/50 for each date.

The net result is the same but you both get an opportunity to demonstrate generosity and affection through giving.

Granted, a lesbian date doesn't have the historical baggage of questioning whether your date believes they are buying access to your body, but I thought I'd add my perspective.

[u/Brave-Quote-2733 → u/Swallowedoxygen]

I love this. And I love lesbians. 🏳️‍🌈

[u/Swallowedoxygen → u/Brave-Quote-2733]

Same, girl. Proud dyke since my first girlfriend 27 years ago. But I also love ALL women. My wife and best friend and absolute love of my life is bisexual and no less incredible for it because all women are amazing and love is love.

Not implying you said anything wrong at all, but I just got finished replying to another GDD post from a young woman struggling with the lesbian label and male attraction so I'm in a very "girl, the label doesn't matter, just follow your feelings and claim whatever stems from that if it feels right" kind of mood.

[u/Saywhat_100 → u/VelvetCactus50]

They met online, the objective is to go on a date, pay your own expenses.

[u/HabaneroPepperPlants → u/VelvetCactus50]

Curious how often you're the one who asks and pays

[u/StaceOdyssey → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

I was much more often the one asking and paying. If they insisted, I would split, but I asked and picked the restaurant, so of course I was paying.

[u/VelvetCactus50 → u/HabaneroPepperPlants]

Well I'm married so... It's a joint effort?

[u/Dependent-Grocery502 → u/VelvetCactus50]

That’s what Emily Post said

[u/thisisinfactpersonal → u/Dependent-Grocery502]

Did she? I have the 1929 etiquette book and it’s definitely not in there. It does say when you’re introducing people not supposed to introduce women to men cause it implies something untoward. You have to always introduce the gentleman to the lady. lol.

[u/Dependent-Grocery502 → u/thisisinfactpersonal]

Hah that is antique. I’m probably thinking more of the current “Emily post institute” page on Instagram where they give daily tips on how to behave. The digital age is creating a decline in the social graces

[u/thisisinfactpersonal → u/Dependent-Grocery502]

Oh I can imagine that is occasionally bleak if you are old enough to remember the before times

[u/geosunsetmoth → u/RichEntertainer3024]

Straight relationships have so many unspoken rules. I hear it from my friends and I’m always baffled how they think all that sounds reasonable. Or even just fun to go through. Dating as a straight person sounds exhausting

[u/xenolightt → u/geosunsetmoth]

They really don't. At least not in my country. I''m always baffled at how strict and unreasonable all these fuckin rules are some people make up in their head. I've only ever dated people I was friends with before. No "first dates" and "who pays what" bullshit needed. I know not a single person irl, straight or otherwise, who is that adamant in holding up this weird ass dating codex.

[u/Sea_Bison_6929 → u/RichEntertainer3024]

I think for a first date, I personally expect the guy to pay. But I think him always paying is unsustainable in an actual relationship. I’ve personally never been on a first date that the guy didn’t pay for but in my relationship, I make waaaaay more money and so I often suggest we do things that it’s understood I am going to pay for. But he’ll get more casual stuff and we just find a way to make it equitable! And he paid for the first date also lol.

[u/pollypocketdrainer → u/Sea_Bison_6929]

I too have genuinely never been on a first date with a man who didn’t insist on paying for us both. I’m happy to contribute, but if someone were to ask me out, and then later suggest we go “50/50”, I’d just assume he’d determined it wasn’t a good match.

[u/moon_dos → u/Sea_Bison_6929]

gotta establish those gender roles early on, huh op

[u/NerdizardGo]

https://giphy.com/gifs/t5lej5gruDDS19FBXM

[u/UnrulyPoet]

I insisted on splitting costs 50/50 while dating and his actions inside the restaurant would have rubbed me the wrong way as well. Him moving forward solo then taking off to find a seat, all without a single word!, was rude af.

Choosing the restaurant over "hints" is irrelevant imo- don't hint just communicate clearly. But him taking off silently def raised my eyebrows. Casual friends wouldn't even do that, nm a first date when you're theoretically on your best behavior 🤦‍♀️. It is not hard to say "Hey I'm gonna go look for a seat for us" lol

[u/SMKnightly]

Eh, I don’t care about him paying or not, but bullying you into eating somewhere you don’t like plus not keeping an eye out and waiting for you to sit ( or at least telling you he’s gonna grab a table ) are enough for the quick goodbye.

[u/drewski257 → u/SMKnightly]

This! I have never actually paid on a date (until I’m in a relationship and trying to treat my bf) because the guys I’ve gone out with have automatically paid, but I would have no problem doing so. However, we should both agree on the restaurant, and he could just say “hey let’s just pay for our own food” instead of running ahead and ordering, paying and sitting down by himself as if they weren’t together. I just went to a similar restaurant with a friend and we stayed close and discussed what we might get, ordered and she waited by the counter as they finished putting mine in the bowl and then we paid separately and sat down together after deciding together what table looked good. This is the bare minimum when eating at a fast casual restaurant and it wasn’t even a date. I would’ve left right after he went so far ahead as well. He clearly wanted to eat by himself.

[u/ComfortableChapter65]

I prefer going 50/50 on first dates but not if the other person is hell bent on the destination and wants to control everything we do.

[u/NymphaeAvernales → u/ComfortableChapter65]

I think this is an important distinction. It's one thing to go 50/50 on a mutually agreed place. But yeah, if my input/suggestions are being ignored and you're absolutely insisting that no, we're definitely going to this place instead, you can pay for it.

[u/OkeyDokey654]

No, you’re right. No matter who pays, this was rude. And he didn’t care about your restaurant choice either. Good riddance.

[u/Latter-Cost-1331]

Men don’t understand that in a pursuit to make sure they don’t spend a dollar on a date, they look ridiculous. Like trying not to be around at all cost when the payment part comes up

[u/too_much_mascara → u/Latter-Cost-1331]

If they do it now, they’ll certainly do it later.

[u/blossbluu]

First red flag is finance guy. Good on you for ditching he sounds like a douche

[u/bibimboobap → u/blossbluu]

Finance bros are a hard Hell, No for me at this point but I've only dated a few. 

Not saying it's all of them but the nature of their industry encourages the absolute worst traits in a man. I'm sticking with those in healthcare for now. 

[u/immaterialgrl → u/blossbluu]

the last finance guy i dated planned a park + dinner date with a boat ride and he went half an hour early to get in line for the boat. it’s not all of them!

[u/blossbluu → u/immaterialgrl]

I appreciate this is the same as the “not all men”, but unfortunately more often than not “finance guy” is a red flag, to be aware of to start off. I wasn’t saying first red flag = cut ties immediately, just it was a warning sign which unfortunately proved right in this situation

[u/SilverMetalist → u/blossbluu]

https://giphy.com/gifs/AYTlA6aCT0jfspePYT

[u/Nikki-C-Puggle-mum → u/blossbluu]

https://giphy.com/gifs/wZwRL2iqmV5S0

[u/Beginning-Damage-555 → u/immaterialgrl]

But how long did you guys date?

[u/Splice87 → u/immaterialgrl]

Wait why did we drop him? He sounds like a good one 🥹

[u/immaterialgrl → u/Splice87]

no he’s great! after a few dates/calls he said that he thought we weren’t a good match (i do think our conversation stalled at a lot of points on our dates) but i hope he’s doing good and finds someone more compatible!

[u/Actual-Jackfruit-991]

It was rude for him to go ahead and sit down, and to not take your restaurant preferences into consideration. Those red flags on its own are worth not having a second date.

But making this about him not paying is giving manosphere... You can and should pay for your own food on the first date. He owes you nothing. You agreed to go on a date with him. "I don't do 50/50" is very 1950s housewife. cmon we can do better than this.

[u/blaquejeezus]

I’m proud of you!!!! I would have done the same thing. Cheers for choosing yourself over a very mid person and experience.

[u/here_forthe_lore → u/blaquejeezus]

Walking away from zero manners and into great BBQ is top-tier self-respect.

[u/DearAngel_ → u/blaquejeezus]

Leaving mid date to eat good barbecue instead of cheap bento is iconic

[u/immaterialgrl → u/blaquejeezus]

thank you!!

[u/butterscotch-magic → u/immaterialgrl]

I’m also proud of you, internet sister! 🙌 10/10 handling of the situation, no notes.

[u/What_A_Weak → u/blaquejeezus]

He was acting like an asshole. Proud she walked out. BUT I hate that its 2026 and some people still insist its considered rude paying for your own food. Esp. at a first date o.O

[u/WandaRabbit9]

I think the first date should automatically be 50/50.

[u/Odd-Accident9715 → u/WandaRabbit9]

I do too but even then he should’ve waited for her to select her food. Like she said, even friends would’ve waited regardless of the split.

[u/HimalayanClericalism → u/WandaRabbit9]

Big agree. Lowers issues and expectations as well

[u/agawl81]

I mean this whole conversation should have happened prior to meeting for the date. Where we eat, how payment will work, all of it. The inability for either of you to act like adults is telling me this wasn’t going to work.

[u/PoopingDogEyeContact]

The weird part is the guy getting his own food and already about to tuck in without any social skills like hey there’s a spot we can sit, or ohh I think I’ll get whatever etc. it seems like one of those “red flag tests” guys do when they try to suss out gold diggers, which is a stupid manipulation they get a weird sense of satisfaction from. Just communicate, folks.

[u/Grouchy-Ingenuity-59]

Both of you sound like people who suck to me

[u/moth-peach]

Men blow my mind lmfao this is the exact date where he would ask you maybe 1 question about yourself and then at the end try to get a kiss and then be surprised when you don’t want to. Boy bye!!! Good gut instinct. And I think it’s better that you did say hey this isn’t a match. That way he can think on what he might have done that was not a good impression. Men are so fragile that if you just walked out he wouldn’t be able to reflect, he would just be too vindicated like “wow she was such a bitch I’m sure I did nothing wrong she was just crazy”. You made the right choice for sure. I’m glad you got some food you liked. Onto the next!!

[u/immaterialgrl → u/moth-peach]

good point! i do hope he learns so his next date has a better experience

[u/Vegetable-Salad-422]

You both dodged a bullet.

[u/GnomieOk4136]

To me, it's that he pushed for something you clearly didn't want and ignored your no.

[u/brittneyacook]

This sub is very 50/50 oriented so you’re prob not gonna get the responses you thought lol

[u/wintermochie]

Omg is this chubby skewers? Fucking love that place I understand why you’d wanna ditch

[u/immaterialgrl → u/wintermochie]

it’s the best!!

[u/mauvaisang]

“the man should pay for dates”

Just wondering if this is a boomer who writes like a teenager

[u/growlithe49]

As a woman, I actually make a point to pay for the meal. The “men pay for the meal” is wholly antiquated and unfair in my view, and my paying actually does a great job of filtering out the red pill men.

Their reaction to a woman paying tells me quite a bit about them, and some just do NOT handle it well. It’s also a nice treat for the fellas, many who are used to being used as a wallet for a free meal.

You do you, of course. We’re all seeking different things

[u/Big-History-8457]

You need to change your attitude about a man paying for a date, at least the first few. Many men think you are then under obligation to them because they paid. He was, indeed, rude for not waiting for you. But it's never a good idea to have the man pay for a meal on a first date. You were right to leave because he would not listen to you and wait for you or let me know he was going to sit down. But you need to change your attitude and reasoning about paying.

[u/Saywhat_100 → u/Big-History-8457]

Especially first dates, you dont known if you will ever care to see this person again, it turns in to entitlement to a free meal. They matched on a dating app where meeting up in person at least once is expected, the whole "they asked you out they should pay" is irrelevant.

[u/Hefty-Invite-4186]

I'm definitely a 50/50 type of person and i would've walked out of this date immediately. That's such a tacky thing for a man to do, ew.

[u/Dazzling_Room_9346]

Everything you did was good except expecting a man to pay.

You matched on a dating app. Theres no reason why you cant do 5O/5O. Its not like he asked you out in a non-dating app setting. Both of you are looking for romance so you should be open to splitting 5O/5O.

But yeah, this man has O manners. He should have waited for you and told you about splitting 5O/5O. Plus he didnt respect or listen to you about not wanting to eat there. I also think you should have told him that you dont want to eat there and to go somewhere else. Be as upfront as you can. If he didnt want to change his mind, you could cancel the entire thing.

[u/niffirgcm0126789]

https://giphy.com/gifs/y2i2oqWgzh5ioRp4Qa

[u/Foreign_Being5656]

I agree. Don’t waste time on a guy with no manners or tact.

[u/Designer_Money7625]

What was he expecting, genuinely? This screams red pill behaviour to me. I refuse to think he didn’t know what he was doing. 

[u/Beginning-Lecture-37 → u/Designer_Money7625]

He probably just doesn’t respect OP, I doubt he would be this inept if he was with a client or colleague he would’ve waited for them at least

[u/BballJen]

He clearly has zero experience with dating.

[u/chai_latte_987]

Ah. I kinda see his side of things, but on the whole he was rude.

First, his disregard for your food preference was a red flag.

But he maybe walked ahead to avoid paying for your meal also. I did this as a FEMALE because I didn't want my date to pay for me on the first date.

Probably why he chose the place, so you could pay separately, but again, it was a disregard to your food preference.

(Personally $30 for a meal is considered expensive to me, which is probably why he chose something else.)

Also, I told my date I was going ahead to find a seat. It's one thing if he communicated that, it's another if he went ahead without telling you. I'm assuming that's what went on on his head, but he didn't handle it well.

[u/AreYouMyDommy]

The plus side of paying for yourself - you don’t feel obligated to stay in the date!

[u/wamariegi]

Atta girl, don’t waste time doing things you don’t want to be doing with people you don’t want to be doing them with!! 🫶🏻

[u/-moonstruck]

I’m so curious what his response was. What did he say? Was he defensive?

[u/somesignificantotter]

Definitely good you walked out of that one.

[u/BreakItEven]

I’m not sure I believe that the guy should pay always…. But he seems like a bad catch and we can now see why he is single…

[u/Lenaea]

Good for you. You never have to settle.

[u/MHIMRollDog]

I'm a 50/50 gal but if YOU invite me on a DATE then the expectation is that YOU are paying. (As would I if I invited someone on a date.)

So even as a 50/50 girlie (whose bf also works in finance lol) nothing about that situation sits right with me and I would have been outta there, too.

[u/Swimming_Airline3881]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[u/user1987623]

Takeout = take it back to my place 🤢

[u/Early-Light-864 → u/user1987623]

But that's not what op described at all. She said he found a seat in the seating area, not pressure her to get it to-go

[u/TravelingBop]

The single most important part of this post is the end: be empowered to walk away at any point! No need to be rude, no need to be angry, just kindly and openly state (as you did) "This isn't working for me." And move right along. BRAVA! 👏👏👏👏👏

[u/johyongil]

https://giphy.com/gifs/BdghqxNFV4efm

[u/Sweet_Abroad976]

Great job OP. Despite him being a complete oblivious douche, you were respectful enough to be honest and tell him you weren't a good match. I'm glad you did, don't match his level. And I'm also glad you enjoyed some great BBQ with the best company - yourself.

[u/I_like_the_word_MUFF]

Use to be the fun part of dating was the actual date. I know I'm old, but back in the day I could get a few guys to actually plan a whole date for me.

I feel like this is also a trend on some people just no longer being able to socialize anymore. Like the whole walking away bit. The inability to understand banter and compromise over food choices. Showing up blank and absolutely unprepared to make somebody impressed with you.

You can already see that this guy is going to make some woman a wonderful man child.

[u/millennialcounselor]

Mid food, mid dude. 😎

[u/final6666]

The funniest part about it is people like this don’t even realize how their behavior is so embarrassing to others . First impressions are everything

[u/-Little-Jelly-]

I also like to pay for myself on the first date. But I also think there's nothing wrong with preferring the man to pay for the date, who am I to judge. The best course of action is to sort that out before the date even happens, that's what I've always done. Then it's not a guessing game. And it vets out a possible incompatibility.

[u/Famous_Glass915]

This is why we are decentering men! They’re such a waste of our precious time and energy 🫶

[u/destructionandbliss]

If someone asks you out they should pay- it's common decency! if I ask someone out (of any gender) I'm paying.  These men I sweaaaaaar. 

good on you! 

[u/HabaneroPepperPlants → u/destructionandbliss]

I ask women out and I don't pay (edit: for both). That'd be a pretty big burden on me, since I'm almost always making the first move. It's actually really hard to get other women to move first

[u/Sea-Improvement777]

This is so great! Way to value yourself, darling!

[u/VelvetCactus50]

This man doesn't have a fart of empathy for anyone else but himself. Gross. Good for you!

[u/Nikki-C-Puggle-mum]

I am glad you left he sounds like a self absorbed prick.

[u/StrawdoII → u/Nikki-C-Puggle-mum]

She does too though, judging by the replies. 😬

[u/SapphicOrchid]

Confused by the 'I think the man should pay for dates' part but I guess good for knowing your worth

[u/Buxom__Babe]

Aw I was so hoping to read that you just walked off and left him to wonder where you had gone like he did 😂 💔

[u/Tokjah]

https://giphy.com/gifs/AVT1DC2Kgkf5ar4mNC

[u/SignificanceAny337]

I think you made the right choice. Even if the guy is a good dude, he doesn't sound like the dude for you. If he wasn't going to listen to your suggestions, the least he could have done was stay with you to make sure you ended up happy with what you got at his suggestion.

[u/Icy-Management9880]

Very satisfying story. Good for you!

[u/Chorfalorfagus96]

You go girl!

[u/TheBlasianWanderer → u/[deleted]]

It isn’t psycho but it is very rude lol

[u/PreparationOwn6958]

I agree with you girl, the man should always pay if he asked you out / picked the restaurant