r/GriefSupport • u/Stonerdavid42069 • 1d ago
Child Loss Trying to find a way though
My 2 year old daughter valkyrie was murdered on January 18th by her mother's boyfriend they are both in jail but im lost and need people to talk to
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u/elliemarie23 1d ago
I am so incredibly sorry to hear this, stranger.🥺 She is so beautiful
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u/Stonerdavid42069 1d ago
Thank you she was amazing light the room up when she strolled in big smiles all the time
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u/AHamHargreevingDisco 1d ago
Holy crap, that is such a terrible situation and I feel so terrible for you and your loved ones. Your little Valkyrie is such a gorgeous little one 🥹 I could not imagine what you're going through. I just lost my daddy a few weeks ago, which left me feeling like I'm suffocating in life without him, and that was thankfully just natural causes. Losing a parent naturally is hell, but you poor poor dear, losing your baby to some monster. If there is a charity or something that I could donate to, please let me know where to find it. I just came into some money from family and friends crowdsourcing, but they gave me way too much, I feel guilty and want to give back. Your little girl is going to be remembered as an innocent little angel, and the people who lead to her death will be known as monsters, if they are even remembered at all. If there's anything I know about being a daughter, it's how much I love my dad, and although the pain never stops, it gets easier as life presents you with ways to remember them by- your little Valkyrie loves you so much and I bet you she thinks that you're an amazing dad💗
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u/Stonerdavid42069 1d ago
She was absolutely spoiled I made sure to give her the life I never had she was amazing
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u/HilaryVanessa 1d ago
She is perfect, such a beautiful little one and those expressive eyes and joyful faces!
I am so very sorry for your loss. It must feel… impossible to go on without her. And yet, you are the one that will always be in some stage of grief, the loss of a child is just too much, it’s literally unnatural. And so, so unfair.
Grief changed my entire life and early on, when I couldn’t bear to leave the house, online grief groups helped.
My Mom swears the group HPH (Helping Parents Heal on fb I think), saved her life after we lost my baby brother.
If you haven’t found that group yet, it’s the only parent focused group where she felt and still feels, true compassion for what anyone would call a living nightmare.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss!
💔 sending so much compassion and care your way.
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u/Stonerdavid42069 1d ago
Thank you
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u/HilaryVanessa 1d ago
Okay if there’s typos it’s bc I’m typinw through tears… the moment I saw your username, which was when you replied… David was my brothers name. IS his name (almost six years later and I can’t stand using past tense).
Because I’ve felt him. After the initial probably year long shock, I could feel him near from time to time. And I still do.And I don’t know what your beliefs are, but she is and will always be with you. I love that you shared stories about her. You keep allowing yourself to talk about her as much as you want and need to, and those that can’t handle even hearing about your loss, meanwhile you’re living it every second, tend to sort of “fall away” on their own, which is more baffling at first because what? Why? For their comfort that’s why, let them fall away.
New people who know your pain and can make space for it, will also appear, often right when you need them.
And that name! Valkyrie Eden! My mom’s name is Valerie…
Synchronicities to me, meant that I had to reply again and let you know if you need a safe ear, please feel free to message me ❤️🩹
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u/BarelyWoken 20h ago
Don’t be afraid to be on medicine. Wellbutrin helped me when I was hurt. You’re in a rough place and need something to get through.
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u/ACanThatCan 13h ago
A million times this. Idek how I would’ve made it ut that dark place if it wasn’t for medicine + therapy. I couldn’t process therapy without medicine. It got too much. Medicine helped stabilise me.
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u/Moomoolette 6h ago
Same for me after I got divorced. I knew that I needed help getting out of that depression hole, and I was on Cymbalta for a year, there’s no shame in needing help going through something so unprecedented. Sending you much love and empathy OP
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u/Stonerdavid42069 1d ago
She bit him the night he murdered her she was my little warrior and for her im staying as strong as I can but it hurts so much and I just want to hold her and kiss her and tell her im sorry for not protecting her like I should of
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u/Weird_Positive_3256 1d ago
I’m so sorry. I wish the very worst for the scum who hurt her. People who hurt the helpless are the worst of humanity.
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u/SnooTigers4525 22h ago
I can only say to hold on for her. In her honor, live for her. Do the things she would have liked to do. Every day you wake up, wake up for her. Breathe for her. Day by day. Our loved ones never leave us. 🫂
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u/chironinja82 1d ago
Omg I'm so sorry for your loss. She was so beautiful. Do you have support where you are? I wish I could hug and cry with you.
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u/Stonerdavid42069 1d ago
I have some support but it all kind of disappeared a month after I he a few friends that check on me from time to time but not much anymore
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u/chironinja82 1d ago
Perhaps a grief support group? It can be really hard to connect with friends after such a loss. Maybe being around others who understand what you're going through will help you both find a path forward. I'm so sorry.
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u/Fuckyoumecp2 1d ago
hey friend! if you are in the states, you can google your county crisis # and one will pop up. I am grateful you're in a grief group and getting back into therapy. I've been a therapist and social worker for 26 years and my son's death 4 yesrs ago devastated me. I'm still figuring out my new normal. give yourself grace, reach out to support and remember to breathe.
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u/apatrol 1d ago
I read about her when the public was made aware. I am disappointed the roommates didn't get arrested as well. Your post isn't about the case though.
It is about giving you support and advice (when desired). There are resources for crime victims (you are one) and for parents that lost children. They help you manage grief by giving tools that can help.
Your road will be a bit longer than most of us as there will be trials and such. You manage by going 1 day, 1hr, or 1min at a time. Keep walking and eventually that 1min turns into two. There will be happiness one day. With saddest mixed in for sure but life does get well beyond just barely existing.
Sending you warm regards.
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u/Backwoods87 1d ago
OMG brother, Words cannot express how sorry I am for you. I lost my 7 month old daughter almost 20 yrs ago, so I understand your pain. If you need someone to talk to, I am here
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u/luckytintype 1d ago
She is beautiful. Her in the pumpkin outfit ! I’m so deeply sorry. How lucky she was to be loved so deeply by her daddy.
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u/tugboatenthusiaste 1d ago
Holy shit, I am so sorry OP, she’s adorable, nobody should ever have to live through this, I’m so sorry for you and your family… I’m a toddler teacher, not a parent, but this made my chest hurt because I just can’t even imagine going through this with one of my students, let alone my own baby. I’m so sorry for all the pain you must be in right now, FUCK those two. I hope they rot in jail and get the worst possible treatment…. Do you mind me asking, are you religious ?
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u/Stonerdavid42069 1d ago
I was getting back into it when all this happened and im so hurt and mad that something like this would happen it pushed me away because what kind of god lets this happen
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u/tugboatenthusiaste 1d ago
Kind of why I was curious to ask, I know many people who lean heavily on religion to get through grief… I was raised super religious but had the same reaction when my mom died years ago , it all felt way too cruel to be part of any “gods” plan. I’m still agnostic and avoid religion… I guess all I can say is you’ll know what’s best for you, but if you believes she’s still around/ with you in some capacity I hope that can bring you comfort. If not, I hope you can remind yourself that if she did have a say in it, she’d want you to be happy Sending so much love your way 💕
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u/Specialist-Coat5410 18h ago
What a gorgeous baby. Fellow parent here and my heart hurts for you. Grief is not something you ever get through, but rather something you learn to carry. Love her name, also. Strong girl names are the best 💖
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u/Gawdiwishiwasdead 15h ago
Im so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little baby girl. I've never lost a child, so I imagine that pain must be unbearable 💔 Especially losing her the way you did. Makes me absolutely sick to know there are people out there who will hurt defenseless children. Seriously fuck that guy and her spineless mother. I would lose my shit if anyone was treating my child like that. You must be weighed down by thoughts of her last day and moments. What a very heavy grief to carry. But it looks like you have lots of pictures and videos to remember her by which is awesome. And the time God allowed you with her was loving and fulfilling. My mother lost one of her children and she never really recovered from it. My sister died on 2010 and my mom just this September. She spent 16 years missing her dearly. The only comfort for me was that she could finally be with her first born again. Not to say that you will never learn to heal, it just will be a long road my friend. Please feel free to reach out if you just need a friend. RIP Valkyrie 👼❤️🩷
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u/Stonerdavid42069 15h ago
Thank you I appreciate you
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u/Fire_and_Jade05 14h ago
Such a beautiful girl OP, so sorry for the biggest heartbreak that some of us couldn’t even imagine the magnitude of this type of horrific trauma.
Go easy OP, consumed by thoughts of “what ifs” or “I should’ve done more” or maybe even blaming yourself isn’t fair on your heart, your emotions or mental state.
Grief itself is overwhelming and exhausting but the trauma of losing your granddaughter this way makes your grieving journey filled with soo much complexity and if you can it will be so important to find therapy who specialise in specific support systems for victims of horrific crimes.
The love of my life was taken from me by the hands of another. I’m 8months into my grief journey and have a lot I need to process. I’m not sure if we ever find true healing from our grief because our love lasts forever so maybe our grief does too and over time, we just get better at carrying it. I don’t think it ever leaves us because we carry heavy on our heart, our mind, our soul and stays with us always. I find this heartache both tragically sad and painful but beautiful because of the way we love them.
Thinking of you OP, I hope you find little glimmers of light each day that gives you strength and love xx
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u/Stonerdavid42069 1d ago
Im getting back in to therapy and im in a grief group but I can't always make it
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u/Old_Garage9585 1d ago
I’m very sorry for your loss! :( my uncle,grandpa and cousin are looking after your baby,along with my childhood dog Angie (my grandma and my cousins had to put her down very early this morning :( )
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u/Positive_Parsnip1947 1d ago
Omg I am so sorry for your loss. That’s just horrible. I’m sorry you have to experience such crushing grief. I wish I could help
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u/lastresponder77 1d ago
This is just horrific and heartbreaking 💔 I’m so so sorry for your loss 😢sending you a big virtual hug please stay strong …
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u/spencer2197 1d ago
I will never understand why and how someone could hurt a little kid! I’m so sorry you lost her and in a horrible way! I’m glad both are being punished and I hope they got a heavy sentence. She had such beautiful eyes!
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u/YearOfTheSssnake 22h ago edited 22h ago
I just read the news article and I couldn’t even get through it. I’m so upset and angry. My mind is reeling at how you can even function right now.
I wish I had some magic words to make even a fraction of the pain go away. I would say them all to you.
Please, if you haven’t already, please reach out to a therapist who specializes in traumatic grief. There are many very good ones on line (and most take insurance) so you don’t have to go to an office if you don’t want to.
I wish I could offer more. I ache for you.
🫂
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u/lisasimone1970 1d ago
You have been through the worst experience. I am so sorry. I hope the best for you and hope justice prevails for your family. Please take care of yourself, you matter!
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u/KittenFace25 1d ago
She's beautiful perfection, and I'm so, so sorry she was taken from you.
Her spirit will be with you always, can you feel her when you close your eyes? She's holding your hand in her little ones. You'll see her again someday, she'll wait for you.
Until then, please lean on your friends, family, therapist, anyone and everyone that you need. I don't know you, but I wish I could do something to help ease your grief. ❤️🕊️
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u/circa68 23h ago
I lost my entire family except for my sister. Aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, friends…everyone but I have never lost a child. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are experiencing and I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I just have no words but do remember that people, even we strangers, love and care about you and are here for you.
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u/LilyAmongThorns777 22h ago
I am sorry. 💐🌼🌸🏵🌼🌹🎁🧁🍫🍦🍪🍩🧸🎈 for her.
You said you're lost and need people to talk to. How can I help?
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u/fibropainonmybrain 15h ago
Oh dear, I don’t even know where to begin to say to I’m so so sorry for your loss. Have you looked into therapy and support groups in your area? Sometimes social services can be a good place to start to get information as to what’s in your area. Obviously that won’t change the fact that you’re dealing with a horrible loss but it might make it more livable and also help you get through any trials that you may have to be at.
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u/_21- 13h ago
I seen the photos and instantly hoped it was a kid grieving about a parent and not the other way around. As a father, I would be in your exact position. Lost. Without words. Walking while numb inside, I wish I had words of encouragement for you but I don’t. Best I can say is stay strong, keep your head up & maybe get closer to God. I can see how moments like this can test someone’s faith to the ultimate extent but you also can’t be too hard on yourself. God Bless you man, I hope one day you find peace in your heart again
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u/FreshwaterFryMom 1d ago
I’m so sorry for your loss, dad. Hang in there and please lean on your people. Reach out to a local service for support, if needed.
FWIW, people who harm children deserve a harsh sentence. I know that the outcome won’t bring her back, but I hope you get justice with the courts.
She is beautiful, remember your amazing cuddles and times together. 🩷
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u/PebblesmomWisconsin7 1d ago
I just want to say I’m incredibly sorry for the loss of your beautiful little girl. I don’t understand why things like this happen. My friend is very intuitive and will say our souls have a contract for this life. We don’t know it when we come here. Her sweet spirit got a whole lifetime of love and helping others in her short life. I bet she is with you now loving you and saying “thanks Dad”. But I”m so very sorry she isn’t here in person.
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u/crystalcastles13 Multiple Losses 1d ago
I’m so sorry.
I sincerely hope better days are coming for you my friend.
I can’t imagine what you’ve been through and what that’s like on a day to day level.
Sending much love ❤️🩹
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u/PollyannaFlwr 1d ago
I am so sorry for such an incredible painful loss. I hope you have a blanket of friends and family to shower you with the love during this most awful time.
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u/FishermanHungry3384 21h ago
i know how it feels to lose a child but not this way, it must be so hard to know they passed like this. i am so sorry OP condolences
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u/Chemical_Activity_80 1d ago
Oh my God this is terrible I hope the baby get justice and I hope you get the help and counseling you need. Your baby was so beautiful. Hugs for you 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂.
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u/Ok_Book5514 1d ago
What a beautiful little nugget 💜 I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. No one should have to live through the death of a child. Hugs to you.
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u/Random0s2oh 1d ago
I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope that the pos that hurt her is held accountable. Rest easy baby girl. 😞
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u/Gait2468 1d ago
OP what a cruel world we live in and your baby girl is precious. No words that I can say will help, but sending warm hugs to you.💕
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u/MoogleyWoogley 1d ago
I am so so sorry. There was so much more to her life that should have been.
Take care of yourself. Sleep, eat, groom, survive, at least for now. I hope one day, you find strength and courage to live with so much love and joy again that she can feel it from heaven.
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u/Kirbycst 1d ago
I’m so so sorry for your loss my heart is breaking for you and for her. Thinking of you and your grief ❤️🩹
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u/Across0212 Multiple Losses 1d ago
I am so sorry. No one should ever have to go through this. She was beautiful. I hope they spend the rest of their lives locked up. Please take care of yourself. 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
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u/mirandapanda94 14h ago
Let's just take a second to scream fuuuuck this! It's not fucking fairrrrrrr! Let's punch the bed a few times. Let's go outback and smash a plate. Let's rip an old T-shirt. Then let's unpack..
When you lose someone by murder it changes your whole perspective on life, it did with my uncle and brother...BUT your baby?! Lets take a second to see and process this. The ONE other person in the world who was supposed to die to protect her, failed her. That is an added layer of pain. Not to mention the asshole who did it was only allowed access to your Angel because of said person. That is betrayal of the worst kind. I cannot imagine the rollercoaster of emotions you feel right now. Your life is changed forever. 2 idiots blew it up without you or your babygirls consent and it's not fair.
Let's talk about Valkyrie.. what was she like? Was she funny? Silly? Did she sing and dance? Was she a daddies girl?..I bet she was! Did she like bugs and dirt or princess dresses and playing pretend? What's your favorite memory?
Remember to not spiral into the what ifs. Don't blame yourself, don't question well if I did this then that wouldn't have happened. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Say that with me please.
Don't feel guilty for having a laugh, or a fun weekend, she wouldn't want you to do that. I know the process of going forward is scary and you feel guilty because you feel like if you give up the pain then you're forgetting her... But you aren't. You are keeping her alive through your life and memories. Live for her brother, take yourself on a hike up a tall mountain with her picture pulled up on your phone in your pocket. Go out and have an ice cream and get a crazy new combo and dedicate it to her. Just try your best to live to the fullest for her, do it for her. She'll always be with you... you're her daddy she has half your DNA that will never change..even if she is in a different place.
I'm a Christian, Idk if you are, but Matt.18:10 "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angel in heaven continually sees the face of my father who is in heaven"
I know you would rather her here of course, but your little girl is getting to see the face of God. Let that sink in. I bet she is up there making all the other kids laugh and have a good time brother.
Please take care of yourself. Shed want you to.
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u/Lilith666999666 19h ago
My heart aches for what happened to you and your baby, and I wish I could take away your pain. No one should have to go through something like this. I am so incredibly sorry. My deepest condolences. I wish you friends and support during this difficult time.
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u/AgentJ691 Best Friend Loss 18h ago
I am deeply sorry for your loss. May your beautiful daughter rest in peace.
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u/JJTamb072386 17h ago
I’m so sorry my friend. Violence Against children makes my blood boil. How can a mother betray their own child like that? Such a sweet little girl. I have no words I’m just so so sorry!
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u/pieces-mended Dad Loss 16h ago
Nothing can be said to truly help. I’m so sorry for the pain and loss you’re feeling.
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u/MUM2RKG 14h ago
oh, i’m so sorry my friend. 🥺 nothing anyone says is going to make you FEEL better right now unfortunately. you just have to keep finding the motivation to wake up, keep breathing and living. i have never lost a child this way, but i know grief. and i imagine this is just completely earth and soul shattering.
i am so so sorry. just know that you are not alone. it’ll feel that way, but you’re not. i am sending all the healing, positive vibes and i hope your baby gets the justice she - and you - deserve. do it for her. ❤️
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u/No-Section-5199 14h ago
I lost my 23 year old brother to murder, but even in my case, I can’t begin to even fathom the kind of grief that comes from a loss such as that. Her own mother….
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u/CircusMoney 13h ago
My heart goes out to, I’m speechless. A fear I don’t want to image. Please seek out time with loved ones when you feel ready.
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u/Firm-Yam-960 Multiple Losses 13h ago
Hi OP, just wanted to say my deepest condolences for such a tragic horrific and shocking loss to such a young soul.
You and her both deserved better.
Get into support groups for parents of murdered children, I recommend going in person. You need a grief group that understands more than just losing a child, but losing a child to a murder. It is layers and you were both victims of a crime- because you are the surviving parent.
Stick to your NA or AA now more than ever to keep you sober and clean, every day if you have to. One day at a time, another 24. May not seem like it, but staying clean will help the most.
If your support system, aka family and friends, are dipping out, go find new ones in good places even if it’s hard. Sometimes I go to my congregation despite having a support system, because they help me get through stuff I can’t even talk about with family or friends.
DM me any time. I didn’t lose my child but my cousins have. They both lost their sons in infancy, just like you they lost their kid under 5 yrs old. It’s a very complex grief when kids are that young. Sending virtual hugs.
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u/Obvious_Ball709 12h ago
I am so sorry. No one should know this pain. I hope her "mother" meets the fullest limit of harsh justice. She doesn't deserve air. That being said, I would get into therapy, maybe look into local grief groups. Grieving and not being able to get your feelings out will do no good.
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u/Ok-Tumbleweed5245 12h ago
Reach out for support in your local area. I’m so sorry that is horrific. You definitely need to talk to others who have been through the same tragedy.
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u/TheRealBoss421 12h ago
No words could be consoling for this situation. Please feel free to DM me at any time you need someone. I lost a son to suicide. All I can do is listen and pray that you will somehow, someday find peace for your heart and soul. Im so sorry for your loss and deep heartache. Good bless you.
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u/Smellslikeloosechang 9h ago
I have nothing worthy to say that could heal this pain I can only imagine your experiencing but I am so, so very sorry. Shes so beautiful and her smile lights up the room. I wish I could just give you the biggest hug.
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u/Dawn_Quilt 9h ago
so sorry for your loss. i struggled to find a way through all the pain, too. i felt i had to keep it together and be strong for those around me. i needed to learn to manage my grief. i didn't know how. then my friend introduced me to Happier Meditation about 4 years ago and the free grief series got me hooked. Not a pitch, but it was so helpful that I now contract with them. I hope it could help you to feel less lost.
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u/Dramatic-Ad-6913 8h ago
Hugs. So sorry this happened to your gorgeous daughter AND you. Take one day at a time. May you find some peace one day.
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u/TF2SanvichManZZ 5h ago
I'm so sorry to see this, your daughter is a beautiful baby. You will be reunited one day and I believe you will get to see her all grown from the days of raising her as a little pumpkin up into the days of old age. You will see her at her happiest when that day comes. But I will pray you can find the path to persevere, you still have so much of life ahead of you. I believe this is the way and it's what your daughter would want with where she is looking down on you and thanking you for being such a loving father. Stay strong sir, God bless your daughter and you ❤️.
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u/Key_Appearance5373 1d ago
Child loss is the most brutal hell ever to live through. You get thru one day, one hour at a time. Your only job right now is to survive. Your grandson is BEAUTIFUL, you will always be his grandma and his life matters xoxoxoxo
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u/Mindless_Musician526 1d ago
man..OP this is horrific, she was such a beautiful baby i’m so sorry you’re part of this community due to this situation. I lost my brother July 18th and everyday is a different nightmare, i’ve learned to push through and keep going but honestly i’ve become a zombie. Grief is never ending but nonetheless life is a gift, we gotta keep trekking on.. If you would like to share some happy memories about your beautiful baby i know myself and a few others would love to read and feel your grief with you.