I'm so lost and not coping well

[u/Gypsygirloftheworld]

My mother, who was my best friend, my rock, my cheerleader, my person, passed away suddenly 5 days ago. I was out of state on a trip she had encouraged me to go on so I wasn't even able to make it back home everything happened so fast. I didnt really get to say goodbye to her or to hug her or hold her hand or kiss her or even hear her voice as she was on a ventilator and again I wasnt able to make it back in time. I had talked to her just a couple of hours before and then she was gone. I'm not sure how to move forward. The pain is so deep I've never felt anything like it before. It literally steals the breath from my chest. My whole body is screaming, I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I miss her so much. I always thought we would be little old ladies together and we would die around the same time if not the same day. Ive always had my mother every day I spoke to her and now its been 5 days Ive been on this earth without her. Nothing is helping. I cant eat I want to sleep nc that means im not conscious but I dread sleeping bc I know for a split second when I wake up I dont remember then it all comes smashing back down on me and I die all over again. She was my whole reason for being. I was even designing my house with her in mind so that one day she would be able to live with me instead of being placed in a nursing home. I'm so lost and nothing I do makes anything better. I'm not even sure why Im writing this. Her name was Jennifer. She was funny and witty and so kind. So very kind. She loved steam punk and art deco and the colour purple and beautiful brooches with sparkly gems. She loved German Shepherds and she knew all about herbs and canning and how to darn socks. She was so talented in her quilt making. She worked tirelessly making them for people for free. She loved fall and winter the best. She took care if me and my siblings along with her younger sisters and she was the best mother anyone could have ever asked for. I know everyone says that but she really was. She loved train rides and the northern lights she always dreamed about seeing them but never got to. She never knew a stranger and she loved to laugh esp at cheesy b rated old films. I love her and I miss her and I dont think anything in my life will ever be good again. If you made it this far thank you. ​I don't know what to do or how to move forward now. It jsut feels like a never ending sea of pain and sadness.

[u/Advanced_Look8518]

what you wrote about her, the quilts and the old movies and the northern lights, that's her, that's all still right there with you even when it feels like the bottom dropped out of your world

[u/queennnnn_]

My dad passed away unexpectedly when I was out of town for work. I know the feeling. It’s only been couple months. Stay close to your family and grieve together. Don’t isolate yourself . It hurts I know, TRUUUST me, but it gets easier . My dad passed in May. I still cry everyday but i remind myself how my dad would not want me to be sitting around and crying because of this. Live for your mom. Smile for her. I believe we’ll be reunited with our loved ones eventually, stay strong 🤍

[u/Ill-Employment9172]

Very sorry for your great loss. Reaching out is good, counseling, even online, is good; I've done that before. Mum has been gone 18 months and I got through at the beginning through prayer and weeping, and knowing others grieved for her, too, but the shock is like no other...especially if it's sudden. If you were here I'd hug you so please accept my commiseration of hearts who've lost the most important person in our lives. It's a crushing loss; cry and let it out but remember to care for yourself as our mothers would want us to. They raised us to live and thrive; their unconditional love, we carry it onward everyday. One thing I did also in those first few days was take longer walks with my dog and voice record a series of "The Aftermath" feelings, just getting it out, listening to them later. A way to process. One day at a time. And your mom sounds like she was a talented woman who lived life well.