Hi everyone,
I’m writing this as a sister who loves her brother deeply and desperately wants to see him happy, confident, and at peace with himself.
My brother has been living with HIV since birth. My mother contracted HIV through a contaminated blood transfusion at a hospital, and the virus was subsequently transmitted to my brother during pregnancy. He was born into a reality he never had any choice in, and HIV has been part of his life for as long as he’s known himself.
He’s on treatment, his viral load is undetectable, and medically, he’s doing well. But emotionally and psychologically, I feel like he’s carrying a burden that I can’t fully understand.
He often talks about how he’s going to end his life one day, and hearing him say that absolutely breaks my heart. It’s almost as though he’s convinced himself that his life is somehow less meaningful or that he doesn’t deserve the same happiness, love, relationships, and experiences as everyone else.
One of his biggest struggles right now is finding a romantic partner and building meaningful friendships.
He feels that having HIV makes him less desirable as a partner, and I think the fear of rejection has become so deeply ingrained in him that he sometimes rejects himself before anyone else even gets the chance to know him.
He also struggles socially. Even when he’s around people who have absolutely no idea about his HIV status, he feels like they’re judging him or looking at him differently. It’s heartbreaking because I can see how much he limits himself, not necessarily because of how others treat him, but because of how he has come to perceive himself.
I understand that HIV-related stigma is real, and I don’t want to minimize the discrimination or rejection that people living with HIV may experience. But I also wonder how much of his isolation comes from internalized stigma, fear, and years of carrying this diagnosis emotionally.
I want him to experience friendships without constantly questioning what people think of him. I want him to fall in love, experience intimacy, build relationships, and genuinely believe that he is worthy of being loved.
I try to reassure him, but I’ve also realized that telling someone to “be positive” or “love yourself” doesn’t magically undo years of emotional pain.
And I don’t want to invalidate his feelings by pretending I understand something I haven’t personally experienced.
So I wanted to ask those of you who are living with HIV:
How did you eventually come to terms with your diagnosis and develop genuine self-acceptance?
Have you ever struggled with internalized stigma, where you felt people were judging you even when they didn’t know your status?
How did you overcome the fear of rejection when it came to dating, intimacy, and finding a partner?
Have you been able to build fulfilling romantic relationships and friendships? What helped you get there?
Was there a turning point when you stopped allowing HIV to define your identity or dictate your future?
Did therapy, support groups, mindfulness, spirituality, gratitude, or any particular practices help you develop self-love?
How do you cope with fears about mortality and uncertainty about the future?
As a sibling, how can I support him without making him feel like I’m trying to fix him?
I would especially love to hear from people who were born with HIV or have been living with it since childhood, because I imagine growing up with a diagnosis can shape your sense of identity in ways that are difficult for others to understand.