r/LivingAlone • u/Connect-Scientist-17 • 1d ago
Support/Vent Touch Starved
I can deal with solitude pretty easily, but this touch starvation is brutal.
Im choosing to not date for now (and yes, it is a choice) and will not be getting pets as it is not a good time for that at present.
My friends are scattered all over multiple states and life, work, etc has resulted in relocation.
What do yall do?
Edit to clarify- this is not a sex thing.
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u/Fit-Structure-7647 1d ago
Invest in things that FEEL GOOD! Like comfy socks, blankets, pillows. Even a cuddly stuffed animal!
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
This is a very practical and easy to implement suggestion. Thank you
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u/Potential-Amoeba1902 1d ago
And a weighted blanket!
Get one with a cover - I started without a cover and the blanket itself was too heavy for my washer. With a soft, fuzzy cover it’s divine
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I actually used to have one and loved it. Will need to get another. Thank you!
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u/101violations 1d ago
Weighted plushies are pretty great for lounging on the couch. The small targeted pressure is very comfortable.
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u/Diligent-Variation51 1d ago
Get massage regularly if you can afford it. Pedicures or manicures too. You don’t have to get polish or gel unless you want.
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u/missjulie622 1d ago
If you have the budget for it, the MoonSpoon giant crescent-shaped sleep pillow by MoonSleep is incredible, I feel held & supported all night, it’s the most ideal level of support & squish I’ve ever felt.
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u/Leading_Funny5802 1d ago
I love my body pillows, I keep nice clean pillow cases over them and it feels so good to snuggle on them at night.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I have heard certain ones, like silk/satin types can actually be beneficial for your hair, but have not tried it.
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u/Taco_Revolution 1d ago
Silk is good for your hair and doesn't dry it out and cause it to get frizzy. Satin is just a particular weave, not a fiber (I have a textiles degree), so don't just buy a satin pillow case - that could be made from polyester or other synthetic fibers. Make sure it's silk!
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u/Interesting-Base-120 1d ago
I have 2 silk pillow cases. They're expensive but worth every penny. I've had mine for a long time.
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u/StarryNoon 1d ago
Try going to get a massage. I'm not doing great with being alone, but I actually get solid sleep and rest after one.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I actually hadn't thought of this as I have ADD and just lying still is not my thing, but I may have to get some short sessions.
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u/Clown-Pants-26 1d ago
How about a pedicure? Typically you get a little leg and foot massage but you’re seated as opposed to lying down so you wouldn’t have to stay entirely still!
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Actually mani pedi are not a bad idea and frankly I could use it!
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u/missjulie622 1d ago
Or even a chair massage, getting your neck, shoulders & upper neck massaged is so deluxe!!
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u/Clown-Pants-26 1d ago
The place I get my pedicures have massage chairs so you can really lean back and relax!
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u/Taco_Revolution 1d ago
As a fellow ADHDer, you might be surprised how easy it can be to lie through an hour massage. It's worth it, too.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I think I'll do baby steps! I do meditate though. But I can just stop when I want.
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u/catladycleo 1d ago
you can get 30 minutes ones!!! since it’s short they move you around every few minutes and by the time it’s done am touched out
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u/Luna_Lovebuzz 1d ago
One of the best massages I ever had was a 5 minute hand massage, it was WAY more relaxing and satisfying than it sounds
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u/RadiantOperation8140 1d ago
God I feel this in my soul. I am such a physical touch person and I need a damned hug man. I would probably sob into whoever’s shoulder it was tbh lol I’m so deprived. I don’t have family besides my mom and she’s 1500 miles from me. So I spend all big holidays alone. It’s just… yeah.. I feel you. I’m content alone 75% of the time. But that other 25% is so loud.
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u/salty-bubbles 22h ago
Honestly! This is so real. I dont even need a super long one, just that little squeeze... if you're ever on Maryland let me know and we can hug it out and cry or whatever
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u/RadiantOperation8140 21h ago
Oh I’m Philly! We aren’t far!!
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u/SLyndon4 20h ago
NYC here, can I come down for this hug fest?
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u/RadiantOperation8140 20h ago
Absolutely!!! We should totally make this happen!
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u/salty-bubbles 18h ago
Let's do it! Next time I'm in Philly or NYC (happens every so often) hugfest it is!
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u/helloitskimbi 1d ago
I saw a reel about this. A lady who lives alone and not in a relationship/not having kids says she budgets in regular Mani/Pedis and an occasional massage. As well as getting her hair cut vs always cutting at home. Being affectionate (hugs) with friends and family.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I hadn't considered the hair but that also works. It also tends to use up my social battery with the small talk
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u/helloitskimbi 1d ago
I have seen some places offer quiet haircuts or you can tell the person cutting your hair that you're not a big talker. I'm sure they have heard it before
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Its probably good for me to practice so I dont lose all social skills 😆
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u/Eiffel-Tower777 1d ago
I get a back massage once a month, also pedicures every 6 weeks.
I believe both of these are beneficial. I understand a pet isn't in the picture. I have to say though... my CAT is the besssst. She's a snuggle bom extraordinaire.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I love cats and dogs and definitely want to at some point. I think regularly scheduling those could also be helpful!
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u/Sailor_Chibi Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 1d ago
What about volunteering at a shelter or a rescue? There are always dogs and cats in need of love.
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u/BiblioFlowerDog 1d ago
I know you said that getting a pet is not the right move for you at this time.
I’ve done a ton of fostering and one idea for some people is, to sign up with a local group’s mailing list, and be available to do short-term temporary fostering if the need arises.
What is this? Let’s say Im fostering a dog or cat (I do mostly dogs), but I have to help a family member for a few days or i have a pre-booked long weekend trip. Cant bring my foster dog.
But it’d be so helpful if someone took my foster dog for just a couple of days. You’d get a foster dog who’s had a bath, had time to decompress from the shelter vs being an unknown quantity — I could tell you the likes/dislikes, quirks, etc. — and best of all, after a few days you can GIVE THE DOG BACK.
It’s helpful for everyone. You get a dog fix, without having to commit to open-ended fostering which could take months before adoption. You don’t have to learn of and deal with possible behavior quirks. Rescue groups often furnish bedding, leash & collar, food, crate/exercise pen, etc.
If you’d been seeing your local rescue groups’ social media you may have your eye on some of their foster pups already and be cheering them on — and now you get to help take care of one for a few days but then hand it back. Win/win.
Just putting it out there because not everyone knows that temporary fostering is a thing and how helpful it can be. 😊
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u/rumncoco86 1d ago
I agree with textiles. I have been single for almost all of my adult life, and I am quite independent and need the solitude. Good quality textiles help immensely with lacking warmth and touch.
Good pillows, soft throw blankets, good quality bedding, thick and fluffy towels, good home socks and slippers, good quality clothing. Low light with candles, good cooking. Rugs on cold floors and good window coverings. You don't have to over-furnish a space, but the quality of soft furnishings helps in times when life feels a bit cold and lonely.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
This is all great. I tend toward minimalism and so this could make a big difference
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u/taurfea 1d ago
I had a neighborhood cat that would come visit and hang out which was ideal. I would also take a lot of hot baths and get massages. It isn’t quite the same though, I never quite figured it out. I almost signed up for one of those group cuddles or a cuddle buddy.
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u/wildlyfidgeting 1d ago
I’ve considered signing up for a cuddle buddy, too. Sigh. Temple Grandin’s squeeze machine doesn’t seem like a bad idea, either.
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u/CosyPotat 1d ago
The affection of a warm fuzzy animal that genuinely enjoys your company is so soothing. I love my 95 lb dog for so many reasons but his cuddliness is one of top reasons.
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u/Old_Goat_Ninja 1d ago
Ha, I’m just now starting to feel this way too. I have zero interest in dating at the moment, so for now I just live with it. It sucks though because the touch starvation as you put it hits hard sometimes. Most of time it’s not a big deal but sometimes, oof, it really hits.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Yes just human contact. Working remotely kind of compounds it. I didnt even realize it until I was touched socially in passing and thought about how long it had been.
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u/Ornery_Salaryman 1d ago
100% this. I love working from home and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I am alone 98% of the time. It doesn’t get bad unless I dwell on it, which I seem to do around February every year when it’s coldest and bleakest.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
The winter does make it worse! There is definitely science around this. If there's snow, its worse and you feel trapped inside.
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u/nighttime_hikes 1d ago
I’ve been volunteering at an animal shelter lately. And playing with all the kitties has helped!
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u/Fancy_Boysenberry_55 1d ago
Treat yourself to a massage once in awhile. If you go to a massage school it's less expensive and you'll help a student practice
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u/CrazyH37 1d ago
Massages! I have a monthly subscription to Massage Envy and get a monthly
Massage. It helps for touch and for my migraines and in general I fucking love it lol
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u/yrt9610 1d ago
You're right---that IS a thing for people living alone. I really miss all the hugs.I used to get from my husband and children before I lost them.
Now I make sure to ask for hugs from female friends at church and elsewhere. That helps some.
There's a woman on Instagram who has talked about this...and recommends massages and pedicures if you can afford them (I can't). Plus other things I've forgotten. Wish I could remember her name. She makes a lot of good points about living as a single person---and about how most churches don't know how to meet the needs of single people.
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u/grayghostsmitten 19h ago edited 19h ago
I looked into coverage for massage with my medical insurance and found it’s $30 copay/per visit for up to twice a month. My hope is to go once a month. My first massage is at the end of this month.
Other than that, I’m really into the texture of things. I love to make my bedding feel as luxurious, soft and as sacred as I can. That’s my space. It doesn’t take place of human touch. But it helps.
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u/lil_wispy 1d ago
I’ve got nothing to offer for but support and kind words. Thanks for posting this.
I’ve got a dog (and I know you said it’s not the time for pets so I’m not suggesting that) and she is what makes it work for me, weeks at a time without seeing humans.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I appreciate just the words and support! Someone had two dogs today when I was running an errand and I soon wanted to pet them but didnt want to ask without them offering.
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u/NCC-1701-1 1d ago
Weekly massage, still get occasional visits from my former long term sugar baby even though we no longer have an arrangenent, I hug my grandkids, however oddly enough I dont crave it anymore. I have no explaination why, I am saying it so you know its possible to be happy without it.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Idk why they'd give you funny looks! I appreciate that actually that its possible. It often feels so unnatural!
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u/Emotional_Mess261 1d ago
This sounds perfect! I’m finding I’m kissing everyone on the cheek when I hug them goodbye. I can’t remember the last peck on my cheek
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
So funny what a difference the little things make
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u/Emotional_Mess261 1d ago
When my husband and I first split, I was staying in an apartment and the kids would come back-and-forth. It was an absolute struggle obviously and my stepmother said “you’re no good without a cat. See if you can get a cat“ so I did and she was so right I’ve had cats my entire life and realize how important they are when you’re alone. I have three now and we are all very happy and cozy.🥰
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u/Broad-Collection-918 1d ago
Find a good massage therapist local to you and become a regular. It'll change your life.
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u/sunnypv 23h ago
I take beginning dance classes… waltz, swing etc. you spend the hour rotating through partners so there is a small amount of conversation and connection. It does the trick
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u/Peebles8 22h ago
Came here to say this! The touching is expected and absolutely not sexual at all. I've accidentally stayed in contact with someone multiple times when not actively dancing to just listen to the teacher, watch a demonstration, wait for the music to change. It's nice to hold someone's hand in a completely platonic way.
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u/Catchdatcat 1d ago
Get a massage
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u/Shark-Compote 1d ago
I finally found somewhere to schedule a massage after literal years of looking (no one here takes private insurance). And they canceled on me the day of my massage. I'm so salty I've given up again
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u/CautiousClutz 1d ago
you don’t need insurance for a massage. just look up places within your budget for this with good reviews or ask around at work/people you’re friendly with
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u/Possible_Situation24 1d ago
Find volunteer work with animals, especially in a no kill shelter. Possibly get a pet yourself. volunteer with kids, if some opportunity presents itself.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Im thinking of finally going and volunteering at a shelter and not putting it off!
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u/Electronic_Tea_7958 1d ago
I train BJJ 4 times a week. I think it helps lol
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u/Tablefor1please9987 1d ago
I didn’t know what this term meant until the moment I first experienced it myself. It was during yoga at the end while we were all in child’s play and the instructor would come around and rub our backs and do deep breathing with each one of us. I teared up because it was so emotional and strange to me so I googled what it meant later and it’s exactly this. Sadly, the studio closed. Thinking of you all my touched starved living aloner’s.❤️
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u/Infamous_Donkey4514 1d ago
I guess I have just gotten used to it and don't really think about it anymore. I have been single for 4 years. I guess in general I'm someone who has very little romantic/sexual desire unless I happen to meet that one special person (in my 39 years there have been 2). It's nice to have someone to cuddle with and all that, but it's not a necessity to me. Having cats definitely helps and they're both very snuggly. I'm a big fan of comfy/good quality blankets, robes, pajamas etc. And also the occasional mani/pedi/massage doesn't hurt.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I think im the opposite! I actually love physical touch and actually have a high drive 😆 But its not worth the horrors Ive seen with dating so won't be doing that anytime soon.
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u/Infamous_Donkey4514 1d ago
Most people do, I'm weird apparently lol. But also yes dating is horrible these days, I used to it and it's not worth it. Someone is going to have to plop down from the sky in front of me in order for me to be interested in them.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Not weird! Yes Ive often said my soul mate will need to materialize in my living room!
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u/CrazyQuiltCat 1d ago
Volunteer at a shelter to walk/play/social the cats and dogs. Everybody is a winner
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I think this is one of my favorite suggestions. I just need to go do it.
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u/No-Cryptographer8370 1d ago
I 28f am a trucker & my home when im not working isn’t around any family or friends. I don’t have a partner & I see people I’m close with maybe once or twice a year if im lucky. I have a dog, he’s my best friend & does help a good bit. On my truck & at home I have plenty of pillows, body pillows, & multiple blankets for weight. Loneliness is crushing most nights, but it’s by choice.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 22h ago
Yeah it can be tough with the isolation (even if co stantly interacting with strangers)
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u/Original_Bad_3416 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 1d ago
A lot of suggestions for a weighted blanket. I just wanted to mention that when I used one it set of my PTSD, just a small warning
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Oh! Ive not heard of that. Thank you for the heads up and sorry you had that experience.
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u/FanciePantz_21 1d ago
Schedule monthly massages. I have a monthly membership for a 90 minute massage. It’s awesome.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I think the repeating scheduled event will help and just automate it. Id thought of it as a luxury but seems more like an essential!
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u/L0st1nspac3withp1ut0 1d ago
This is the saddest thing ever but i came out of an abusive relationship and was so touch starved (also nothing to do with sex, I mean genuine touch and warmth that a partner gives you outside of sex) when I finally left it wad brutal and I felt that same desire as I was healing from such an awful time - so to get the feeling of that sort of touch I would prop two pillows behind the length of my body (like a pregnancy pillow) I put the placement of the first one almost behind the middle/base of my neck and the other behind my hips/butt then fall asleep leant into them - it feels like you’re being spooned basically 🤣🫣 it actually helped way more than I thought it would and I’m sure it’s the same thing with weighted blankets, my therapist mentioned a lot about pressure like that which can help to calm our nervous system - a faux hug which tricks the body! lol.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 22h ago
Yes leaving those is so very hard and isolating. I do really like these practical tips!
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u/SuspiciousWrap3255 1d ago
I've literally thought about posting this myself for 2 months. So thank you. Same boat. So I get a massage about once a month, not because I want one, but because I need the touch. I'm not looking for sex either, but it's so hard to find alternatives. There are also home hosted hugging/cuddling groups as well as professional cuddlers, but I've never done that. What a great post! I hope we get better ideas
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Ive never heard of those groups! I can see how its a safe space and very therapeutic for everyone.
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u/bananarepama 1d ago
Same boat. It's torture. Also can't have pets and I quit dating ten years ago. But when I did date it didn't help the touch starvation, bc I was dating avoidant pieces of shit who would only let me touch them when they wanted sex. If I tried to just affectionately touch them without sex being implied then it obviously meant I was in love with them and they had to start treating me like shit because they needed to "train me" (direct quote) "to not be in love with them anymore."
I wish I had advice on how to deal with it. It's a strange thing to know that being touch starved for the foreseeable future is honestly the only sane option for you. It's like being stuck in a walled off sandbox next to a giant hotel pan heaped with rice. Only you know the rice has been poisoned and there are only, say 200 grains of rice in the pile that haven't been poisoned directly. So you're just like no I'm okay I'll just eat this fuckin sand for the rest of my life ig
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Yes, I can relate to that! Also being touch starved isn't a great place to enter a relationship from.
Your example is really accurate 😆 like dying of thirst next to the ocean.
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u/upsidedowntriangle22 1d ago
What about a semi contact sport, like tag rugby? Or enrol in a holistic massage course or something similar?
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I would definitely get pummeled in rugby! I dont know about massage specifically but I see where youre going and I may try to expand on the idea. Thank you!
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u/upsidedowntriangle22 1d ago
The Red Cross in my area runs short courses in hand massage for volunteers who would be willing to work in old folks homes. Could meet your need for touch? Or what about working with animals? Many folk, like me, get their physical touch needs met by snuggling with foster kittens!
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u/Solid_Papaya_1728 1d ago edited 9h ago
Try going to church. Many practice Passing the Peace where we shake hands or give hugs as part of the service. I always say "I'm here for the hugs"!!!
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I love the "im here for the hugs". I do think group worship/spirituality can be very healing.
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u/SemiSocialHermit 1d ago
I wouldn't say I go to church only for the social aspect, but it's a huge part of what gets me out the door every Sunday morning. All the handshakes and shoulder pats, the handful of hugs during passing the peace... It really does make a difference.
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u/Human_Leave8826 1d ago
I know exactly what you mean. I just want
To be hugged — a full body hug and then a little cuddling wouldn’t hurt.
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u/Rare-Homework9565 1d ago
Can you do things like give yourself a hug. I’ve tried it before in therapy. If you are open to it try googling somatic self-hug
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u/OveroSkull 19h ago
You're going to want to get yourself a pair of orange tabby Oriental Shorthair brothers.
Seriously, though, I have 5 cats and I'd be dead if I didn't.
ETA I'm sorry, I just realized no pets 😭
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u/mydogatecheesecake 1d ago
I feel this. I deliberately put a pillow behind me as I sleep so I can be a little spoon 😭
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I do miss relationships and being the little spoon. Its the best. And the sleep was amazing! Now I have my laptop, books, notebooks, a work bag, and other accouterments on the other side of my bed.
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u/Menemsha4 1d ago
You have gotten some amazing suggestions: cozy blankets and throws. Soft pajamas.
Make sure your bed is absolutely ridiculously comfortable so when you get in it at night, your entire body relaxes. I sleep on linen sheets and silk pillowcases. I also have a body pillow that I originally got because I had had surgery but now sleep against.
Massages! I get a massage every month and it’s life changing.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
My bed is a pile of stuff and im bad about working from it (on my computer). Probably need to stop that.
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u/rhythmicdancer 1d ago
Those ASMR spas are popping up. It's basically someone running their fingers, nails and various objects along your hair and skin. It's supposed to be gentle and soothing and simulate a mother gently stroking her baby. Or a cat getting skritches. Prices are comparable to massages.
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u/Important-Bid-9792 1d ago
As an introvert who loves living alone but is what I call "touch-centric", I totally relate. What helps me is making sure I spend enough time with friends, even if it's just an or two every 4 days or so. I play with their hair, ask them to play with mine, give & receive hugs generously, etc.
When I'm home alone, I have fuzzy blankets, heat pad, body pillows, etc, comfort items that really help.
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u/Staugbeachbunny 1d ago
My dog! I get you can’t have a pet right now, but it’s the best thing ever!
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u/Ohheckitsme 1d ago
I’m checking out Great Dane puppies tomorrow, but I also have two cats. They help!
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u/Secret_Purple7282 1d ago
Go to the shelter. Partner with a rescue to go socialize kittens or puppies.
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u/-sayitstraight 1d ago
Have you thought about getting a professional relaxing massage?
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u/French_Window 1d ago
I'm in a similar situation. I wear clothes that simulate comfort like big fluffy comfy hoodies a lot.
A massage is a good idea or any sort of a pampering like a facial or whatever.
I am less huggy with people now, but as I go raving a lot solo, someone always ends up hugging me. Usually an honest wholesome hug, which I appreciate.
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u/Senior_Educator_929 19h ago
I feed the local kitties. I pet them. They continue to live outside. It's all I got
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u/Exact-Connection-952 14h ago
Weighted/heated blankets and a lot of fleece lined or fluffy pajamas. I make a big nest on my bed and crouch inside when I’m home lol
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u/DatVlad_ 12h ago
Nah I feel you. I overall like being single now. I literally had someone reach out wanting to know if I was interested in dating about a week back and we flirted a bit, but I really just let it go. The thought of having to go out, spend money I could save, put on my charm and all that just really did not sound all appealing. And yet, I miss physical connection. Just cuddling even. I also can't do a pet right now, it's just not a smart investment with my singular income. So like it just is this little pit in my chest day in day out that I just crave.
I just live with it personally. The thought of going through all the dating steps just sounds awful now. Especially now. Dating suckssss so single by choice, and I'll stay that way unless the world really pushes someone onto me
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 11h ago
I think we tend to forget the day to day annoyances of dating/relationships. To me, any issues I have while single, I can address them pretty easily. However the enormous amount of damage done by a bad relationship just took tremendous time energy healing to deal with. I realized that if I looked at it like a financial investment, I kept sink so much money into an investment tgat not only yielded no returns but costs me interest, taxes, fees, and penalties! Id never keep doing that with money. So decentering romance as love has been very helpful and drawbacks minor in relation. And romance and love in your life are not the same.
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u/knarlomatic 11h ago
I had an uncle who had a part time girlfriend. She lived at her place and he at his. They were an exclusive couple though. No strings, no staying over unless both were on the same page. Both had their own lives but enjoyed a healthy love life.
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u/Middle-agedCynic 1d ago
I actually hate hugging people. But I do fancy trying one of those weighted animal plushies I keep seeing advertised. Has anyone tried it- they are pretty expensive
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u/Necessary_Catch_7077 1d ago
I don't know but I sure would like to find out myself. I do know that being touched by someone you do not want to be touched by is worse.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Yes! No offense to them but there has to be a level of connection and familiarity. Ill hug anyone but beyond that, not so much.
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u/gotta_ketchup_all 1d ago
I was wanting a hug so badly the other day. And I do have a cat but even though he's cuddly it's not quite the same. There should be a network of safe people who you can get a hug from, like grandmother's or mom's.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I agree! A traveling volunteer hug committee that makes emergency calls 😆
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u/iwannasayyoucantmake 1d ago
I get a haircut every 8 weeks, thus my head gets washed by a human.
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u/XGrundyBlab 1d ago
I feel this. Literally. I work remotely, so it can be weeks, sometimes months before physical touch...a hug, a handshake. It's hard. Thankfully I have an awesome dog 🐾
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u/icedcoffeebutevil 1d ago
heated blanket and stuffed animals! and the occasional hookup, but i’ve been less interested the older i get. i do have cats, but once they pass ill likely foster for or volunteer at the shelters around me.
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u/prettyfulfox 1d ago
I’ve found some yoga classes that offer hands on adjustments or a brief massage at the end during savasana and love those! They can be hard to find, but the combination of relaxing movement with gentle touch is really nice for me
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u/amelie190 1d ago
Quarterly massage if you can. Be sure you tell the therapist you are there for relaxation
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u/somethingbluez 1d ago
Have you considered volunteering at an animal shelter? Getting some time with a dog always helps me.
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u/NegotiableVeracity9 1d ago
Go get massages and find friends who are touchy-feely without being sexual
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u/funnerfu79 1d ago
I understand this all too well. A pedicure with a really good therapist and a hair wash with a great stylist! Makes my whole day wonderful.
I hug all my friends but I miss something deeper sometimes. Also not a sexual thing
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u/10mmhobbit 1d ago
If no one has mentioned it, heating pad. Sometimes it helps with heat on my stomach or back for a bit can be really soothing.
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u/Bluberrybliss 20h ago
Go to a yoga studio or church, if you shared this with a teacher or elder in the community I’m sure they would be happy to give you a hug!
Also body work, massages, pedicures, head spa etc…
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u/knarlomatic 11h ago
Volunteer training service dogs. When they are puppies they need acclimating to people. Our local service dog company would let people volunteer to do just that. Also one of the guys I worked with became a volunteer trainer after qualifying. He worked with adult dogs to get them ready to work.
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u/Fooby56 1d ago
Some people may not like this answer but I've gone to escorts over the years when I was really touch starved. Also dating apps that are more geared towards hookups. Not an option for everyone but that's worked for me.
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u/MaraKatNinji 1d ago
They have people you can pay to cuddle with you. There is a whole website where you go look at it. No sex. Just cuddling. I know someone who was on it and she actually made a lot of money just cuddling with people. Some people had their therapist recommend them it to them.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
I dont think I could bring myself to do that with an individual versus a group, for no logical reason, I guess, but thats very cool for your friend!
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Thank you for being so frank. I am very affectionate and also simultaneously picky about who I let touch me (intimately). I have to have some sort of connection and ive just not found dating apps to be worth what you go through.
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u/ScheanaShaylover 1d ago
I’m feeling this too exactly in this moment. Had oral surgery yesterday and I have good meds, prepared myself to just relax binge a show and yet I’m just thinking I want someone to just talk to and touch my back. I found a spa that just rubs your head. I’m making an appointment asap. I’m trying figure it out too…
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u/Unicorn_drops7777 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 1d ago
I have been blessed with work friends that will fill the void when I need it, but I am otherwise pretty aloof overall. I don’t know if it’d be the same without my dog tho
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u/BulbasaurBoo123 1d ago
If there's any cuddle parties in your area, that might be worth a try. I've also found a few people for strictly SFW snuggling on subreddits like r/cuddlebuddies and websites such as Cuddle Comfort. People on asexual dating sites and those in poly/ENM relationships are often more open to things like this.
Exploring paid options like seeing a cuddle therapist, massage or bodywork can also be helpful. I personally love Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy and Spinal Flow, but there's lots of options out there.
If you can't own pets, how about volunteering to walk some dogs in your area? Or maybe doing pet sitting?
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u/Icy-Pop2944 21h ago
Many singles go for mani-pedis for a regular dose of touch.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 20h ago
Yeah Im finding lots of things Id written off as too indulgent are actually pretty essential for self care if living alone.
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u/MrEye22 18h ago
Volunteer to visit people at nursing homes and as part of your visit hold people’s hands
I
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u/Mean-Calligrapher822 18h ago
I really enjoy my heating pad (or can get a blanket) under my cozy couch blankets on my back or side when I'm chilling 🙏 feels like your leaning on someone ...the warmth is so comforting 🙏
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u/Guilty_Comb3599 15h ago
GET A MASSAGE!! Trust me, it works wonders. Sometimes you can find deals on Groupon if you’re not picky
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u/HoopsLaureate 1d ago
Make friends in your new location! Then hug your friends when you see them.
Get massages.
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u/Connect-Scientist-17 1d ago
Im working on it but could be better about it. Takes some time. Im pretty introverted. Its also a small town.
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u/Then-Cauliflower-176 1d ago
Massages, I used to get them at a local sports centre. Lush!!
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u/Ok_Narwhal_7192 1d ago
Acroyoga. Bonus: it is an absolute masterclass in consent!
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u/blazingdumpsterfyre 1d ago
I like to take catwalks! I'll walk around with the neighborhood and pet the cats. they all know mean we're friends now. I also get regular massages
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u/CynicalOne_313 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 1d ago
I have a weighted blanket on my bed and several weighted plushies.
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u/Psychological-Try343 1d ago
Make new friends. Go to a spa, get a massage. Hug yourself. I know that sounds weird, but I've done it as part of a meditation and learning self love thing and it was incredibly comforting.
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u/Tora-bora83 1d ago
I look after a man with Parkinson’s every Friday evening for a couple of hours. Every week, we have a cwtch before I go. It’s both of ours only cwtch of the week and we make it count lol
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