Assaluma Alaikum everyone,

I’m a 35-year-old Muslim man. I’m physically fit, financially stable, and still unmarried and a virgin.
I want to ask something honestly, and I hope people will understand where I’m coming from rather than immediately judging me.

Are there brothers or sisters who have gotten married primarily to fulfill their sexual desires in a halal way, without necessarily being in love with their spouse or having a strong emotional connection? I don’t mean neglecting their Islamic obligations. I mean fulfilling their rights and responsibilities, treating each other properly, and trying to be good spouses, but without the expectation of experiencing the kind of romantic love portrayed in Western movies.

I’m asking because, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gradually lost interest in the idea of romantic love, while my desire for physical intimacy has only grown stronger.
When I was younger, I wanted marriage and intimacy, but I also had this idea that I needed to find someone I was deeply in love with. Now, at 35, I honestly feel tired of waiting. I don’t want to keep postponing a basic human desire indefinitely while hoping that one day everything will fall into place.

I’m not addicted to anything, nor am I trying to justify my actions. I’m a healthy man with normal sexual urges, and I hate that I sometimes end up satisfying them in ways that go against my faith. I’ve tried to stay away from zina because I genuinely care about my akhirah. But sometimes I ask myself: what am I supposed to do? Stay single until I’m 80 and hope that my libido eventually disappears?
I want a halal outlet for these desires. That’s honestly where I am right now.

I also think about the possibility of having children. It’s not that I don’t want kids; I’m just worried that I might be getting too old to start a family, especially if I get married later in life.

Ideally, I would want my wife and me to have some time to ourselves first, to enjoy married life, build intimacy, and experience that side of marriage without immediately rushing into parenthood. But realistically, that would mean delaying having children even further, which makes me wonder whether I’ve already waited too long.

At the same time, I don’t want to rush into marriage and immediately start a family just because I feel like I’m running out of time. I want to be able to enjoy being a husband first, without feeling pressured by the clock.

Another issue is that I’ve become increasingly skeptical about marriage, especially at this stage of life. My perception is that financial stability and what a man can provide often play a significant role in Muslim marriage discussions. I understand that financial responsibility is part of marriage, and I’m not saying that women are wrong for wanting a husband who can provide. However, I worry that a relationship could become transactional, where my value is primarily determined by my income, savings, and ability to provide.

Because of that, I struggle to see why I should emotionally invest in someone when I’m afraid that the relationship might be based more on what I can offer financially than on who I am as a person.

To be clear, it’s not that I was undesirable or that women were never interested in me. I chose not to pursue relationships that would involve zina or other things I believe are haram. At the time, I also wasn’t financially stable enough to feel that I could responsibly pursue marriage with the kind of Muslim woman I wanted.
Now that I’m financially stable, I’m left wondering whether I waited too long and whether I’ve become too cynical about the whole process.

Non-Muslim women are still interested in me, so I know that I could pursue those options if I wanted to. But after trying to stay on the right path for so long, I don’t want to throw away what I’ve worked toward spiritually just for sex.

So my questions are:
- Are there Muslims who genuinely get married primarily for sexual intimacy rather than romantic love?

- Can a marriage work if both spouses understand that their main motivation is physical intimacy, companionship is secondary, and neither expects to experience deep romantic love?

- Are there Muslim women who would be open to this kind of marriage, while still fulfilling their Islamic obligations and treating each other with respect?

- Has anyone here entered a marriage with this mindset? How did it work out in practice?

I’m not asking whether love is beautiful or whether I should just wait until I find “the one.” I understand that perspective already. I’m asking whether there are people who approach marriage more practically, with sexual compatibility and fulfilling each other’s rights as their primary motivations.

I would appreciate honest answers, especially from people who have actually experienced something like this.

Jazakum Allahu Khairan.

I am 30, Muslim, single, female. Recently I have started to feel a bit of hopelessness in my marriage search. They say your soulmate will find you, and sure he will InshAllah. I just don’t know how to hold on. I am decent looking, and everyday everyone I know remind me that a girl like me shouldn’t stay single. I just don’t know what to do and where to start, the few times I tried the apps I couldn’t find anyone serious or compatible enough. I know Allah is capable of miracles, should I keep waiting for a miracle? Should I take any action meanwhile? Please help a sister out. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.

Assalamu Alaykoum I'm 28M. I hope whoever is reading this I doing great! 😄

I've read some posts online and heard things in real life and noticed how much girls like to marry guys that are rich or have lots of money. I know this can be a reason for divorce if a family cannot be taken care of, but at the same time, there were Sahaba R.A. that married without much money - In One Hadith, A Man Didn't Have Anything To Offer Besides Recited Parts Of The Qur'an.

I also noticed guys want to marry to fulfil their intimate desires (adult desires, sorry). I understand that There Is A Hadith Advising Young Men To Marry Early To Help Such Desires, But Also There Is A Hadith Recommending To Marry Someone For Iman, Rather Than Beauty, Money Or Family.

People seem to be focused on Hadiths That fulfil their desires the most, I assume? But, I don't know, (not saying this as judgement, I'm genuinely curious about views).

What happened to Loving Poverty In Islam? I'm not saying every girl should live in poverty, I believe There Is Deep Meaning To It. But, my point is, what about genuine Love for the other person even if they don't earn enough or have physical differences? I know many people the way I've just described, get married happily, but I'm talking about the Reddit expectations.

What about those that don't focus on materialistic needs and earn to survive and focus On The Most Important Religious Things In Life Without Showing It Off?

I know, girls and boys wait for the other to show off their Religion, but what happened to seeing them with their Hearts? What about Seeing Their Imam's Beauty Through The Heart? People used to marry people even if they lived together in tough circumstances. They were still in Love.

Also, why do many people want to only marry Arabs if they're Arabs or people from their own countries?

Why do some people focus so much on people's past sins instead of opening their Hearts for Allah and helping them to repent or helping them to move on and Rise?

What if a person cannot offer much materialism, but has deep Love with deep Iman In The Heart that only Allah Sees - perhaps not even the person realises the true state of his or her Iman - Only Allah.

Please don't take it as judgement or something so negative, I'm genuinely curious and want to see people's views.

There is a boy who I liked and who liked me back, we wanted to marry after uni but after I got a job my whole social circle started falling apart and he witnessed fights my friends started towards me over silly mistakes I did and he was the last to leave my circle.

He said how he wants to focus on himself and he isn’t sure anymore if he wants to marry me anymore but he still loves me too deeply and told me to look for other people and if Allah writes it then me and him can be back together married.

I really need duas for my situation and to marry him, if anyone can give me advice or pray that me and him get married and only him it would mean a lot as he is a very good person religion wise.

I’m struggling to stay happy and all I can do is cry and pray and sleep and I don’t have close friends anymore so any duas would do.

Thank you.

Salam everyone

I’ve been getting to know someone for marriage for about 6 months now. We get along really well and he’s expressed that he’s serious about me.

The main issue is his parents. His family previously had a bad experience where someone from my cultural background rejected him because of his ethnicity.

Because of this, he’s hesitant to involve his parents as he doesn’t want to put them through the same humiliation and rejection again.

He’s met my family and I’ve made it clear that I’d like our families to at least have some initial contact. I’m not expecting anyone to agree to marriage straight away but I don’t want to keep talking without knowing whether his family would even be open to it.

He has mentioned me to his mum, but nothing has really moved forward since.

I actually ended things once because of this but later reached out again because I felt I might have been too quick to give up. We’ve been talking again since, and while things have been good between us, the situation with his parents hasn’t changed.

I’m starting to feel like I’m compromising my own boundaries by continuing to talk to him. But I also feel like he’s incredibly respectful, kind and communicative otherwise. We also live in different states.

Am I being unreasonable for expecting some progress after 6 months? Do you think I should let this one go?

JazakAllah khair!

Ever since I graduated college my parents have been bringing up the idea of me getting married. It doesn’t help that there are people younger than me in our Muslim community getting married to each other.

My mom really likes this one Muslim guy in our community and thinks we would be a good pair but I am afraid that she has gone a bit overboard. She did some stalking and eventually found his Instagram and Facebook and then proceeded to follow him on Instagram. Luckily she told me within the hour when she followed him and I made her unfollow him. If the roles were reversed, I would have felt very uncomfortable if someone’s parents I barely knew followed me on Instagram.

Somehow he does know my dad and they both have each other’s phone numbers. My dad did end up sending a text saying that my mom wanted to connect with his mom. I’m pretty sure at this point he knows what’s happening.

I'm uncertain about the outcome here, but if it falls through, I'm apprehensive about letting my parents handle future matches. My main concern is my mom overstepping boundaries and acting like one of those desperate Bridgerton mamas. I know she wants what’s best for me but I don’t think she understands where to draw the line.

Assalamualaikum

I'm 30(F)

1- There was a distant relative of mine who was very religious,pious, well educated and well settled.

Proposal came from his family for continuously 3 years .His sisters approached my mom and tried convincing her in good manners that he will take care of me and keep me nicely etc etc. He wanted a religious wife.

I was very very hesitant on taking up this proposal as I felt in my heart that I will not be able to live up to his expectations, also his family environment is different from mine . I am kind of outgoing and have an opinion. I am not sure about him.

Also I felt like his family wanted me as their daughter in law

Later his marriage got fixed and he got married to his cousin.

And on the day of marriage his mother told my mom that his son insisted on marrying me and he kept on telling them to send proposal.It was also difficult for them to convince him to marry his cousin but his sisters forced him to do so.Hearing this I was shattered. I felt like I have lost a gem ,someone who is so responsible and so generous and also loved me.Earlier I was unaware that he loved me until his mom told.

I blame myself for not seeing his good qualities earlier and feel like I will not get someone like him now..

I feel depressed and anxious.

2- I again got a potential proposal where the man was extremely educated but he still required 2 more years to study and till then I had to live with his parents.My parents tried convincing his parents that the marriage can be conducted after he completed his studies but they were not ready .I felt like I will not be able to live with his parents without him being around.Also I felt like I am not that much physically attracted to him.

I rejected this proposal as well.

In both these cases I had the option of living alone with the man after 2 years .

Every one around me says that I am a fool to reject all of this .

I do istekhara and leave everything to Allah.

Things escalate but do not reach climax.

Some how I feel anxious and end up rejecting things.

I feel depressed and uncertain that what if I do not get someone who are as educated and settled.

The whole day I keep thinking why did I do this to myself.

Please advise on how I can come out of this and what should I do

Not looking for a traditional wife, not looking for someone who 'looks after the home'.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNikah/s/4Mjr5Dmkfo

I am in the university rn, and I am going home after less than 30 minutes. It hurts deeply to see her every day like that. I can't continue to see her every single day for two more years, this will destroy me.

Isn't there anything I can do about it

.

Salam all.

M30 here, based in the Middle East. (Qatar)

Alhamdulilah I earn well and take care of myself, in good shape. I wouldn’t say I’m bad looking I’m happy with my looks, only thing is I look younger which I’m pretty chill about.

Been trying to find a partner for ages. Through work,public events, Muslim dating apps but SubhanAllah I have not been successful at it yet. My niya is right, settle and start a family but idk, being patient knowing it’s Allah’s plan. Not mainly looking for advices just ranting but if you got something to add feel free to :)

Assalamu Alaikum everyone. I want to start off my apologizing if this is disorganized or hard to follow. This is my first time posting on Reddit, and I’m kind of just writing from the heart. Please, feel free to ask any follow up questions to better understand. Thank you!

I (18F) did my ktkb with my husband (23M) in February 2026 (about 8 months ago), and we met almost a year prior in March 2025. After we did our ktkb, we spent a week together in an airbnb as a sort of small honeymoon. After that week, I went back to school and he went back to work. He moved into my father’s house around April of this year, and we spent weekends or breaks at his mother’s house.

Personally, I’ve never enjoyed working. I’ve had about 5 or 6 jobs from age 13 to now, all of which lasted about 3-5months (please don’t make fun of me, I was a high schooler). So, me and my husband agreed that he would be the sole financial provider, at least until I finish my AAS (2 years), and then once again once he reaches a good enough place to provide for me and our future kids. I never saw myself as a SAHM/SAHW, but I do enjoy not having to work (at least while in school).

I’m forever grateful for my husband, and I believe with my whole heart that he is as close to “the perfect guy” a man could ever be (perhaps he’s even too good for me…). He’s patient, provides without a single complaint, affectionate, kind, everything a woman could ask for in a man, he is. Alhamdulillah, I’ve found the best life partner I think I ever could, and on the first try.

However, as selfish as this makes me sound (especially as someone who doesn’t work), I feel that my husband works too much. From the week after our honeymoon, my husband has worked quite literally 12-14hrs almost everyday. Depending on which job he was at, he may have had 0-2 days off in the week. The job he currently works is from 9am-10pm, not including the hour plus drive home. This means he leaves before I wake up (on days I don’t have class), and doesn’t come home until 10pm. When he finally comes home, he eats, showers, and maybe we’ll talk for an hour before he goes to sleep. This has been the entirety of our marriage, and it has really taken a toll on me.

My husband does everything for me and is exactly who I wanted in a man. I’m so obsessed and in love with my husband, and I tend to be a bit on the clingy side in relationships, so this has really affected me. I feel awful for complaining to him when he’s worked all day. He often complains that I’m not as affectionate and/or that I always seem preoccupied when he does come home; however I feel as though I spent our entire marriage conditioning myself to be okay with him being gone all the time, and I don’t know how to just snap out of it when he gets home. In the very beginning of our marriage, I would become very depressed and lash out because he was gone all the time. I was diagnosed with BPD (borderline) and I’ve been very open with him since we first met about it (although we both agree this diagnosis may not fit me anymore).

I’m a very solution based person, however this is something I haven’t been able to solve. Am I a bad wife for becoming detached from my husband after months of training myself to not be upset that he’s almost always gone? How to I re-attach myself without becoming depressed and anxious at his absence again? I can’t help but feel my husband deserves much better, and I want to become that better woman for him. JazakAllah Khairan.

Edit:

Alhamdulillah, I’ve received so many beautiful responses so far. Thank you to everyone who has offered their advice. I do want to add a few things for future reference:

- This is in no way, shape, or form me being ungrateful for my husband. I’m 100% aware that I am blessed to be with him. This is me struggling with something internally, and attempting to find a solution so I can be better for his sake.

- I don’t completely neglect my husband. I give him my all despite how I feel, I just want my all to be more than what I have to offer now. I cook for him, I clean for him, I give him all the affection and intimacy I can, and I’m the best wife I know how to be for him; I just want to improve even further.

- I don’t work because I’m in school full-time, and me and him both agree that education is a nonnegotiable priority, full stop. He works so that he can provide for me and his family (he’s the eldest son in a house with no father), and so that I can comfortably focus on my studies.

- I do have hobbies/interests/pass times outside of my marriage, and I’ve been blessed with a father who understands our situation and chips in for me as well.

Assalamu alaikum everyone.

I'm currently engaged (33F and 43M) and seriously considering ending things with my fiancé over something that has been bothering me for quite some time. I would really appreciate some honest perspectives, especially from married brothers and sisters.

Yesterday, my fiancé was telling me about the Jummah khutbah he attended. According to him, the sheikh was discussing how nowadays women are encouraged to get educated, work, earn money, and become independent, and how this has changed marriage dynamics and made it harder for men to find women with the qualities they look for in a wife.

I disagreed with that perspective and told him that perhaps we should also ask WHY women have become so independent in the first place.
Islam has given women rights, including the right to be provided for and protected. But how many women have actually experienced that? How many have been left vulnerable after losing a father or a husband? How many have had their inheritance taken away by their own brothers? How many have witnessed men using religion to claim their rights over women while completely neglecting their responsibilities towards them?

I told him that perhaps generations of women have learnt to become independent because they have witnessed other women being failed by the men who were supposed to “protect and provide for them”. And so they raise their daughters to get an education, work, and be financially capable of taking care of themselves.

But anyway, this wasn't even the part that upset me the most.

He then said something along the lines of "I'm sure the women attending the khutbah didn't like it, even though the sheikh was right. They probably were thinking, well maybe he's quoting a hadith but I don't like his tone, I don't like the way he speaks..." Basically suggesting that women will always find something to complain about rather than accepting what they're being told.

And this is where I completely lost it.

Because this is NOT the first time he speaks about women this way.

He very frequently brings up how women are greedy, manipulative, deceptive, liars, only interested in money, don't take accountability, and always find ways to twist things. Not necessarily referring to me, but he makes these generalizations about women so casually and so frequently.

I've told him before that this bothers me and that I don't appreciate hearing women constantly described this way.

I am a woman too. And I am the woman he's planning to marry!

So naturally I started questioning, what happens when we get married? If I disagree with him, will he see me as another woman who doesn't take accountability? If I express financial needs, will he think I'm greedy? If I tell him that something hurt my feelings, will he think I'm being manipulative or overly sensitive?

I have seen terrible examples of men myself. Men who are oppressive, aggressive, greedy, dishonest, unjust, and who use Islam whenever it serves them. But I don't bring these examples into our relationship constantly. I don't make him feel that he needs to defend himself against the actions of other men. Because I recognize that he's an individual, and I care about how my words would land on him.
And I expect the same in return.

I also don't want to hear "you're different from other women." I don't want to be an exception to someone's negative perception of women.
And frankly speaking, this adds to other concerns I've had about marriage with him. I've previously expressed my fear of becoming an extension of his existing life, where his routine, his comfort, and his lifestyle are what I'm expected to adjust to. And now I'm beginning to wonder whether he sees marriage as two individuals coming together to build a life that works for both, or whether he already has an image of what a wife should be and expects me to fit into it.

I understand that Islam has given husbands and wives different rights and responsibilities, and I have absolutely no problem with that. I believe in القوامة, but I also believe that it comes with enormous responsibility, not superiority. Its not a privilege.
The Prophet ﷺ said استوصوا بالنساء خيرًا and النساء شقائق الرجال.

I just find it so upsetting how frequently discussions about Islamic marriage focus on what women are doing wrong, what women owe their husbands, and how women should behave, while sometimes overlooking the responsibilities men have towards their wives.

And I fear marrying someone who already carries so many negative assumptions about women.

I love this man, and he has good qualities too. I don't want to make him sound like a terrible person, because he's not. But I'm genuinely exhausted by these conversations, and I am seriously questioning our compatibility.

I don't want to make a decision out of anger. Marriage is a huge commitment, and I'm trying to approach this in a mature and reasonable way.

**So I would really appreciate your thoughts:**
Brothers, is it normal for a man to constantly talk about women this way, claiming he’s stating facts and statistics, even when he says he's not referring to his future wife?

Sisters, would you feel comfortable marrying someone who frequently makes these generalizations?

Married couples, do you think these views can eventually affect how a husband treats his wife, even if he currently treats her well?

Am I taking these comments too personally, or is this something serious enough to reconsider a marriage over?

I'm genuinely looking for honest advice, including perspectives that might challenge mine.

Jazakum Allah khairan.

So im not Pakistani nor have i been around any my entire life and now a friend of my father as recommended his daughter for me.

I listen to some Pakistani scholars one of them is my favorite contemporary scholar but i dont know their culture at all. I wonder if there is anything you guys would advice me to know or be aware of.

salam,

As mentioned, I'm a 24M grad student currently doing my MS in computer science. I'm an international student from India and I've had a couple years of work experience in India before I headed to the US for grad school. Alhamdulillah I've been progressing well with my education and navigating the fluctuating visa and immigration news these days. Lately, I came across a sister at school who seemed to match my interests and I'm genuinely interested in asking her. She seems to be from the current state I'm located in. My main worry is that I am here on a visa and I am aware Muslims here are skeptical of someone with internationals since some of them tend to be green card shoppers, but I assure you I'm not one lol. I was not really planning on seeking anyone out here but this sister just got me caught. How do I approach her and assure her that I have genuine interests and not just talking to her for a visa? I really go through hurdles at MSA events to not attach myself to friends/classmates unnecessarily due to this issue but it feels like I'd be stupid to let go of a chance of meeting someone I'm really aligned with. I hope somebody here can help me out, jzk!

Hey, my parents want me to marry someone I haven't met in real life and my family is conservative and doesn't consider it appropriate even after me explaining that it is allowed in Islam. The guy is a family friend and we have talked about 3-4 times, from his pictures I can tell I'm not attracted to him (even a little, like he is below avg in my eyes) and even after talking I don't feel the spark, instead my heart keeps on repelling the idea of marrying him. I am afraid I won't be able to respect him and I feel like he is immature.

Besides these things, he is a practicing muslim and check all the boxes that usually people want like small family, financially stable, good education etc. If I reject him, I'm afraid that next time when proposal come, I won't be able to talk even once and I will have to marry someone I have no idea about. Please don't tell me to talk it out with my parents, trust me I've tried multiple times. They think I'm way too immature to take such decisions and the such people are hard to find which I agree with. Its very rare for someone to tick all the boxes and they say you can't tell a thing about a man's character before living with him but I think that one conversation can tell a lot about how person thinks. Like we can ask questions that reveals his mindset and habits. I have been praying istikhara but my heart is still confused. I wonder how can we assess a man's character in an arrange marriage setup. What should I do?

In regards to 1)

I don't want things to get ugly but I have a feeling she will question me.

I know the right thing is to move on but it's hard, I'm sad.

I need your guys help please. Should I make Istikara before asking? I want to ask her today. Edit: The situations haven't happened, I am asking for advice on what to say or word it if one or the other happens.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am seeking Islamic guidance regarding a sensitive matter related to marriage.

I have a past that I am not proud of. I regret my past actions and sincerely seek Allah's forgiveness and repentance. I am now considering marriage with someone who has repeatedly told me that a partner's sexual past is extremely important to him and that it will always be a deal-breaker for him.

This has left me extremely confused and guilty. I am afraid of losing someone I love if I disclose my past, but I also feel guilty about keeping it from a potential spouse. At the same time, I worry that if I am expected to disclose my past to every potential marriage prospect who asks, it could harm my reputation and expose something I deeply regret.

My questions are:

1. If I have sincerely repented from a past sin, am I Islamically obligated to disclose it to a potential spouse before marriage?

2. If he has repeatedly made it clear that this is a lifelong deal-breaker for him, does that change my obligation to disclose my past?

3. Would keeping a repented sin private be considered deception or a lie in Islam?

4. If I am not obligated to disclose it, how should I respond if he directly asks me about my past?

5. How should I balance protecting my privacy and reputation with the guilt I feel about not telling someone I may marry?

6. Is there any difference in the ruling if the potential spouse has explicitly stated that he would never accept someone with such a past?

I genuinely want to do what is right according to Islam. I do not want to deceive anyone, but I also do not want to expose past sins that I regret and have sought Allah's forgiveness for.

Please guide me according to the Quran, authentic Hadith, and recognised scholarly opinions.

JazakAllahu Khairan.

I'm from a South Asian background, and both of my parents immigrated to the West, but honestly, I've never really cared much about my culture.

I see so many people holding their cultural traditions and identities in such high regard, but I personally don't understand the attachment. I feel like a lot of these traditions are eventually going to die out in the West anyway, so I don't really see the point in going out of my way to preserve or practice them. I don't watch the movies, listen to the music, or wear the traditional clothing unless I absolutely have to. I rarely even speak the language.

The only thing I genuinely care about preserving is my religion, Islam. Even when it comes to marriage, I honestly don't see myself participating in all the cultural celebrations and elaborate wedding traditions. Ideally, I'd just have a small, simple nikah with my parents present and leave it at that. If my future wife wants to practice her culture or maintain certain traditions, I genuinely wouldn't mind, but personally, I don't feel any obligation to participate in them.

To me, culture feels increasingly irrelevant, especially for those of us raised in the West. I also don't particularly care about marrying someone from the same ethnic or cultural background as me. As long as we're both Muslim, share similar religious values, are compatible, and find each other mutually attractive, I don't see why ethnicity or culture should matter that much.

I am (22M) in love with a girl from university, I have secretly liked her for two years, she is cute, modest but unique in her clothing, rarely talks to guys, never post pics on social media, calm, hard working, clever, confident, sport, practicing, and a bunch of other qualities that made me respect her at first, admire her, and in the end got attached without even talking to her a single time in real life! (There were a few very-limited whatsapp conversations tho about university work, but they were too short)

I was serious about her, prayed Istikhara for a very long time, and kept working hard to marry her...I didn't confess, but kept everything inside my heart until the time came

when I was almost ready, I sent one message introducing myself, telling her my emotions in a respectful way, and asking for her father's number to make things official since I don't want a haram relationship

She refused politely, thanking me for my words, but she said she wasn't thinking of marriage any soon, and prayed for me

I asked whether it would be ok after graduation. She literally said "There is no problem, but I don't want to waste your time, I have no intentions to marry in my 20s, still, thank you for your understanding and respect, may Allah help you in your life". I replied by making dua for her and staff but was hurt

A week later, I decided to reach out again, to understand her reasons why she is refusing. I sent one long message, starting by greeting, asking for her father's number again, and telling her that she refused me without knowing anything about me, and I wanted to express myself more to her so I told her my story, from the very beginning, told her why I like her, how I imagine our future together, flirting, and asked her if all of that has no value in her eyes that it even doesn't deserve a second thought?

I ended the message telling her about my work, and emphasized that I don't want a final decision right now, but wanted to discuss things in a halal respectful way, and if she can explain her reasons for me so we agree if it is possible ( I think it is most likely tied to career plans, and I really don't mind if she gave me the emotions I need from her in marriage), and after that I can hear her final say

She replied "I appreciate your words and respect, and I am sorry but my decision is final, I wish the best for you"

I just don't understand did I do something wrong? I just want to discuss things to see if we are a good fit. I didn't demand a final answer, so why is she closing everything so strictly? Did my emotional tone annoy her? Or didn't I seem serious enough, even though I emphasized that many times? Is it my anime profile pic, like I am just confused and don't know if I should try again after some time or just give up

I need advice from everyone especially sisters, and thanks in advance

Edit: some got really angry for some reason. I don't say that she must agree. I don't say she doesn't have the right to decide or whatever. I just say I want her to open up and talk to me, to explain her reasons, what is in her mind, and If there is something wrong with me, I can change it... that's all

​

Genuine question: Where are Shia people actually finding compatible partners these days? Muzz, Reddit, family connections… nothing seems to work. 😂

Is it just me, or is finding someone who shares your faith, mindset, and intention to marry genuinely this difficult?

Would love to hear how others are navigating this.

Asalamu alaikum. I’m not talking to anyone right now, but this is something I’ve been thinking about for the future. I’ve realized that I can be quite emotional, not in the sense that I’m immature, but more that I’m sensitive to the way people speak and act. If a man does something that upsets me, I tend to feel hurt, but I don’t always feel comfortable telling him that he’s upset me. That’s something I’m trying to work on and being able to communicate when something bothers me instead of keeping it to myself. But I am wondering if being emotional is not a good thing and if it'll tire someone out?

Based on your current savings and income, how much mehr are you able or willing to afford or provide? What would you say if you were asked for mehr that you couldn't afford or could afford but you think it's too high?

Also, I once saw a comment that about 3-6 months worth of salary is reasonable for mehr. Does that refer to a guy who has a stable job with a stable monthly income, or just 3–6 months in general?