Calls It

[u/Timbucktwo1230]

[u/Previous-Artist-9252]

I mean this question openly and honestly.

How do you expect your average man on the street to shut down this behavior?

I am a 40 year old man and not anywhere near dorms or fraternities. When I was in college, I was often the young woman getting raped so I am hardly blind the fact that these are common occurrences. However, as a middle aged queer trans social worker, I am not involved with men engaging in this behavior.

Or, to paraphrase someone more articulate than me, if there are good men, they are not going to be in the group chat about raping women. Those groups have already self selected those men out of their social organizing. And I am happy to have been selected out of such peer groups.

[u/tally-strobe → u/Previous-Artist-9252]

This is not an open and honest question.

Starting a question with “How do you expect…” then moving on to “excuse blah blah excuse blah blah” is not an open and honest inquiry.

Try asking “How can I, a 40 yr old man, stop ignoring or contributing to rape culture?”

My answer would be to stop protecting yourself with excuses, stop acting like your history should abscond you from how you’re currently perceived, treat all women — even invisible women — with respect, call out abusive behavior when you see it, shut down offensive jokes and make sure people know that jokes that punch down are not OK. This is enough. You can use your life experience to add to the list.

[u/tally-strobe → u/[deleted]]

Where did I say the list isn’t good enough?

[u/Salt-Lingonberry-853 → u/tally-strobe]

Because in a conversation where we're already being told we're not doing enough, you listed things we're already doing. We do these things and you're blind to it, so it obviously isn't good enough for you.