September through October has been a real nightmare.
I was looking forward to going away and then, all of a sudden, came across a guy in the comment section. Twenty days afterwards we started planning a trip together. Crazy, isn't it? Some things really do occur with hardly any warning.
Go from Rishikesh to Chakrata and then back to Rishikesh. It's almost 3N4D spent on unfamiliar roads, having unexpected conversations, going on bike rides in the rain, sharing playlists, discussing our dreams, experiencing silences, and exchanging little bits of ourselves that we probably don't share with most people.
I had gone in hoping for intensive discussions and answers to many of the things I had been trying to get out of myself, but my mind was dealt a blow in ways I had not expected. Yet at some point I gave up on trying to understand everything and began instead to allow myself to experience it. Just to be present, absorb the atmosphere, and savor what was going on rather than always asking what it meant.
During those four days I considered many things. I made an effort to be attentive to the other person, leaving room for their silences and their emotions as I worked out my own feelings. We talked about our pain, the music we loved, our dreams, and those small moments which probably appear ordinary when you look back on them.
One of my most cherished memories is the decision to go to Sai Ghat in Rishikesh at 3 AM; it was an absolutely great experience. Sorry to the holy people, but we were drunk, lmao.
One of the most pleasant things was seeing someone have fun, even if it was only for a short time, without that usual sadness being over them. There are occasions when you care about somebody and hope you can do more, but you also come to realise that not every situation is something you can remedy. Sometimes all you can give is your presence, and that must be sufficient as long as not asked for more.
I found that I was coming to depend on someone in ways that I hadn't anticipated, and it's possible that they also relied on me in small ways. I believe that I had wanted this more than I realised — to have the feeling that the presence I was giving wasn't completely one-sided.
Two individuals, one aged 21 and the other 26, having known each other for only a few weeks, somehow managed to go on the trip together and then go back to their separate lives with a good deal more memories, a few more realisations, and some things to think about.
I believe that it isn't necessary for every experience to provide you with a definite answer in order to be worthwhile. In some cases, the experience itself is the answer. It may leave you with a better understanding of yourself, a bit more peace, and a memory that you'll be pleased you've made, no matter what happens afterwards.
Therefore consider this as a sign that you should draw up your plans and go somewhere, take the trip, and agree to have the experience; you truly never know what you might find, whom you might meet, or just how much a short period of time can end up meaning to you.
I am extremely fortunate that this has occurred and that I've been able to share it with such a great person! I hope that you too get to have an experience of the same kind that lingers with you. And D i look forward for more such moments lol.
A picture was taken near Sunset Point at The Hosteller, Chakrata\*
~मैं ख़ुदा में मानूँ क्यूँ?
तू ख़ुदा मेरे लिए~