r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/sayta110 • 8h ago
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/P3CU1i4R • 15d ago
Event Matchmaking Event – Round 5
Salamun Alaikum dear sisters and brothers,
We are excited to announce a new round of matchmaking event! As always, this initiative is aimed at fostering meaningful and respectful connections that hopefully lead to marriages within our community.
We welcome everyone to participate, whether a newcomer or a frequenter of the sub!
Please keep in mind:
– Be respectful towards your match (and us!): We want to create a positive, respectful experience for everyone. If you are not interested in someone’s profile after being matched, please inform them politely. You don’t need to explain why, just a simple informing message suffices. Also, if you change your mind and don't want to continue in the event, please inform us ASAP. Ghosting is disrespectful and unacceptable.
– Be precise about preferences: To avoid being matched with someone you’re not interested in, please be very clear and specific in your profile and your personal preferences. The more precise you are about your dealbreakers and preferences, the better we can match you with someone who aligns with your values and expectations. Don’t be shy. Honesty is crucial.
– Communicate with kindness: Always approach your matches with kindness and understanding. Even if you don’t feel the connection, remember that we are all trying to find someone who is right for us. Let’s keep this process respectful and dignified.
Application deadline:
The submission phase will run from now until 11 Oct. midnight (UTC). No application will be accepted after the deadline.
Process and how to apply:
(1) Fill out the submission template: Please submit your profile via the provided template (pinned comment). We need your basic details and preferences. Be thorough when listing what you do and don’t want in a partner. Accuracy is important to ensure we make the best possible matches for you.
(2) Submit via DM: Brothers submit their filled template via DM to the male mod (u/P3CU1i4R), sisters to female mod (u/morpholinoo). The last day to submit your profile is 11 Oct. (UTC), so make sure to apply before the deadline.
(3) We match: Once the submissions are closed, we will carefully review the profiles and match based on compatibility, preferences, and dealbreakers. Matched individuals (both sides) will be contacted by us with the username and profile of their match.
(4) End of the event: We will announce the end of matching by a post on the sub. Note: when the event has ended and you (a participant) haven’t received any message from us, it means we haven’t found a match for you.
(5) Feedback: We sincerely ask the participants to give us feedback on any aspects of the event. It will help us immensely in improving the event for future rounds, Insha’Allah.
If you have any questions or need further clarification, feel free to reach out to us, the mods. Your participation and feedback are highly valued, and we look forward to helping you in your journey to find a meaningful connection.
May Allah (swt) bless you all with the best outcomes, and guide us towards what is best for us in this world and the Hereafter. Kindly keep us in your Duas.
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/_Humble_Bumble_Bee • Mar 15 '26
Discussion [GUIDE] How to see post and comment history of someone who has it turned off so you can filter out weirdos and creeps.
Salam everyone!
I was just going through a post on this sub where a "shia" guy was looking for advice for a girl he liked. He had his post history turned off so you couldn't see his other posts. Turned out he was an atheist who actively hated Islam. Basically he might've been trying to trick the shia girl to marry him when she didn't even knew he was an atheist.
Here's the post in question which exposed him: https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/comments/1rrj3d6/im_done_with_this_cult_religion/
If you go to his profile you actually can't see anything.
A few months ago another guy turned out to be a misogynistic person who believed that women shouldn't have consent in who they get to marry. That person also had his profile posts hidden.
What I'm trying to say is that platforms like Reddit provide anonymity which isn't bad but when you trying to find someone to connect to irl then it can be a problem since people can hide things about themselves. The last thing I want is for innocent women here to fall for some weirdo because the guy kept his profile hidden.
I'm making this guide for those people who want to know how to see the post history and comment history of someone who has it turned off. I'll teach you how to 'dork'. It sound complicated but it really isnt.
THIS GUIDE MIGHT LOOK COMPLICATED BUT IT ISN'T AT ALL. I PROMISE YOU.
- DORKING
This is just a fancy word for saying "I'm performing an advance search using the search bar of reddit or google to find what posts has this person made".
A person might hide their posts on their profile but you need to realize that those posts STILL EXISTS. You just can't see them on their profile but those posts are in fact their on the subreddits on which they post.
I'm now going to teach you how to 'dork' or perform an advance search using searchbar of google and reddit.
1) Using reddit search bar
All you need to do is type the following in the search bar. That's it lol
author:"USERNAME"
or
author: "USERNAME"
or
author:USERNAME
or
author: USERNAME
So for example, if I had my profile hidden and you wanted to see what posts I made, you'd simply write author:"_Humble_Bumble_Bee" Now you can see my other posts. It's very simple. Sometimes nothing might show up, in that case try adding "u/" before the username. You can choose any of the 4 options above. Sometimes, one of them might not work so use the other.
What we basically did here was tell the searchbar to find for specific key words using the search operator "author:"
There's a small caveat here tho. You might not be able to see ALL of their posts. You can see most of them but not all. Like there still might be 20% of posts that'd still be hidden
If you wanna see 99% of their posts then we will move to dorking on the google search bar.
2) Using google search bar
Similar to the above case we'll use search operators to tell google that we want to find this exact username on reddit. When google does that, it automatically starts showing their 'hidden' posts.
Here's what you need to type
site:www.reddit.com intext:USERNAME
or
site:www.reddit.com intext:u/USERNAME
orinurl:www.reddit.com intext:USERNAME
or
site:www.reddit.com intext:"USERNAME"
Here we first define the website we want to search the key word in and then the key word itself, that being the username in this case. You should now see a bunch of the posts and comments from that username.
This is all I have to share.
I hope this guide helps someone filter out weirdos and creeps.
To all the women out their, please take care and learn to use these things. They are very easy. It just looks complicated but you'll be able to save yourself from a lot of potential harm.
Just a reminder that the method above is not 100% reliable. Sometimes you might just not get anything but it's rare. Most of the times, you should be able to see the posts.
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/Titi07-RK • 12h ago
Middle East [24 / Iraq] Looking for a compatible and serious connection
Hi everyone,
Just putting a short intro out here. I'm 24F, based in Iraq. In my free time, I enjoy traveling, exploring new things, and watching movies.
I value a partner who is respectful, responsible, and caring, with good intellectual compatibility. For me, the ideal marriage is built on friendship and mutual support.
If you're also looking for something serious and feel we might be a good match, feel free to drop a DM with a brief intro about yourself.
Thanks for reading
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/Electronic-Sink1537 • 4h ago
US/Canada M 26, Vancouver looking for his better half
If interested, please send me some information about yourself. I prefer people living in Canada. Please only contact me if you're currently in North America, Western Europe, or Australia.
1. Age and Gender
26, Male
2. Location
Vancouver, BC, Canada
3. Religon
Shia Muslim, Looking for either Shia or Sunni Musslimah
4. Ethnicity, and are you more open to mixing?
Iranian (Iranian/Canadian Citizen).
I prefer Iranians, Arabs, Turks, Caucasians, and East Asians.
5. Marital Status
Single, never married.
6. Ideal marriage timeline
Eithin 3-9 month.
7. Some important characteristics I look for in a prospect, which I consider myself to have as well
\- God-conscious
\- Kind and empathetic
\- Adventurous and spontaneous
\- Generous
\- Humble and easy to get along with
8. State/specify your level of religiosity
Moderate. perform all of my wajibāts, eat halal food only, and do not drink or smoke. I also try my best to continuously improve myself as a Muslim, insha-Allah.
When it comes to my expectations from my spouse, I believe that one's deen and relationship with Allah are personal matters. I would prefer my spouse to perform her wajibāt as well, but if she struggles with certain aspects, I would be understanding and supportive, and I would try my best to encourage her without forcing anything.
Regarding hijab and modesty, I try to dress modestly myself, including wearing loose-fitting shirts and pants as a minimum standard. I would appreciate my spouse adhering to a similar minimum standard of modesty. Beyond that, I would support her choice regarding whether or not she chooses to cover her hair.
9. Level of education, and what are you looking for?
I am currently wrapping up my Master's degree.
Any post secondary degree.
10. Do you want kids?
Yes, I love kids and would like to have children in the future. However, I am also not looking to have children immediately after marriage. I would like to have some time to explore life, travel, and experience different adventures with my spouse before beginning the adventure of parenthood.
11. List 3 hobbies, or things you like to do in your spare time
\- A variety of outdoor and physical activities, including hiking, backpacking, ice skating, snowboarding, biking, and fishing.
\- Playing music.
\- Volunteering/charity
12. What are you looking for?
Age: 18- 25
When it comes to marriage I am looking for someone with whom I can share the joyful moments of life and build a meaningful, lasting connection. To me, marriage is not simply about fulfilling traditional roles; I’m hoping to find a soulmate and, above all, a best friend,someone with whom I can savour the beauty, sweetness, and adventures of life.
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/Human-Arachnid-8234 • 11h ago
Middle East US male looking for female open to relocate
Assalamu Alaikum.
I am a Bahrani (بحراني) 46M no children currently living in the US. I am looking to find a wife who shares my ethnic and religious background.
Specifically, I am seeking a strictly practicing, single Shia woman in her 30s from Bahrain, Kuwait, or the Eastern Region of Saudi Arabia who is open to relocating to the United States.
If you feel we might be a good match, please feel free to send a DM to connect and discuss further details. May Allah grant us all success in finding the right partner Inshaa’Allah.
my earlier marriage profile
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/sakinabatool • 13h ago
Question - Help People who went through divorce while still being in love, how did you handle it?
Salam everyone,
I want to hear experiences of people who went through divorce, especially if it was a love marriage and you still loved your partner.My marriage is more than a year old and we have no kids. Throughout this time, I’ve felt like a mistake in my partner’s life and like I’m the reason for all the bad things happening to him. I’ve felt betrayed, lied to and humiliated, but despite everything, I still love this person.
I don’t see a good future for this marriage anymore, and I feel like eventually it will end in divorce. Even if I try to forget how I’ve been treated, I can’t stop thinking that I don’t want someone to suffer their whole life just because they married me.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, how did you handle it mentally and emotionally? How did you move on when you still loved them? I would really like to hear your experiences.
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/[deleted] • 12h ago
Middle East 41 f / uae
Salams everyone
I’m an Arab girl hijabi living in the uae I’m sorry for the mods for not using the template I’m just not comfortable sharing so much information on the main post
I’m looking for marriage and I’m a hijabi
Thank u
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/Humble-Buffalo-2550 • 18h ago
India 27M looking for a best friend for life
SHIA MUSLIM MARRIAGE BIODATA
PERSONAL DETAILS
Age / Date of Birth. 17/04/1999
Height. 5’11
Religion. Islam
Maslak. Shia
Hometown. Hyderabad India
Current Location. Oman
Marital Status. Separated. Details can be discussed privately with a prospective match.
Children - Yes
Languages Known. Urdu Hindi and English
EDUCATION AND CAREER
Highest Qualification - B.Com
Professional Background. Over seven years of experience across banking customer service administration and accounting. Experience at HSBC includes Banking Agent Academy Mentor and Team Manager roles.
FAMILY DETAILS
Father - Accountant in Oman
Mother - Homemaker
Siblings - Younger Brother (Completed his masters)
Elder sister ( QA lead in Amazon)
ABOUT ME
I enjoy meaningful conversations cooking travelling and writing Urdu poetry. My connection with the Ahlul Bayt is an important part of my life. I hope to build a marriage with affection honesty mutual respect and plenty of laughter.
I believe responsibilities should be shared according to what works best for both partners. I am comfortable supporting my future wife in her career and open to being a homemaker or stay at home father if we mutually decide that suits our family.
PARTNER PREFERENCES
Seeking a Shia partner who values kindness emotional maturity clear communication and commitment. Someone with whom I can build a peaceful home and a relationship where both of us feel heard respected and supported.
I am open to relocating to the USA UK or Canada. My long term intention is to settle outside India.
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/MildlyUnsupervised-1 • 1d ago
Pakistan Is finding a Shia match really this difficult? 😭
Genuine question: Where are Shia people actually finding compatible partners these days? Muzz, Reddit, family connections… nothing seems to work. 😂
Is it just me, or is finding someone who shares your faith, mindset, and intention to marry genuinely this difficult?
Would love to hear how others are navigating this.
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/1exp96 • 1d ago
US/Canada M27 USA new here
Salam
My friend has a success story from this sub and encouraged me to post as well. I’m 27 in the USA looking for someone on the USA. I travel a lot for work within the states but hoping to settle down soon. Looking for someone respectful and religious.
Im Arab, 6ft tall, active, close with my family. I value staying connected to my family and want to be close to my spouse’s family long term if possible.
Open to sharing more about myself in dms.
I wish you all the best of luck Inshallah
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/Mirurii • 1d ago
Europe 30F from germany~ Yes, I am still here~ 🥹💜
About me\~
Age: 30 (April 1996)
Origin/Ethnicity: Iraqi-assyrian, born and raised in germany
Languages spoken: german, englisch, assyrian, and I understand iraqi arabic but cant speak it
Level of religious practice: pray 5 times a day, fast, reading islamic books, but I still need to improve lol
Hijabi: Yes
Current residence: germany
Willing to relocate: Nope. And if yes then somewhere in germany but I REALLY prefer my home town in the south near my family
Siblings: 2 younger brothers
Previously married/Kids: Nope never
Occupation: currently student, former legal assistant
Education: studying social work atm
Height (cm): 160cm :)
Physical appearance: I am a curvy woman and hitting the gym atm
Smokes/Vapes/Hookah: Oh God, no. I get headaches just from smelling this stuff - no thx!
Leisure activities: gaming, watching anime, writing, stitching, DIY stuff, reading, drawing, collecting merch, visiting conventions
Your Preferences in a Partner:
Age range: 25 to 37
Origin/Ethnicity: I prefer reverts, especially germans, then arab people, but I just hope that I can harmonize with you
Languages: german would be the best, otherwise english. I cant talk to you in arabic
Level of religious practice: please be at least a muslim who tries to practice
Education: ..have at least a job? Idc lol
Deal breakers: I dont like smokers :/ And someone who just goes for looks and ignores everything else >.>
Other preferences: Hope you are willing to relocate near my hometown..or in my hometown🥲✌🏻 Your appearance doesnt matter to me, its more important to have a good communication, have fun and maybe have gaming, anime or going to conventions in common :D And I hope you got a good sensw of humour\~
Additional Information you like to add: Dont start a convo with "Hey, how are you", send me your full introduction and let me see who you are. Otherwise I wont answer you. Also I prefer someone without children from previous marriages
Oh and..it should be obvious but pls be a shia(!) guy o.o
🤲🏻
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/ShiaSmirk • 1d ago
US/Canada 32M - I am blessed with everything else, I just need to find you.
Assalamu Alaikum,
I am a 32 year-old Shia Muslim man living in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, and I am looking for a wife to complete half my deen. I have spent a lot of my time focusing on myself, and I have built a lot of the life I want to live. Now, I am ready to love and cherish a wife. ❤️🙏
A little about me:
\- I am a practicing Shia Muslim who I'd ethnically Persian-Iranian 🇮🇷
\- Never married, and I have no children.
\- I have my PhD. in Political Science. 👩🏫
\- I am financially stable currently working as an associate professor. I am on track to begin teaching full-time next year.
\- I am a homeowner 🏡
\- Appearance wise; I am 6'2, I wear glasses, I have a full head of short curly black hair (for now), my beard does not connect (yet 😅), I am physically fit, and I have brown eyes.
Hobbies I enjoy include working out at home, reading at a local cafe, playing with my cat, and watching anime.
Regarding Language:
\- I want to be upfront: I do not speak Farsi as when my parents came to Canada, they had a difficult time teaching me and helping me to retain the language. I know this is important to many families, but my primary language is English for the time being. I do want to learn, and I would love it if you taught me 📝
My preferences for a partner:
\- A practicing Shia sister between the ages of 25 to 35 ready to be married within 1-2 years in a MONOGAMOUS marriage.
\- Someone who is fluent in English and can preferably speak Farsi.
\- A partner who values Deen over culture and is looking for a sincere, loving relationship.
\- Ideally, someone living in Toronto or willing to relocate.
\- Shares similar interests as me.
\- Is patient, kind, and loving.
If you feel you match this description and are interested in getting to know me, please do not hesitate to reach out 🙏 Inshallah I will find you here my azizam ❤️
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/AcceptableAide4110 • 1d ago
Middle East 30M
Hey everyone!
I’m a 30Y half Lebanese half Syrien born in beirut but moved out since i was 8 years, I hold Swedish & Russian Passport & DXB residency Card
looking to put myself out there and hopefully meet someone I can build a genuine relationship with.
A little about me:
\*\*Height:\*\* 174, well trained and handsome as people describe me
Education : Master degree in business administration
\*\*Work:\*\* we have family business which is well known and very established between Russia, USA, Europe, Middle East
\*\*Hobbies:\*\* party sometimes, shisha, I enjoy also board games, racket sports, gaming on my PS5, Gym, and watching anime,
\*\*Food:\*\* I love cooking and experimenting with new dishes. Always happy to try something new, even if the results don't always go to plan!
\*\*Loc : Due to work i spend most of my time between Moscow and Dubai, i had a decision to move permanently to Lebanon but since the war started back in the days i changed my mind but I'm still visiting Lebanon monthly as it is my fav spot
I’m hoping to meet someone kind, open-minded, and genuine who values good conversation, a bit of humour, and building something meaningful together.
Whether we end up chatting about our favourite games, recommending anime to each other, challenging each other to a board game, or swapping recipes, I think the little things can make getting to know someone fun.
I’m open to seeing where things lead, ideally with the potential for a real relationship if we connect.
If any of this resonates with you, feel free to drop me a message! Tell me a little about yourself, your favourite comfort food, or the anime you’d recommend to someone.
Looking forward to meeting someone new and seeing where this next chapter takes me. 😊
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/Creative-Escape-5467 • 2d ago
US/Canada 26F | Seeking my co-founder for life
Essential Information:
Age: 26
Origin/Ethnicity: Pakistani
Languages spoken (with proficiency levels): English, Urdu, Dari
Current residence (city, country): Canada
Willing to relocate (if yes, please specify or 'anywhere'): Yes, only USA
Siblings (number and older/younger): 3
Occupation: Tech
Education: Masters
Height (cm), weight (kg): 5'2
Smokes/Vapes/Hookah (Yes/No): no
Leisure activities: I enjoy traveling, stargazing, ziplining, exploring cozy cafes and bookshops, and I'm always on the hunt for a great matcha. I also love decorating my home, fashion, cooking, and spending quality time with the people I care about.
Your Preferences in a Partner:
Age range: 27-30
Origin/Ethnicity: -
Languages: -
Level of religious practice: Moderate
Education: At least undergrad / bachelors
Additional Information: I divorced my ex-spouse due to issues such as drinking and infidelity. I’m a practicing Muslim myself. I wear hijab regularly and am modest + into fashion. In my opinion, faith and personality can go hand in hand - you can stay true to your values while still expressing yourself. I’m kind, open-minded, and always strive to improve myself, while keeping my deen at the center of everything I do.
I'm looking for someone who is emotionally mature, calm, kind, caring, and loyal. Someone who values relationships, communicates with honesty and respect, and believes in growing together through life's ups and downs. I admire someone who is open-minded and strives to maintain a healthy balance between deen and dunya. Above all, I'm looking for a best friend and life partner with whom I can build a peaceful, loving, and faith-centered home. Extra points if you have good and independent decision-making abilities (No mama's boys please - I'm traumatized.)
Ideally, I'm hoping to meet someone based in the US (preferably west coast), or a Canadian who is open to building a future together in the US. It'd be nice if you're in the tech industry too.
If you're very rigid or overly strict in your outlook, we may not be the best fit.
P.S: I'm seeking Nikah/Marriage between one and two years from now. I'd like to get to know you first and see if we vibe!
DM me if you think we’d be a good match. Please respect both our time and reach out only if you’re serious.
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/Ragnar_Lothbrok111 • 2d ago
US/Canada 25M- Looking for Marriage, Canada 🇨🇦
Assalamu Alaikum. I am posting on behalf of my family to seek a suitable bride for myself.
About the groom:
* Name: Will be disclosed privately.
* Year of birth: 2001.
* Location: Currently living in Canada on a study permit.
* Education: Pursuing an MSc at the University of Calgary. Has an excellent academic record and intends to pursue a PhD (later), In sha Allah.
* Height: 5 feet 8 inches.
* Build: Lean and athletic.
* Faith and lifestyle: A practicing Muslim who does not smoke or drink alcohol and eats only halal food.
What I am looking for:
I am seeking a practicing Muslim woman who is currently living in Canada , ideally pursuing her studies or interested in continuing her education. We value sincerity, respect, loyalty, and a commitment to building a marriage grounded in Islamic values and mutual understanding.
We are open to all ethnic backgrounds, including Bangladeshi, Pakistani, Indian, Kashmiri, Turkish, Lebanese.
Interested individuals or families are welcome to send a private message with a brief introduction. Further details can be exchanged privately.
JazakAllahu Khair.
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/plastic_hummer • 2d ago
Middle East 26M | Bahrain | Looking for Marriage
Salam everyone!
I’m a 26-year-old Bahraini guy, 176 cm tall with a slim build. I have a degree in mechanical engineering and currently work in the maintenance field.
A little about me: I’m a pretty chill and easygoing person who enjoys having fun and trying new things. I love traveling, exploring new places, and outdoor activities. Some of my interests include dirt biking, swimming, Muay Thai, and recently surfing.
I like to enjoy life and have new experiences, but I’m also responsible and take my work and future seriously. I’m naturally a curious person who enjoys learning.
What I’m looking for:
Someone around my age (a little older or a few years younger is fine), who’s open-minded, positive, easygoing, and enjoys life. It would be nice to be with someone who’s open to trying new things and sharing experiences together.
Religion-wise, I’m looking for someone who has a balanced approach to Islam, maintains the main obligations like praying and fasting, and values religion without being overly strict. I also appreciate someone who’s educated, has her own goals, and is working towards something in life.
My thoughts on marriage:
I believe marriage is a big decision, and both people should take enough time to get to know each other before committing. For me, compatibility goes beyond having similar hobbies or interests. It’s more about sharing important values and being on the same page about things like religion, family, children, and future goals.
I’m based in Bahrain, but we can discuss the relocation if things work out.
If you feel we might be compatible, feel free to reach out. I’d be happy to get to know you!
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/LovelyLebanon • 1d ago
Discussion Why would a man in his 30s approach a woman in her twenties
Salam alaykum
My sister 21 got a proposal from a man who's 31.
My sister is a mature person and their thoughts align. I am just curious why would a man approach a young woman in her age like what was he thinking? He could have found someone his age
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/xeek29 • 3d ago
Discussion Let's have a healthy discussion.
Aight peeps, let's have some fun.
So, let's assume you talk to someone, you get along, vibe and all's well... The caveat?
Dhum dhum dhuuuuuuuum
They live in another country!
So the question is would you move to another country for a Rishta you met online (could be anywhere)?
Yes - Why?
No - Why Not?
2.a. Is it an absolute no?
2.b. If its not absolute, then what would it take for you to move?
This question is for both genders.
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/TheFoolOfTheGrayFog • 4d ago
Question - Help What Steps Are You Taking To Prepare For Marriage Spiritually Emotionally, Physically and Mentally?
Salam, I’ve just joined Reddit again as I’ve been going in circles for the past 2/3 weeks. If it’s possible, can I get some opinions on how you guys are preparing for marriage and what’s steps are you guys taking?
As much as I love marriage, love having kids, love being surrounded by my own family (not siblings and parents), I’ve been having some serious 2nd thoughts about getting married due to some personal issues going on in real life.
I still want to do my best to become a better husband, partner, father, role model, leader regardless if I get married or not. So please don’t hold out on me about any resources and advice. Thanks
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/Fun-Limit-979 • 4d ago
Discussion Iraqi Shia parents strongly oppose me marrying a French Shia revert - how should I handle this?
Salam everyone. I’m looking for advice, particularly from Iraqi Shias, people in intercultural marriages, reverts, or anyone who has dealt with serious parental opposition to marriage.
I’m an adult Iraqi Shia man. Both of my parents are practicing Shia and follow Sayyid al-Sistani. They have always expected me to marry an Iraqi Shia woman.
I have been seriously getting to know a French Shia revert for marriage. She is practicing for 7 years, wears full hijab, takes her religion seriously, does ziyarat every year to iran or iraq, and we are very compatible in religion, character, values, marriage, and what we want for our future children. She actually encourages me to learn more about Islam and deepen my own religious understanding.
I have spent considerable time thinking about this and I believe she could be a very good wife and mother. I have told my parents that I am not asking them to blindly approve of her - I have repeatedly asked them simply to meet her, speak to her, and judge the actual person.
They refuse.
Their objections basically come down to two main ideas.
First, they believe that people inevitably “go back to their roots.” Because she grew up French in a secular family, they believe that eventually her original culture and family background will become stronger and influence her and our children, regardless of how committed she is to Shi‘ism now.
Second, they believe an Iraqi will naturally always be more compatible with another Iraqi. They say children mainly follow their mother because she spends more time raising them, so unless their mother is Iraqi, my children will never properly love Iraqi culture or identify strongly with Iraq.
They are also concerned about things such as her secular relatives, drinking, Western attitudes, etc.
My response has been that I understand these are things that need to be discussed seriously. I’m not pretending cultural differences don’t exist. But I am Iraqi myself, my children would have an Iraqi father and Iraqi grandparents, and I intend to teach them Arabic, take them to Iraq, keep them close to my family, and give them a strong Iraqi and Shia identity. She is supportive of raising the children Shia and keeping them connected to my background.
What I struggle with is that my parents are making predictions about what she will eventually become without being willing to even speak to her.
I recently told them that I love them and want them deeply involved in my future family, but after listening to them, speaking to relatives and seeking advice, I have decided to continue pursuing this relationship toward marriage. If everything continues to be right between us, marriage could happen within the next several months.
Their reaction was extremely intense. My mother became very distressed, cursed the decision and prayed that terrible things would happen to me, and my father told me I had brought him enormous shame and that I would never find happiness.
A major argument from my family now is that a Muslim should not cause this level of distress to his parents and that parental approval is an important part of marriage. I absolutely care about their blessing and do not want to hurt them. At the same time, I have spent months asking them for one thing: give her a chance and assess her as an individual. They still refuse because they believe there is no point once she is not Iraqi.
I’m now trying to work out what the right next step is. I don’t want to cut my parents off or turn this into “her versus them.” I want both her and my parents in my life. But I also don’t know whether it is reasonable to give up a woman I believe is genuinely suitable for marriage when the fundamental objection remains her ethnicity and upbringing.
For those who have been through something similar:
- Did your parents eventually come around? What actually changed their minds?
- How did intercultural marriage affect your children and their connection to both cultures?
- For reverts/intercultural couples, did the fear that someone would eventually “return to their roots” actually materialise?
- How would you balance serious parental distress with making your own marriage decision?
- Is there anything in my parents’ concerns that you think I am underestimating?
- Am I doing anything haram? I have tried to include them in this decision but I feel they are being unfair to my potential wife and I don't value their blessing while they do this.
I’m particularly interested in thoughtful answers from people with actual experience, even if you disagree with me.
I am in a bit of a rush as I have to move to a new job this new year.
Feel free to DM if you have any advice! thanks!
r/ShiaMuslimMarriage • u/Inner_Musician_3986 • 5d ago