Hey everyone,

I'm in my early 30s and last year got out of a 10 year relationship. This was my first ever relationship and we bought a house and adopted cats together, as well as navigating many big life transitons. Since that relationship ended I've had to sell my house, say goodbye to my cats and the city I called home as well as move back with my mum, there have been alot of significant transitions.

In addition to this, a few months after coming out of that decade long relationship, I casually dated a guy for a year. I just ended this 7 weeks ago though because I was the main driver/instigator of us actually ever seeing each other.

So it feels like from 7 weeks ago was really the first time I've actually started to understand myself as a fully single person. I'm finding the transition hard to navigate sometimes and I'm also in a process or discovering who I am again, after only knowing myself in partnership for so long.

Has anyone else navigated such a significant life change and could offer any advice? I'm a very independent person and I think I'm starting to reclaim this which helps, but sometimes it does just feel all a bit overwhelming after so much change!

Thanks for reading

I’m sure it’s a very common thing, nothings original. I used to make scenarios in my head of meeting a guy, having a romantic back and forth, he sweeps me off my feet blah blah blah. kind of like those old TikTok’s that were cringy af but less cringy because I wouldn’t record and post online, ya know?

But nowwww I make scenarios of rejecting!! It feels amazing to say NO! “oh hey, you come here often?” “yea” “cool. I like your shirt” “thanks” “you’re so mysterious” “yea I’d like to keep it that way thanks *walks away*” something like that😂

After being male centered practically my whole life (34) I feel freedom, calm, peace, and I can choose to keep it that way🥰

Every time I see a social media post showering their significant other with praise and love for their bday or anniversary - but I KNOW these people, so I know the crap they deal with in their relationship. I cannot roll my eyes hard enough!!

I'm so happy to be on my own. I can just focus on my pets, making money, working out, birding, and playing roller derby. And I recently got a puppy - didn't have to discuss it with anyone. I'm safe and comfy in my home. How have you brought love into your life as a single and happy person?

It is projected that by 2030, 25% of adults will have never married before the age of fifty.

This is a very good thing. Keep those rates going, peeps!

Hello. Single, happy and doing well. I plan on staying that way. I’ve never been in a relationship, and marriage isn’t something I’m interested in. What I am looking for is genuine friendship , something consistent and real.

I’ve never had close friends, so I’m starting fresh. I like voice calls, talking about how the day went, sharing ideas, and actually getting to know someone. Just a platonic connection and hopefully a best friend someday.

So if you enjoy music or just random late-night conversations, we’ll get along fine.

It says this

“Death is more guaranteed than my weeding so instead of looking for my soulmate I am going to look for my soul”

For context, I'm 30F & bi, and had major surgery this year, and have a lot of random health problems (chronically ill/disabled). Over the last few weeks I've been feeling increasingly frustrated that every single one of my friends is now in a relationship where they cannot seem to separate their relationships from my friendship with them, so it's been really disheartening for me without my support system while I navigate my life this year. My friends all showed up for me in the beginning, but now we can't even chat on the phone without their partner in the background or having an opinion, plans changing, etc.

I love my friends dearly and for a long time, I've just felt left out because of my health, change in my career, being single (by choice!). So I've spent a while reading posts in here and realizing it's not just me who genuinely enjoys not having a partner, for so long I felt like I was wrong, or there was something wrong with me. No, it was just the support system around me didn't align with what my life looks like.

I've been in a relationship before, it didn't work out and thank goodness for that. I've done the casual situation-ships and it was always ideal for me because no strings attached, until the other person started developing feels despite me making it very clear that I wasn't looking for that. So ironically, I went to a tarot reader recently with my friend who is struggling in her relationship (holy perspective lol) and I felt so validated by the reading I received and the journey I'm on! Despite how hard it's been sometimes, seeing the tarot cards laid out before me was a beautiful thing to reaffirm me that I am exactly where I'm meant to be, and to choose people who choose me (as a support system)!

Today, in my therapy session, I was talking through this and realized my frustrations are because I am doing so much for myself, by myself, that sometimes it would be nice to have help with my health, like scheduling appointments, driving me places, paying the bills, cooking and laundry, etc. but having someone else in my life is simply too much work and energy I do not want to put in, I just don't! I simply just want an assistant or caretaker when I'm medically struggling.

So anyways, my point is to say - sometimes I feel like it makes me a bad person that I just want help for nothing in return - how do you guys balance that thought - especially for my chronically ill/disabled single folks?

I am single and happy!!

I am single and happy because:

1. I'm watching 17 Again on Netflix and no one is kvetching about it

2. I plan on feasting on bbq chicken and rice all weekend

3. There's no pressure for me to get gussied up and go to a bar

4. I have absolutely no plans this weekend but enjoying my home

5. My house is clean, paid for, and peaceful

6. I'm not supporting grown adults

7. It's supposed to be raining this weekend and cooling down

8. I had a productive week at work

9. I fell asleep naturally and woke up before my alarm did this morning

10. I get to sleep in the next two days

I'm single and happy. Life is good!

That is all.

That's all. The relationship with myself for the last decade has been the best relationship I've ever had so today, I celebrate me!! 😀

I hope this is okay to discuss here but as a forever single gal (whose incredibly anxious in general) one thing I've been thinking about more is how to prepare for the long term as a single person. Mainly when it comes to things that people often rely on a partner or family to help with.

For example, I've come across a workbook called Departing Details, which helps people think through end-of-life planning (I know depressing but bear with me) and I've also been looking into things like long-term care insurance. It got me thinking about all the other resources, services, and practical steps that might help me feel more secure and prepared for the future.

I'm curious what other single people have done and I figure this is a good place to ask. Have you found any workshops, books, insurance policies, financial or legal services, communities, or other resources that have helped you feel more prepared to navigate life on your own?

The irritable and antisocial part caused by work (of course lol) and the gratitude of coming home to peace and quiet. No plans, just laundry and watching shows. No In-laws to force myself to visit, no chaotic family gatherings/favors to deal with, no kids to parent, no partner to satisfy. Just me, my clean apartment, my hobbies, my music, my money and my time. Happy Friday everyone 💕

I’ve been thinking about this because of a friend of mine who’s in her mid-40s and going through a lot right now. Honestly, watching her deal with everything makes me feel so grateful that I’m single.

She married her husband when he was still pretty young, partly because her parents pressured her to get married. Her husband has a son from his first marriage. He wanted to be a dad so badly back then but his previous marriage ended in divorce because his ex-wife was supposedly a narcissist.

Fast forward to today, and his son is 25. He was raised by his grandma on his mom’s side and, from what my friend tells me, he’s pretty spoiled. He doesn’t want to work, just plays Nintendo, and keeps asking his dad for money without wanting to help out with his dad’s business.

My friend actually helps her husband with his business, so she’s already putting in work. But now she also has to deal with the problems his son keeps creating. The son borrowed money to buy a used car, and the car ended up having a bunch of problems. More money, more stress, and more headaches for his dad.

And that’s not even everything she’s dealing with.
She’s renting a small apartment with four other roommates, all older men, who don’t clean up after themselves. The kitchen, bathroom, living room, and balcony are often left dirty. Sometimes they even bring people over to play poker.

She’s also going through perimenopause, barely sleeping five hours a night, and has high blood pressure. She has to work to pay for her two kids’ college expenses, and on top of that, she’s dealing with her MIL dementia.

I honestly don’t know how she handles all of this. I feel so bad for her because she’s dealing with so many things at once, and there’s only so much I can do to help.

It got me thinking about how nobody really warns you about these things before you get married.

Everyone talks about love, companionship, and building a life together, but what about the possibility of dealing with your partner’s irresponsible adult children, financial problems, difficult in-laws, or family responsibilities that never seem to end?

You might marry someone you love, but you don’t always know what you’re signing up for when it comes to their family.

Watching my friend go through all this makes me appreciate my single life even more. I live alone, have my own space, and don’t have to deal with someone else’s family drama on top of my own problems. Of course, being single has its downsides too, but at least I have more control over my own life and peace of mind.

I’m not saying all marriages are like this, and I know there are happy, healthy marriages out there. But I do think people should talk more honestly about the realities of marriage instead of just focusing on the romantic side.

Honestly mental health is very important. I’m blessed being single and living independently without dealing with such a shitty people.

I’d like to clarify something: I’ve made a commitment to myself not to actively pursue a romantic relationship (no taking the initiative, no asking strangers for their social media even if I find them attractive or we have a little conversation, no dating apps, etc.). I’m not closed off to a relationship, but I promised myself that it wouldn’t be an important topic in my life so I would not put energy for that. I’m genuinely happy being single, so if someone wants to have a relationship with me, they’ll have to make the effort, because I have zero interest in actively pursuing one.

That being said, two guys have recently shown interest in me lol (one was a hookup, and the other was someone who asked for my Insta at an anime convention).

I started talking to both of them, and we hung out (I’m still conflicted about the idea of going on dates or courtship itself). They’re both pretty nice people, but they each have their own issues:

-The hookup guy is attractive, but he never has time for me. He’s always busy or tired.
-The anime convention guy isn’t someone I’m physically attracted to, and he’d like an open relationship.

The reason I’m sharing this is that I know that, in the past, these kinds of “flaws” would have made me feel stressed or overwhelmed. I would have felt anxious and started doubting myself.

Now that I’ve chosen singlehood, it’s much easier for me to recognize what I want and what I don’t want. I know my standards might be high, but in the past, I would have been more willing to compromise on these things. Now, it’s much easier for me to say, “No, that’s not what I want,” and just feel chill about it.

I don’t feel like I’m missing out on an opportunity. I’m not afraid of being single or alone, and I don’t feel like I should settle for something I don’t really want. There’s something empowering about that, because my relationship with myself comes above everything else.

The funny thing is that, when I was actively looking for a relationship, nothing really happened. But as soon as I stopped looking, suddenly people started complimenting me, telling me I’m pretty and desirable, and started to get looks, likes, attention, and I’m just like… what? LOL.

Have you guys ever experienced anything like this? And you know why this happens?

how are you liking ?

is anyone else single no kids ?

how long have you been single ?

enjoy the weekend

I feel like this time of year can make singleness hit a little harder, so I’d love to hear how everyone here is planning to spend the holidays.

Are you looking forward to spending them alone, making plans with friends or family, travelling, or doing something else?

I’d love to hear from you all! ❤️

just wondering about y'all's experiences. i'm a woman in my 30s. don't get me wrong, i have no interest in dating, i don't really believe in love, i have fulfilling hobbies that i'm very proud of, i take myself on adventures all the time, i solo travel, i go to the movies alone, i eat alone, i hate making plans with others, i dont want to share my time with anyone else, you get the picture.

i don't have friends, by the way, i've let them all go; we reached a point where the emotional costs of maintaining these fraying friendships far surpassed the emotional benefits. i don't feel sad, because life is so peaceful now.

now that that's clarified, the monkey part of my brain still has a strong ~biological~ need for intimacy that i can't reason my way out of. i have toys that i love because they don't make me feel used and they get the job done, but physical touch is very important to me: cuddling, hugging, caressing, falling asleep holding hands, that sort of thing.

and this ends up with me going to spas and requesting for male massage therapists for full body massages. my women therapists have been sweet, but somehow it doesn't scratch that itch of wanting to be touched by someone of the opposite gender.

i like that they focus on me for like 2 hours, massage away my bodily aches and pains, handle my body gently, rub my arms, hold my hands and interlace their fingers with mine, massage my scalp, rub my tummy, and all that in a quiet, dark room and then leave right afterwards.

problem is, it's kinda expensive and i have to travel out of country for it, because where i live, people are not allowed to massage the opposite gender. that means i don't get to have it as often as i'd like, and the costs are much higher because i'd have to factor in travel costs too. hence, getting my needs met through massage is often out of reach.

so i'd like to know, does anyone else have similar experiences with using massage therapy to get their physical touch needs met (in a purely professional way)? does it do the trick?

💡

I'm the property of a cat and the Newsletter Coordinator for the union at my university. I'm advocating that we negotiate for pet leave in our next contract, and I figure I should put this link in. I love having tenure!

Show some love and affirmations 🫶🫶

I’m increasingly satisfied being truly single. All my life I’ve circled men, I’ve been with someone, or at least had one or a few I’ve texted and/or occasionally hooked up with. For the validation. To feel desired and needed and not alone. Since a while now - nothing, and the quiet doesn’t scare me anymore. I think I’m done with romantic relationships. Possibly forever. And it feels… calm.