r/SipsTea • u/sco-go • 20h ago

Feels good man It's funny bc it's true

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43

u/Lobster15s 20h ago edited 18h ago

I heard if you don't discipline your kids the world will do it for you and the world is harsher because they have no love for your kids. So far I have not seen this proven wrong. Discipline should be discipline though, not abuse.

Edit: You can discipline your kids through a stern talking to, cutting off allowances, grounding, allowing more chores or whatever is apt. discipline should be discipline though, not abuse.

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u/anengineerandacat 19h ago

It's a balancing act, but almost every study under the sun says that at "best" you solve the problem at home but you don't actually address the root cause when you hit your child.

I am not here to parent other children's kids (they are all unique, households are unique, and lifestyle is unique so what works for one person doesn't fully work for the other) I have tried it as a parent myself it "kinda" works but usually what happens is that when he (my son) isn't near myself or his Mom he reverts to being a little shit.

What "actually" works is a mixture of telling them in detail why they have to behave, the consequences of what happens when they don't, and the action of you ensuring that those consequences are established in a manner that's not abusive to the child (for my own kid that's basically timeout in his room for a few minutes, limited TV time for the day, limited game time or the removal of it for the week, etc.) and then when they do behave... reward reward reward; don't punish when they do the right thing even if it's only been a few minutes/hours/days you have to teach them and it takes weeks to get it right.

I think a lot of times kids are hit just for the quick fix, it stops the problem temporarily now and then, and over the course of time it hides it from you so it appears resolved but it never actually does get resolved until they are much older and someone outside "actually" explains why what they are doing is wrong.

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u/Square_Detective_658 18h ago

That’s actually a misconception. You can do everything right and still get railroaded the world is harsh and unfair. The notion that you can protect your kids by beating them is asinine. All you’re just doing is inviting domestic violence and an unsafe environment in to your home. People have been locked up despite being innocent. Shot for following police instruction and so on. Beating your kids isn’t going to help them avoid arbitrary sentences, harassment, or police violence

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u/Kurse71 15h ago

Spanking and abuse are not the same, just saying.

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u/Effective-Big8158 12h ago

explain how you think it isnt?

ive said it previously but i think you are spanking a child to cause pain. why? to teach them that pain means don't do something? why does pain have to be in the equation especially with a child you should love and care for?

you wouldn't be able to do it to someone bigger than you or they may overpower you and fight back. a child can't fight back and a much larger adult is angry enough to cause pain to them. that seems like a terrible thing to do to a child.

if the whole idea is to teach consequences for actions, there are much better ways than hitting a child, whether you do it for love or not.

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u/Kurse71 41m ago

Pain is a good teacher. Its probably the best teacher. You don't soon forget pain. That makes spanking an effective discipline tool. That's how nature intended it. If you put your hand in fire, and it burns, what do you not do again? The "other ways" you guys talk about simply dont work. Pain does. See how that works? It seems kind of sad that I have to explain this to what I am assuming is a fully grown adult?

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u/ApocolypseDelivery 12h ago

Semantics are not arguments, just saying.

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u/Kurse71 39m ago

I never said they were. I didnt even say that word. ???

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u/timhamilton47 20h ago

The vast majority of people who spank or hit their kids do it because they’re angry in the moment. I’ve never seen anyone coolly and thoughtfully apply corporal punishment to their children.

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u/Dirk41Diggler 20h ago

My brother does, I’m not sure he’s wrong sometimes

Edit: I think the reason the vast majority you’ve seen are angry in the moment is because the ones who do it coolly and calmly are also doing it privately.

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u/Effective-Big8158 12h ago

Its kind of interesting because you would think popular TV shows back in the 50s and 60s would have depictions of a child getting spanked. I thought for certain Andy Griffith spanked Opie at one point but he never did(at least they never showed it). Instead almost every show involving children relied heavily on teaching morals and showing the consequences of the childs actions.

There is a moment where Opie kills a bird with a slingshot. Andy is upset but, instead of hitting Opie, decides to open the window and show him the consequences of what he did. The baby birds are calling out for their dead mother....

2

u/Disco_Ninjas_ 19h ago

Sister in law bear the fuck out of her kids and they're all successful. I tried to be kind and my kids are mid. Although we have much better relationships.

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u/Spankpocalypse_Now 19h ago

There is no causation here. The prisons are filled with people who got beat.

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u/Disco_Ninjas_ 18h ago

Beat with purpose beyond self gratification maybe?

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u/Ok-Raccoon5590 19h ago

It's a strange paradigm isn't it.

From my experience (and anecdotal evidence) the abuse leaves you with a hole from feeling like you are unwanted/unloved.

As a child some can rationalize it away by saying 'if I was X they would love me'. And if the parents stressors where about money, I can see how the kids response will be 'i need money to be loved'. So I can see how it can create an environment where a child has deep drive to succeed.

Alternatively, kids might just go, 'im not loveable' or not build the drive. In which case the hole is still there, and still hurts, so you try and mask it with... something.

The end result is adults who aren't complete until they build it for themselves.

I often feel the billionaires of the world are like the first example, sad on the inside because they didn't get enough love, but stupid and rich in the outside while they try and fill the hole. They still suck though.

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u/timhamilton47 19h ago

How old are your kids?

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u/Disco_Ninjas_ 19h ago

They still have time. Their cousins are all doing all of the "right things" valedictorian and such. Mine are chill. Mid is probably harsh. Just life goals that are their own instead what what they are " supposed " to do.

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u/timhamilton47 19h ago

They’ll be fine, dude. You’re a good parent.

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u/TheSwearJarIsMy401k 17h ago

Hitting taught me to trade pain to get my needs met. 

“This looks like a ten-spank job, I’m going to need an assistant, I can only carry 3 cookies and 1 cup of water at a time. If mom or dad wake up, nobody knows anything about it but me and whoever comes with me.”

My parents thought kids could live on a cup of yogurt and a piece of cheese for dinner and were always baffled and furious about how often we stole water and whatever we could carry back upstairs after midnight. There were more than 10 of us eventually. We were very hungry caterpillars.

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u/Biscuits4u2 19h ago

Hitting your kids doesn't really teach them to be good people though. It teaches them to be sneaky and that violence solves problems. Just because your parents hit you and you turned out "fine" doesn't mean it actually helped you in the long run.

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u/HappyAnimalCracker 18h ago

Plus not everyone who thinks they turned out fine actually did.

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u/_Im_at_work 17h ago

Well shit, aint this a truth nuke. I went to therapy with my wife for family therapy, but my biggest revelations came when she couldn't make it and I had to talk to the doc alone. One session put my whole world on its head. Got on some medication and became a much much better parent.

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u/TheChiarra 16h ago

I thought I did, then got diagnosed with ptsd.

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u/HappyAnimalCracker 9h ago

I don’t know if it helps or makes it worse, but you’re far from alone.

I’m sorry for the things that were done to you to cause it. Those things should never have happened.

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u/TheChiarra 4h ago

Thank you, it does help.

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u/Effective-Door-3409 18h ago

Doesn't mean it harmed you either

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u/Biscuits4u2 1h ago

Actually the literature indicates otherwise.

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u/Ill-Refrigerator-334 17h ago

True. but the video is still funny and has a point

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u/ghigoli 14h ago

thats why you gotta explain it first.

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u/Biscuits4u2 10h ago

Creepy

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u/ghigoli 10h ago

i do want to point out despite it being a meme above. you shouldn't hit your kids they will grow up to hate you and possible dish out revenge if they're salty.

its only teaching them that if words don't work violence is an option.

0

u/Effective-Big8158 12h ago

exactly! every form of hitting your child, be it a smack on the bottom or whatever, is abuse. there is no excuse for it. i don't care about the gaslighting people do to say that they love their children. you are a much bigger, more powerful person than your child and you are using your anger of what they did to overpower them and beat them to cause pain.

yeah, the world is harsh but finding that out from your parents beating you is in no way a good thing.