r/Suburbanhell • u/DonJohnson1986 • Feb 27 '26

Question Did social media kill suburban status?

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As a kid from the 90's and 00's I remember this is what kept score of who won or lost life. Now there's literally zero status for it in America, just whoever is the latest social media star. So it begs the question why should I have to keep a perfect yard "for appearances" if all people really care about is laying on the couch watching influencers on their phones? You can do that in the trailer park lol.

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65

u/Unicycldev Feb 27 '26

The truth is most people still want this. It’s just not sustainable or the negative impacts are not well understood.

20

u/DonJohnson1986 Feb 27 '26

I don't know if they really do, most young women want an apartment in the city.

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u/Boerkaar Feb 27 '26

Depends what demo you’re looking at. 20-somethings? Sure, apartment in the city. 30-somethings with kids? Then this looks a lot more attractive.

17

u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

In Europe, people with families live in apartments. It's completely normal and even nice. Why is North America so different that anything but a single family homes is shameful?

12

u/PollutionAway9782 Feb 27 '26

we are rude and impolite as a nation. space makes up for it

3

u/zippy_97 Feb 27 '26

Depends where in America you live! Big old homes split into several apartments and purpose build “triple deckers” are very common in New England.

4

u/Nurturedbynature77 Feb 27 '26

I personally like outdoor living. I like my backyard to be an extension of my living room. And be outside watching tv or reading a book with my coffee while the kids run around the backyard and play in their mud kitchen.

1

u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

You can do all of that in an apartment. Again, people in Europe are doing that.

2

u/cheesybugs5678 Feb 27 '26

People in America will go bananas if they see an unaccompanied child playing by an apartment. 

It’s a low trust society, and if you are in the city you are expected to be accompanying your child in public 100% of the time until they are like 12-13 at least or else you are a bad parent, and might get the cops called on you.

So they’re either stuck inside with you in your tiny apartment, or you’re outside with them not completing your house chores. 

If you have a suburban house with a yard you can let them run around there and not be judged for it. 

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u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

It’s a low trust society, and if you are in the city you are expected to be accompanying your child in public 100% of the time until they are like 12-13 at least or else you are a bad parent, and might get the cops called on you.

Same in the suburbs. Or when you walk around while black.

It's a weird country.

2

u/cheesybugs5678 Feb 27 '26

Yeah but at least in the suburbs you probably have a private yard where the kids can run around while you watch them out the window. 

2

u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26

Again: You can do all of that in an apartment. Again, people in Europe are doing that.

Also, people are always so focused on letting kids run around in their backyard. No talk about letting kids explore the neighbourhood or doings sports or hanging around with their friends wherever they want. It's just "keep the kids inside these walls". Why? Is the outside so dangerous or unappealing that the backyard is all they've got?

1

u/cheesybugs5678 Feb 27 '26

You can’t do that in most US apartments with kids younger than 10 without serious risk of getting the cops or CPS called on you. 🤷‍♂️ 

Europe’s culture might be different, but I don’t live there and am not familiar with it.

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u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

You can’t do that in most US apartments with kids younger than 10 without serious risk of getting the cops or CPS called on you. 🤷‍♂️

I know it's a problem. But I am calling it out. Why aren't you demanding better instead of shrugging your shoulders? Do you like this? Do you want your society to be this way?

1

u/cheesybugs5678 Feb 27 '26

Not really, but I also live in a city apartment (in a high crime neighborhood because I’m trying to save money) and don’t have kids.

 Not much I can do. If I go around campaigning for kids to be let around unattended people wound be giving me the 👀. Plus around my neighborhood it’s totally reasonable to not let kids out alone. 

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u/Effective_Mammoth854 Feb 27 '26

I live in Brooklyn and my kids are all younger than 12 and they walk to school, playgrounds, friends apartments, the corner store. All within a few blocks, but that’s definitely the culture here to see elementary school age kids walking around. I was pretty shocked at how much more freedom kids are given in the city than in the midwest suburbs where I grew up. Heck the kids public elementary school lets 4th and 5th graders leave the school for lunch to eat at restaurants or just to eat their lunch from home outside.

3

u/Nurturedbynature77 Feb 27 '26

How can the kids run around in the backyard while living in an apartment? On the deck? Or you mean you go to the park? I like going to the park too but there’s something nice about just walking out your back door in pjs and slippers in private with your coffee while the kids enjoy some outdoor time.

1

u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

How can the kids run around in the backyard while living in an apartment? On the deck? Or you mean you go to the park?

Apartments can have gardens.

It's so strange to talk to people like you when your knowledge of the world is so limited. You should really travel more.

2

u/Nurturedbynature77 Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26

I think your wording of apartment vs townhouse threw me off. In America apartments usually don’t have private yards and will just have a balcony. However townhomes can have a small yard. I did stay at a wonderful townhouse in Bordeaux, France where the owner had a lovely garden in the backyard and she made me breakfast in the morning with her homemade jam where she grew the fruit herself. I remember thinking, yup that’s how I want to live… nice backyard and close to all the things.

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u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

A townhouse can look like an apartment building and vice versa. When you compare these two images there isn't really a difference:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:2019.07.10_metro_California-housing_Blog-post_related.webp

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:School_Road_Stacked_Townhouses_Front_yards.jpg

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u/Nurturedbynature77 Feb 27 '26

The townhomes in your image have a little front yard and some might have a private backyard vs the apartments don’t look like they have a private yard. I’m sure there are exceptions but that’s usually how it is in the U.S.

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u/Boerkaar Feb 27 '26

Apartment gardens are nowhere near as useful to kids as a private yard.

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u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

Based on what? You didn't even know apartments could have gardens until now judging by your question and now you're telling me you know enough about them to act as an expert on how useful they are? Ridiculous.

2

u/Boerkaar Feb 27 '26

Not the same person you were replying to earlier. And gardens (which IME are often smaller than yards before being shared) are less able to accommodate kids and their toys/mess than a private yard is.

Apartments are a great solution for some people but when space is cheap, a private yard is an easy want.

1

u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

And gardens (which IME are often smaller than yards before being shared) are less able to accommodate kids and their toys/mess than a private yard is.

I ask you again: Based on what?

2

u/Boerkaar Feb 27 '26

Because you have to share it, obviously? You’re not going to be able to put a trampoline or store kids’ toys nearly as easily in a quasi-public space like a garden, either because (a) your neighbors will complain or (b) they’ll get stolen. Private land is private land.

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u/AStoutBreakfast Feb 27 '26

Americans are taught to want space and view owning a home as a symbol of success (the American dream…). There’s a perception (unfortunately often correct due to how our schools are funded) that the suburbs have better school systems as well so especially if you have kids there is usually a desire to live in the suburbs.

3

u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

There’s a perception (unfortunately often correct due to how our schools are funded) that the suburbs have better school systems as well so especially if you have kids there is usually a desire to live in the suburbs.

This is a remnant and modern continuation of segregation and white flight.

0

u/AStoutBreakfast Feb 27 '26

Just having school funding at the state or even national level versus the local level would go a long ways toward solving this but of course it would be political suicide.

2

u/UnderstandingOdd679 Feb 27 '26

It would also ignore the realities that admin and staff pay has to be adjusted for local economies, the cost of expanding a campus is not the same in all areas, the amount and price of gas for buses is not the same, etc. Almost no one is asking for more federal involvement in the education system. Many states do have formulas to try to evenly distribute state funds.

But local public services are not equal across all communities. Some towns/counties have better streets, sidewalks, sewers, water treatment, and public safety based on tax base and management. Same goes for education system.

2

u/exogenesis_symphony Feb 27 '26

thank you. i think going up in the suburbs is a big reason why americans are the way they are (lonely and maladjusted)

1

u/meleant Feb 27 '26

If you look at the lion’s share of apartments in the U.S. today, most all of them are 1 or 2 bedrooms. There are relatively few 3 bedroom or more apartments in the U.S. designed for family use. Families here are iced out of apartments because they are not designed for families.

There are plenty of condos with 3 bedrooms, but apartments for families who may need to or prefer to rent? They are rare.

3

u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

I know, the US focuses on single family homes and builds shitty apartments because that is the "American Dream" and then uses that as a reason to argue for more single family homes and to look down on anything that isn't a single family home.

Even though many single family homes are terrible. It's all vibes.

2

u/meleant Feb 27 '26

I’m with you 100%. Rough times in the U.S. of A.

1

u/Boerkaar Feb 27 '26

Land is relatively cheap here. So you can get extra space at low cost. I don’t like a lot of suburban living, but being in a separate house with a yard to just me and my family is a really nice perk rather than having to share walls and amenities with a bunch of other people.

2

u/Prosthemadera Feb 27 '26

But it's not just you and your family, isn't it? You're surrounded by an endless sprawl of people who live in houses that look the same as yours. And that creates problems. It means everything is far away, it means cars are required for everything, it means you cannot leave without a car, children are stuck in their backyard, suburbs are a drain on city finances because they very expensive to maintain and makes relatively little in taxes, it destroy forests and wetlands, it takes destroys biodiversity, it makes areas more prone to floodings.

But people don't think about these consequences. They have their backyard and then they forget everything happening around them as if they're an island.

1

u/Boerkaar Feb 27 '26 edited Feb 27 '26

That can all be true and still be a better option for a family than cramped apartment housing. 

edit: fwiw, the generic suburb like in the OP is a particularly bad example of what can be done, and exurban life with more land is an obvious pareto improvement over something like it.

1

u/The_Wee Feb 28 '26

Also build quality. In some places in Europe, walls are thicker/better insulation. Which can lead to more privacy. In North America with wood/joist construction, you can hear someone in the next room sneeze, let alone other noises.

1

u/SpudMuffinDO Feb 28 '26

it's not shameful at all, but as somehow who grew up in a rural town with a big yard and no neighbors and then moved to an apartment in a big city as an adult... I really didn't like the apartment. Some neighbors were noisy, you could constantly smell cigarette smoke. Even worse, the big city I moved to was not biker or walker friendly (Vegas)

1

u/Prosthemadera Feb 28 '26

I know, living in the US sucks ;)

1

u/MJG9311 Mar 02 '26

crime…..for a long time living in the city is where u found crime so ppl moved as far away as possible with a tolerable commute for work. suburban schools were typically better as well.

i live rural on 10 acres but we often would like to have a nice urban home that’s walkable…. but you’re lookin $1.8m and up

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u/Prosthemadera Mar 03 '26

crime…..for a long time living in the city is where u found crime so ppl moved as far away as possible with a tolerable commute for work.

No. They fled from black people.