r/TMPOC • u/souljni_ • 8d ago
Vent why is this experience so lonely?
/r/FTMventing/comments/1x1kbni/why_is_this_experience_so_lonely/9
u/Dish_Minimum Black 7d ago edited 7d ago
We are barely 1% of the total population
And that includes ALL trans who fit the medical definition (hormones, surgeries, being alive)
So…how many men/masc of color is that? And how many is that in our local areas?
We are rare. Rarer than people who have been struck by lightning more than once. Rarer than people who were born with more than 10 fingers. Rarer than lottery winners. Rarer even than people who openly proclaim they’ve been abducted by extraterrestrials more than once!
If we lived in a world where being trans wasn’t vilified, it wouldn’t be so lonely. We would have easier ways of finding community and hanging out in groups. And more likely to have our friends live to old age.
I’m 45, I transed in 1996. The first time I ever met up with a group of trans people in a public space was late 2010s and they were all white. It was on a college campus in the evening. Billed as a support group. They spent 15 min singling me out to ask if I was really really really certain I belonged there. Then they decided I needed to go because one white gal said she had black trauma and was having a panic attack. So…yeah.
Since then, I’ve been able to meet other trans people of color thru volunteer work with local lgbtq organizations and thru black justice organizations. I’ve been able to make trans sex friends using the apps. I’m living near to a major university with a notable sports team. This amounts to a grand total of 8 trans friends, lovers, and acquaintances of color. Zero my own age. It’s wild being a senior citizen at 45!
You are a rare and distinguished individual. You are not alone. Trans people of color are like stars in the sky. Your community is out there but we are distant from one another. And when we are nearby, we are just like stars in terms of who is a brand new red giant, who is an aged supernova and who is a collapsed white dwarf or invisible blackhole.
Our lights are everywhere shining alongside yours. Do your best to remember you are not alone. If you can, try volunteer work with community organizations in order to meet irl. Or try the apps. Keep trying. Don’t give up.
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u/FabulousKilljoy_037 Afro-Dominican + Euro-American 8d ago
I can definitely relate. Out of the dozens of transmascs I know irl, three have gotten top surgery, four are on full-dose T, and a few are micro-dosing T or have in the past. Everyone else is cissex and/or transine. They try their best understand, and do understand some things, but I might as well be talking to a cis ally half the time. A good number of them (including one of my best friends) aren’t even out socially and don’t plan to come out (which is fine!) I’m the odd one out; I fully pass as male, all my documents are changed, etc.
The only other transsex Latino guy I know irl won’t answer my calls or texts. Every other transsex guy is similarly hard to get a hold of. It’s really lonely sometimes, and the loneliness gets more and more apparent the closer I get to top surgery (T-6 days). I had a long conversation with another transsex (FTM) enby butch lesbian the other day after a sapphic party, which made me realize how badly I need a friend who understands the specifics of dysphoria, sexuality, and the medical side of things.
(All transmascs and enbies who don’t or can’t medically transition are totally valid! I am not a transmedicalist!! This is just my experience with transitioning.)