alienated myself from the local trans community by prioritizing interacting with people who aren't racist. this is a vent but im open to advice, commiserating, etc.

ive been a big part of my local queer community. specifically the trans masc and gay community. a lot of it is that i've worked in healthcare for a long time so i have a lot of information to offer in that sense and it's been my joy to do so.

a few weeks ago i left a big trans server thats for our local community (while i have hold of a different resource for our local community).

there was a few reasons. but chief among them was the constant hostility and disrespect and lack of grace that white trans fems treated me with. i was ignored to my face whenever i shared information or answered questions. i was constantly subjected to microaggressions. other poc were subject to microagressions regularly as well but no one was willing to stand up for them. people were using 4chan language that uses racial slurs.

i had to listen to white vegans talk about how you're amoral for eating meat and that it was 'harm reduction' while berating me for saying that veganism is not accessible to everyone, there are ethical sources of meat, and vegans don't get to have a moral stance when they don't care about the slavery that goes into food. i was told how i was being aggressive and how i didn't understand harm reduction and how 'it is accessible bc many poc developing countries are vegan' which isn't even.. true?? and i said i dont like when people use poc as a gotcha while ignoring poc perspectives. basically i got mass blocked for that.

less serious but other people would constantly be complimented but i would be ignored and when i wasn't ignored it was white trans fems telling me how 'they wish they could have my body.' which was just really gross about my identity as tm but also im tired of white women lusting for poc/woc bodies when they don't support us. this ended up bringing feelings to the surface about how much of white TF's gender goals are deeply racist and bioessentialist. i was tired of hearing about how they wanted to be curvy but hated body hair. how they had womb envy but didn't want to be fat. how they loved!!! curly hair but didn't want to tan. how they were jealous i didnt get sunburnt but were icked by my hyperpigmentation. you don't love us... you just love what you can take from us.

worst of all though, every time i talked about my culture or religion one individual would come out just to insult it. she joked about how my people are scammers and how my people are inherently misogynistic and so on. there was a fallout around it that basically turned into 'this is a personal issue and leave each other alone.' i finally broke when i said something in a private/unrelated space that had some of the moderation team. i basically was just venting about how i had this girl blocked but she was following me around the server (and always implying that she'll be at some events ill be at to make sure i dont' go) and she would force me out of conversations by being passive aggressive or instigating/insulting me/my identity/my beliefs and how i was just really frustrated that i wasnt allowed to engage with my local community that i'd put a lot of love into. i got told 'well don't reply to her, you both arent allowed to speak to each other' but ??? she enters conversations I'm in all the time and I've NEVER replied to anything she's been in. the second she enters a conversation i'm in, i leave it. this was handwaved as 'well i was just joking' but i was later told by a different moderation member that basically 'they were scared she would instigate me to reply to her and they would have to take moderation action against me which they didn't want to do.' but ..... why isn't your white tf member harassing one of the only tm poc in the server not.... against your rules of bigotry. why do i get punished if i defend myself, which i had at that point spent 6 months not defending myself out of respect for their space. i said i didn't like that i was being held to the higher standard, they said 'youre not youre both not allowed to directly talk to each other' but isn't pushing your poc members out of conversations like... You know. Bad?

after i finally left the server, she went to the moderation team and asked why people had her blocked and why there was always drama about her, implying that i was turning people against her when all i did was just try to avoid getting harassed. they joked about it to me but never actually told me that they would ask her to leave me alone. i just snapped and said thats IT i don't care about this or your community, don't tell me anything anymore.

the moderation stance is basically that people can learn to be better from racism/microaggressions and it's not a safety issue. but i felt scared and unsafe all the time. how is the constant racist rhetoric and getting literally followed around by a white tf not a safety issue?

it kind of just breaks my heart that I was so excited to create all these resources projects for our community but ended up giving that up and leaving all together because i don't want to help people who hate me.

i don't know what i really am trying to get across here. i guess i just feel hurt. i also just feel like i was being unreasonable. yes i agree people can grow and be better, but does it have to be at the cost of the poc in your community? i don't know. i just feel like i don't want to be involved with most of these people at all anymore. i have a lot of friends outside of this so it's not a problem, but i'll have less trans friends. mostly, i wish i had more poc trans friends i could go out with in my local community but i haven't found that yet.

hi everyone

i know a lot of people are told, early on in transition or self-discovery, that they are wasting their starting features by transitioning.

i feel (and have been told) like the inverse of that. although some of it is rooted in others' racist perspective, i have been called a waste/coward/[various derogatory nonbinary words] for living in an androgynous way and not conforming to hegemonic masculinity, because i am tall, hairy, have a deeper voice, flatter chest, darker skin, larger hands and feet, etc., especially after medical transition.

i probably could have fit in easily with cis men (based on looks) and maybe been more useful or helpful that way. however, being traditionally and exclusively masculine felt unnatural and unachievable for me. i never assimilated into cis male peer groups. i feel like i failed, or like i am useless to the community, because i couldn't do that.

now, i am internalizing negative messages about being nonbinary, as if my strengths and abilities to help others can only exist in the context of a binary gender. i feel like i am abandoning community and doing some selfish decadent thing by presenting androgynously and making myself useless when i could just "be a boy" in order to lift weight and defend people from threats.

i don't know if i make any sense. i just feel like a complete waste with nothing to offer anyone, because i couldn't make myself be more binary conforming. i don't know if anyone else can relate.

if there’s anybody here that’s on the topical gel and wears kt tape, do you put the gel on before or after taping your chest (knowing thats where you mostly put it on)

i’m thinking about going on the gel as soon as i move out but if i tried that idk if the adhesive will slip off of the gel or not. i also think that i wouldn’t have enough space to put it on once i’ve done my business plus it could interfere with the magnesia i’ve put on my chest as well. all of this is hypothetical though so your input is very much appreciated.

btw sorry if it seems like i’m not making sense lol

TW for period talk and whatnot. TLDR at end. Sorry for the long rant/discussion!

So before I started T, I never really had periods. I have PCOS/PMOS, so for half a year I'd bleed, the other I was free of periods. I usually only had severe bleeding, no cramps or anything. My oldest sister has adenomyosis and my other sister has suspected endometriosis. I'm not surprised if I have one or the other of these, since they're co-morbid with PCOS/PMOS.

That was until the last period I got on T, which left me bedridden in severe pain. I literally couldn't eat because of the pain and I was practically crying for an entire week. I was bleeding so much more than usual too, I had to change my ultra tampons every 30 minutes.

Now, since then, I haven't had any periods. That was a few days into starting testosterone. I've only had breakthrough spotting, but not enough to be dysphoric about it. I recently started birth control and everything has been good. At least until last week.

I use Xulane patches, which if you dont know, you apply a patch once a week for 3 weeks and the 4th week, you're "patchless" so you get your period. I used to take these ages ago when I was younger, so I already knew what to expect. Despite not having cramps normally, these patches gave me all the "normal" symptoms of a period. It also helped me regulate my cycle.

HOWEVER, what I WASN'T expecting was to start cramping the week of my 3rd patch! This never happened to me when I first used these! The women in my family usually start feeling symptoms a week before they get their period, and I started having severe cramping a week before, like them. I haven't applied another patch since I haven't been able to get them, but I haven't gotten a period like I would have had I not been on testosterone. Despite that, I'm still getting severe cramping, and other period like symptoms, minus the bleeding. I want to know if anyone else has had this happen to them. It doesn't have to be with the patches, I just want to know if anyone has had this general experience.

TLDR: Trans man on testosterone experiencing period-like symptoms on birth control despite no actual period.

im genuinely so frustrated that i cant change anyone’s perceptions of me no matter what. im starting to notice it in real life. men of my ethnic group are already treated like a fucking joke and on top of that im trans so it doubles whatever theyre already thinking. when the hate comes from other minorities too it lowkey bothers me even more than when it comes from white cis people bc i know they never wouldve seen me as a human being in the first place. at least before i myself even knew i was trans i could rely on community within my own ethnic group but now i cant count on that like i used to😕

(Hope this isn't a stupid question, I've never been to the US)

I'm currently studying in the UK and my university offers exchange programs to other countries. One of the only options for my degree is going to the US (New York specifically), which sounds great except for the current political climate over there... I'm visibly queer/trans and Chinese. I know New York is generally a progressive place but I'm still worried about my safety if I go. Any advice would be really appreciated, thanks 🙏

Hi guys please 🙏 and please help get out of this transphobic country 😭💔, please donate even if it's very little it means life to me if you can't donate please share the post to some who can 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Lmfao so many of my friends don’t interact with me anymore now that’s im transmasculine as opposed to when I was just feminine nonbinary & I just couldn’t care less. Idk if they’re scared or disgusted but a part of me wants to make people as scared or disgusted by my existence as possible like IDGAF! I look cool, my close friends think I’m cool, & I’m having fun. It’s just annoying when I’ll post a selfie & suddenly none of my friends like it but if it was a year ago & I had eyelashes on & long hair they’d be hyping me up calling me pretty. Like damn these cis women r STRICT!

That's all there is, really. I was waiting outside the pharmacy for my partner, who was getting my medication for me. I was on my phone, next to a potplant in a small shopping centre where many elderly people shop. Got my arm tapped by security, looked up from my phone and he asked "what are doing?" And I explained the above to him. He asked me again, I repeated myself again. He walked off, but wouldn't take his eyes off me.

Hey guys! 👋

I posted here a little while back about TMSC (Trans Men of So Cal), a private Discord community I started for binary trans men ages 25+ in Southern California.

It's been great connecting with other guys in the area!

As a Latino trans man, I'd especially love to see more PoC join us and bring their experiences and perspectives to the community.

The goal is simple: make friends, share experiences, talk about everyday life, and hopefully build some real-world connections with other trans men around SoCal.

We're still a small, growing community, and we'd love to have more guys join us!

If you're a binary trans man age 25+ living in Southern California (or planning to move here soon), feel free to DM me for an invite! 🤝🏳️‍⚧️

Tw:probably internalized transphobia

I've been on T for 5 months now and I'm in this weird phase where I don't really look like a girl, but I can’t pass as a guy either. I have a feminine voice, but I also have a visible mustache, a short haircut, and bad voice cracks. Lately I've been feeling this immense pressure to conform to eurocentric female beauty standards. Not in a detransition way. I'm happy about the changes on T of course. But the only way I could describe what I feel like sometimes is like some freakish lumpy thing. Like I'm grotesque. It feels like body horror. It's gotten to the point where I'm thinking of shaving my mustache, straightening my hair and putting on makeup until my voice drops, just to look like someone pretty, even if it's not really me. Because right now I just feel like an ugly girl instead of a man. And being brown on top of ugly in a small town in the south just sucks so much. It makes me feel like a freaking alien. Has anyone ever felt like this before? Any advice would be helpful.

TLDR:I want to look like a man but I'm stuck in between and not in a good way and maybe it would be easier to just be one or the other. Help?

Acknowledging and living in this quarter of dangerous, white supremacy, hierarchy hurts my soul, but it allows me to be intuitive and not as susceptible to bullshit. I feel like I'm learning to harness my power for good, instead of being soley saddened by it. Maybe it's just therapy kicking in.

I'm glad that my girl friends feel safer when walking around with me. I'm glad that people don't bother me on the street. I'm glad I'm able to discuss or pressure people about their feelings and actions. I'm glad that my in-adherence to patriarchy makes people rethink the way we judge each other based on learned fears.

Working through a ton of internal racism, ableism, and lack of socialization I picked up by growing up where/how I grew up.

sorry this is such a long rant guys, it was FUCKED UP.

to preface, i live in the midwest and prior to this incident, i had been on the east coast for a month (i love east coast culture compared to "midwestern nice"), and this happened hours after i came back to the yt jail that is the midwest. also my friend and i wear kn95 masks because im immunocompromised and i do everything i can to prevent getting sick when i travel; this comes into play later. i'm also adding a photo of what i was wearing that day so you all see how insanely transphobic this woman was. it's impossible to misgender me if you hear my voice.

my yt friend (femme nonbinary) and i (brown trans man) were checking into this hotel. i could tell the yt woman receptionist right off the bat was racist, she refused to greet me, look me in the eye, or even acknowledge me. i looked at my friend conveying this woman was racist. they got the message from my look.

the woman then keeps saying "what" to what my friend is saying, i let them repeat it a few times, and this woman retorts "it's because of your mask" (not true) so i take control and project my voice so she can hear as she had moments before said she had trouble hearing my friend.

so i'm politely relaying the information my friend is telling me at a slightly louder volume than i would usually, and she responds as if i don't exist at all, she only talks to my yt friend.

at this point im a little irritated from several days of travel by train and a lack of sleep and now this woman has the nerve to be obviously racist. she keeps typing away, as if she's making "progress" on checking us in. she types for maybe a solid five minutes and i make a joke about how it must suck to do that much typing all the time and how it reminded me of my previous job at the library. she ignores me.

she then asks my friend whose name is on the reservation, my friend has a very feminine name. she asks "ok which one of you is [feminine name]." and by this point, she has heard me speak. she has seen what i look like, which is very obviously a man. i haven't gotten misgendered in years at the point. and im like ok that's like a pretty strong microagression but whatever.

she then proceeds to point at me (not look at me) and say "well what about her?" and im so confused so i look behind me, but this woman was talking about me. my friend goes, "oh you mean him?" (meaning me) she goes "yeah HER" again pointing at me.

at this point im irate, so i say fuck it and pull down my mask. from two days of travel i have a pretty obvious five o clock shadow, i also keep a pretty tidy moustache. i go, ok so you see this? she still refuses to look at me. by this point i am so angry i get to the point of anger that blends into a calmness, so i take out my id and point to the M marker. i ask if she can read, i say "can you read this back to me?" she again refuses. she continues to refer to me with she/her saying i'm threatening her.

i then proceeded to request she look me in the eyes and tell me honestly that she really thought i looked and sounded like a woman. she then flicks her eyes in my direction for the briefest of seconds and says "it was an honest mistake" in the most yt woman victim complex voice i have ever fucking heard.

i then ask to file a complaint because this is an absolutely disgusting way to treat someone, let alone a stranger she just met. she lies and says "well i'm the manager" i go okay, how do i go about filing a formal complaint. she says "well actually i'd have to call the manager but everyone is asleep" i go "ok that's nice, i'm going to file a complaint." i ask again for the manager. she finally calls on her phone, all the while avoiding eye contact and talks about me with a mixture of she/her and they/them to the manager she allegedly is on the phone with. i correct her every time, saying "he, it's okay to say he" i admit i was being a bit blunt at this point, but the woman refused to both look me in the eyes and use he/him for me. she then says to the manager that i am threatening her. i am standing two feet away from her and there is a desk between us at the point. i have been calm and fairly reasonable up until this point. she cowers in the corner for effect. she says to me "it was an honest mistake." while commenting on how she "couldn't see" my facial hair.

she then hang up the phone (which it doubt was an actual phone call), and proceeds to threaten to call the cops on me. not on my yt friend. call the cops on me. she then says if we don't leave in the next five seconds she will call security over and call the police. i tell her she's a disgusting racist and she can eat shit. we then promptly leave.

i genuinely hate the midwest and im trying to figure out if this is grounds enough to possibly pursue legal action against this woman. thank u for reading <3

I realized after some thought that I'm more Non - Binary person.
can I still do t or Nah

My voice is starting to change and it’s sad bc I don’t have voice dysphoria. I’m also in the process of caring for my best friend that as a poor diagnosis. When I look back at old videos of us. I can see them and also had my old voice. I paused T for awhile to figure this out. Any idea on how to say goodbye and deal with grief or pre T voice ? I’ve had m top surgery and hysto, I kept one ovary. But it seem with T I’m running into this issue even on low dose. My doctor wants me to T levels to b higher for better bone protection, but if I increase my dose. I’m sure it’s gonna increase a voice change. I’ve also been having lost of pain from the voice change and will see an ENT soon.

I lowkey miss some of the privileges girls get now that I’ve transitioned. It feels weird too. Like before it was a girl boss moment and now it’s a dude doing dude things. For instance, building furniture. It’s impressive regardless of gender but for some reason it feels like it’s less impressive when a guy does it…

There’s probably some sexist thought in there that I haven’t dug out yet but it’s a weird feeling of loss of something I didn’t even want in the first place…

I'm coming up on my first full year on T, and the hostility from queer white spaces is insane!!! Before I started T I was very accepted and considered almost tye "friendly neighborhood spiderman" but I feel like as a started to become more masculine those same spaces are starting to almost demonize me and outcast me without reason or explanation. I've noticed most hostility coming from gay white trans men specifically. Wtf is this about bro🤦🏿‍♂️

Keeping it lgbtq+ space only! I posted days ago about transmasc arabs and seeing the responses were really uplifting; I thought it would be cool for us to connect (please PLEASE keep it 18+) and just be able to update one another on life or projects or transitioning. Lmk if you're interested! The servers all set up but there's no one in it lol

So one night two weeks ago I was taking inventory of my t gel and I notice I have a box of t and a pump. I want to use up the rest of the gel in my pump but I’m also feeling frustrated about how slow progress has been. So i decided to do six pumps of gel ontop of a 50 mg packet and I just sit down for a minute while it all absorbs into my skin. I immediately realized my impulsive mistake and I sit with my stupidity for a moment. My heart starts racing, I start sweating, I’m just drinking water wondering if I should go to the hospital. Then I remember that bodybuilders take this amount and more every single day and I’m not gonna do this again so that calms me down a bit. I go to bed and wake up expecting to start my period that day but nothing happens, my levels somehow survived that. Wrong I’m now talking with a much deeper voice and have been dealing with cold symptoms for the last week and a half.

Worth it cause this removed my voice dysphoria but at what cost cause I wanted to hide my medical transition from family now I can’t.

Please feel free to donate and if not please share it others 🙏