r/TrueChristian • u/Puzzleheaded20008888 • 11d ago
I am sinning and need help
I am 18, living in Canada, NS. I was born a girl.
I have for years felt like I should be a boy, I have cut my hair short wrapped my breasts till flat and have even been in a relationship with another woman.
I have since tried to find my way back to god. I have preyed but nothing seems to get rid of the thoughts I have. I’m now in collage and have once again cut my hair short and started wrapping my breasts again, I tell myself I’m just trying to not come off as ‘sexual’ but that’s not the truth.
What preyer can help me? I haven’t gone to church in a long time so I do not know if there are any truth Christian churches near me.
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u/Deep-Equivalent-808 11d ago
Well confessing is a good start. The Bible says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16 NIV). So we will pray for you, and also pray that God leads you to the right church:)
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u/Puzzleheaded20008888 11d ago
Thank you, I’ve never had so many people pray for me, it truly means a lot, and I’m going to try my hardest to change these things
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u/Deep-Equivalent-808 11d ago
You’re welcome! Just remember that “God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him” (Philippians 2:13 NLT). I say this because I don’t want you to put the burden on yourself to make yourself change, and then go on to feel shameful when your efforts aren’t working. God knows how to give you the desire and the power to do what He wants you to do. Don’t put the pressure on yourself to change you. God is the one working in you. “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns” (Philippians 1:6 NLT).
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u/BinkusTheTrinkus 11d ago
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this.
A quick Google search should point you in the direction of a healthy, Biblically-based faith community in your area that would love to come alongside you in your struggles. It's more than okay to not wish to attend a congregation that is either too permissive or takes an ungraceful stance towards individuals with gender dysphoria. Finding the root of our identity in gender expression is a worldly pursuit that ultimately will never lead to true fulfillment... but finding our identity in Christ is truly amazing to experience. Also, to a large extent, there's nothing wrong with not conforming to female stereotypes, so long as you don't go too far in the other direction. Living as a single individual is an underrated but incredibly honorable thing (1 Cor. 7:8-9, 7:25-35) and by no means condemns you to living a lonely life. Seeking out abundant life in a close-knit, Christ-centered community is God's vision for human thriving, whether single or not.
Stay strong, I'm praying for you 🙏
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u/Resetti_Surveillance 11d ago
Hi, I am a detransitioned woman. As in, adults led me to transition while I was still a minor without my proper informed consent and I continued to live that way (transgender) until my early 20s when I came to God. I am in my late 20s now, and I still have these feelings from time to time but I understand how transitioning ruined me.
I will say first and foremost, majority of gender dysphoria cases are brought on through a combination of social media presence, trauma, isolation, insecurity, and especially OCD.
That OCD-style thinking of behaviour is especially true. I suggest looking into how OCD-style thinking works, whether one actually has the disorder or not. (I know many trans people do).
The reason your feelings are hard to "cure" is because you keep feeding the fire every time you pray about it. I'm not sure how familiar you are with OCD, but the cycle/loop needs to be actually stopped. For example, if you're anxious about whether a door is locked, you're technically feeding the cycle every time you repeatedly check that the door is locked. The more emphasis you place into ridding the thoughts, the more you're feeding the fire and the more presence those thoughts will have in your life.
Prayer will not help if you're trying to pray away the thoughts. Focus on positive prayer, such as "thank you God for making me as I am" of "thank you God for these weird experiences, I may not understand them at this time but I'm hoping to one day". Every time you're focusing prayer on not having the thoughts at all, you're feeding the fire. It's like me telling you to not think of a purple penguin right now; obviously, that will only make you think of it harder.
Second, I urge you to stop utilizing social media that is adjacent to promoting such things. These communities tend to change people. If you check out the r/detrans subreddit, you will see there was a post relatively recently talking about how even "normal" people will go down these rabbit holes and think they are "trans"-- it's really hard to explain. You'll have to see it there. I suggest going through that subreddit in general, actually. You will get a better understanding of things all round, I suspect, when it comes to modern day notions and falsehoods about transgender ideology.
Third, I know i'm circling back to this, but please look into OCD style thinking/behaviour. Maybe you already have a diagnosis of that, I don't know your history, but this style of thinking is the main culprit in many people who struggle with these thoughts to the point where there is even a term called sexual/gender-OCD for a reason lol.
Fourth, please get active with your church again. Isolation is a huge exacerbator of these sorts of thoughts. It is very easy to get into our own heads too much. They also say that "you are the top 5 people you spend time with" because humans influence one another easily (or something like that). My point is, it might be a good idea to surround yourself with those you wish to be.
Lastly, I am always willing to DM if you need additional information, resources, etc. I can't promise I can help everything, but I have been through this and seen many people who have been on this same path. The other comments here are nice and good intentions, but it's hard for people to understand that this isn't just a simple sin problem, it's typically rooted in many other things.
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u/Puzzleheaded20008888 11d ago edited 11d ago
When i was younger, about 11-12 or so is when i really focused on these feelings, and by 13 i had broke down to my mother (who was supportive) but she knew nothing of my faith as it was my father and his family who raised me religious.
I honestly felt good after a while, i started conforming to more masculine styles. But eventually the guilt came back, and by 15-16 I was “praying it away” I got a bf (short lasting) we broke up about a month ago and only dated for about 3 months. But before that I liked him and he liked woman, so I forced myself to fit those instead. Grew my hair out, dressed for feminine and when I look back at those time I don’t like it. After we broke up I felt like I could be like this again, but being like this is not okay, it’s wrong and against my religion and family/churches beliefs.
I cut my hair again, told myself it was just because it was getting messy, I stated binding my chest down, told myself again, that it was just to stay away from prey-full eyes. (I have sexual trauma) so it made sence. But I was lying to myself and knew/know I am. I look in the mirror and like my short hair but hate everything else, I have these thoughts everyday, how I wish I was a guy, who could wear whatever I wanted but was a man. And I feel childish and very selfish and a long list of other things.
Sorry I kinda dumped this all out, but I thought maybe it could help me, or help you understand more.
I have diagnosed cptsd and major depressive disorder so maybe that has something to do with it all.
Reason this is all coming up is becouse I started collage, I have a woman in my class who grew up religious but is now out as queer. She is happy and that’s cool and I’m supportive. But it really brought things down on me and made me feel all of these things. Sinful.
I think of the future and I feel happier thinking of me as a man instead of a woman.
I purposely stopped taking my birth control, which I took becouse of my severe cycle, very bad pains unable to walk, and heavy flow (which is a weird mention sorry) but I stopped to force myself to feel all of that pain again, a reminder that I’m a girl and I cannot change that. And I know I cannot change that. Sadly that didn’t help me much, so I continue to find ways to try to accept myself. I’m scared I’m going to have to force myself into a lifestyle where I must pretend to be happy in this body, to be a perfect woman to a man. Maybe if I find someone I love, that will force me to stay feminine, or whatever you’d say. It worked in my last relationship even though it didn’t last. But kane the next one will. Though I know that’s probably not a great way to live.
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u/AtomiauRt 11d ago
Tbh, I think that the answer rezzeti gave is awesome, but yes, even after all of that process, it can still be hard to get out of these toughts.
I would say, focus on the part of Focusing on Jesus. Focus on your relationship with Him, try to get closer, not only in church but in prayer, as rezzeti said, grateful prayer, ask for God to guide you and deliver you from all darkness, yeah, but dont focus precisely on that issue, God already knows what you need okay? ❤️🩹
It will take its time, I mean, its a lifestyle that u have been carrying a lot of time, but it does not mean it is impossible, God knows your heart, He knows you want to be transformed in Him, so... trust him.
Remember its not about what we have done, but what Jesus has already done.
Guilt does NOT come from God, that just forces you to think more about it and feel like you are far from God or not worthy.
Repentance and renewing of the mind by focusing on God and searching for him, that comes from God ✨.
Don't focus on the problem, focus on the problem solver, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour who loves us 💖🐑🫶🏻🕊️. Never let any bad tought make you think otherwise.
Matthew 14:30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
(I recommend you read the whole Matthew 14 chapter, or at least 22-36 :D)
I'll be praying for you, have faith, search for him, read your Bible, do loving acts, focus on Jesus, not on your sins, for they have been defeated on the cross, and Jesus will help you get victory over those in Him 🌟✝️
2 Corinthians 12:8-10
⁸Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
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u/cutesymochi Christian 9d ago
Hey, I can’t dm you but I have a sibling who is trans and I want to be able to better understand where their core feelings are coming from. If you don’t mind chatting with me, will you dm me?
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u/Puzzleheaded20008888 9d ago
Hey sorry! I’m not able to figure out how to dm anyone I’m working on that!
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u/Billybobbybaby Christian 11d ago
Grab a Bible and start reading the New Testament , over and over, all the while asking God to help you live that book. Keep asking God to help you walk in the truth. God loves you and He understands our struggles. Also ask God to get you connected where He would have you be in community. It sounds like He is drawing you back and your seeking Him makes Him real happy.
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u/Puzzleheaded20008888 11d ago
Thank you, maybe you’re right and all of this coming up is just pushing me towards him and may be a good thing in the end.
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u/peanuty7 11d ago
There is an international organization that helps people with hurts hangups & habits called Celebrate Recovery. Check their testimonials pn youtube. Go to a meeting near you. Also watch Jack Hibbs on youtube, he explains the bible verse by verse. Praying for you!
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u/lawlzicle Baptist 11d ago
I would recommend a prayer that asks God to lead you to Himself and for Him to reveal Himself to you. I would ask Him to lead you into all truth and wisdom. I would ask Him to empower you with His Holy Spirit and help you change to be His faithful servant. Ask God to separate you from your sins and cleanse you of unrighteousness. Ask Him to make your heart pure so that you will be able to see Him. Ask Him to teach you how to follow Him and do good works that will bear good fruit.
May God grsnt you wisdom and give you faith increasingly
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u/JHawk444 Evangelical 11d ago
Christians can have wrong thoughts too, and temptation doesn't necessarily just go away because we pray for it to go away. Instead, pray that God would give you the ability to have victory in the temptation, which means obeying God over the desire of the flesh. When Jesus was tempted by the devil, he quoted scripture to the devil, correcting the wrong narrative the devil put forth. So, I would recommend correcting wrong thoughts with scripture.
But first, have you placed your faith in Jesus and are you following him? If you're not sure, it's important to understand the gospel message and know how to respond to it.
The pure gospel message is that we're all sinners, and each person will have to face God on judgment day. Jesus became a man and died for our sins. When we believe in him and trust in his atoning sacrifice, we are saved and he gives us a new heart.
That new heart can still be tempted! But someone who has been transformed by the power of Christ has the Holy Spirit and can defeat sin by looking to Christ to empower them to obey. So, first, evaluate if you believe you are saved (do you believe in Jesus to save you?) and if you believe you are, then ask him to empower you to obey him.
Here are some short videos that explain the gospel message (in approximately 8 minutes and less).
What does it mean to be saved?
What is the Gospel? Voddie Baucham
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u/Puzzleheaded20008888 11d ago
Thank you, you didn’t have to go out of your way. I am following him and I have placed all of my faith in him as well as in myself to get through this.
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u/JHawk444 Evangelical 11d ago
That's good! I'm so happy to hear you've placed your faith in Christ. I would encourage you to start visiting churches in your area. You can read the "what we believe" section first on their website to make sure they have solid doctrine. And you don't have to settle on the first church you visit. Check out several and pray that God would lead you to the right one. Look for a church that offers bible studies during the week so you can get to know other Christians. Having that accountability and fellowship will really help.
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u/Puzzleheaded20008888 11d ago
Bible study is a good idea actually, thank you. I have looked at a couple churches but most near me are more I’m not sure what they call it? Progressive I think I’m honestly not sure. But if I walked in with my problem they would tell me it’s okay, and to accept it or something.
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u/JHawk444 Evangelical 11d ago
That's hard if a lot of the local churches are progressive. I agree that's not the way to go. You could look into Bible Study Fellowship. They have local bible studies and online (zoom). They are not affiliated with a church but allow people from different denominations to join. They do have a statement of faith on their website. Also, they give weekly homework and study a book of the bible. I did it one year and really enjoyed it. They assign you to a group. If you joined locally for in-person, you could ask others where they go to church. They have groups for young adults as well.
Here is the link if you want to look into it. https://www.bsfinternational.org/
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u/Puzzleheaded20008888 11d ago
Oh wow thank you, I’ll look into that tonight, might be a good idea for me. You have been a huge help I really can’t thank you enough
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u/JHawk444 Evangelical 11d ago
I'm glad it's helpful! :) I'll pray something opens up (bible study or church).
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u/MichaelWhitehead 10d ago
Prayer alone is not enough. Do you fast? Have you sought deliverance from demonic influences?
Jesus stated certain things required both prayer & fasting. And for those who laugh and deny deminic pressence regarding this also, that its "ok" to feel this way or, phys8cal sympton of "mental illness" truly do not understand the nature of spiritual warfare.
I too had a similar pursuasion, i prayed, fasted, openly confessed my pursuasion to others. That night, after that confession, a demon came out of me, witnessed by others with me.
So, I can't be accused of being "delusional or mistaken" they were physically attacked after the demon trying and failed to strangle me.
I believe "as above, so below" mental illness & demonic possession go together. Both medication & Counselling for the physical & fasting prayer, confession, seeking deliverance for the spiritual.
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u/ngurto 11d ago
Ephesians 6:10-18 "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication."
Understand, that you are not in a battle you can win. Your only chance of survival is Christ. You are praying and that is great - keep growing that aspect of your relationship with Him. Go to Him with adoration, confession, thanksgiving, as well as supplication.
But I want to ask you a very direct question - do you know Christ? Does He have a relationship with you? Our walks in this life MUST be the pursuit of these two questions. Commit yourself to being in the word everyday - even if you can only find time for a few minutes. Know Him! I promise you will see supernatural changes in yourself and in your life if you do.
Heavenly Father, I pray for my sister. Lord I don't know the struggle she carries, but I can see that there is so much pain in her - there is anger and hatred. I pray Lord, that you would work a miracle in her life. May she hear your call and be given the courage and strength of spirit to follow. I ask Lord that you would move mountains in her. That the impossible would lead her to a personal relationship with you. May the chains of this world be shattered. May she set herself to knowing you, and in so doing, find herself in your embrace. You are a God of hope. A God of peace. A God of Love. A God of righteousness. I pray that she would see you, that her life would glorify you. I pray these things in Jesus name - Amen.
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u/Puzzleheaded20008888 11d ago
I’ve never had anyone pray for me. So for you to take your time to help me means a lot. I must admit I don’t know Christ like I used to.
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u/ngurto 11d ago
I love you sister. I may not know what it's like to walk in your shoes, but I know what it's like to hate yourself. I know what it's like to live in deep depression. I know what it's like to feel unloved. He took all of that from me and I KNOW He can do the same for you. Take a step toward knowing a little more of Him each day. Maybe today is committing to reading daily. Tomorrow is finding a church to get plugged into. Keep taking steps - you will look up some time from now and realize you've gone miles. You've come to a place you never thought possible. God's word is true. His promise is real. A deep relationship with Him is powerful.
If along the way you ever need a friend to talk to or if you need prayers - please don't hesitate to reach out!
God Bless You!
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u/paul_1149 Christian 11d ago
God is bigger than our problems, however big they may be. The challenge is to focus on Him rather than exclusively on them. When we do that, we have peace, and faith that we will get through the difficulty somehow.
It's good that you're thinking about the Lord. Give the book of Philippians in the Bible a good read, it's short, and it talks about having peace as we ask for our needs.
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u/Happy5traveller 11d ago
Not all thoughts are ours. The enemy wants you and you know the truth.
Ask Jesus to help you. And He will. He will guide you step by step to return to your true self, as God created you.
Pray, fast and pray, stay in touch with Him. And when you don’t know what to do, seek for His help and listen. Good luck, you can do this! Anything is possible with God.
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u/NeighborhoodSame1552 7d ago
Pray a lot for God to show you the beauty in how he created you and get yourself to a church
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u/OmniaSuntCommunia88 5d ago
That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
Romans 10:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9
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u/TurbulentDingo7769 5d ago
I will pray for you. G od is going to help you do this. I have several friends who were helped by the Changed Movement. They don’t force themselves, but if someone wants help, they are happy to help. The leaders are all former homosexuals. They are all extremely loving and gentle. So is Jesus! changedmovement.com
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u/Mshanacho 8d ago
I'm also gay but it don't matter how much you pray you will still be gay and jesus loves us no matter what. There is no way to change that we are born that way.
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u/Vegetable_Gas4025 11d ago
Just spam the rosary and read the Summa Theologiae bro.
Btw cutting hair short isn't a sin.
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u/Mysterious_Balance53 Biblical Christian 11d ago
How do you know you should be a boy if you aren't one? You have no idea what being a boy or a man is or feels like. No breasts and short hair is a drop in the ocean.
I think you could explore that issue you have with yourself and through prayer first.
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u/Puzzleheaded20008888 11d ago
It’s not that I think I can or should be a boy, it’s that I want to be perceived as one. It’s a mess in my head I can’t understand, or anyone else can for that matter.
It’s a lot more than my breasts and hair.
Through prayer is what I’ve been doing. I’ve gone to therapy, I’ve talked to others with who are queer, who aren’t, people of the church, other Christians. And I’ve gotten all kinds of responses.
That’s it’s okay, that’s I need to accept myself
That it’s not okay and I should end it all
That I should kneel to god
Or get mental help
And so much more.
I do not expect anyone to understand what is going on, what I’m thinking or feeling, especially when I don’t understand it myself. All I know is I’m trying everything I can to get over it, to get over the guilt and everything in between. I kneel and I pray and I beg, I write it all out, I recite prayers over and over again truly believing god will reach out and help me. Though it hasn’t happened yet I still hold hope.
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u/wizardtyrd 11d ago edited 11d ago
Those thoughts didn't progress to what they are now overnight and sadly they won't disappear overnight either. If dependency is the goal then weakness is the advantage. Use this weakness to depend on Him and it shall get you closer than you ever thought! Continuously be filled in the spirit with the good news of what Jesus did for you! Not specific prayer but more like prayer in confidence God can get you through this!