r/UofT • u/Noetic_Acorn • Aug 31 '26
Social To everyone asking how to socialize at UofT: TALK TO THE PEOPLE IN YOUR CLASSES AND BE CONSISTENT
This post was initially much shorter, but I was feeling bored and the creative spirit took the reigns. Alas, such is life.
As much as I low-key enjoy the ritual of pouring myself a bowl of popcorn, opening Reddit, and reading all the early 1st semester experience commiserating, I'm also high-key annoyed by seeing the same post for the umpteenth time a la Buzz Lightyear clone meme. I like variety in my Reddit ragebait, and even a good slice of matcha crepe cake becomes unappetizing after consuming it so often.
For those of you who have decided to come to UofT to get a world class education, rather than just partying all the time, ignoring your work, being forced to drop out around the holidays because your grades are lower than the Mariana Trench, then blaming the university for allegedly sabotaging you, your classes are your best possible environment to connect with your fellow slightly more intelligent than a chimpanzee primates.
Presumably you are studying something that you actually enjoy or have some mild interest in, rather than doing exactly what mom and dad told you to study. If your parents strongarmed you to go into engineering but you truly love film, that's a whole other discussion and will require some soul searching and potentially family therapy.
The basis of most human connection nowadays comes through shared interests and values. This is a fact supported by at least one (1) corpus of psychology literature. The courses you're taking already filter for this to an extent, because, again, ideally you're studying something you care about and you're not a masochist.
Performative drinking at a venue with mysteriously sticky floors that probably haven't been cleaned in the past year and contain a collection of undocumented microorganisms that would frighten epidemiologists, ignoring your limits, and chatting up the people you live in close proximity to about the weather (so how about that climate change, eh?) while waiting to use the one sink you all need to brush your teeth at (please brush your teeth and don't go out with bad breath) doesn't necessarily lead to any meaningful connection. You might become acquaintances, but presumably you're aiming for something with a bit more zest.
Coursework at UofT is difficult, and that difficulty is another basis for connection. Throughout most of human history, we connected with each other because of shared hardship. Genuine hardship, such as intellectually strenuous subjects and work schedules, for example. Missing out on a frat party on one specific weekend, which is identical to the frat parties on every other weekend (don't worry, the beer will still be lukewarm) isn't hardship, I'm afraid.
"But how do I actually talk to people in my classes?! Nobody ever wants to talk!" says the choir of Buzz Lightyear clones lamenting about their "unique" circumstances. The answer: just start.
You'd be surprised how much the person sitting next to you is starved for acknowledgement of their mere existence. A random "hello" will probably be the most unsolicited contact they've had in a week. The barrier to entry is lower than it's ever been.
"But what if they think I'm cringe?" or "Everyone is so cringe!", which is the next verse of the clone choir song.
If you're actively worried either of these things, you don't want connection bad enough. Either that or you might want to look into therapy.
I cannot tell you how much social media has poisoned people's perceptions of themselves and others. These platforms have fed people the most ironclad set of lies that every government psyop wishes it could replicate. Its users have been perfectly manipulated into thinking they they are unlikable/unlovable, and that everyone else is so much better or so much worse and should be perceived as a threat. This primes you to be a good little consumer that will sign up for things like dating apps, paid meetup groups, and overpriced fitness clubs, all to solve your woes. Meanwhile, you can connect with someone FOR FREE* (included in the price of your tuition costs) and walk away with something even more meaningful. This is an even crazier value for money than the Japanese food truck in front of Robarts that will sell you an entire filling tempura roll for under $8.
Side note: please support this truck. This is my lifeblood and I want them to stay in business as long as possible. Also, the lady who owns it is genuinely one of the kindest people I've ever come across and brightens my day. My waistline grows, my wallet empties, but my heart is full.
Getting back on track, people are unique and will have their own set of quirks. It's ok to talk to someone who is a little bit different than you. You'll be ok, muffin. In fact, you'll probably be better off for it if you can make enough room in your life to accept others from where they're coming from. If you offer them grace, they will probably return the favour. Well, at least they should if they're even remotely socialized.
If you talked to someone last week, go up and talk to them again. A huge part of connection is consistency. Don't be one of those weirdos who pretends like they suddenly don't know someone they've spoken to 3 times prior.
Also, all of this advice applies to anyone in any year of study. If you're in your last year at this university and are saddened by not having made any friends, you can do everything I've mentioned above and still achieve success. The party ain't over till it's over.
I am living proof that this strategy works, and I'm no social butterfly by any means. I met one of my closest friends and one of the best people I've ever met by just bantering consistently over the course of many weeks. There was no cinematic event and major declaration that marked the transition point between us being acquaintances and friends. It was the slow, messy, nonlinearity of human connection.
Go out there, talk to people, make friends, and come back here to post some more novel rage bait to keep me entertained ❤️
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u/No-Wing-8859 Aug 31 '26
Two of my best friends are people I met on the first day of classes and we just ended up seeing each other a lot. 12 year later and still friends! So this strat does really works!
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u/tiny-flying-squirrel Aug 31 '26
This is so true and was fun to read. I have a very good friend (the kind that you don’t see often but will drop everything if you need them) from undergrad and we literally became friends just because she shared a story/joke in discussion and since we were walking the same direction after tutorial I just told her “hey that was funny”.
That’s all it takes. University is by far the best and easiest place to make friends because you’re consistently seeing the same people every week (sometimes multiple times a week), have similar goals and challenges, and are in the same general age group. Like 90% of the predictors of friendship are already there. Don’t let this chance go, because it is much harder to create that kind of genuine connection when you finish and people go their separate ways (still doable, but not always ideal conditions)
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u/I_Reckon67 Aug 31 '26
This is just a wonderful and enjoyable post to read. I am a mature student to the point that they should start a new category besides "mature," since that begins here at 22, an age that both my kids exceed ;)
I am beginning my second year of undergrad, and I was surprised last year, especially in one of my term 1 seminar courses, how the students barely spoke to each other, all of them just looking at their phones before class began, working hard not to make eye contact, etc. I'm not talking about them avoiding talking to me, but even to the ones their own ages. In other courses this was less of an issue, and I always said hello to those around me and to those who walked in the room, and I appreciated my classmates who did chat with me and others in various classes throughout the year.
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u/Noetic_Acorn Aug 31 '26
UofT used to have a pretty robust mature student organization a while back, but it seems that nobody picked up the torch. A shame, really.
As for your other points, I've seen exactly what you described, and it's truly heartbreaking. I can't help but to feel that everyone is expending an immense amount of energy to seem like they have it all put together, say the right thing, look the right way, etc. Beneath all of this, however, many people are sad and lonely.
We've created a society where vulnerability is perceived as unacceptable, even though vulnerability is foundational to connection. Connecting on the basis of pride fails far more often than it succeeds, because it leaves no room for people's deepest needs.
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u/CartoonJunkie_ Aug 31 '26
Met one of my best friends because I said I liked one of his laptop stickers. Then met another one of my best friends by saying I liked her earrings. Show interest in others and they will show interest in you 90% of the time!
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u/TheOneGoo1 Public Policy & Economics, Math Minor Aug 31 '26
This is the most entertaining (and truest) thing I’ve read all month - thank you
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u/Noetic_Acorn Aug 31 '26
Like the court jesters and bards of old, your delight brings me delight <3
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u/CommueSloehtter Sep 01 '26
Thank you for your post! I am an international student and I’m 32. It’s been really hard to make friends here!!
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u/Aphrodites1995 Sep 01 '26
Everybody's busy and no one wants to play league with me.
Also I don't need to go to classes or study groups.
If you need the classtime then go to class and listen. If you don't just find a hobby or something rather than bothering the poor students who are on 4 hours of sleep trying to pass.
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u/PorkyPorc 21d ago
Greatest post I've read in recent memory. +1 for bringing my attention to the Japanese food truck in front of Robarts.
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u/Noetic_Acorn 20d ago
Thanks, and hope your enjoy the truck! My personal recommendation is the chicken karaage.
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u/M_Polygraph Aug 31 '26
I’m new to the campus. Thank you for sharing your favorite local eats.
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u/Noetic_Acorn Aug 31 '26
"Gatekeeping your favorite business leads to its bankruptcy"
– Confucius (probably not)
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u/Admirable-Dance-9501 Aug 31 '26
Sorry could I have the syllabus and reading list for Socializing 100?
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u/Noetic_Acorn Aug 31 '26
This was your comprehensive syllabus. Answers to assessments are found within it if you read carefully.
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u/Admirable-Dance-9501 Aug 31 '26
But which parts will be on the test?
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u/Noetic_Acorn Aug 31 '26
Everything in some capacity and probably more from related literature that wasn't provided on the reading list
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u/the_lucas_reagent Sep 01 '26
Content aside, you have a very funny and lively writing tone. Please keep pouring your wits into this swamp of rage baits and NSFW degeneracy we call Reddit.
Also I need the name of that Japanese food truck.
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u/Noetic_Acorn Sep 01 '26
Appreciate the kind words <3
Reddit may be a swamp, yet many creatures call a swamp "home". I don't know, trying to spin this one as best as I can.
As for the food truck, I believe it's called "Red Food Truck" (yes, these food trucks have super creative names). However, despite the word "red" in its name it's completely white. Why? I don't know the deep lore, I'm afraid.
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u/6_62607004 Sep 01 '26 edited Sep 01 '26
Good post.
Would recommend clubbing/drinking at venues if people are able to though. It is true that you don’t make meaningful connections by just doing that, but you can make multiple acquaintances at once and it’s really easy to build off of that (you meet like 40 people in a night and if you are somewhat normal they’ll come up to you during the day). Often times the people clubbing are also fairly well-off so it’s not a loss in terms of networking even if it doesn’t fully work out. As a CS student I never had a lot of time to socialise, but off of the few times I’d go drinking there’d always be someone at uni I knew almost everywhere I went. If I was alone in a library or just walking around campus I could be certain I would find someone I knew who I could spend the day with.
I also don’t know what you mean by fitness clubs but uni clubs are the easiest way to make friends.
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u/Noetic_Acorn Sep 01 '26
Clubbing/drinking is more of the endgame once someone has developed more one-to-one relationships while sober, in my opinion. While alcohol lowers inhibitions it also distorts perceptions and leads to unusual dynamics where people are getting to know each other through a different lens. Going out with a group to have fun and meet other people is definitely great, though.
As for fitness clubs, I was more so referring to private gyms and workout classes. Think SoulCycle or Sweat and Tonic. These businesses actively capitalize on people's loneliness by selling the perception that membership equates to community.
People should definitely join fitness classes on campus they're genuinely interested in. The more niche the activity the better, since it's a closer knit experience rather than everyone trying to stand out in a running club, for example.
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u/6_62607004 Sep 01 '26
Fair, I suppose.
I almost exclusively use clubbing to cast a wide net. It's the easiest environment to speed up the initial awkwardness, small talk, etc. I am the friend that goes missing and has adventures with different groups of people, and I feel university environments are the only time in your life where your can so easily trust strangers (with precaution of course and I understand it works better because I'm a guy.) But again, I don't really enjoy clubbing outside of the chance to meet new people in often a really innocent way. I club occasionally to meet people and then poach the individual relationships I want to keep.
Oh yea those fitness clubs are insane and seem so culty.
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u/frogsbirdscats Aug 31 '26
What a nice post. I was at UT a few years ago (21-25) as a mature student, quite a bit older than everyone. During class time I always tried to connect with ppl in my lab groups & appreciated when others responded or initiated.