r/ask • u/Alarmed-Fudge4723 • 17h ago
Will many young men have basically no future?
It sounds quite bleak but it’s something I’ve noticed a lot lately, in other people and also in myself.
Many guys my age will probably struggle to find a job. If they do find one, chances are they won’t make much money. They will barely be able afford a car, let alone a house.
Not to mention, work is becoming a lot less about how hard you work or how capable you are, and more connections / people-skills based. Especially with AI and stuff. Obviously not a good thing for those who aren’t social butterflies, and don’t personally know a CEO.
It also seems that people in general are a lot more antisocial and superficial and living in their own bubble, compared to the past. So stuff like making new friends is harder. Even if you go outside.
I think it’s obvious that dating and being in a relationship is not a possibility for many guys these days. Not only are people unable to meet each other, but it’s also heavily discouraged for guys to approach women or express interest. Women don’t approach men (unless the man looks exceptionally good) so naturally most guys miss out on relationships. This (and apps) just makes a very shallow, skewed situation. Easily well over half of the guys I know (including myself) have never dated before. Can’t speak for myself but the other guys are interesting, respectful and for the most part, not even bad looking guys.
The reason why I’m talking about guys specifically is because the whole social, dating and belonging aspect is much more effortless for women. A lot of the other factors are still there, so it’s won’t be easy for anyone in general, but I guess it would be much less hopeless and empty.
It just seems like there isn’t much “purpose” for guys my age. There’s very little opportunity to earn a living for yourself, or do something meaningful, or have a family, or be part of a group etc. Obviously this is very different compared to the past or even what many were raised to anticipate. A lot of guys will be unfulfilled and just be stuck trying to fill a void. It looks almost dystopian so I wonder if this is real.
47
36
u/julioni 17h ago
Your views are incorrect. From the start. Hard work gets you places still. Dating and being in a relationship is not even remotely impossible…. You need to get off the internet and go outside
4
u/Liberalistic 17h ago
Agree 💯.
Though connections don’t hurt. I think it’s a mix of both. Doing the had work and being g competent is the baseline. Once you have that it’s being the person other people want to work with and connect with.
Both professionally and personally.
OP is right. There is some play incorporate settings where you have to be the person other people want to work with especially when trying to get a promotion
53
u/tinyTina43 17h ago
Please explain how all those things are easier for women.
22
u/Jigglepirate 17h ago
Bro sees pretty women get pretty privilege and ignores the fact that most people have to struggle far more than very attractive people of either sex.
7
u/Liberalistic 17h ago
Eh even if you’re attractive don’t think it’s the end all be all.
There’s a lot that goes into doing good holistically.
I think a lot of it is doing the internal work to be the person that you need for yourself. That’s different for everyone.
18
u/Liberalistic 17h ago
I don’t think it’s easier for girls I think there’s just different struggles.
20
10
u/jagger129 17h ago
This is the narrative online.
But many young men are thriving in the real world. Many opting for a job like plumbing, electrician, trade type jobs that require less than a traditional college degree, but have a huge upside in income potential.
Life is what you make of it. As far as relationships go, they happen organically if you participate in things like taking fun classes, joining a hobby group of some kind, volunteering, participating in community events.
For those that choose to stay home, be chronically online, don’t actively try to make or keep friends or be social in any way…then yes things are much more difficult.
1
u/WaterDigDog 16h ago
+1 on jobs in the trades. Come be a wastewater operator, make the world a little cleaner!
12
u/onemansquest 17h ago
You watch too much manosphere stuff accept all the negatives as reality. While not doing the one thing they get right. Put effort into improving yourself. Life has always been a competition. Max out a character trait or 2.
4
u/what_is_blue 17h ago
Nah. I graduated into the 08/09 recession. Much like now, it really felt like there was absolutely no hope.
The nuts thing is that my 18 months of occasional/un-employment now feel like a fever dream. I literally doorstepped companies looking for work, occasionally slept for more than 12 hours at a time and on one occasion bought some shoes for a job interview, only to return them straight afterwards, because mine had fallen apart.
The women I’d graduated with definitely seemed to be having an easier time of finding jobs. But that probably doesn’t mean anything, since I was looking for something creative and there were arguably fewer creative jobs then than there are now.
Things usually get better.
And on the dating front? While I’m nearly 40, I know a lot of girls your age and it really isn’t easier for them. They can afford to have higher standards (and have to, to a certain extent) because having a family later is normalised now. But they’re generally looking for the kind of guys you’re describing.
Oh and I know two guys who are absolutely shredded, handsome men. They have not been approached by women once. They do, however, get a lot of attention from gay guys.
Girls not approaching men is a tale as old as time. They don’t want to look keen for various, generally very very good reasons that I’m sure you can imagine.
If you like a girl and you’re well-groomed (or well enough), wearing clothes that fit and aren’t just looking for sex, go talk to her. Don’t be weird, try to compliment her and don’t talk to her like you’re trying to conduct a sales negotiation.
The worst she can say is no (and believe me, most men on Earth - and more than a few women, have heard “No” in various forms over the years). If she does - and you’re an interesting person with hobbies and something approaching ambitions, then it’s her loss. Move on, chat to someone else.
I promise, you will not be arrested for introducing yourself to a girl and making polite conversation. You’ll just get really good at introducing yourself to girls and making polite conversation, or meet someone cool and start a relationship, so win/win.
12
3
5
u/fizzwiggler 17h ago
The world hasn't changed much from what it always has been. Economic disparity is the fundamental basis of capitalism. It's not that people won't find jobs, more that we won't all become millionaires and most of us with jobs are unsatisfied. Learning a craft is the best thing you can do and young men just aren't doing that like they use to [ie. carpenters or chefs can get jobs]. The good jobs have always been about who you know or just right place, right time. It doesn't matter how hard you work, you probably won't get everything you want.
As for dating, being in a relationship is definitely a possibility for guys. A lot of the people I know are always falling in and out of relationships. And most of the older people I know are in long term relationships. It is not discouraged for guys to approach women, women actually prefer being approached in person. Just don't be a creep. You probably haven't dated before before women find this kind of mentality repulsive. By that I mean, this divisive rhetoric where you seem to be comparing men and women against each other when they really are the same. And it sounds like you don't have any women friends so you actually don't know what women are like; you're just projecting this image on to them internet misogyny has made up.
When you say "obviously this is very different compared to the past or even what many were raised to anticipate" what you and many other young men are feeling is the slow disintegration of the patriarchy as women gain freedom. This is a good thing and not about you.
Best advice: get a grip. Life is hard for every one and always has been. Go outside. Find your own purpose. See women as people and friends. Learn a craft. Take up a hobby.
There's more to life than money and pussy.
6
u/Suspicious-Holiday42 17h ago
Everyone is depressed, a part of that reason is social media focusing on doom and gloom for clicks or out of habbits
5
u/earthgarden 17h ago edited 17h ago
The reason why I’m talking about guys specifically is because the whole social, dating and belonging aspect is much more effortless for women.
No, because the issues surrounding interacting with the opposite sex are much different than yours. It just makes it easy to get someone willing to exchange DNA with you, that's it. That would be great if it were like that for men! I can totally understand why men think it's great for women! BUT here is why it is not, here are the things men never or rarely have to worry about:
- the woman you choose to exchange DNA with, may choke you or beat you up without any provocation the first time, after you thought you'd vetted her as safe
- the woman you choose to exchange DNA with, may become obsessed with you and kill you
- the woman you choose to exchange DNA with, may drug you and have all her friends come rape you. Heck might happen without being drugged
- the woman you choose to exchange DNA with, may impregnate you and leave you to raise the baby alone
- the woman you choose to exchange DNA with, may take off the protection midway during the exchange without you knowing, wilfully exposing you to pregancy and disease
- I could go on but this should be enough to get you to understand why most women do not see how 'easy' it is to get attention including sex from men as some big benefit to us
A lot of the other factors are still there, so it’s won’t be easy for anyone in general, but I guess it would be much less hopeless and empty.
Maybe its because we are only seen as sex objects by so many men that for most women, we learned early on to develop some sort of core identity not based on sex/sex appeal, sex worth. It's past time for most men to do the same.
Men in general have got to stop being so woman-focused and understand their self-worth is independent on how many women they can get to exchange DNA with them.
It just seems like there isn’t much “purpose” for guys my age.
Was/is your purpose in life to sire babies? Because that is the function of sex. Was/is the whole point of your life to get women. Can you truly see no point besides that.
When you develop yourself as a person you will be much more attractive to women. Try that, but understand if you never get even one woman, your life has worth and value.
6
u/Missaeb27 17h ago
I agree with all of the above.
Just want to add, that all examples are of “woman you choose to exchange DNA with”, but we also have to worry about the proces of getting to know them before deciding we want to exchange the DNA… trust the wrong one and anything can happen.
So no, dating is not easier for women. It’s hard and we worry about more than being told no.
6
u/BabalonBimbo 17h ago
Yikes. Women don’t have it as easy as you think. You’re heading into incel territory, you’re gonna want to check that.
1
u/Dazzling-Frosting525 16h ago
You don't have to be a powerful person to make an impact in this world, but it really pains me that outside forces prevent me from becoming more independent.
1
u/MsMoobiedoobie 16h ago
You need to work on yourself. All people do. You are not going to be just handed everything you want. If you think women are, you need to go touch some grass.
Go to school, get educated in something. Work toward goals.
I get it, cars and housing are expensive. Not everyone will be able to afford the best. That is just a fact of life. Stop comparing yourself to others and better yourself.
1
0
u/Yummy_Castoreum 16h ago
It's statistically real, and there are things individuals and society can do about it. Professor Scott Galloway speaks extensively on this issue, and has a couple of podcasts that touch on various topics, including this one.
-1
-1
u/armrha 17h ago
Dating is easier now than ever before. There’s all kinds of apps. There’s even like speed dating and other explicitly date based mingle events you can show up to and practice your flirting and maybe find a connection. I like don’t know a single man in my friend group that hasn’t had a serious relationship, like everybody seems to eventually figure it out.
And there’s still plenty of ways to make money? I have no idea what you’re basing the idea that you can’t make money anymore on. Most entry level jobs pay poorly but you go from there.
No, nothing you’re saying is real.
-2
u/TiberiusGracchus29 16h ago
I completely agree with you. I think this will become a MAJOR problem for global society in the years to come, especially alongside the problems of population decline in developed countries. I know for a fact that we’ll all be scratching our heads thinking “how did this happen?” when in reality all the signs were there years before. We just chose to ignore them and pretend they didn’t exist. We’ll end up with large numbers or middle aged men and young guys who simply never got off the starting block. They’ll be homeless, jobless, often childless. I think gang violence and anti social behaviour will become more and more of a thing. Why? Because crime is a symptom of poverty, and poverty is a symptom of inequality.
Socio-economic integrity is critical to quality of life and wellbeing. With that in complete tatters, you’re gonna have a lot of aimless, hopeless, directionless young men and this will cause a major problem. According to the academic researcher William Costello, the vikings were likely of this category of people, and we all know what happened there. Same with the Portuguese explorers and the Spanish conquistadors. You could argue the small boat migrant crisis in Europe is a symptom of this. A lot of young men with no family and no future looking for purpose and direction in a new land.
The reason why women have an easier time in today’s world is simply because they’ve never had to meet the same expectations as men. Men are judged on their standing in society - to provide, produce, and protect - to be economically viable and useful. As men we are on our own, we have to make our own way in life. Women don’t have that. They are judged on their looks. A woman could be making minimum wage as a shelf stacker at the supermarket, or an apprentice hairdresser. No one gives a shit. She’s never had to be called upon to fight and die in some bullshit war, to build railroads and bridges, wind turbines, nuclear power plants, and oil rigs. Women may never have been at the top of the society… but they’ve certainly never been at the bottom. They’ve always held that comfortable middle position. When invaders would conquer a city they would keep the women, sell the children as slaves, and the men? They’d be executed on the spot, threw into a mass grave and burned as if they were nothing.
I’m a student of ancient history. Ignore all these naysayers in the comments telling you it’s all in your head and that there’s no problem. They’re doing that simply because they don’t like what they’re hearing and they’d rather wish everything was normal, it isn’t. The issue you’ve raised will be a serious societal problem in the near future.
•
u/AutoModerator 17h ago
Reminder for our users:
Please review the rules, Reddiquette, and Reddit's Content Policy.
Rule highlights:
See the full rules page for details.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.