Lately, I’ve been feeling really frustrated and emotionally exhausted. I don’t even know if I’m just tired or if everything I’ve been through is finally catching up with me.
When I first came to Bahrain, I came as an employee. Unfortunately, I ended up working for a company that had literally just started. The shop was still under construction when I arrived.
I went months without being paid properly, had my salary cut, and ended up doing so much more than what I was originally hired for. My employer would ask me to do fashion speed illustrations for events here in Bahrain, and I even did some modeling for her friends. I tried to help the business in every way I could because I genuinely wanted things to work out.
I stayed for a year, trying my best to make everything work. During that time, my passport was also kept by my employer, and I eventually had to get it back through the police. I thought that was finally the end of that chapter.
But things didn't get better immediately.
In my second year, I was offered a partnership by someone who eventually put me under his visa. I trusted what he told me, believing that I was moving toward becoming an investor. Later, I realized that things weren't what I had been led to believe. I felt fooled and had to figure things out on my own again.
After learning more about the rules and understanding my situation better, I eventually left and decided to establish my own business without a partner. This year, I finally managed to get my own CR and start building something for myself.
I should be happy and proud of how far I've come, especially because I'm now trying to do everything on my own. But with all the uncertainty and bombings happening around us lately, along with the pressure of running a business by myself, everything has started to feel so heavy.
Sometimes I find myself thinking about everything that happened to me. I keep asking myself why I trusted certain people, why I allowed myself to go through so much, and how I ended up in situations where I had to fight so hard just to protect myself and move forward.
I think I've developed trust issues. I find it difficult to feel secure with people, and sometimes I even feel sorry for myself. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way because I know I've survived so much and should be proud of myself.
The truth is, I don't really have friends or family here in Bahrain whom I can sit down with and talk to about these things. I keep everything to myself, and I'm honestly so tired.
I don't regret trying to build a life for myself, and I know starting my own business is something I should be proud of. But sometimes I wish I could just take a break from being strong and feel like I have someone in my corner.
I guess I'm posting this because I need to let it out somewhere. Maybe I just need to hear from people who have gone through something similar.
Have you ever gone through a period in your life when you've had to fight so hard for so long that you don't even know how to trust people or relax anymore? How did you learn to move forward without carrying all that hurt with you?
