being in a relationship

[u/Aggressive_South6671]

i’m 18 and a 32HH and I haven’t yet been in a romantic relationship which is annoying but I’m waiting for the right person to come into my life. Although bc I have a bigger bust compared to my waist I’m just kind of worried how do you know if someone loves you for you or just your body. When I go out in public I worry that ppl literally look at my chest bc of the difference between my waist and my bust it’s literally the first thing you would look at. It also makes talking to people uncomfortable because I feel like they are looking at my boobs even tho I can’t tell. I’m literally hating every minute of being single and need a boyfriend but i’m waiting to find the right one but I am a very empathetic and gentle person I’m worried I won’t know if i’m being used. Sorry if this is such a slop post I just need some advice

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[u/Happy_List_8022]

I've never been in a relationship either but my Sistsr goes through them like Candy so I can give you some tips. 

First of all it's very important where you look for people. You'll have your safest bets with people you already know. Maybe a friend you like or perhaps have one of your friends introduce you to someone they can vouch for. Thats the safest bets you will ever have. 

Second. You will get a lot of comments that are like "If they only look at your boobs they are a bad person" or something similar. I can tell you that thats a horrible mindset. Fact is that most dating with people you don't know starts via an interest in looks. They don't know you, you don't know them. It's the only factor they could realistically judge you by. It's just how attraction works. So worry less about that and more about getting to know their personality. Having a partner who is crazy about your body can be a huge plus but only if they are respectful, funny and a good person all around. So again, them stealing a glance is normal, them not taking no for an answer, not reducing their looks as time goes by and them not taking an interest in you is a pretty good sign that you're being used.

Thirdly. Conversation is everything. Put in effort to make a conversation, if they don't reciprocate and or only show inrerest in your body thats a red flag. Judge a person by their personality above all. After enozgh conversations you will develope great people skills and can judge people besser.

I hope I was helpful. 

[u/AdWooden6904 → u/Happy_List_8022]

Yes to this. Just to add to the second response. You will know very quickly if they are into you ONLY for your boobs. My husband looks at my chest far more often now compared to when we were dating 10+ years ago.

[u/QuinnLoveborneAuthor → u/AdWooden6904]

What does that mean? I don’t get it.

[u/AdWooden6904 → u/QuinnLoveborneAuthor]

It means that he’s my best friend regardless of my chest size. But it’s a bonus that keeps on giving

[u/Soggy_Concentrate743 → u/Happy_List_8022]

I mean you didn't fully get the point of the phrase ... Yeah It means that if they only thing they find attractive about her is her chest and their attraction does not include other physical features too then it is a problem but being only atracted to that feature can take people to evil extremes. There are many cases where women got dumped because they got cancer and needed to get the boobs chopped or they wanted to get a voluntary reduction and their husbands just couldn't stand that idea.

[u/AdWooden6904 → u/Soggy_Concentrate743]

Oh I’m very familiar with kinds of people too. It also means those people were very deceptive. I’ve definitely had those conversations with my husband too.

[u/Soggy_Educator_4487]

Here to say I dated a man for 10 years (32G here) who was an ass man…. So, they’re definitely not all all about the boobs.

Also, I encourage you to assess a person’s personality and actions. If a person is using you for your body, you know. Think about how you would like to be treated, if/when a person lives up to it, that means they care about you for you. The tatas are icing on the cake.

It’s hard being a teenager with bigger boobs because people love to bring it up with you. I’m here from the future to tell you, people will stop doing that the older you get because it’s… inappropriate!

Lastly, I agree with the previous post about the “need” for a boyfriend. I’m in my 30s and can tell you one thing, I never laugh as hard as I do with my girlfriends. THAT is what we need. Prioritize your self, good friends, then right man or whoever will come when you are in the right place for it.

[u/PsychoFaerie]

It becomes apparent very quickly when someone is with you because "boobs' and not because they're actually into you as a person.

[u/elizafrombustfit]

hey girl! first of all i want to push back on "needing" a boyfriend - you are so young and should prioritize you! it's totally cool to want one, but you may find that the feeling of needing one will lead you astray in picking the right guy and your judgment may be more compromised. when you come from a place of "it would be nice to have, but not necessary" it's easier to follow and trust your intuition to guide you to the right people.

i think you'll find it's not difficult to tell when someone has the approach of "using you for your body": you will catch them staring or gawking at you, making comments about your body more than you may like, being overly forward with wanting to get physical with you, etc. the right guy will enjoy how you look but not lead with it if his intentions are to be in a meaningful relationship. it's your responsibility to set the standard for what you allow. it's not asking for too much and it will weed out those who are not meant for you. if your goal is a meaningful relationship, you should not allow guys to be super casual with you and noncommittal. if they want to "hang out," you say "sure, i'd love for you to plan a date," for example. look for someone who is considerate of you and very curious about you, always asking questions and wanting to know more about who you are. you got this <3

[u/Starjupiter93]

Look into the concept of body neutrality. All of the things you have said and all of the fears you are expressing are because of societal pressures requiring you to think of yourself as an aesthetic thing for men’s gaze. This mentality has forced you to believe that you need a man’s attention but you also are taught the other side of the coin that men’s attention is bad and gross so you have yourself in this shitty situation of conflicting information that you have to be seen and unseen at the same time. That is the best way to put yourself in a very negative mental health state. In order to break the cycle, you have to change how you view yourself and your body as a whole. Note, I am not referring to body positivity. This movement still focuses on the body as an aesthetic thing which it isn’t. Aesthetics change. What society deems as beautiful changes. There are a million things that could happen to your body that would prevent it from ever being “societally attractive”. You can’t put stock into something so temporary

[u/_Fuzzgoddess_]

Having a guy be attracted to your body is a plus, you just have to check that's not all he's interested in. Do NOT let him pressure you into sharing your body before you are ready, him being able to respect your boundaries is very very important. I've been dumped because I wouldn't put out before, and it's their loss and shows what a waste of my time they were. You should be able to judge if they're interested in what you say by how much they engage with you on a topic, rather than just staring at your boobs. You can try to test them by wearing outfits that either accentuate or hide your boobs and notice the difference in how they treat/ talk to you. Your boobs are part of you so it's okay for him to love them, just not to love only them. Good luck, stay safe, and have fun!

[u/lennonade1]

You're a treasue don't worry you'll just give it a time. Nothing wrong being big chested and it's a god damn advantage. What's wrong with this? Your boobs is still you.

Millions of girls lack this and they're crying to look hot. I know you just want to be loved more than your boobs but boobs are still you. Face apparience or character is alone nothing. You're a body and soul together and they'll love both including your boobs yeah whatever right?

People loves Sdney Sweeney not solely because of her boobs. She's just cute and good looking smile and plus she has great boobs. You're just lucky.

Yeah some girls might have said it's just too big, you're looking fat etc but many many people find them attractive just don't worry. If they really really big try to lose some weight but other than that it's just a treasure. They won't try to date you not only because of your boobs but definetely they will attracted. Just try to love them as long as you carry them.

also many of my friends don't even wanna date with small tit girls. Ofc it's not mandatory for dating but it's an advantage you can distract so many man just because of your chest and one of them will love you a whole person just patience.

[u/Soggy_Concentrate743 → u/lennonade1]

Lol boobs aren't all it takes for a woman to be hot tbh and not everyone wants to have the feature of big boobs and that's ok.

[u/lennonade1 → u/Soggy_Concentrate743]

Yeah sure not everyone is the same right? some people begging to have them and even they consider to have a surgeon.

Maybe just try to see the good side of it. Yeah they are heavy and painful. However, nothing can beat a good view of a pair of nice, big boobs. Even touching them can make you relaxed. That's why many man can't take eyes off from them. That's why she's complaining because she's aware of it already. Man just like boobs it's not a secret. However, she's forgets you can get bored from even the best pair on the world. That's why you need to love her as a whole not just her boobs. Because there are so many big chest girls around. There are so many blondes, brunettes, latins, asians whatever... You can't choose easily ofcouse but love is not working like that. When you look at you lovers face you will feel that feeling. Everyone knows that feeling. You can't choose your lover the love chooses you. And when you feel that way you will ignore that boobs. She's just so young, just give it a time. Big boobs are always good. It just hard to carry that's all. And lastly many of my girlfriends was making fun about small tit girls. Even some girls think that way, not only boys. It's the best genetic luck believe me and it's really makes me upset seeing a girl without self-confidence. I'm not even living in uk, usa or any rich western country, whatever but even in my small country girls are aware of it and when they wanna attract a boy they're just wearing a nice shirt with nice bra. Because they know it works. They know it's important. They know they're lucky.

[u/eye_no_better_228]

i hate to be the one to tell you this but men will love you for your body. the same reason we love them for taking care of us. it's not transactional in a sense but it is not without cause. if you're worried about this then you're gonna have to figure out a way to find a guy who isn't into big boobs, in which case you may very well not get him because of that fact too. i know, it's stupid, right?

our girls are here to stay. they like to stick out for attention. just accept it and move on. the sooner you do this, the better off you will be. people will always look and judge, that's how life works.