Ugh same. I trained myself to make eye contact to avoid punishment and I've had people say I don't seem autistic because of it.
My mom used to say, "Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth." So I'd look her in the eyes and lie right to her face. Like, why did she think eye contact would change the content of what I was going to say?
If I'm making eye contact, I'm lying. it's one of my tells now.
Telling the truth in my house was a trap. Lying was safer, telling the truth was a guaranteed punishment. "We won't punish you if you tell the truth." is complete bullshit and a lie-trap. That was really hard for me to figure out.
Not as bad, but it was basically the same for me. "Why don't you look me in the eyes, are you lying?" No, I just hate it and they never got it. So now I look people straight into the eyes and tell them whatever bullshit they want to hear because clearly they don't give a fuck about the truth anyway.
My dad got mad at me when I asked why people lie all the time. To be fair I now understand that there's gotta be a balance (i.e. saying 'I'm fine' to a cashier or whoever even if you're having a bad day), but neurotypicals (in my experience) lie constantly and it is exhausting.
People get mad (sometimes) when you lie and get mad (sometimes) when you tell the truth, and apparently you're supposed to just know when to switch.
I'm still annoyed how 'I don't know' apparently doesn't count as an answer, even if that's the only true answer you have.
"How does this work", not because I fon't get it, but because I really want to know how it works and how it connects to the bigger picture, because only then can figure out how to make the whole process more efficient from start to end.
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u/dumn_and_dunmer Aug 01 '26
A medical professional told me I couldn't be autistic because I was very coherent.