I am so confused, lifting heavy stuff is why I’m here? Now I’m self conscious that I look like I’m struggling while setting up.
Edit: obligatory self promo of my Instagram
Being honest I don't feel the gym is a place to strike up conversations with folk because half the time they wanna be alone or are with a partner/group.
They are trying to see if their pheromones are working as they should. Obviously, they are not.
I'm surprised he didn't try to lift it for you at that point.
I think the "be nice" part of their brain got ahead of the logic part
I was wondering if he was offering to spot, then I remembered gym creeps are very much a thing.
If she’s about to lift two of them (plus the bar), why does he think she needs help with one?
I mean, I wouldn't personally take any of these as confidence inspiring things. Ya, it was a mistake this time, but folks are over hear roasting this random stranger. What's the lesson to take from this besides "never make a mistake because there is no empathy in this world for you".
Yeah. If you weren't awkward you could ask if she wanted a spotter, which would actually be useful and then you could chat while you are working out together.
Offering to pick up a plate for her is just weird.
You obviously can, but that doesn't mean it's a nice thing to do. Your list of things being worried doesn't contain a thing about the other person. I'm pretty sure most people are worried about disturbing another person that doesn't want to be disturbed
You don't know what the other person wants until you talk with them.
You shouldn't just make the assumption that everyone else does not want to interact with you. Hell, maybe they are just itching for conversation, and you are making it weird by not talking.
And worse case, if they indicate that you are bothering them, just take the hint and move on. Accidently being disturbed for a few seconds is just the cost of living in a society.
I've had several casual friendships start in the gym, both from people asking for a spot or offering to help unrack my weights. before that, when I was a swimmer, I had friendships start with people who asked to share my lane.
I don't understand why you people act like the gym is a funeral home.
That sounds quite entitled to me.
Yes, as a human being you are entitled to talk with other human beings, unless they express otherwise. This idea that approaching people is inappropriate is a relatively recent concept, probably brought about by social media.
Having been in gyms since I was a teenager there are two options. Either the guy is hoping you talk to him as a way to start to flirt, a lot of people use gyms as signles bars for some reason and helping someone rack is almost like asking if you want them to buy you a drink.
Or option two, the guy is agressively freindly for some reason and does it to everyone. There are guys (and girls) at gyms who think they're everyone's buddy. They'll start conversations the second you stand still, they'll rack weights for you or unrack them without being asked, they'll even try and spot guys without being asked. I don't know where it comes from personallitywise but every gym has one of these guys.
You know that person at your job that doesn’t respect boundaries and acts like you’re all there to socialize instead of to make money? Unfortunately, they have hobbies and go to the gym.
Oh, I mean if you’re willing to leave someone alone if they don’t want to participate then I’m not talking about you. Some people aren’t so accommodating
Oh yeah for sure. I do kinda feel like my workplace is set up to be flexible in that way. People can show up when they want as long as they make it to meetings and work 8 hours, and people can go eat wherever they want for lunch, and even tho a lot of people get drinks on Friday, people have lives and there's never mandatory fun. Nobody is really forced into socializing beyond the bare minimum required to communicate with your coworkers about the work.
That being said, I do think there's a bit of pressure to be social. When supervisors and directors don't show up to parties, it creates a weird distance and isn't really the company culture. Some people coast by on sheer talent alone, but people notice when someone is deliberately distancing themselves, and depending on the role it's not always seen as a good thing.
Never been to a gym as I prefer working out alone or with friends but was about to comment something similar becuase a guy at my work did something like this once. My job is sanitation so I clean up the lines at the factory when they are done running them and one day the guys were lingering around waiting for it to be time to clock out when I started cleaning and two guys thanked me for cleaning up after them, then one of them ran over to drain a machine so I didn’t have to cross and then when I was done he ran over to helped me put my hose up and asked how my day was. I could totally see him helping rack weights for someone or randomly spotting them in a gym.
Could be the doors thing. Some guys have been programmed, usually by their parents, to ALWAYS open a door for a lady. The lady could be closer to the door, and you might need to sprint to get there first, and you might need to fight her for control of the door, but bah gawd you are going to open that door for that lady because that is what you're supposed to do. It's not necessarily because they're hitting on you, it's just social programming.
I just hold it open long enough for them to take over before walking inside. Slamming a door in someone's face would be rude as hell, but I ain't standing around waiting for some rando to walk through a door either. Even less so a large group of people.
The second guy ain't bad. With the slow death of third spaces, it's nice to have a friendly stranger. For plenty of people (and depending on the culture of the gym), the gym is their social outlet.
There are guys (and girls) at gyms who think they're everyone's buddy.
99% of the gym rats I’ve met.
Do you ever wonder … if there are people on the spectrum whose fascination isn’t trains but more … getting swoll af? Because it would neatly explain the behavior.
Autism is actually common with champion powerlifters and body builders because you need an almost inhuman level of focus and desire to put in the hours at the gym to get to that level.
i always help people on the gym, it doesn't have anything to do with flirting (i go with my wife), i am friendly and open, so if someone is adding weights, and i can, i help, maybe being latino has something with my personality.
lot of people use gyms as signles bars for some reason and helping someone rack is almost like asking if you want them to buy you a drink.
Yeah, no. I have been in multiple gyms and in different cities and the only place where there was any kind of "heyyyyy how is it going?" was on a college campus.
No one I have seen uses the gym like a social scene. I have not seen people offer to rack the other genders weights as some sort of doorway to dating.
Or option two, the guy is agressively freindly for some reason and does it to everyone. There are guys (and girls) at gyms who think they're everyone's buddy. They'll start conversations the second you stand still, they'll rack weights for you or unrack them without being asked, they'll even try and spot guys without being asked. I don't know where it comes from personallitywise but every gym has one of these guys.
Is this a sitcom? The only time I have been offered to rack weights was when I was done and they were using a lower weight than me. The only other time was the bored owner/manager who was just chilling and offered so he could get me out of the gym quicker to go home.
Yeah, no. I have been in multiple gyms and in different cities and the only place where there was any kind of "heyyyyy how is it going?" was on a college campus.
No one I have seen uses the gym like a social scene. I have not seen people offer to rack the other genders weights as some sort of doorway to dating.
Dude talk to basically any woman who goes to a gym regularly. Almost all of them will have a story about being hit on by random guys. Many will have multiple stories.
Depends on what type of gym you go to. Gyms with a powerlifting/oly scene tend to be more social, as do gyms with regular group fitness classes and gyms with a decent lobby area. Little 24/7 gyms that people go to alone for a bit of exercise tend to be less social, big gyms that serious lifters and fitness enthusiasts organize their life around tend to be more so.
Also, some people are just Like That, and someone who's Like That can show up anywhere without warning.
Olympic-style weightlifting. In powerlifting you compete in the squat, the deadlift, and the bench press. In weightlifting you compete in the snatch and the clean and jerk. It's more technical and more explosive/dynamic than powerlifting.
Most of the regulars at the gym are going there 3-6 days a week. Of course people socialize and date where they often spend time with people where they have similar interests. Especially where something physical is happening that is raising endorphins.
Nah, he was trying to flirt more likely than not. A common way men segue into flirting is by offering to lift something heavy a woman is carrying.
It can be effective outside of the gym but confusing inside the gym.
He’s very very awkwardly trying to flirt. Being in your late teens and early twenties is just a rough time and this poor guy was hoping to be smooth but instead was weird. But at least he was nice weird and not creepy weird!
I’m 38 and I’ve totally given up on trying to meet anyone organically. As an autistic guy I struggle enough with the few social rules I do know about, so reading comments about where and when you’re allowed to flirt is just too much. It seems like the real answer is “nowhere” and the best time is “never”, so I’m gonna play it safe.
As a fellow autistic guy boy if this ain't me. It feels like I have a checklist of so many places that are not acceptable to flirt
Grocery store
Gym
Work
... and so on
And when I try to explain this to my NT friends they offer platitudes such as "just be yourself" or "you'll know in the moment" and I can't help but think how that might be great advice for other NT people but the entire issue I have is being myself and difficulty with social cues preventing any "knowing" in the moment.
Eh. Being weird and creepy at the gym is a problem. Just trying to strike up a conversation and friendly, within reason of course, is fine. It’s also culturally dependent- certain places in America (or the world) it may be more or less culturally acceptable to randomly talk to anyone at the gym for any reason, romantically or not.
Ultimately if the actions displayed in the comic are true to life they exist within normal and acceptable parameters. He didn’t do or say anything creepy, he just shot his shot and failed. Thats acceptable, nearly everyone in the world has to do that at one point or another.
Eh, I've started a few friendships and even a relationship from meeting at the gym. You just gotta know when is and isn't the right time to try to strike up a conversation. Like any other social scenario, you just gotta have some social/emotional awareness. Most people give off signs, whether they know it or not, that show they are/aren't approachable.
You don't want to be approached at the gym and thinks it's rude. Cool. That's you. I personally am a sociable guy and if someone walks up to me in between sets or something I'll happily have a conversation. Different strokes for different folks.
Most people are usually pretty happy to talk about themselves and their interests, too. I met one of my best friends at the gym back when I was in the service. He had a Critical Role shirt on and I decided to ask if he watched the show and we shot the shit for hours. He's an officer now and I'm a civilian and we still try to find time to meet up fairly regularly.
You just gotta know a thing or two about how your fellow humans work socially, really. Unfortunately, though, a lot of people lack this skill and refuse to learn.
Nonsense. A woman might not be there to be hit on, but it’s not some sacrosanct place that’s off limits to usual human interaction. You’re in a more or less public place
I don't understand what it being a public place has got to do with anything - there are both public and private places where it can be either extremely inappropriate or highly appropriate to ask someone out. I wouldn't say that a public hospital, for example, is a great place to hit on women.
The more pertinent point though is that social interaction and even flirting is fine, but going around hitting on women absolutely isn't. If you develop a mutual and friendly rapport with someone at the gym then there's nothing wrong with trying a bit of flirting to see if they reciprocate, but to just go up to strangers at the gym and start hitting on them is absolutely extremely inappropriate, rude, and I'd hope that any decent gym would have rules against it.
(Warning: I am not a gym goer and do not know things lol)
Would this kind of interaction be less confusing to you if they chose a different excuse to interact? It seems obvious to me that if you were planning on pressing the bar in the first place that you can obviously lift half or less of the weights, but what if they had offered to get the other side at the same time? Or if they had offered to like hold the other end of the bar to keep it from catepulting?
Is there an excuse they should be making instead to come talk to you that doesn’t imply that you aren’t capable of doing the lifting you obviously intend to do?
I don't quite do what's being shown in the comic but I'll share my perspective anyway.
I don't scroll on my phone or do anything besides walk while in between sets. In the specific situation where I'm at the squat racks in between sets, someone is racking weights directly beside me, and they're starting on the side farthest from me, I might help out because I'm bored and have nothing else to do.
Walking up to someone and offering to rack the weights that they're holding in their hands is wack though.
Everyone keeps bringing up flirting... but your comic just shows someone being helpful and then fucking off immediately afterwards? Where's the flirting part?
Well you are there to train your muscles with the machines, loading the machines is a mandatory tedious activity to do so. They probably thought they were being helpful, probably felt pressured to do so by social gender norm.
A lot of newer people look lost and/or seem to be looking for guidance.
In addition, there are some people not looking to lift but doing the social media thing.
I usually let people sort stuff out. A few times I have come over and said something. Once, a girl on the leg press didn't realize there was an additional plate on the upper tier and thus she had 135 on one side and 90 on the other.
Another time someone looking very new had put too much weight on his bench and I offered a spot and watched him badly need it.
Perhaps you look unsure of how to put the weight on despite knowing the process?
If you are experienced, the above explanation makes no sense.
Most gym people do their routine and leave. I can't think of any interaction that wasn't pointing to a weight or "how many sets left?" Legitimately I have known some of these people for years and haven't said more than 3 sentences. I think that is "most" gym regulars.
Generally speaking the more serious the gym the less talk. You get more chatter on the cardio stuff like a stairmaster than on the free weights.
Are you sure they weren't trying to politely hustle you through your reps to use the equipment for themself?
It could be awkward flirting as well. What kind of gym is it? A Planet Fitness vs Golds Gym vs college campus all have different vibes.
Imo pretty much all of these alternatives range from sort of annoying to straight up rude. Like I get that it can be frustrating waiting for someone when I want to use the bench, but as long as they're not just farting around on their phone or something, I'd say it's pretty rude to try to rush them through it.
If I'm really in a hurry, I'll ask if I can alternate sets, but that's about it.
Maybe he just has anxiety and dossint know how else to talk to you? Or maybe he is just slow in the head? I dont know, ever way your thinking too hard.
There are also a lot of men who have had it ingrained in them growing up to be helpful, carry things or hold the door for example
It's not about putting women down or in their place or anything like that
Just a lot of parents raise their male kids telling them that if they are not being chivalrous and doing things, for example if they see a woman carrying something that could be heavy, and they don't offer to help, then they have failed as a man
Mostly because it feels condescending as fuck on the receiving end lol. Like you're literally there to lift weights, offering to lift those weights for you is (at best) just kinda cringe failed chivalry
Because things that come off as condescending generally come off as rude too, causing irritation and sometimes whim to be rude in return ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I can see how this specific interaction can be seen as condescending, but nothing about it warrants a ride reply, when a basic "I'm good thanks" serves the same purpose. You being irritated isn't an excuse to be an ass.
That is because in your perspective this happens once instead of two to three times per day when you are training. Imagine every new set you start doing a dude asked if you need help lifting, you said no, he said dont worry I got it and started starting up a conversation while putting up weights for you. Then while you work out he keeps trying to find something to talk about ignoring when you try to nicely tell him you want to focus. Then when you are finally rude telling him to go away he gives you a nasty side eye calling you rude. That will repeat at least ten more times this month.
Damn lol I've never even been in this situation, no need to lecture the one who's explaining
But anyways no, "I'm good thanks" doesn't necessarily serve the same purpose. It doesn't communicate that the gesture can (and often does) come across as rude, so in the best case scenario of the guy just being kinda dense, you're keeping him dense and oblivious and likely to annoy someone else similarly in the future. Obviously causing a scene would be a disproportionate reaction, but wanting to discourage the behaviour in some way is completely reasonable.
Edit: that is, assuming good faith. Some people pull shit like this knowing full well how it comes across. And those deserve even less consideration, so either way, can't go wrong
Cause it would be the latest in a long list of increasingly frustrating experiences, and at some point men need sterner responses so they understand their behavior isn't welcome and they change up their game plan.
Didn't you know? Women have to be nice ALL the time. No matter how much it happens. You can never ever not be nice. And I'm sure being nice won't be misread as interest or anything! No sir! I'm sure the ''is she just being nice or is she flirting'' meme comes from nowhere! /s
My guess would be your moving the 20kg or 25kg plates and you looked light you were about to shit your pants. But keep in mind they aren't light for anyone but the biggest guys, so a lot of people look like that loading and unloading them.
And the gyms really don't like them being left on machines/bars for a good reason. As have enough of them left on and it's unreasonable to expect a lot of people to unload them.
Now yes it's probably just a guy trying to and sucking at flirting but it sounds like such a crap attempt at it, might just be someone a bit exhausted and not thinking straight. As it could of also just been the person using it before you on autopilot have a mental fart thinking "oh fuck did I forget to take the weights off" and go to stop you from helping them. But then realise to late your not unloading.
I honestly think he was trying in a somewhat inept way to break the ice a little and do a bit of socialization/flirting. Guys have to be so careful with that stuff, and masking your approach with a bit of physical help is a standard "fig leaf" for attempting to get closer to a woman who seems interesting, as it puts you in her sphere of perception while you're being helpful. It's a pretty good long term strategy for expanding your social circle/potential dating pool.
I want to clarify, nothing nefarious is probably happening here. Dude saw an interesting woman and decided to take a longshot and see what happened.
when you appeared confused, he probably saw that it hadn't gone to plan and backed right off, exactly as he should.
1.5k
u/SirBeeves SeraBeeves 6d ago edited 6d ago
I am so confused, lifting heavy stuff is why I’m here? Now I’m self conscious that I look like I’m struggling while setting up.
Edit: obligatory self promo of my Instagram