[OC] Romance blues

[u/Practical_Hope_7718]

Forever in a toxic relationship with my imagination….
((Please be kind in the comments))

[u/JSchade]

I feel like people don’t give other people chances anymore. Like if people don’t immediately feel sparks fly on the first date then they abandon ship, but honestly I am extremely weary of those first dates with a lot of intensity right of the bat. They say the brightest flames burn out the fastest and I find it to be true. Real love is something that takes time to develop, and isn’t going to feel like a constant wave of intense emotions at every point. When I met my wife for the first time in person (we also met online) I wasn’t falling head over heels for her on the first date, it was in fact kind of awkward. However, it wasn’t terrible, so I continued to go on dates with her and my feeling developed from there.

I feel like one of the main reasons there is incentive to give up on people so quickly these days us because the dating market offers us so many theoretical “options.” So if something doesn’t click right away, we always have “another chance,” or someone else to turn to. But why think about people that way? It doesn’t seem fair. Is love really about trying to get the best bang for your buck, always seeking out a better “option” until you land on some magic dream guy that most closely matches what you imagined from the start? Or is love something that grows from familiarity? Does love mean accepting someone for who they are, despite them not being everything you might have expected them to be from the start? I mean I guess it’s up to every person to decide for themselves what love is, but I at least know what I want.

You’re probably quite young, not that I’m super old, but I think in time you might realize that the best things in life are worth fighting for, and sometimes giving a relationship some time to develop can be quite rewarding in the long run. And I’m not judging you, but just offering this advice as maybe a different perspective that could maybe help you in the future. Cheers.

[u/SeaGreenOcean25 → u/JSchade]

I have a three date minimum for men who do not immediately turn me off on the first date. It does take some time for people to not be awkward and nervous. But, if I’m not sexually attracted to someone after the third date, it’s just not going to work. I am not going to have another relationship with a dead bedroom so “no sexual attraction” is a total dealbreaker for me. I see sexy men around all the time, it’s just a mater of finding one who is sexy and also kind and also a total nerd who will play dnd with me.

[u/Alister151 → u/SeaGreenOcean25]

That was also my general rule, give it three dates and if the spark isn't there by then, it probably won't happen. Just so happened that I was completely enamored with my wife from date one, so I lucked out. But three dates seems to be a good number to figure it out.