Dad with a terminal illness

[u/Feisty-Television654]

My dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness last year. He has ~3-5 year expected timeline and will gradually decline as time goes on and will need a full time caregiver.

I am in my twenties and live across the country. I have been at my current job for a few years and have received high ratings. I work at a big company with offices across many cities, including the one where my family is.

My current goal is to go visit once every few months and work remote from there. My office is two days a week in person. I usually only am able to see my dad a few times a year because I am busy working.

I am conflicted whether I transfer offices because it is a smaller office and I would be uprooting my entire life and all my friends. I don’t know how to balance my demanding career and being able to spend time with my family. I haven’t told anyone at work because I don’t want my family situation to be weaponized against me if I make a mistake and they say I am distracted or something. Despite being sad
I try my best to maintain a happy composure. I don’t want people to treat me differently. I enjoy the work I do and the company I am at but it is definitely hard when I work late and have unpredictable hours (example: not being able to go to family dinner).

My dad really doesn’t want me to move because he doesn’t want me to uproot my entire life but I keep missing him even when I am sitting right with him.

I don’t know if I will have regret if I keep at my current job while my family is across the country and I can’t see them. Has anyone managed this situation and has any advice?

[u/jsontravel]

I lost my dad 5 years ago. I still miss him every single day. I was - and I guess I still am - super busy with work, family and obligations. I had a chance to see him weekly, as I lived nearby. Yet, I still feel I should have spent more time with him, even if I feel nothing was left unsaid during our +40 years together.

Changing jobs is trivial, and it will happen a dozen times or more in your life. You only have one dad. I cannot say what you should do, but if I were in a similar situation knowing what I think I know now, I'd move next weekend.