Its been killing me, I just wanna die, most of the time I only feel happiness when I do my hobbies or lay down and imagine a life were I pass as a man and have male friends, a gf, you know a normal male life that I'm denied instead ppl view me as a zoo animal when I go out, they laugh at me and mock me, I don't believe you can change sex and I don't want to get the hormornes or surgery that will shorten my life and make me sick for ever

hi everyone, im FtM (21). I started identifying as male at 13. It's impossible to write out an accurate narrative of what I was going through at the time but I think what is most relevant is that I was really obviously autistic and my parents did not believe in autism. Changing my name and finding my identity helped me immensely. I was super one hundred and ten percent sure I was trans and wanted to transition medically.

About three years ago, that confidence began to wane, and the realities of being transgender began to set in.Most of the time I feel fine but every few days i spiral into extreme anxiety and become convicted that I need to detransition. I think it's due to the increased politicization of transgender identity. I have no doubt that I would prefer to have been born a cis male, but I now constantly question whether I would rather be a trans male or a cis woman. I do have dysphoria, but I constantly question whether it is all in my head, and if I committed to accepting life as a woman, my quality of life would improve. I have very severe anxiety about being a very obvious trans person (quite short, full chested, curvy) I'm also goth, which isn't inherently fem but definitely doesn't help me blend in with men. I feel like i look like a clown trying to blend in with society

it also is just damaging to my ego, especially as an autistic person i sorta feel like I deceived myself and the thought of detransitioning shatters the trust i had in myself.Additionally everyone in my life knows me as a very secure man, and I've never expressed any doubt about my identity. I worry my trans friends will judge me or reject me for not being strong enough to remain a man.

I just want to feel like things will be alright, but when I think of the future, I am overcome by terror that I will live the rest of my life struggling helplessly against my biology.

I lived as a “trans man” for 7 years of my life. Testosterone for 5-6 years. Started my detransition 2 years ago now.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother, but never saw it as a realistic possibility.

The female body is resilient. Don’t believe the fear-mongering of “testosterone makes you infertile”. It doesn’t. There is hope. We weren’t even trying for a baby and we have been blessed.

I’m almost 4 weeks post op and I am so so so happy! I feel like the part of me that was missing is finally back and I feel so much more connected with my femininity.

My surgeon was worried that he wouldn’t be able to get very big implants in since I had no breast tissue after too surgery and my scars were higher up than most mastectomy scars (so my scars sit across my breast right under my nipple) but he was able to get 375ccs in each leaving me at around 38B (or 32D? I’m still trying to figure out cup sizes as I hated my boobs from the second I hit puberty so I basically ignored them until now)! They look great and they’re only getting better as they heal.

I did unfortunately have to pay completely out of pocket — and I am so fortunate to be able to have the money to do so, but it did end up being around $9k including the $500 fee for endoscopic.

I feel so much happier and more confident and like myself and being able to wear clothes that I wasn’t able to before due to lack of breast/cleavage is so elating!!!!!

This is the best pic I have at the moment that isn’t me without a shirt on lol but I will update as they heal and “drop and fluff”.

Im Ftmtf, I had depression and I was isolated. Im pretty sure there’s an amount of detransitioner who can relate to this. Back in 2020 everyone picked their pride flag, my friends wanted to label themselves all the time and I wanted that as well. I’m an artist and the artist community online is pretty queer or at least very open so a lot of people I used to interact with, used to draw themselves with flags and cool sonas. Back then I just turned 14 I didn’t even understand the concept of being transgender.
I feel like it was just a label for me, I feel like I genuinely thought you can experiment with your gender because before that, I never felt like a boy. But as soon as I outed myself my whole friendgroup was happy for me, proud of me. I didn’t have dysphoria before, but that was a point where I developed dysphoria because I believed I was a trans man for years. Time passed and my dysphoria just got worse because no one saw me as a guy.

I discovered the trans community and realized people can change their gender, I could take testosterone and remove my chest, that’s an option like that’s a normal thing to do when you have dysphoria? In my mind I always knew as a kid I never felt out of place because of my gender, I never even considered being a boy before, in fact I enjoyed being a girl before I outed myself. I feel like this outing tricked my own brain. I socially transitioned for 4 years, I started passing after the first year and I was desperate to start t.
So I started t a month before I tuned 18. Now I’m 20 next year and I was close to go through breast removal. That was the point where my body sent me signals, out of sudden I had so much doubt and I got scared. I am not trans.

Back then no one was able to convince me otherwise, I was 100% sure I was a man. Everyone who told me otherwise was transphobic in my eyes. I don’t think anyone would be able to change my mind if I could go back in time, and my transition was an important part of my life to discover who I really am.

I’m an ally for all queer people, I love my trans friends and queer friend group, but as a kid it can definitely confuse you and you’ll end up believing you’re someone else just to escape your own reality.

I get that I’m male, I always will be. But I cry about it daily. I’ve tried exposure therapy for it different treatments. Nothing reduces my distress. I’m 19 I’ve been on HRT for over a year now and I don’t know what to do, I should probably detrans, but I have this urge to get FFS and SRS to try to make it better.

I don’t want to look in the mirror and SEE a male even if I’ll always be one biologically. I can’t relate to men, I feel disconnected from what i actually am in a way that deeply hurts.

I've now been off T for over a year, so I wanted to post a comparison! I was on T for six years, and began taking it when I was around 16 (plus two years of hormone blockers starting at 14).

First pic was right after I had decided to detransition and was (awkwardly) experimenting with my hair and makeup, second pic is me now.
Even though there are still days where I struggle with my masculine voice and appearance, I feel sooo much more confident and happy with both my identity and presentation now.

I also underwent a breast reconstruction three months ago, which has improved my confidence SO much. It feels like I got to reclaim a part of myself that I've mourned for years