r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/bisalmondal • 2d ago
Do you ever keep yourself busy just to avoid being alone with your thoughts?
Sometimes, having nothing to do feels more exhausting than having too much to do. You want to start something, make progress, or create something meaningful, but your own thoughts seem to get in the way.
So you keep yourself busy, hoping that staying occupied will make everything feel a little lighter.
Have you ever felt this way? What do you usually do when silence becomes uncomfortable?
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u/Capital-Assistance84 2d ago edited 2d ago
I used to but not anymore. I used to always have to be around friends, texting people often, distracting myself into various addictions and I can finally say the past few years I no longer get lonely anymore. I enjoy being with myself, with my dog and family. It takes a lot more energy and time to run from your inner landscape then it does to just be with it. You are not doing yourself a favor by running, the thoughts will only get louder and suppression never works out well in the end.
Being bored on top of having a fundamental discomfort with your self is a recipe for disaster. Being bored is a good thing also but so many of us run from it like the plague. People start to get creative when they are bored and do amazing things. Lean in and life will get better.
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u/Maximum_Bathroom8393 2d ago
Thank you for this response. This one hit the bullseye for me. Thank you again.
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u/WileyCoyote7 2d ago
No, I actively try and unburden my life and simplify my activities so that I can spend time alone with my thoughts. The world is noise.
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u/Retro-Universe 2d ago
Meditation saved me. The ability to let thoughts pass on their own is a super power.
Most people are victims of their own thoughts and don't even realize it.
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u/No-Needleworker-2415 1d ago
Any recommendations for a good place to start learning meditation? Book, video? I need to reset my brain
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u/mychinesesucks 1d ago edited 1d ago
The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying is amazing if you don't mind Buddhism. It's more than just meditation, but absolutely incredible. The Buddhists really are the best at meditation though.
The gist of it is, get in a comfortable position, take a few deep cleaning breaths, then just relax into yourself. Bring your awareness to your breath, not to control it, but just to observe. In. Out. When thoughts arise you'll get distracted, when you realize this, hold yourself in kindness and compassion, then return to your breath. Don't be upset about thoughts, that's the whole point. To slow down so your body and mind have time to process.
The meditation occurs between the thoughts.
If physical sensations arise, just acknowledge them and accept them, then come back to the breath.
If it helps, simple label things. "Thinking, thinking, thinking." Then back to breath. Your knee hurts? "Pain, pain, pain." Then back to the breath.
5 minutes and a 1 minute break for three sets. Then more when. You feel comfortable.
Above all, don't be upset at your wondering mind. Hold your body and mind in kindness and compassion. Emotions will arise. "Anger, anger, anger." Then back to the breath.
The body and mind are like a child. They just need kindness and compassion.
This was taught to me by Buddhist monks teaching Vipassana in Thailand. It changed my life and allowed a lot of trauma to process and heal.
Every sensation and thought will come and go. Don't grasp and don't avoid. Just observe and accept then come back to breath. If you lose focus on breath and have no thoughts, even better.
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u/Retro-Universe 1d ago
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Letting Go by David R Hawkins.
Also I have an awesome playlist for the idea of letting go of thoughts. zuckerabudi is a great channel.
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLlCyFREirkmG91AOuSPAG6Ps9zwfZvBQx&si=uN9HSummEO_ZV572
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u/Optimal_Onion3944 1d ago
Seconding recommendations please!
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u/Retro-Universe 1d ago
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLlCyFREirkmG91AOuSPAG6Ps9zwfZvBQx&si=uN9HSummEO_ZV572
Also Letting Go by David R Hawkins and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle
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u/ashleyriot31 2d ago
my thoughts attack me even when im busy cuz im mostly stressed when im busy... when im just chillin in front of my computer, my brain is just pretty chill most of the time.
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u/SilverWolf3935 2d ago
All the fucking time lol. Once my mind gets going, that’s it. I have to have noise in the background constantly or my depression and anxiety go off the rails.
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u/root-node 2d ago
I have headphones on most of the time listening to music.
It allows me to concentrate on things I need, and to help drown out the noise of the world.
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u/NLOneOfNone 2d ago
I like the silence. I can just sit on a chair and do nothing for hours, just thinking. I think all day long. Even during work, I am lost in thought. Very often, I avoid doing things that require me to keep my attention.
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u/tony33oh 1d ago
24/7. Can't stand silence. Always have headphones in, a tv on, music playing, or in conversation with people.
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u/Preposterous4Life 1d ago
Love staring at the ceiling in total silence. Prefer being still than doing things for the sake of doing them.
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u/furculture 1d ago
About 50% of the time being up. The other 50% is set aside to do just that but in a healthy manner. Gotta empty out the thoughts some times by addressing it and if it is either good or how I can improve a similar situation to be better than last time if it happens again. Refining the tools I have and finding new ones in the pile of thoughts as I clear it out.
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u/Firepath357 1d ago
The majority of people seem to exist this way. A lot of people don't know what they'd do when they retire, and a lot of people that do what everyone else does - go to work, do chores, get bored and go to cafes and pubs. It seems like so many haven't ever had a good think about what they'd like to do and pursued something that takes the slightest bit of thought, planning, or commitment. Even if I wasn't working I wouldn't have the time to do all the things I current do, as much as I'd want to, let alone all the other things I'd like to get into.
So to answer your question, no, I do not keep myself busy to avoid being alone with my thoughts. My thoughts are one of the greatest assets I (and any person really) can have, if they can focus them on something useful. It's the reason I've done as well as I have in life even though I've definitely had less advantages and opportunities than the average person.
But also your description seems to be the opposite of the title. You describe your thoughts getting in the way of you doing things. That's pretty much called procrastination. Procrastination can be reduced by training / practice. When you start realising "Hey if I just do this thing, it will be done, I'll have time for the other stuff afterwards, and the other benefits of having it done." you get motivated to just starting and doing things. And you start realising that doing things isn't as bad as the thought of doing it, which makes the thought of doing it less bad.
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