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u/calwil93 Aug 11 '26
I was a “quiet achiever” in school.
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u/ladykansas Aug 11 '26
Wait...I thought "introvert" doesn't always mean "quiet." It's more "do you GIVE energy to be social" vs "do you GET energy by being social."
Steven Colbert or Bill Clinton are classic extraverts. You can just tell they FEED off of being around people. Their ideal party has 1000 people at it.
Jon Stewart or Obama are introverts that still are successful in the public eye. They clearly get tired after a big social event. Their ideal party would be dinner with their 5 closest friends.
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u/septemberjams Aug 11 '26
Well if a person requires energy to be social, it’s pretty likely they’ll become quieter once their energy runs out / be quieter in general to preserve energy
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u/Life-Breadfruit-3986 Aug 22 '26
I don't know much about Obama but he always seemed to be an introvert for sure.
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u/magnuseriksson91 Aug 11 '26
Because life is rigged towards extroverts, since we're social as a species. Sad but true!
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u/Sad-Recognition-2598 Aug 11 '26
I don't understand that argument at all, if we're a social species why can introverts go so long without or with minimal human contact? Are we a different species from extroverts then?
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u/magnuseriksson91 Aug 11 '26
Why, we can indeed, but the society is naturally built in favour of extraverts, is all.
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u/coolcoolcool485 Aug 11 '26
it might be one of the reasons it's not doing so hot right now. people need more time to self-reflect on themselves.
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u/BlackSpidy Aug 13 '26
Here's hoping it's not to late before humanity realizes that a non-charismatic person that's competent is much more valuable than a silver tongued scammer 🤷
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u/Sad-Recognition-2598 Aug 13 '26
That would require a certain level of intelligence and introspection which the average smooth brain doesn't have. For most people sounding smart is more important than being smart
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u/Glittering_Aide2 Aug 12 '26
Humans are tribal animals. We are a social species in the sense that we evolved to live with each other. It doesn't mean that all humans desire to constantly socialize. Extreme social isolation harms every human being significantly, including introverts.
It's also important to mention that most people have a mix of introverted and extroverted traits. It's not like human beings are naturally divided to be either distinctly extroverted or introverted.
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u/ChameleonCabal Aug 15 '26
Because this is commonly regarded as weird. Generally speaking, the quiet and shy seem to not give a fk about anyone. This of course will get you the reactions. Am I a criminal for disliking quiet folks? I also don’t like extroverts and cultures who behave like on drugs. But they probably don’t like me as well. See?
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u/Sad-Recognition-2598 Aug 15 '26
I see the problem with that yes however cultures you hate don't just dislike you, they'll actively try to make you conform or assimilate. This might be me but I've never met, seen or heard of an introvert trying to convert an extrovert into an introvert only the other way around. Then again I'm an introvert so my social circle probably isn't big enough for me to hear about this
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u/GhostOfD6 Aug 12 '26
Someone theorized or claimed that introverst are actually extraverts, because human interactions give them so much dopamine or smth, that they have to take long breaks to get rid of that overwhelm.
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u/Sad-Recognition-2598 Aug 13 '26
What an L theory, in my experience human interaction drains my soul unless I'm talking about my interests (I'm autistic btw) my soul still gets drained, but not as fast.
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u/195cm_100kg_27cm Aug 15 '26
It give zero dopamine to small talk with people. But it does surge my dopamine when I talk about warhammer lore
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u/Acceptable_Style_219 Aug 14 '26
um… you are aware that we are not ants right? there is dymorphism in our behaviors and thought processes. both nature and nurture play a part. we are also heavily removed from natural selection now. perhaps, tens of thousands of years ago, a human who was extremely socially isolated would probably die sooner than others.
we are undoubtedly a social species. otherwise we never would’ve gotten to the point we are at today. the technology, infrastructure, body of information, etc. that have been built up have only been able to be accomplished due to the efforts of our species as a whole. we were never an individualist species
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u/SadSaltyDuck Aug 15 '26
Except 99% of inventions we use today were likely created by introverts.
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u/SadSaltyDuck Aug 15 '26
Introverts bring useful skills that extraverts often cannot attain. Hence introversion genes were also often passed, because it helped species to survive. These days, however, we may stop reproducing at all
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u/Livid-General7 Aug 13 '26
Being social has nothing to do with being introvert or extrovert. Everyone in this sub needs a damn dictionary.
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u/195cm_100kg_27cm Aug 15 '26
It does, introvert aim for limited social interaction, because their social battery is lower. Meanwhile extravert feeds of it.
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u/Livid-General7 Aug 27 '26
No, introverts get their energy from alone time, that's not the same as avoiding social interactions at all. Buy a dictionary, I'm not going to argue with someone who doesn't know what they're talking about.
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u/Few_Cauliflower2069 Aug 13 '26
Not really, they're just more vocal which means we're all more likely to notice opinions. Being introverted doesn't mean being antisocial. My most introverted friend is usually the one to arrange most of our hangouts in the friend group.
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u/frostanon Aug 11 '26
Unfortunately things that will get you praised as a kid, may not necessarily get you far as an adult.(Depending on the path you chose)
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u/Peppery_Pete100 Aug 11 '26
If you don’t express who you are then other people will try to fill in the gaps, and unfortunately it will be filled with a lot of shadow projection. Not saying that introverts deserve it, it’s very challenging, but this is often what is happening.
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u/Lost-Sentence8204 Aug 12 '26
How to stop this?
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u/Golden-Grams Aug 12 '26
Personally, I just stopped caring, you can't stop another person from making that choice.
Their "filling in gaps" is not good behavior, and is a reflection on them. It is inferring judgements on your person, when they could simply ask you questions. Unfortunately, it has become more normalized, but that doesn't mean it is good. Just that it's something we can't really regulate.
There is an old phrase that describes this behavior; "don't judge a book by its cover."
People shouldn't have to become a human billboard, or otherwise be treated badly. That's a terrible social system. Getting to know someone requires the work of actually getting to know them, through conversation and questions.
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u/Acceptable_Style_219 Aug 14 '26
it hasn’t just “become more normalized.” it is a completely normal behavior meant for our survival. our brain is CONSTANTLY looking for patterns and trying to understand things that are unknown to it. of course it is. and of course, it can only use what it already knows to form those patterns and connections - hence us projecting things onto others
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u/Peppery_Pete100 Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
You can’t stop it. You can only change your relationship to it. It helps to understand what is happening. Most of the world’s problems are because people are afraid to feel their own suffering. What happens in shadow projection is a person feels suffering, some kind of irritation or old wound, like a feeling of inferiority because you don’t speak to them, and instead of feeling the pain they blame another person because that seems easier, now they don’t have to feel it. They can now get a sense of superiority, but it’s very fragile. It’s a bad strategy because it makes the other person feel bad, and it creates a cycle of hate. You can either choose to shadow project back at them, to feel bad about yourself (which is not seeing yourself clearly), or you can choose to feel suffering. A person accuses you of something for example, you get irritated, you notice yourself shadow project ‘they’re a dick!’ or having the urge to ‘get back’ at them, but instead you choose to spot the painful feeling underneath and just feel it. It’s not about fixing the painful feeling, it’s simply about holding it in loving awareness, when you do that it passes like stormy weather. It’s the same with other people too. When they shadow project you just see ‘this person is suffering, they are blaming me so they don’t feel their pain,’ and you hold them in the same space of loving awareness. You don’t try to fix them, you don’t pity them, you don’t feel superior, same for yourself, you just hold it in loving awareness.
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u/light_yagami_lovesL Aug 13 '26
Feel like I just took a whole class. Is such a interesting topic ❤️
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u/halloleo6 Aug 11 '26
I was the "weird guy" in my last job in a coffee store, just because I didn't want to talk or be friends with anyone there.
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u/Tango_D Aug 11 '26
I'm super duper introverted myself, but it's still a good idea to engage just enough to build minimal bridges. A trick I use is I think of people as puzzles to figure out and you gain a tiny bit of power/stats for every puzzle you solve. They get to feel validated and seen, and I get to build my internal model.
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u/halloleo6 Aug 11 '26
In my case I don't need to have new relations or new friends, cause I feel cool the way I am, I'm sure about me and I'm not weird because I don't want to talk with people, but that aside, in this case all the people there was problematic as fuck tho, a girl who was always trying to act like the boss and criticize everyone, a bootlicker guy, and another girl that was always in bad humor, so I used to go, do the job and return home with 0 contact and 0 problems, and even that way I was branded as the "weird guy", even if you do the things they way they want they're gonna probably talk about you, that's how the world works
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u/pyttfall Aug 11 '26
Me at my current job. I don’t know how to avoid it
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u/forgottenb1ade Aug 11 '26
I wouldn't really worry about avoiding it, ultimately it doesn't matter what others think. Just be yourself. I've never seen work as a place to make friends anyways. I'm just there to pay my bills and have a comfortable life beyond that I don't care about the people I work with at all.
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u/761557527 Aug 11 '26
Being introverted and not wanting to talk or be friends with people are different things.
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u/Big_Investigator1393 Aug 11 '26
Exactly like did they straight up just ignore ppl who tried to talk to them? If so get a job where you are by yourself. There’s a difference between being reserved and RUDE.
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u/Interesting_Hair251 Aug 13 '26
You don't have to be friends with people during work but at least try to talk or act like you try. Of course colleagues find you a creep if you just plainly decide to have 0 interaction at all.
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u/Nooby_Chris Aug 11 '26
"I bet he's a serial killer." - one of my plant supervisors
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u/Able_Contribution407 Aug 11 '26
JFC, that's bullying. I'm sorry. They should just judge you on your work performance.
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u/Nooby_Chris Aug 11 '26
He's a pain in the ass to work with, but my other supervisors are cool. My end of the year work performance is usually the same: Quiet, comes in early, stays late, gets the job done.
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u/PeacefulWarrior529 Aug 11 '26
F that guy. I’ve heard comments like that from coworkers and managers at various workplaces in my life, and i’ve also heard the exact opposite- that i am compassionate and kind and listen deeply. I’m just not a people pleaser and i don’t “mask” to be accepted, which apparently is scary to some people. Don’t let that guy’s ignorance get to you.
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u/BrainFit2819 Aug 11 '26
You are special sir/mam. you are one of 300 in a country of 340 million 😃, assuming the US. Jokes aside that sucks.
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u/Valcerys Aug 11 '26
Since i was 5, l was criticized for being introverted. In primary school my parents were called often because i wanted to stay in the classroom reading by myself during recess. I was judged my whole life for not being outgoing.
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u/africanking223 Aug 11 '26
This is why I hate people
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u/SufficientSea7842 Aug 11 '26
They would crucify Jesus again if they could
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u/realsimulator1 Aug 11 '26
Not "creepy", but the same people which were fascinated by my talents/knowledge when I was little, don't care anymore. With time I realized that it's better to not care what others think (while respecting certain social norms ofcourse).
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u/heruskael Aug 11 '26
The other kids thought i was creepy because i wasn't into toilet humor.
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u/maisymowse Aug 11 '26
I don’t know. I identify as an introvert but I have a busy social life. There’s a massive difference between being shy/awkward/reserved and introverted. I’m outgoing I just wanna be left alone for a good while afterwards.
But I will say, if I am more reserved around people they do tend to think something is wrong or I’m snubbing them in some way.
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u/ZyeCawan45 Aug 11 '26
Being a tall half-black introvert that barely talks is all I have to be to be “scary” I’ve had multiple schoolmates and coworkers over the years say to me. “Wow, now that we’ve talked a little you’re really nice. I always thought you were scary before because you don’t talk much or show much expression.” Like sorry I’m autistic and don’t show negative emotions because nobody cares and don’t show positive emotions unless something makes the autism go BRRR.
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u/robbie2627 Aug 11 '26
At this point, it's fine. I'm almost immune to people thinking I'm creepy lol
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u/PeacefulWarrior529 Aug 11 '26
I relate so much to this. I would add that the less I care about others’ opinions, the better my mental health. I’ve learned to laugh at myself and at the dumb shit other people sometimes say/do. And eventually found more people I can relate to. Still an introvert, just not as isolated as i used to be.
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u/Expensive-Hat4138 Aug 11 '26
Pre transition I was told I looked like a school shooter a few times. Never made me feel good
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u/stercraft Aug 11 '26
They were all ready calling me creepy, and f*cked up when I was a child for being quiet.
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u/funkmasta8 Aug 12 '26
Rookie numbers. I was a creep at 17 just by being quiet. Still a creep last I checked by the way. Its my autism. People dont like my mannerisms therefore I must be a creep. Clearly I intend to do harm to any woman Im near, thats why I talk funny and dont make eye contact.
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u/Monsur_Ausuhnom Aug 12 '26
I'll do one for the 'Extrovert,'
Age 9 'You have a lot of energy.'
Age 17 "You talk loudly and can't seem to shut up."
Age 24 "You are wicked annoying and can't ever be quiet."
Age 30 "Hell is other people."
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u/LostKnight84 Aug 11 '26
My mom called me an old man when I was 8. At 42, I am just considered strange.
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u/Effective_Pomelo4554 Aug 11 '26
Once 24, start using 1 THC edible and it will help you not be shy
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u/Sea_Cap_9285 Aug 11 '26
It's bizarre to me how people treat me based on one personally trait. People who don't know me, just randomly think I'm going to harm them in some way. Meanwhile the people who actually took time to get to know me, are very attached to me.
People either take my silence as being shy, a threat, or being stuck up. It's amazing as to what personality and backstory people will automatically give you, if you give them nothing to prove them otherwise. In other words, extroverted people are strange.
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u/rizkiyoist Aug 12 '26
You asked, "Just why", so here is an answer.
You can't control what other people think about you, good or bad.
The problem is you've been taking other people's opinion too seriously, to a point that it controls your life. Sometimes people are assholes, and yet they are usually the loudest ones, giving the illusion that everyone is like that. They know you internalize everything, so they will say things that hurt you, and then they feel good about it.
Learn not to wait for other's approval to do something or to become someone.
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u/Middle-Duck-880 Aug 12 '26
We were playing a board game while visiting distant relatives. Quite a lot of us were playing. I was winning while others were busy arguing themselves on who's cheating and who's not.
Suddenly my uncle just started saying ' She's the cheater, she always sits quietly but she listens to everything everyone says then when the time is right she attacks, she's the silent killer'.
At first I thought he was just talking about the game situation but when I finally won the game he kept referencing about how I don't talk and keep silent while observing others it makes him think what's going on in my mind if I am harbouring revenge in my mind (???) and he kept going on which made me realize that family has discussions about me.
My sister growing up called me boring as hell but the moment a guy was interested in me she called me sl*t because according to her and many other adults since I don't talk I must have done something to him physicially to be attracted to me. I was 12.
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u/johncitizen1138 Aug 14 '26
Have patience-- once you're over 45 no one bothers to say anything at all. Highly recommend, 5 stars.
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u/Own_Protection5584 Aug 11 '26
This made me giggle 🤭. I haven't gotten the latter two comments to my face but I could see it being a thing. Imagine my shock as a kid when being quiet and doing my work no longer equaled a good grade. All of a sudden this thing called participation credit became important. Chaos.
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u/Illustrious_Age_5959 Aug 11 '26
The solution: don’t grow up
https://giphy.com/gifs/9SINEn8jWy7xzFquPG
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u/coldsilencehas Aug 11 '26
omg I'm almost 40 and I've been told those exact things at the age frame meme shows
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u/Physical-Survey7669 Aug 11 '26
I think I became more introverted through experience. I like being more reserved now as ive seen play social games. I love 1 on 1 hangout or 3-4 people groups but I find being in 20 person groups to be insufferable if its not all very close people to me
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u/AltAccBcImAshamed Aug 11 '26
Disagree, by age 16-17 it became "You should talk more", 20-25 was "you should come with us." Now in my 30s it's more "you were super quiet at first but I'm glad I kept trying to get to know you."
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u/aRedditUserFromNet Aug 11 '26
I found out that this is based on interest. people see interest, if you are in a social setting, the expectations are that of which is characteristic of that particular group or venue, event... For example, I ride bikes, motorcycles, if I go to a biker meeting without a bike I am seen as weird and peculiar. If I go to a gathering for IT related stuff and I flirt with the hostess, it is fine for me, but might be awkward and uncalled for. Read the room I would say, there are rules in each and every one of the rooms you are entering.
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u/Larperlurk Aug 12 '26
Dont forget the people coming up to you at parties and asking you if you are ok. Smh if i am not ok you would not see me around people karen
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u/SSj_Glucku Aug 12 '26
Hell yeah, in my creepy phase. Can't wait to see what my 40's will bring me.
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u/discogenx Aug 12 '26
I was called “antisocial”, when I was 23, but told I’m good because I, “stay away from drama”; when I was 40.
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u/Upstairs_Ad_3370 Aug 13 '26
And as a kid: rather hanging around with older people (who accept you as you are) cause hanging around peers causes stress due to (the normal) confrontations.
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u/icy-winter-ghost Aug 13 '26
I've been called creepy my whole life, even way before I was 9 years old. Other children were legitimately afraid of me.
I'm a very basic-looking white woman who never did anything to stand out on purpose. But I am autistic and selective mute as a child, so maybe that's what children and adults alike could sense about me.
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u/N3M0N Aug 13 '26
Break the circle: Dont be well behaved 9 year old! They did not mean that as compliment.
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u/DonnieRodz Aug 14 '26
Boring and weird were thrown at me as early as 16. I was definitely not a well-behaved child.
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u/Wemo_ffw Aug 14 '26
I’ve became a bit more bitter rather than boring. I don’t like hanging out with people and I’m tired of having to explain that to people. I’m friendly at work and people like me so I’m invited to play sports, go out on the town, play games etc and I just would rather not.
It feels like I constantly have to defend my boundaries and it’s seen as strange. Just the other day I was invited on a “guys trip” in France and I declined. Pressed further again I explained that if I went to France for the weekend, I’d rather do it alone. Friends are an obligation and start to expect that I’ll hang out with them often.
It’s truly like people can’t comprehend that being around people outside of work is incredibly draining for me.
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u/Money-Result7625 Aug 14 '26
You guys have to ask yourself if you're introverted by choice or because you lack social skills and fear social rejection? You won't be labeled as creepy for the former
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u/DubsHagg Aug 18 '26
Yep… The normal people (extroverts) call introverts weird and awkward and “get away from me”
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u/AlternativeShort6444 Aug 25 '26
I think it depends on people around us, during teens, we are under supervision of adults, who deeming consider a less talkative or shy to engage talks in group considered as a well disciplined and behaved person.
But when entering adulthood, this will take a U-turn, as adulthood is more compel of socializing which describes us, which in turn a well behaved kid once is considered as less attractive/finding it boring or invisible in a group. And it will be a struggle if he/she wanted to change the personality later.
Though a introvert with strong and sensible mind doesnt impact them.
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u/Icy-Koala-593lol Sep 06 '26
eso es porque acostumbran a que los niños sean timidos con gente que no conoce pero al madurar y ser adulto se "supone" que no deberia ser asi
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u/Designer-Gift-2390 Sep 07 '26
Ill be honest i wouldnt mind being creepy. I scare my grandma in her 70s all the time.
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u/Wild_Cat123Warrior Sep 08 '26
I was described like a 24 year old even since I was 9. Then the descriptions slowly became 30-like...
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u/Worldly_Disaster_007 Sep 09 '26
My 24 was like: You seem "mysterious".
Late 20s is like... Them: Are you ok? Me: I wanna go home.
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u/Midan71 Aug 11 '26
Legit, a woman called me creepy and laughed with her friends because I was eating dinner with my mum and i was simply quiet and minding my own business and wasn't talking excessively.
If anyone was creepy it was her, consistantly talking shit about me, laughing and commenting on my appearance. Projecting much.