r/introvert • u/Brilliant-Agent9575 • Sep 17 '26
Question How do you start conversation with random people
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u/Automatic-Climate425 Sep 17 '26
Ask about something they're doing, wearing, plans for the weekend, etc. (It could literally be anything you're thinking of - that's usually how I do, but I'm also more impulsive, which is a different kind of problem)
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u/SomethingComesHere Sep 17 '26
This!
I also try to have a follow up question planned too, and make both questions open ended so they can offer up addition info to keep the convo going
If we are both struggling to converse, sometimes I just allow a silence to sit between us. Not awkwardly, just.. existing
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u/dudeshaft69 Sep 17 '26
This is what i do ! Just ask questions !
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u/SomethingComesHere Sep 17 '26
Yep! Most people like talking about themselves lol
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u/Middle-Gas-6532 29d ago
Not me, not unprompted. It requires a high level of prodding to get conversations out of me.
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u/TaterMcMann Sep 17 '26
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u/thenumbwalker Sep 17 '26
Right? Let’s just stand in total silence 😌
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u/TaterMcMann Sep 17 '26
I'm good with that most of the time. It seems to be feel awkward talking to people or feel awkward being quiet, so I usually just choose the latter. I enjoy cutting up and joking around with people, but initiating conversation just isn't my thing
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u/DonutFiste Sep 17 '26
I always just start with something casual and open ended, then see if they respond dismissively or elaborate. If they aren't dismissive I keep the conversation going. The vast majority dont end up becoming friendships, but short conversations with strangers feel rewarding and are low stakes if youre worried about embarrassing yourself.
"Ill never meet this person again" helps me sometimes to relax and not worry so much about saying the wrong things.
Also, if you do have a good conversation, dont underestimate the power of "Do you wanna be friends?" It can feel intimidating to ask, but this is a great way to start relationships with people
Hope this helps, its not been an easy journey for me
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u/QOFFY Sep 17 '26
Adding on: a good compliment can also be a good conversation starter. You might see someone with a neat backpack keychain, and the person may have a story to tell related to that.
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u/DonutFiste Sep 17 '26
Also, a casual joke or funny remark is a good way to see if someone is receptive to conversation
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u/merakuu Sep 17 '26
I doubt if anyone in this sub has the solution 😭
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u/guilhermefdias Sep 17 '26
How can you possibly say that?
I'm a hardcore introvert, but I go to the gym and speaks with people I know for some time. Music festivals, people around my apartment block, old ladies that live here, I always love to talk to them when I meet them around.
I feel like the active users of this sub all have social anxiety and loves to hide behind the introvert confort zone label.
Your comment being on top makes no sense either.
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u/crayray Sep 17 '26
Thank you, being introverted has nothing to do with having anxiety or poor social skills. I've got no problem chatting with people but I could stay in my house alone for weeks and it would be such bliss.
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u/hahaxd3 social Introvert Sep 17 '26
Not true, those don't care baby sit here. You need a topic you want talk about. Start conversation with questions. Ask questions back. There is always a balance.
Practice helps, don't know what's starting conversation has to do with being introvert
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u/ILiftBIunts Sep 17 '26
I learned to just keep asking questions about themselves people love talking about themselves
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u/Plant-Thoughts Sep 17 '26
There’s a balance to this if you only ask questions and share nothing it feels like an investigation. I find it helps to ask one share one and then elaborate on shared experiences
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u/Dottboy19 Sep 17 '26
I run from these people. Absolutely not, no thank you.
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u/Usual_Habit9745 Sep 17 '26
I mean if they don't ask anything at all, but most people think about the things they like and are doing lol
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u/SportUsual4748 Sep 17 '26
Hey , Are you a polar bear? Cause you’re thick enough to break my ice.
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u/lennyfyy Sep 17 '26
Me senti acosado, no creo que sea lo que busca
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u/SportUsual4748 Sep 17 '26
😅I know
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u/lennyfyy Sep 17 '26
AJAJAJA NO, LO SIENTO, ESTA PERFECTO, LO UTILIZARÉ A PARTIR DE AHORA 😭
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u/jrngcool Sep 17 '26
Nope. We don't do small talks. We do big deep meaningful talks.😂😂😂
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u/-PM_ME_YOUR_TACOS- Sep 17 '26
No esperaba encontrarme con Teresa aquí.
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u/panda_98 Sep 17 '26
It was so fun to watch, but she pissed me off so much 😂. I had to skip to the episode where they all shun her
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u/CHAIR0RPIAN Sep 17 '26
For me personally, You don't. You avoid talking to anyone at all costs. lol
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u/Loose-Garbage-4703 Sep 17 '26
I am forgetting how to talk to even known people as I am growing up.
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u/jellypoo Sep 17 '26
People only talk to specific people about specific things.
If someone really started talking to any old random person, they would be seen as having 0 filter and probably some extreme form of a mental something.
Find that specific thing about the specific person you want to talk to. This is hard as an introvert, as your brain processes social noise a lot slower, but you could start with some helpful tools like F/O/R/D, where you talk to the person about Family/Occupation/Recreation/Dreams. Otherwise, in a noisy situation where I don't know anyone, I help the host, I clean, put google eyes on things, or ask people about drinks or snacks.
You have to find something intriguing enough about the other person or something in your own life or around you to cross the threshold of silence. It's totally okay if the other person doesn't meet you half way. You'll eventually not care because with practice, you will level up talking to specific people about specific things.
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u/Own-Vermicelli-5102 Sep 17 '26
That's actually really super helpfull! You don't have to nod your head and pretend you are interested in everything others tell you Tysm!
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u/flannelman37 Sep 17 '26
I only do if i like their shirt or something, and i just say "cool shirt" or whatever
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u/FluffyConfection1426 Sep 17 '26
Compliment them on something you like about them - that’s what I usually do! Talk about the weather. As someone said above - what their plans are for the weekend.
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u/MacabreMagpie Sep 17 '26
Most of the random people I start conversations with are at nature reserves, whee I am usually birdwatching, so sometimes (if they have binos etc) I'll ask them if they've seen anything exciting or point them to something I've seen.
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u/beanjuiced Sep 17 '26
A compliment or question. “Hey do you know where the nearest cheap gas station is?” “Just wanted to say I love that purse! Where’d you get it?!”
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u/FewerStarsLost Sep 17 '26
I don’t. They start it with me. Then again, most are commenting on my shirts.
Like right now, I’m at the hospital and my shirt says “I have rabies”
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u/valentina_valentin Sep 17 '26 edited Sep 17 '26
Find something in common!!
If you’re at the same event, talk to someone about how you like the event. You can even ask them a question about the event, which they may not know the answer to, and you get to laugh and bond about being confused together, or they answer your question and you’ve got some tie there now. Cringe ik but Benjamin Franklin once said: “if you want to make a friend, let someone do you a favor.” Nothing crazy but just asking them a question at a gathering creates a connection and now someone knows you and recognizes you there.
If you’re at a coffee shop or a bookstore, ask them about their coffee or book. Possibility for more conversation on what they like about it. Compliment a woman on her jewelry or clothes. Possibility for more conversation on where she bought them.
Easiest level: You’re faced with someone new. Find something in common by talking about the weather — “It’s turning into fall, I miss the summer! You?” “I’m so happy it’s cooler, I love the fall. You?”
- It’s working through your self-worth, internal fears, anxiety, and tolerance for rejection. Can you have a 15 minute conversation without worrying about what they thought of you? Is it affecting you long after the conversation is done? That internal work needs to come FIRST. ALWAYS.
- It’s realizing that there’s so much joy and connection between a 5 minute conversation or a 5 year friendship. Everyone has something to give. They get to share their life with you in that moment, and you get to share your life with them
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u/FacingSocialAnxiety Sep 18 '26
Legit just a "hi how are you" to random strangers, you'll be able to pick up on the body language of those who want to talk. The hard part is taking the risk of saying hi to someone, once you find someone chatty, it's usually a lot easier
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u/espresso_marshmallow 27d ago
I just give out compliments like I love that shirt or I love your nail color or those shoes look great on you and then I move on with my business and usually they will say oh thank you but sometimes theyll start the conversation with something like "thanks! I got it at Kohl's" or whatever
You can close it with an "oh nice!" Or if you have a contributing thought you can add it. My trick to keep things from getting too awkward is to keep moving with whatever I was doing.
So if this is in a grocery store i will keep walking down whatever aisle I was walking in. If I'm in like somewhere and happen to make eye contact with someone who I'd like to chat with I'll say it and then go on my phone if they don't continue the convo
It helps knowing that you can set what goes or go with whatever they set
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u/mileschofer Sep 17 '26 edited Sep 17 '26
There isn’t really any “random” people unless you are literally just walking on the street passing by someone.
If you are thinking of conversing with someone, you are both probably in an area of interest, doing similar things. Shopping or waiting for the bus or whatever. These people aren’t random. They are there for a reason, probably the same reason as you.
That’s a pretty good start for a conversation.
Think of it like this: Are you just a random person? No. So why would you describe other people like that?
If you treat people like strangers you know nothing about, then ofc it’s gonna be hard to start a conversation.
If you treat people like acquaintances and assume you know small, inconsequential things about their lives, a small conversation is easy.
For example, (yes I’m an introvert), I was in a shop looking in the pets aisle for kitten food. I didn’t know much about kittens. I saw a lady in the same aisle so I walked up to her, assumed she has or had kittens before, and asked a few questions. She didn’t know anything about kittens either, but we ended up having a convo about our pets anyway. It’s that easy
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u/rock-ford81 Sep 17 '26
Depends on the situation - when I was young - I would speak with any random person in train and in bus… I went on to date with a doctor I met on bus journey .. and so many people like that during those 5 years ..
All I could say, don’t pretend and talk only if there is a genuine reason or topic to talk.. and you must know when to stop (if he or she is not intetested).
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u/curlygirlyfl Sep 17 '26
If it’s someone completely random, and you do not know them at all, you can compliment them on something you can easily see on them.
If it’s someone you know, you have more opportunities to talk to them about something depending on how you feel about them and what your connection is already like.
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u/TwistingFirmament Sep 17 '26
Hey there, what is your favourite dinosaur and why is it the Stegosaurus?
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u/Munificente Sep 17 '26
You need context of some sort, that’s why contextual settings (school, library, convention etc) are optimal because they already set out a common interest/goal. A simple compliment also works.
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u/QOFFY Sep 17 '26
Good podcast episode with a University of Chicago psychologist that helped me out:
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u/RepulsiveHedgehog574 Sep 17 '26
Either compliment them or depending on the context as a question starting with something like, "hey, sorry to bother, blah blah.." than they answer, you say thanks and introduce yourself be like, "ohh I am () btw.." they'll tell you their name and than you keep the conversation going..
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u/Traditional-Cow-6325 Sep 17 '26
Forget that who is this gorgeous chick
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u/panda_98 Sep 17 '26
Angelique Boyer, a Mexican actress. Specifically, this is from the telenovela, Teresa
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u/SophieLeigh7 Sep 17 '26
If at a wedding “so how do you know the bride/groom”
if at a birthday party “does you kid go to insert school “
Or
Give a compliment or ask a question
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u/vikicrays Sep 17 '26
“i love your shirt. looks great on you. where did you find it?”
“did you grow up here?”
“what kind of work do you do?”
“are you married/single?”
“do you have kids?”
“did you hear the latest from ________ (insert your fav musician)?”
people love to talk about themselves…
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u/Mossibearr Sep 17 '26
I actually studied this by watching others. You pick out sth you find interesting about them!! Their shirt, their dog, their shoes, their hairstyle. Then you share why you find that interesting and from there on out you just habe to keep the conversation alive with questions, unless you don't wanna do that, then find a reason to go somewhere else interesting. Like home.
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u/Healthy_Buy_6201 Sep 17 '26
If a girl has a guitar strapped to her back, ask her if she's in a band?
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u/TsuDhoNimh2 Stay calm, stay introverted. Sep 17 '26
I don't. If I approach someone it's for a reason:
- I need information they might have.
- They look like they need information I might have.
Non-randoms ... we already have something in common, such as employer or activity where casual chatting would be appreciated.
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u/pomplemice Sep 17 '26
Why would you want to? I dread when random strangers start unprompted speaking to me on public transit, in the elevator, etc. The worst is when I have my headphones on, intending to signal I am not going to speak with anybody in the midst of my commute. It's usually the people who are uncomfortable in silence, conditioned to just constantly talk, or are seeking external validation and recognition. The "conversations" are always about the most banal shit. So forgettable that they may as well have never happened.
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u/rubycd79 Sep 17 '26
I have always struggled if its new people at work,normally I awkwardly say hi how you doing? Sometimes it can start a conversation
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u/sociofobs Sep 17 '26
In my case (introvert+social anxiety), it entirely depends on the "social contract" so to speak. If there's a predefined role, like meeting a client or asking a store employee a question, my brain knows exactly what script to follow. The boundaries are clear and safe. But approaching a random stranger for whatever reason? That’s unscripted territory with zero established context. My brain just seems to flag it as a high-vulnerability situation, triggering social anxiety.
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u/McHagrid20 Sep 17 '26
Just talk about whats happening around you, even the weather can be a conversation starter
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u/GleichUmDieEcke Sep 17 '26
Without context, without preamble, launch into a passionate and technical discussion about your latest hyperfocus.
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u/reddithorrid Sep 17 '26
knowledge based questions. i need to know something and i think aloud and involve others.
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u/Optimal_Condition310 Sep 17 '26
Hi, my name is [name] , and you don't remember me, but I have something to tell you that's going to sound crazy. But it's the truth, and I know you're going to believe me, because you're very good at telling when I'm lying. We used to know each other. We were together. But something bad was going to happen to the world. And the only way to stop it was to make everyone forget me, Including you
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u/podlaski-dzikus Sep 17 '26
Roll over a pocket chestnut in their direction (you need to gather them before hand and always have some). Come closer to them lick the chestnut and ask them "sorry is this your chestnut" and you have your first line achieved
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u/KrazyKreutz Sep 17 '26
I guess a compliment is always a nice opener.
"Hey i like your shoes, what model are those" something like that.
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u/AnxietyDesigner Sep 17 '26
Was at panda express a couple days ago and it was packed, well a lady came in right behind me and stated the obvious by telling me how busy it was and how most people probably didn’t want to cook that night. We ended up having small talk mostly about the economy until we paid
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u/TheLostMentalist Sep 17 '26
Lots of ways. Just need a context to work with first. Brief, or drawn out encounter?
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u/thecaptain_command Sep 17 '26
Idk I try to think of what I’ve seen other people do. Like thinking of the extroverted people know and how they approached me
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u/caesarbar Sep 17 '26
The only acceptable reason is a real, obvious and logical one, so you need to point out something that is evident to your eyes, nose or ears, I guess touch too but don’t be touching strangers without their consent. It can be an objective or subjective remark.
Act fast, surprised if so, so it doesn’t look premeditated. Like: —I guess the bus is going to be late, or, —that’s a nice jacket, or even, —oh wow, you have such beautiful eyes (better if they actually do).
Then, depending on how personal the conversation or the remarks go to, you can show an honest desire to get to know them, like: —what’s your name?, or, —Are you also anything…
Then is up to you to look natural and respectful of their own space and freedom to keep talking.
It has worked for me. Hope it helps.
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u/IHaveABunny_ Sep 17 '26
In public transport ask where they are going, in the open just ask how there day is going. I never do this because thats scary. Buy at the same time i'm kinda hoping someone just randomly talks to me.
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u/susegadblog Sep 17 '26
If I’m ever curious of the person, I start with a compliment which I truly mean and express what caught my eye. If they are interested to chat, I ask questions about their personality beyond their work life. Travel, hobbies, pets, sports, anything
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u/justinSox02 Sep 17 '26
I don't. My go to is just to ask "how has your day been?" then the ball is in their court.
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u/theSembotraveler Sep 17 '26
Usually I'd like to join another conversation and then start to talk or when it's me I start to talk about topics I like to share like for example languages continuum
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u/ambitiousangel85 Sep 17 '26
I'm a natural born introvert, trying to branch out now. Man it's so hard lol
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u/mardrae Sep 17 '26
I usually compliment them on something like their hair or clothing. Either that or talk about the weather. Or just say " hey, how's it going?" And go from there. I'm an introvert but not at all shy.
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u/Formal-Bar-1227 Sep 17 '26
I need at least two drinks of alcohol. Then I randomly talk about food and then move on to questions about the other person while adding stuff from my life, mostly stuff I make up because my life is boring. In professional contexts, at this point I switch over to questions about work or business.
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u/Kittykatmazda07 Sep 17 '26
Id recommend giving out compliments. Like hey I like your outfit where did you get it or I love your hatsune miku keychain what’s your favorite song of hers? It doesn’t always work, but it could also lead to a great friendship
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u/Substantial-Abies768 Sep 17 '26
Im a busdriver in my 14th year and still struggles like beep to just say hi/bye to passengers, its so stuck in the chest i dont know what to do 😩
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u/Leanballs Sep 17 '26
“I cannot tell you that, it’s confidential. So any way how is your sex life?”
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u/Skillr409 Sep 17 '26
Say something controversial, or make a pun/joke. Always works.
I was at a store and my joke was telling the guy I could run away without paying. He just stared at me.
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u/Wonderingfoolofatook Sep 17 '26
I’m trying to improve in the world of initiating in general, but i find it helpful to comment on the surroundings so that i don’t have a terribly dull conversation about the weather again. So if im at a theater i strike, by making a small sly remark, “Wow, this piece has to be my favorite.” & look them in the eyes so they know you are not talking to yourself like a lunatic. Then u can bridge that into something like ,”Well which piece is your favorite?”
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u/InsaneTurtle Sep 17 '26
I always take people asking me things that don't have to do with pop culture or news as fishing for information. I don't like that.
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u/Metaphysical_mess Sep 17 '26
In person, just smile and give them a compliment. The weather is also an easy one. Sincerity comes through and folks will generally drop their guard. I literally have to do this numerous times a day as a barber in a “ fancy” barbershop where the vibe is everything. Also moved a lot as a kid. Also masking lol, just fake it till you make it and before you know it it’ll be easy.
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u/Healthy_Amount_5919 Sep 18 '26
What show are you currently watching? Usually works for me. Then you can find out if they even watch tv, read, etc. So many follow up questions just from this one question.
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u/lazerlinks Sep 18 '26
"hey, long time no see ... You don't remember me... That's cause we've never met, im ___"
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u/lamchopxl71 Sep 18 '26
Observation. Observe them first and identify something interesting or observe the situation you're both in an identify an interesting or humourous take from that.
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u/Spacenurse07 Sep 18 '26
When they come back from bathroom say, nice poop?
Or say Hi, would you like to eat or drink a coffee together?
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u/Wise-Pan Sep 18 '26
Just ssy Hiii. Your name? Are you going somewhere? You look like my cousin. Ahh nice shirt by the way
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u/Cocoloconanayeah Sep 18 '26
I recently met a 3 year old at the park when I was playing with my kid.
She broke the ice with “do you know what’s my name? “ then talked about her nails and how they hold to water and then proceeded to go down the slide like a lizard and fart all the way down. Have you tried that?
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u/ConfidentRegister596 Sep 18 '26
I just say the weirdest thing I can for shock value and see if they continue to engage
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u/Jolly-Ad-6515 Sep 18 '26
You just do. I was at a baseball game earlier & saw these guys with ice cream & wondered how much they were so I just asked. It’s that easy. It takes some time to work up the courage for things like that but it gets better the more you do it
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u/freekey76 Sep 18 '26
I’ve fought shyness all my life. Now I can turn to random people in line a DMV and joke around. It’s fun to see them relax and appreciate interaction. Everyone is so on guard until you reveal your humanity. Then they can relax and be real. Especially true with minorities that are so appreciative of being treated as real people and fellow travelers through life. As a previously shy, socially awkward person, I can relate to minorities and other isolated people. Really rewarding.
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u/ShadowsMOVIE 29d ago
I walk up to anybody “aye you got a snack “ when they be like nah I be like “ dayum a nig hungrier then a bih smh whatchu ate today nun? “ somehow no matter who and where all walks of life seem to start a convo off that alone it show I made all my friends actually lol, and if they DO have sum in their mouth I be like “ dayummmm and you didn’t bring me nun?? That’s egregious don’t you think?” And they can only sarcastically answer back and we laugh about it and talk about where they got it from
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u/Kind_Inside931 29d ago
I wait to speak unless spoken to, unless I am familiar and comfortable with the people. Even then, I try to analyse whether it’s the “correct” time to enter a convo, which I am still kind of bad at, to be honest.
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u/Striking-Strategy260 29d ago
I have an amazing extroverted friend who literally ask people their names, talk about something for a split second then ask for their socials. I’m ALWAYS amazed at how smooth she is. Meanwhile I can barely function at work with coworkers lol
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u/AnyLife7923 29d ago
If its a group of people, I usually say something witty to interupt the conversation in a funny way (if the conversation there having isnt serious) to join in, introduce myself and thats kinda the end/start of it
For just a singular person, I usually start off with a "Hey" and then ask them a question you know they can answer and you already know. this starts the conversation. After that, say "thanks! my names ______" if its a guy, go in for a handshake, if its a girl, smile and nod. If you go to a place where your sure youll see this person again, you can continue on your day, if youre not sure if youll see them again, try to start a conversation, ask some normal questions just to spark there intrests. Thats how I usually do it.
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u/Ash_Ukihime007 29d ago
You say hi and ask them about their hobbies and then from that information continue the conversation with that topic.
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u/Cheonrolo 29d ago
For me it's easier to talk to random people- what gets difficult is when said strangers start to become regulars in my days lol. It's an awkward in between state, a murky existence between being strangers and acquaintances- so awkward!!!!
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u/No-End3167 Sep 17 '26
Under what context? Because my first thought is Why?