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u/Letsforbidadds 3d ago
Idk Iām pretty fake and I still donāt have friends lol
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u/Empty_Tooth7647 3d ago
What does it mean if your circle is..non existent? Is that..boss level? The most real..ever?
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u/Nervous_Job_6880 3d ago
You lost touch with reality
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u/Only-Cheetah-9579 3d ago
not necessarily
some people just born different and the world won't accept them
doesn't make them disconnected from reality
more like experiencing a different side
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u/Nervous_Job_6880 3d ago
On a biological level, humans are social creatures that rely upon each other. Total isolation directly impacts mental health negatively. It has nothing to do with what you've claimed.
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u/Only-Cheetah-9579 3d ago edited 3d ago
Autists are not socially accepted and most spend their lives alone.
On a biological level they socialize differently.
If you want to understand evolutionary theory, you can read about the Solitary Forager Hypothesis.
Some prehistoric humans specialized in venturing alone into the wilds. They see the world differently and their specialization to be alone became some of the "disorders" of today.
Its completely impossible for them to fit into the mainstream social world. But they see other humans from outside the box.
Learning about human diversity and why some people have high autonomy while others just flow with social consensus is fascinating topic.
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u/Local-Conference-476 3d ago
While I agree with your point, even autists need a social circleāsupport, connection, and understanding fill cups and prevent āseasonalā depression. Yes, autistic people get depressed (ask me how I know).
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u/Only-Cheetah-9579 2d ago edited 2d ago
I am also autistic and get depressed during the winter, but I am still solitary due to my inability to fit in with typical people.
I can only socialise with someone who has Adhd or autism.
My point going back to the original comment is that it does not make me disconnected from reality.
Being solitary is valid due to differences in socialising.
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u/Nervous_Job_6880 3d ago
"Autists are not socially accepted and most spend their lives alone"
Is almost entirely baseless, especially with how readily known autism is. Autistic people are still people that require human interaction to function, they aren't an alien species.
"Some prehistoric humans". Give me citations, because living alone 10,000 years ago was a death sentence bud. Nor does it actually connect to the autism claim you made.
"It's completely impossible for them to fit into the mainstream social world". This is again, not only a hasty generalisation, but it forgets the point of this discussion. You do not need to interact with the "mainstream social world". This is fundamental misunderstanding. This is about basic human connection. It has nothing to do with engaging with the status quo.
To trivialise such a topic on such grounds is a painful simplification and only glorifies behaviour that is self destructive.
Loneliness quite literally reduces cognition, physical condition, emotional regulation and causes a general decline in mental health. It is not a silly quirk or "autism".
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u/Only-Cheetah-9579 3d ago edited 3d ago
You are misreading because I never stated they don't need human interaction. I was trying to discuss the solitary forager hypothesis.
I can't provide further information/interaction because I can't verify you understand what I mean.
I don't believe you would understand my point at all as I am autistic so I experience life differently and yes, we are mostly solitary with need to interact with people like us, but not with people like you.
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u/Nervous_Job_6880 3d ago
Most of the claims that you've made are fundamentally overgeneralised or out right unsupported. You retreating into "you just don't understand". Is honestly quite weak.
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u/Only-Cheetah-9579 3d ago edited 3d ago
its the stereotypical autistic - neurotypical interaction.
Doesn't go well, as you can see, even online.
So what do you think happens in person?
Hence why people are outside society and not everyone can socialise with everyone.
If what I write already pisses you off, you could probably outright attack me in person and tell me Im insane. but the answer is in the first comment "Solitary Forager Hypothesis"
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u/Nervous_Job_6880 2d ago
Bringing up "Solitary Forager Hypothesis" has very little relevance to the actual topic at hand.
You've attempted to justify someone closing off human interaction because theyre "autistic" (baseless by I digress)
You're still conflating ideas "They're autistic therefore they cannot function in society". Ignoring that this has no actual correlation. We've discussing the importance of human interaction.
"its the stereotypical autistic - neurotypical interaction.
Doesn't go well, as you can see, even online.
So what do you think happens in person?"
Yes, it is undeniably a weakness, however you're clearly overstating it. It does not mean that all autistic cannot function in society and should avoid human interactions because their brains are "different".
Yes, not everyone can "socialise with everyone". But this is a point that has no importance. It's like claiming "murder is bad", no duh. That does not mean that someone with autism should actively avoid all human interaction.
I'm not "pissed off". You're still trying to smuggle in assumptions that have no basis. I'm not even sure where you got such an idea?
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u/Empty_Tooth7647 3d ago
Agree. I Isolated for a few years and it altered me in many ways across the spectrum. I am rebuilding my life now. Itās a journey of self discovery and putting yourself out there. I am naturally very introverted but yes I learned I absolutely need human connection in many different ways.
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u/Nervous_Job_6880 3d ago
I'm happy for you. Connecting yourself with other people is so important. š
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u/M0hamma4dd 3d ago
Well I also have a very small Circle, but saying that if you have a bigger circle than you must be fake and hypocrite is just another level of immaturity.
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u/Foogel78 3d ago
Why are there so many posts about people being "fake" here?
Introversion is not misanthropy.
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u/aPerson39001C9 3d ago
Part of why Iām introverted is Iām tired of meeting people that are fake. Other introvertās agree?
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u/Foogel78 2d ago
I'm talking about introversion as an innate character trait. Someone whose brain from birth is wired to prefer turning inwards and requires extra energy to interact with others.
Introversion is often misinterpreted. A common one is that introversion is the same as social anxiety. You seem to define it as a dislike of interacting with other people. That's not how it is described in the "Big Five" character traits that are widely accepted among psychologists.
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u/Jolly_Party1779 3d ago
That's true to some extent, but somebody with one friend isn't necessarily more "real" than somebody with 4 friends.
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u/eatyourface8335 3d ago
There is another path. āThe more you help others the larger your circle will be.ā
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u/melancholy_dood "I am an Introvert and I donāt hate people." 3d ago
So, people who have large "circles" are fake?
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u/reen2021 3d ago
I wouldnāt go as far as saying fake. But some people with large circles put on a persona. Some people just have likeable personalities without trying. I have a friend who is more sociable than me, and they act completely different depending who they are with and where they are. Many people are like this. Some people arenāt and are maybe less likeable? Thatās what I think it means.
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u/Sea_Negotiation_1871 3d ago
Everybody acts differently depending on who they're with. Literally every single person on Earth.
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u/ergonomic_logic 3d ago
I don't agree with this as someone who has highly extroverted authentic friends who've been kind enough to adopt me so I have any social life at all.
Some of the kindest and most authentic people I know are extroverted.
They're the people making sure that I'm included in events even when by all rights they should have stopped inviting me because I'm so flakey and decline so frequently. They remember birthdays and things that are happening in my life way more than I could for anyone. They generous with their time and they're planners who like to make sure people enjoy themselves.
In my opinion there's no correlation between being an extrovert or an introvert that's tied with how genuine a person is.
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u/aPerson39001C9 3d ago
One way people are fake is by agreeing with every person in a personal way. They canāt agree with everyone because that would be an oxymoron.
But it makes them relatable to everyone and allows them to grow their social circle.
As an introvert; I donāt want a bunch of fake friends. I want friends that are real.
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u/WeepinbellJar13 3d ago
I can only see this applying to teenagers as "facts". If this still rings true to you as a full grown adult then you know where you peaked.
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u/AZFUNGUY85 3d ago
I feel this bro. Like a bad mad lib. Trade out a verb here and there and it doesnāt sound so.. defensive instead of introverted.
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u/blindyes 3d ago
Eh, people mature and go through different phases and need to cut out immature friend groups. There are periods in your life where you have many friends and periods where you have none and are working on yourself/becoming a different iteration of yourself.
People changing for the better will have to shed their not better "friends" also realizing that not everyone you surround yourself with were "true friends" can happen if you drink and party a lot. Idk, this varries.
Your not always "peaking" because you are sureounded by people. Odd to see this take in an introvert sub
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u/ThePenitentOne369 3d ago
I am not "realer" but i am not a faker either, and by this behavior of mine i have lost all of my friendships and i can't make friends. It's gutwrenching but i can't fool myself and be with fake people, I'd rather be alone
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u/AZFUNGUY85 3d ago
Some verbs can be traded out here. As a fellow introvert, I have many outgoing friends I enjoy who have larger social circles than me. I also donāt hold any value of large public gatherings.
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u/Jayrandomer 3d ago
This isnāt even remotely true. This is an insecure introvert coping.
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u/Lienutus 3d ago
Ah the āintrovert who wishes they were an extrovert so they defend their fakenessā variant. You need to get better at reading people
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u/Jayrandomer 3d ago
More like the introvert who loves a totally not fake extrovert. Not everyone who is outgoing is fake. Not everyone who is an introvert is real.
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u/RamRamone 3d ago
It has little to do with being introverted/extroverted and more with one's willingness to conform. If you're openly pro Republican in a classroom full of diehard Democrats, you severely limited your social circle. This original statement is more your willingness to play politics correctly.
To maintain relationships, you sometimes have to lie/keep your mouth shut to avoid offending others. Brutal honesty can lead to irreparable conflict.
So yes there is truth to the statement which holds true for many walks of life.
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u/eyenoahway1 3d ago
This is 100% true. Less bs the smaller your social circle is. Expecially when im someone who prefers to not be noticed, popular, famous, or recognized. I could care less about what people say anymore
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u/Jayrandomer 3d ago
I am an introverts introvert and I have a tiny social circle, but I donāt think that makes me ārealerā than someone who is an extrovert and has a large one.
I know fake, misanthropic introverts with no friends and genuine, kindhearted extroverts with endless friends.
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u/Lucko_Coldwolf 1d ago
Before you start calling people fake, you need to think about what "introverts introvert" means, because it's not a person who has a small social circle. A true OG introvert, that you pretend to be, is alone. So right now, it's you who sounds fake.
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u/Jayrandomer 16h ago
Im not saying most introverts are like that, just that being an introvert doesnāt mean you canāt be like that.
And you should probably look up what an introvert actually is.
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u/Lucko_Coldwolf 16h ago edited 15h ago
You wrote that you're introverts introvert, which is a person who is even more introverted than other introverts, and you're not. You're the fake one.
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u/Jayrandomer 15h ago
I really don't think you understand the actual definition of what an introvert is:
a person whose personality is defined by a preference for quiet, solitary, or small-group environments, and who gains mental energy from spending time alone rather than in large social crowds
And I'm positive you have no idea about me. Among my small group of acquaintances and even smaller group of mostly introverted friends, I'm more introverted than most of them. Again, that doesn't mean I'm a hermit, just that my tolerance for group activities and preference for being alone is higher.
You also seem weirdly offended that I've said that some unnamed, unknown-to-you person is an introvert and also a misanthrope. Most of the other introverts--and honestly most of the people--I know are great, but I've come across introverts who are fake and so I know the supposed relation isn't universal.
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u/Lucko_Coldwolf 15h ago edited 15h ago
If you're actually even more introverted than most introverts, like you say, then you would have close to no friends. Also, you cannot be an extrovert and have endless friends. Friendship is something more. You're missing the point completely and go to judging others as fake or misanthrope, while you think of yourself as OG introvert. "Introverts introvert". Give me a break. It just comes off as arrogant. The point is that you cannot be genuine and yourself and have a large group of acquaintances, because you dillute yourself and put on a mask of positivity, to make people like you.
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u/Jayrandomer 15h ago
An "introvert's introvert" is just someone who is introverted even among a group of introverts. It's definitely doesn't imply "original gangster" of introversion what ever that even means.
And my point isn't about me. I have an absolutely tiny group of friends. I'm referring to some people I know who have a lot of friends and are genuinely good people. Specifically I'm thinking of my 10 year old daughter.
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u/NonaZoya 3d ago
They didnāt say it had to be small, just smaller. Read.
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u/Jayrandomer 3d ago
No need to be patronizing. I was clearly reading it as āsmaller than someone who isnāt realā and ālarger than someone who isnāt fakeā
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u/NonaZoya 3d ago
Being patronizing is kind of my thing.
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u/Jayrandomer 3d ago
Howās that working out for you?
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u/NonaZoya 3d ago
Good? Why are you acting like itās going bad
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u/PAUL_DNAP Don't mind me, just passing through quietly. 3d ago
Typing it out and highlighting it in yellow does not make it a "known fact" - sounds very much like a postulation or theory to a fact.
You could possible find evidence to prove or disprove it - whichever way the mood takes you.
And are we to assume "circle" is meaning "social circle" or is it "inner circle"?
or are we talking "circle of life, the wheel of fortune etc."
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u/Ancient_Sprinkles847 3d ago
I guess itās all about how much BS you spin to make people like you.
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u/hahaxd3 social Introvert 3d ago
Woooow this sub is full of teenagers, try to post in r/im14andthisisdeep
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u/OntheBOTA82 3d ago
Not really. I was fake as fuck and a people pleaser and in the end i have no one.
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u/__exploring 3d ago
No. I have seen people with big circles and they are truwe to themselves as well as others. I guess it totally depends on how much energy you are ready to spend in keeping those relationships alive
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u/riiyoreo 3d ago
A girl from my school has a large circle. They all love each other and are massive sources of support for her. These type of posts are give off "grapes are sour anyway."
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u/Adarii_hun 3d ago
It depends on the environment you're in.
I used to think like this back in highschool, which is alright, most of my classmates in hs weren't the best and I mostly kept like three to four friends close. But now in college I have a big friend group (7, not much but it's a lot of people for me) and a few friends outside that group that are genuine and fun to be around.
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u/Friedyellowsquash 3d ago
I think itās true. I am in my 40s. My neighbor is the biggest gossip I know. Sheās truly a terrible person, and I know this because she randomly befriended me during a difficult part of my life. My spouse was in recovery for alcoholism, I was struggling financially and working my ass off, trying to save the marriage, trying to care for our small kids, trying to deal with a disabled child, etc, it was a lot but I buried my head and got through it all.
I thought it was weird that she liked to send me screenshots of her private conversations with other people because she wanted to make fun of them. I made the mistake of participating at first because there was a mutual woman who had offended me and we bonded over how difficult she was. But it got out of hand, to the point sheād be sending me pics of screenshots of people she was talking with about their sex lives. I said I didnāt want to do that any longer and it felt wrong. She then started admitting to having discussed my private conversations with her about things I thought were only between us with the women at her church (āI was just telling them whatās going on with you to see if they could offer some advice or pray for you.ā) or her pastor (āI hope you donāt mind I was telling Pastor Yada Yada about whatās going on with you because I just needed to tell someone else to see if there was something I could do to help.ā) or other neighbors (āI saw you talking to Mrs. such and such, if she mentioned what Iād been telling her about you, know I only told her out of concern for you because she asked.ā) or my childās new teacher (āI hope you donāt mind I was talking to Mrs. Blah blah blah and I told her all about your situation and you have nothing to worry about. She loves your kid from what sheās heard and Iām sure there wonāt be any concerns.ā of which I had no idea there WOULD BE concerns given other than my husband getting treatment for alcoholism, which I had kept private and wasnāt telling anyone because I was honestly embarrassed, my children were otherwise well cared for happy healthy and excelling academically.) I cut contact with her. She then did things to harm my children (found out they entered projects to the fair and went to the officials and had them removed, did stuff at the school to try to sabotage them, went to that same teacher and told her lies to make us sound like bad parents or that my kid, who was a favored student at the school because she was well behaved and smart, sound like she had issues she didnāt have), found out I entered a contest and called and forced them to remove me, destroyed my reputation with lies, told people I was being mean to her and that she did nothing wrong, etc. it goes on and on. My biggest regret in my adult life was ever speaking to her in the first place.
Meanwhile I continued to focus on my home life and kids and husband and didnāt feed into it. She does this to everyone. Gossips non stop. Destroys reputations, parents AND children. Hate filled. But she is adored, loved, supported, respected. I will never understand it. She recently bought a business and she has a HUGE amount of support and itās insane to me. A lot of the people offering encouragement to her are the same people she had been sending screenshots around of, had been making fun of, or even had gone as far as admitting to having a spreadsheet of dates for their Facebook videos so she could easily find them to send to people to laugh about. Sheās truly insane. But people love her. Meanwhile I get called āuntrustworthyā because I donāt want to participate in that stuff and keep to myself. Itās so weird.
This was kind of a vent, but the people saying this meme is empty platitudes must have never encountered a person like this. They are a nightmare. They exist. And itās usually the quieter people or the ones who get the brunt of these types, who end up lonely and feeling like an outcast. I made the mistake of participating with her at first, like I said, but I realized how wrong it was quickly, and I havenāt done that since. Itās been almost a decade and the harm from her lies still affects me and my children to this day.
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u/Onehundredbillionx 3d ago
Iām real asf with no friends so it checked out for me. I also am real asf because Iām too lazy to be fake. I also might have no friends because Iām too lazy to maintain a friendship. Idk:).
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u/Initial-Release-2519 3d ago
Yes. There are probably exceptions but they're extremely rare and aren't something I've personally ever seen.
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u/Sharp_Surprise5936 3d ago
I wanna agree but somehow i canāt, i mean does make feel good but is it really the truth? I believe i donāt have so much friends because i donāt make effort to keep that connection i donāt call or text anyone , but i do think itās a good quality of being a friend.
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u/Clean-Landscape-8802 3d ago
I nearly didnāt believe this, but the highlighting really won me over.
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u/thatoddtetrapod 3d ago
What is with it with these clear engagement bait posts, always with some absurd truth claim (and always as a photo of a written claim, never a text post?) and a āyes or no?ā or ādo you agree?ā. Like, itās so repetitive.
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u/Express-Weird-2360 3d ago
No? You can find a lot of equally "real" people
Also r/im14andthisisdeep
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u/MonoDede 3d ago
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn get this IG reel, FB status vagueposting, self-cope nonsense outta here
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u/HiredGoon_40 3d ago
Nonsense, and the type of ass-backwards thinking I see way too much on this sub.
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u/kioshi43 3d ago
I don't think so.
I think you can have a big circle, even if you are true to yourself and others - just as much as you could have a smaller circle the more fake you are to yourself and others.
It is kind of like being honest vs "brutally honest". Some people like to say they are "simply being honest" when they express a negative opinion and that comes at the cost of the other person's self esteem or values.
There's a video I'm struggling to find that I thought did a good job at separating out the two. To sum it up:
Let's say you went to attend a friend's performance at a show and you did not enjoy it at all. When you meet up with your friend, who is excited and felt good about it, they ask you what you thought.
Rather than giving your full, unfiltered honest opinion about it, you could instead reply truthfully with something along the lines of "I'm so glad you got to do something you really enjoyed" and save the critiquing for a time when your friend isn't riding a high.
I think I'm butchering it a bit - but basically there's a time and a place for things. Some people equate being "real" as an excuse to be an ass to others and that won't win anyone over. That's why they think your circles will automatically be smaller.
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u/Cheesetoastintheoven 3d ago
nah this is stupid. you can be real and still have a huge circle, seen multiple people with this
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u/WindowsXD 3d ago
The bigger the circle the more superficial it is
Smaller circles are usually deeper.
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u/Sea_Negotiation_1871 3d ago
Extroverts aren't fake. They're just wired differently. This is pretty ridiculous.
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u/swansong444 3d ago
Definitely not. I know people who have plenty of friends simply because they are genuinely good and lovableĀ
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u/shy_pastel_fox jealous_insider 3d ago
My circle is about 1 other person.
I mostly spend my time with computers so.
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u/Cantankerous_melange 3d ago
First idea: āHumility is not thinking less of yourself its thinking of yourself lessā
Second idea: There is a finding that a quality common in popular people is how many people they can list with positive qualities.
Someone with a big circle can have both the luxury of comfort with others and a genuine like of and interest in other people.
Some people have a small(er) circle due to difficulties with comfort and self-consciousness. Others have a small circle due to being misanthropic. Others have been unlucky to have bad experiences early and struggle to trust and thatās their impression of people without opportunity for disconfirming evidence.
Thereās so much more variation that itās good to stay open to possibilities.
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u/Laxativus 2d ago
Yes, but never reverse it and draw the wrong conclusion. Just because your circle is small does not necessarily mean that it is because you are real.
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u/Dangerous_Score2882 2d ago
What if I'm realer and have a non existent circle? (Because let's be real, why spend time with someone who's gonna suffer from depression and physically cannot get help)
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u/Lucko_Coldwolf 1d ago
There is truth to that. The more positive and nice you are, the more people will attract to you. But you're basically putting on a mask of positivity. You don't really engage, you're just pretending for people to like you. People don't really want to hear the truth, they lack the intellect and tolerance to appreciate it. They just want gratification, so nice words, and smiles.
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u/Street-Strategy6848 6h ago
It depends on the fact if the people you are being real with can take it rather than being offended. Which unfortunately most people cant take the truth and the world is full of people who are full of shit
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u/Previous_Rip1942 3d ago
No. My wife is an example of this. Very real, huge circle. Just meets a lot of people in her line of work and makes friends with people in similar lines of work. Sheās also very outgoing. And me, very real, little circle, not outgoing - that figures.
Donāt pay attention to this sort of stuff. Someone made this because they didnāt have many friends, didnāt know why, and where pretty uncomfortable with that. It made them feel better, but also helped them lie to themselves. This is how you get out of touch with reality.
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u/cycleofheartache 3d ago
I think it has some truth in it, but it depends a lot on your disposition. Some people are naturally more conventional in their values and behaviours, to themselves theyāre not being fake or ingenuine. But for somebody who arenāt naturally that way, it takes a lot of performance to get along with people and regain relationships aka āfakingā.
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u/AttentionRude8006 Living meme but dead inside 3d ago
It's nonsense.
Depending on the kind of person you are you might even profit from faking a little bit.
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u/a_reluctant_human 3d ago edited 3d ago
No. Some of the kindest, most generous and reliable people I've known were extroverts. A friend of mine just passed, there were 300 people at his celebration of life, and another 60 watching the live stream.
One of my former mentors was active in three different sporting organizations as a development coach, volunteered for a cancer charity, and was active in community outreach efforts. Her funeral had 400 people in person and another 200 on the live stream.
A genuine person, someone who is selfless, generous, honest, warm, and caring, is defined by their actions, not by whether they enjoy crowds or not.
ETA: lol I guess I hurt someone's feelings with my dead friends.
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u/irfulvas 3d ago
Nah, some people are just genuinely social ā they like to talk to everyone and attract people. Maybe it's some kind of habit to talk to new people. It's impossible to fake that, you just wouldn't have the energy
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u/DBIlles 3d ago edited 3d ago
Sounds like meaningless platitude to me.