So I'm a 17 year old. I'm legally in TUSLA care because my dad ditched me at the mental hospital. My mom's dead since I was 12.
I was left in the mental hospital 5-6 months from January-july. I moved into a residential in July second. I honestly can't tell you how many times the Garda and A&E have been involved since, well over 20 times at this point. I've been restrained many times in and out of the medical hospital. I've been in almost every hospital in Dublin at this point, they hate me.
my behaviours are severe and niche self injury usually through ingestion, I've swallowed so many very harmful things and needed endoscopy, one incident was so niche they got me to sign saying it could be made a medical case study.
I don't want to die. I do the behaviours because of an obsessive compulsive process(as described by an adult pyschatrist without a special diagnosis), I get fixated on the methods of harm until I act or I feel I must 'incapacitate' myself so I can't harm someone(I don't have a violent history).
I was with a CAMHS crisis team, I've been moved back to a non crisis one despite everything. on top of that it's an hour from my residential home. The crisis team was having to come in house because I couldn't attend them without absconding and get hurt. The far out team one said they'd come in person to weeks them expect me to meet them in the middle despite not even being able to attend school or go to a coffee shop down the road without incident.
They only came ones because I had a bad incident during the meeting, Garda and ambulance were called, the CAMHS pyschatrist couldn't give a shit, she didn't even try to confirm I'm medically ok as we waited for the ambulance(medical school who) and just awkwardly left. I had tried getting them to step out the room before things escalated but instead they told me to leave which put me in the position to hurt myself severely.
I'm moderately autistic and I had been having severe meltdowns following the last couple of appointments, they'd get so bad I've made dents in hard walls(proper Irish walls). The residential put their foot down because the appointments were triggering episodes of harm at this point, so I haven't had appointments for over a week now, since the last incident on the 5th.
My GAL is involved and spoke to the courts but I don't know what to really do. the adult hospitals medically review me and rapidly discharge me, and often then I abscond and Garda have to find me after bleeding out.
I want help. I really want help and to live, but everyone (adult A&E, CAMHS) says it's not on them so I don't know who to get help from or how to use court involvement to my advantage in getting help. I'd say I've a fairly good understanding of the Irish systems (I brought a house at 16) but I feel at a dead end.
My gal read a letter I gave her to the courts where I begged for help. The residential has been an incredible advocate and offer me 1:1 supervision but it hasn't been enough. I'm not able to leave the house and I'm always supervised but the incidents continue. Shamefully, Half the Irish Garda know me by name(particularly of the female staff), in fact if a dublin Garda read this they'd likely be able to figure out who I am.
I've been told I could lose my placement if incidents continue. I'm not sure help exists. how can I better advocate for myself legally in Ireland?
thanks for any advice or guidance=/
ETA: [more context I provided in a comment]
I sent this letter to my GAL, she shared it with the courts on CAMHS, on around the 28th;
"To whom it may concern,
I am writing to formally express my concerns about the mental health support and treatment I am currently receiving, and to explain why I feel that my current level of care is not adequately meeting my needs.
I feel that the same care plan from adult services is being repeatedly followed without sufficient adjustment to reflect my current circumstances, presentation, or needs. I understand that adult services are unable to provide treatment to me directly because of my age, but I feel that continued emphasis on safety plans produced by adult services is not an adequate substitute for appropriate CAMHS involvement and treatment.
I am particularly concerned about the lack of timely CAMHS input following incidents. There have been occasions where I have been discharged from hospital and then had to wait several days before receiving input from CAMHS. Given the difficulties I am experiencing, I do not feel that this gap in support is sufficient to meet my needs following a crisis or significant incident.
I also feel that my CAMHS appointments are generally not providing meaningful therapeutic intervention. I would like the opportunity to engage in regular CBT and counselling rather than primarily receiving reviews or risk-management-focused appointments. I have experienced traumatic events in my life, and I feel that regular counselling is important in helping me process these experiences and work towards longer-term improvement.
I also believe that I may currently require inpatient care until my medication regime is stable and my mental health has improved sufficiently for me to manage safely outside of hospital. I understand that inpatient treatment is not something that should be used unnecessarily, but I feel that my current circumstances warrant this being properly considered rather than relying primarily on containment within residential care.
Although I recognise that 1:1 support in a residential setting can be appropriate for maintaining safety, I do not feel that my current support is sufficiently focused on recovery, independence, or improvement. At present, it feels primarily focused on containment. I want my care to work towards helping me become more independent and develop the skills and stability needed to move forward, rather than simply keeping me safe from one day to the next.
Overall, I feel that my needs are being neglected and that the current approach is not adequately addressing the underlying difficulties I am experiencing. I am asking for my care plan to be properly reviewed and for consideration to be given to what treatment would actually support my recovery, rather than continuing the same approach without meaningful adjustment.
I would particularly like the following to be considered:
More timely CAMHS involvement following incidents and hospital discharge.
Regular therapeutic intervention rather than appointments primarily focused on monitoring and risk management.
Access to regular CBT and counselling.
Appropriate trauma-informed therapeutic support.
A review of whether inpatient treatment is currently necessary while my medication is stabilised.
A clear recovery plan focused on independence, improvement, and longer-term stability rather than containment alone.
A proper review of my current care plan in light of my ongoing difficulties and the fact that I do not feel my needs are currently being met.
I am raising these concerns because I want to receive appropriate treatment and make progress. I would appreciate these concerns being taken seriously and discussed with me as part of a review of my current care and treatment.
Yours sincerely,
[my name]"
it's not the perfect letter by any means but it's some written documentation. I sent the GAL this which she sent on the CAMHS after the last incident;
'I wanted to update saying that I'm really struggling with my CAMHS treatment. I really need help but right now appointments are so distressing that I'm consistently having severe meltdowns(with autistic self injurus behaviour, like head banging hard enough to dent the wall) or episodes of self harm following the last 4-5 appointments.
yesterday, The first appointment with the bray team here in [residential name] was too overwhelming and I hurt myself(cut myself rather deep, swallowed some sharp metal and a bunch of soap) and was forced to go to the [Dublin hospital] I got back at 6am today.
I don't feel I can safely travel to the CAMHS appointments or safely partake in one's in the house. I'm really overwhelmed and scared.
I don't feel CAMHS is listening. at the same time they are putting to much pressure on me. They ask for my opinion but ignore it if it's not the answer I want. I askrd them to not use so much small talk because it overwhelms me, they claim they won't but then continue too.
If I'm struggling with words they remove all structure from the appointment and "pause" to give me a break until I'm "ready", except the pause only makes me more distressed and they don't seem to understand that.
I can't safely handle the appointments. I spend days dreading them and it makes it hard to even focus on my studies I'd typically enjoy. I want help but the appointments are providing it and are triggering incidents.
I'm not sure what to do. The CAMHS team keeps saying they are listening but I don't feel they are or when they "are" it's more of an excuse to not start any more specific treatment because they are "waiting" for me. I can't lead, I can hardly follow.
I'm still ending up in adult A&E often and they can't help me saying CAMHS will, but the current CAMHS approach feels detrimental.'