r/mbti • u/Infamous_Payment4608 • 7h ago
Deep Theory Analysis My problem with Fe: when social conformity gets mistaken for morality
Honestly, I think MBTI is pseudoscientific at best, but one concept I’ve always found particularly interesting to criticise is Fe (Extraverted Feeling).
The way Fe is described often seems to blur the distinction between being considerate of other people and enforcing social conformity. In its less flattering form, what gets framed as maintaining social harmony can become a way of controlling how other people behave.
My issue is with people who treat their understanding of social etiquette as an objective moral standard. They decide what counts as respectful, appropriate or considerate, then use shame, guilt, exclusion or social disapproval to punish anyone who doesn’t comply. Disagreement becomes evidence that you’re selfish, insensitive or morally deficient.
The fundamental problem is mistaking social norms for morality.
Something being socially accepted doesn’t automatically make it morally right, just as something being socially unacceptable doesn’t automatically make it morally wrong. Etiquette is often culturally relative, and conformity isn’t the same thing as compassion.
There’s a difference between caring about how your behaviour affects others and demanding that others conform to your expectations to preserve social harmony. The former involves empathy; the latter can become social control dressed up as morality.
I think this behaviour can have a narcissistic element, particularly when someone believes their own social standards are unquestionably correct and feels entitled to punish others for violating them. It places their interpretation of what is appropriate above other people’s autonomy.
This also makes me think of communal narcissism: the idea that someone can build their sense of superiority around being particularly caring, moral, helpful or socially responsible. Rather than seeking admiration through conventional displays of success or dominance, they may derive it from being perceived as the most compassionate, considerate or virtuous person in the room.
To be clear, I’m not arguing that everyone who values social harmony is controlling or narcissistic. Nor am I claiming that everyone labelled an Fe user behaves this way. I’m criticising the behaviour itself and questioning whether MBTI’s framing of cognitive functions encourages people to rationalise it as a neutral personality trait.
Why is enforcing social expectations sometimes framed as empathy or emotional intelligence, when the same behaviour can amount to conformity policing?
I’m interested in how people here distinguish genuine empathy from the enforcement of social norms, and whether you think the way Fe is conceptualised adequately accounts for that distinction.