I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but I despise when people call me a survivor instead of a victim.

I know that it is something super personal and individual, how someone handles abuse, trauma and things like that. I know that some people call themselves survivors and want to be called that. They have every right to do so and if it feels right for them, it is the right way.

I personally wouldn't call myself one. Not because of some prejudice against the word survivor, but because I'm simply not one myself.

People say "Don't carry that hate, it drags you down" "Don't let the person have this power over you". I'm not letting anyone have power over me. They simply do have power over me because they took mine away.

I'm at a point where I haven't even had therapy for my trauma and haven't told anyone the entire story yet. I only once told the police what happened but nothing came out of it. I am still the same person, with the same feelings I had felt back then.

Because I feel this guilt, shame and responsibility for what happened, I haven't even had the chance to even be a victim. I couldn't even be sad and mad about it. I still think I deserve it.

It feels invalidating in a way to get called a survivor. As if they talk down on my past and current struggles. Kind of victim blaming in a way, with the "Don't let them have power over you". My trauma is not a decision.

So don't call me a survivor. I am still a victim.

I just needed to get that off my chest. I don't know if anyone feels similar and can relate.

Maybe someday I will call myself a survivor, but then it will be my decision.

I’ve been looking into different stories and personal experiences and realised, that people tend to see intellectually disabled or otherwise challenged people as “less of a human”. Even in media — you’re either smart, either seen as a burden to ones around you. And that frustrates me! Like, I even too sometimes when someone is intellectually challenged I feel pity for them, as if they’re poor unlucky sad people. And they can be completely ok and well!! And that’s because we expect good well people to be totally independent and earning, which demands knowledge and degree. And not everyone is privileged and lucky enough to have one.

So yeah, just some random thought. You can chime in and share your opinion :)

I'm a 30M homebody introvert, but lately I've been wanting to get out more and socialize. I used the Timeleft app once last year and had a great time at dinner, but my schedule didn't allow much time to do it again until now. This morning I joined a 10 AM walking group. It was a gray, dreary day, so we didn't walk long and ended up chatting at a café instead.

Across the room, directly in my line of sight, was a stunning woman working alone on her laptop. It was hard to take my eyes off her. She looked focused, but I didn't see any earbuds, so I figured saying hi wouldn't be too intrusive.

For context, I'm shy and reserved by default. I have a history of depression, ADHD, OCD, and cPTSD, and I've been doing a lot of therapy lately that's helped rebuild my self-esteem. I'm fun and easy to talk to once a conversation gets going. Starting it is the hard part. As a rule I avoid eye contact with strangers in public.

It took me 15+ minutes to work up the courage. What finally did it was telling myself: I'm worth a minute of someone's time. I got up with my drink, wandered over to the sugar station, took a breath, and on the way back stopped at her table: "Hi, I'm [name]. I don't mean to interrupt, but I'd regret it if I didn't say hi." She brushed her hair back and pulled out her AirPods. I stammered something like "what are you working on / do you come here often / just finding a new work spot?" It was awkward as hell. I nervously asked if I could sit down, and she said, "Um, I'm working." I took the hint, said "Sure, take care!" and went back to my group. It took a few minutes for the shaking to stop, but I felt genuinely proud. The last time I even attempted a cold approach was ten years ago in a college dining hall, back when I was less mature and soaking up manosphere "how to approach women" YouTube videos.

One thing I've been reflecting on: I tend to take on a lot, maybe too much, responsibility for making sure women never feel uncomfortable. I'm starting to realize that's a little paternalistic in its own way, since it assumes women can't handle a brief moment of discomfort or turn someone down themselves. That's not what I consciously believe, but it's been shaping how I act.

TL;DR: Introduced myself to a beautiful stranger for the first time in years, got politely rejected, and didn't die of shame. I don't care about the outcome. I'm proud of myself for pushing through the fear and the old feelings of worthlessness I've been working hard to overcome.

I’m a 32 years old woman and I’ve wasted my life. I hope it ends soon.
I’m in my bed crying. I feel lost.
My existence makes no sense.
I want to be a child again.

Dont know what to do or say anymore. Cant talk to no one, life is pointless

just a thought, I'm completely alone and would like a friend :) I'm pretty open-minded and a good listener if you wanna call and let ur heart out :p we could also build a cute farm together!!! i have chickensss :o

when i say smoking i mean cigarettes. I do smoke weed on ocassion, bu i want to smoke cigarettes, there's nothing stopping me but myself. Because i know that if i ever smoke even a single cigarette the there would be nothing stopping me anymore. Right now i at least have that wall of "i never had a cigarette" but the moment that wall breaks nothing is stopping me. I know that if i ever start smoking cigarettes, even if i start with only one then there will be nothing stopping from, at first just smoking socially, then i would smoke one or two alone when i'm stressed. In about three months it would slide to a pack per day, i dont have lungs nor money for that.

I want to smoke because it is to some extent a drug, a socially acceptable drug and it helps with my horrible thinking. Also because it gives me one more thing to do when i'm bored, dont know what to do? smoke. Stuck on an idea? smoke. I would develop lung cancer no doubt about it. Also heard that it takes away your apetite which sounds good when i'm someone who doesnt really like food and eating (not anorexic, just dislike it)

And i know that this is irelevant but i also like the aesthetic of it, i just like the look of people when smoking. But i dont want to throw away money for an addiction or develop a terminal illness.

I have a pretty average/easy middle class american life. I have a 9-5 and have to deal with traffic/a long commute 3 times a week. I have a dog, a husband, and a townhouse. Nothing in my life is too hard but everyday seems like a slog. I am so exhausted from just living life and doing everyday tasks that I either become irritable or shut down. How does anyone else do this? Has anyone felt like this and gotten out of it? What has worked for you?

i feel like i lost myself i can no longer find happines in old memories and i want to feel happy my whole world is happy

.

This world is full of so many awful things. People are always killing each other through war or genocide, we are destroying the environment, so many people have to suffer abuse, and just so much more. And yet people think this is all just fine and dandy. But if you don't think any of it is okay and that makes you feel bad you are the mentally ill one, like it's not a perfectly rational reaction to think all of this is horrible.

Most useless sub by far no one is here to help you and even if there's it's mostly useless repeated advice there are only patients and victims that's all.

Male 15 years old

I have unwarranted anxiety and fear I can't know why

I always fear people knowing my bad past which is literally nothing to worry about maybe responding to fake accounts from my school and saying stupid shit

So it's literally nothing to worry or fix and iam not the type to worry about People's Opinions but this shit can't make me sleep and before this thoughts it was about my relationship and before this it was my dad

It Will just keep going or what? When I stop caring about being ashamed of my stupid past I will just figure something new to worry about and keep destroying my life? I can't sleep or study or have a normal day without being Scared to death and having Scenarios

Today I had the first christmas advertisement before a Youtube video. And it caused a breakdown. Christmas has never been pleasant. For over 20 Years it has been an "event" of loneliness, jealousy and sadness. The marketing departments of nearly every company frames christmas as a festivity of togetherness, cozyness and so on.

And this just shows me, what other people have and I dont. I do not have anyone to spend time with. I dont have anyone with whom i can spend time with. I have one person who i could call friend. But she spends time with her family. And even if she would invite me to spend time with them i would not feel better. Because i know that i dont belong there.

I belong nowhere.

The last couple of years i went to work. Because there I am not thinking about it so often - I have things to do.

I know I could spend it with my mom and brother. But there is a reason i dont want to. The last 15 times we spend it together it resulted in crisis, fights and sometimes even time spent in hospital.

I hate it. And I have to pretend I´m dong well. I feel unworthy and dejected. i cant and dont want to explain to others why christmas is a painful time for me. And i dont want to explain them my family "story" why i cant celebrate with them. I feel lucky noone nows my family history here.

Everytime an ad plays, or i go through downtown and see the christmas market or i simply see "christmas" lighting i have to think about it. I cant flee.

I meant the message for someone else. they are now saying they're concerned. (I dont believe them) if they where telling the truth when I lived with them they wouldn't have yelled at me to stop crying and told me im being hysterical and attention seeking even when I kept getting taken out of class because I was panicking too much and hyperventilating. when I was having psychogenic seizures.

Im tired as fuck I just want to feel happiness you know I don’t want money I don’t want anything materialistic I just want to be happy but it doesn’t matter what I do how positive and active I am I still just feel alone and everyone around me is doing there thing meeting people & growing and I’m here venting on Reddit like anyone really gives a fuck, you know I’m getting to that point now where I just don’t know anymore I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life tbh

hello! 20F - UK
i’m not officially diagnosed with anything or like that, i have very little experience with mental health services apart from 1 session of counselling and being given a pamphlet on anxiety after a mental health crisis during covid and being discharged very quickly afterwards by CAMHS.

i have been struggling over the past 6 years when last year when i moved out for uni, i stayed in bed (and lying on the floor) for 6 months, not eating and if i got too faint i’d rush to the vending machine in the reception of my accommodation to buy a bag of crisps. honestly last year was one the worst year of my life with my baby nephew passing away from a rare condition and me going to my first funeral.

this year hasn’t been great at all either.
i lost all my friends because some dropped out of uni and some just fell out of touch. i had to leave my part time job because my car broke down and i had to fork out over £3000 to fix it and then, a family member was diagnosed with cancer.
now recently, i had to leave an another job i got because ive been bullied and picked on by the manager and being discriminated against.
Absolutely 0 of my family members except from my sister backed me and everyone called me “pathetic”, “too soft” and told me to just “grow up”

my dad yelled at me and went on a rant about it and said some awful things to me that just made me feel even worse.

i can’t go to my family about how utterly hopeless, down, and anxious i feel. they are a part of the boomer generation and they are naturally very stoic and cold. as a result i don’t cry at all anymore, there’s no point in crying anymore.

now, i don’t see the point of anything at all anymore, i don’t believe that i will contribute anything meaningful to anyone anymore. the only place i feel at ease is when im asleep as i dont have to have any consciousness and i dont have to think anymore.

im in the early stages of counselling with my uni’s mental health team but the waiting list is 4 weeks, thats probably nothing though compared to some NHS waiting lists lmfao, but god, 4 weeks does seem like a long time.

i am so tired, i wish i could just stay asleep all of the time