I can't properly take care of myself because I feel like I'm being watched through cameras in the shower and toilet. It freaks me out. I have to go weeks without showering because of it. Anyone else struggle with this? I can feel a physical presence watching me.

It's making me really want to leave my house. I don't really have anywhere to go but I feel like i can't trust my parents or anyone.

Hey this is my first actual reddit post, im m 20 from this US, to be honest i dont know what to expect to hear in here but i just wanna know how to accept that im going to die alone, i cant picture my future in my head, it feels like my only purpose was to help people in their lives and i did but everyone now grown and living their own life, i dont get calls anymore, i dont have any friends that i can laugh with, im lonely, everyday feels like its supposed to be the last, i put on a fake smile daily, idk i just needed to get this off my chest. Im not looking for sympathy or anything, im just tired of bottling up my emotions, i just want to cry but i cant, im a fucking loser

I still feel the disgust of eating foods.

But I am trying.

I'm going to eat noodles and bread.

I hope it doesn't feel disgusting anymore.

im 17 and over the last two years I've suddenly started forgetting everything. I don't know how or why this started happening but i sometimes forget whole days. also sometimes i get really upset or even really happy but then i forget it immediately after.

how can someone remember what they forgot?

because whenever I really get upset I start remembering stuff but after a while everything fades away. at one point I used to sh and that would help me remember but I wanted to stop so now I just forget everything. I can't concentrate even on nice things. everything is just a blur. it's so weird but i remember every year before 2025 really clearly and then...nothing. i always promised myself when I was young that I would lock in but now I feel locked out

ps: what am I doing asking for opinion u don't even know me.

35m Hoping to get some advice on emotional regulation.

Lately it seems like my emotions are all over the place. I can go from feeling confident and smart and having the best day to feeling worthless empty and hopeless. From the best mood to lashing out at my wife and saying hurtful things I don’t mean, only to realize how terrible what I said was and apologize the next day. It’s at the point where I’m feeling depressed/anxious when I do feel okay because I don’t know how long it’ll last before another low point.

I used to walk my dogs everyday, bike, run, want to make plans with friends. Now I struggle to do the bare minimum, everything feels like a chore.

I quit drinking around 8 months ago, and while some things have improved a lot more stayed the same or got worse. I really thought it would have more of a positive effect than it has.

My poor wife. She’s tired of dealing with it. I’m tired of her having to deal with it. It’s not fair to her. Some days I’m like a Buddhist monk. Totally zen and nothing bothers me. Other days everything she says to me feels like an attack and I’m much more argumentative and just plain mean.

I really wish this was something I could get through with will power and hard work. But it feels like something is just wrong with me that I can’t control.

I’ve also been having trouble sleeping or wanting to sleep. I can’t bring myself to go to bed. Like I’m scared to fall asleep for some reason. I know lack of sleep has to be a big part of the issue.

Somebody fix me this sucks.

Some background info…I’m in individual therapy, prescribed venlaxofine for depression adderall for ADHD. Been on both for around 4 years. Possibly have some lingering PTSD from an event 4 years ago but thought I dealt with most of it through EMDR therapy.

I’m an ugly 28M, and I’ve basically never found a woman who’s been interested in me. How do I deal with knowing I’ll never have love? It’s scaring me that I’ll end up alone. People say to just have hobbies, which I do, but they don’t fulfill me. I want a woman to love me, but women are repulsed by my appearance. I’m genuinely so sad that I’ll never get to experience love.

I hate myself everytime i do this, I can't let it go, everytime i do this it makes me think that this is disgusting and weird but i hate the feeling that i like it, I can't remove it and pull me down to depression, I don't know how to stop I've been doing this since i was 7. Help me

I'm so annoyed at myself, but I'm just frozen and stuck.

There's so much I want to do, to say but I just can't.

It sounds so stupid, but what will people, I'll be hated - I'll be crucified.

As soon as my mothers around, I disconnect and disassociate out of this world and go into a robot.

When fear rises it paralyses, and I'm stuck in this catonic state.

And when my Dad's around I feel unbelievably unstable.

I'm also constantly switching between so many different personas, trying to control everything and I'm just drained.

I feel like a massive liar - I'm trying to control abaolutely everything, and I've just lost myself in the process.

My past kills me, my future's non existent.

I just want to be one person, alive and functioning.

26f just had a baby
feel like I have no one
my husband doesn’t think I have depression
my mother says I need to be a better mother to my baby and she won’t be able to help me

Idek if this is the right space for this but I’m spiralling and stuck rn and I can’t even type out what triggered me bc it’s so disgusting (but also extremely trivial maybe???) and my mind keeps fixating on it. I can’t tell family bc they’d be upset at each other and worried, I already have an app with my psych tomorrow but will miss class again and already feel bad about it. I’m tapering off sertraline 200mg(at 150mg) to start duloxetin soon.
I’ve had what feels like a panic attack since day before yesterday/yesterday evening when said disgusting thing happened and in the back of my mind I have the persistent thought that I’m overreacting and it’s just bc of my period and it will resolve but despite years of therapy and medication I just feel stuck and hopeless that I’ll ever be somewhat normal. I have assignments due tomorrow that I should work on but I’m crying and shaking and feel pathetic for being so stereotypically “sad”

i know it’s illogical but it feels like im truly out of options

I and my wife are in our 40s and have two preschool autistic children. My wife has cPTSD from a crap upbringing and DV first husband.

I rarely go out. On Saturday was either the second or third time I've been out with my friends this year, and I was out less than four hours. Fwiw she has been abroad overnight this year.

Anyway, I said I'd call her at quarter to 7 (15 minutes before the children's bedtime) but she was ringing me before that. When I got in the car she started having a go and I gave it her back. She can't handle stress and seems amazed I won't drop things and come to her instantly.

On Sunday she ignored me and started calling me a dickhead in front of the children. She was upset that I didn't offer her help as I could see that she was struggling. I said I didn't know she wanted help, then asked her if she wanted to help. She then said no. She also told me to walk home (15 miles away) and stormed off several times leaving me with either a load of stuff/children or leaving me on my own. These things happen a lot when she gets upset. Later on on Sunday evening after the children were asleep she was upset that I hadn't done any cleaning in the house and that she did everything (I had done the washing up, the house was fine). IMO this is her OCD, she was saying the house is disgusting and was unhappy that the books on the shelf were not at the right angle. IMO she has been physically threatened/attacked/bullied in the past about this, as she gets a wild look in her eyes like she's going to get hit.

She won't go to couples counselling with me. She has done individual counselling, and CBT (didn't make much difference).

What's best to do? She normally apologises after a few days but I want a more permanent solution. I'm not going to raise the situation to her yet.

Thanks.

F16 I dont know that much about meds, but apparently, everyone says that I need to be on them because of my delusions, need to feel numb, and schizo posting. But it turns out you can gain weight from being on meds. Im sorry, but if I had to choose between being in a constant cycle of dread and crazy or gaining 20 pounds, just lock me in psych ward for 10 years. I'm not even trying to be rude but I don't wanna gain weight and im sure the weight gain would just make me depressed all over again. Are there any other alternatives to this?

How cured depression highly requested tutorial

Depression almost took my life but it didn't! I am formally not diagnosed with it anymore. Tryna keep it simple like a caveman would. Also this is my personal experience with high functioning depression and some depression is more severe to I can't speak for everyone

Diagnosed Iron deficiency and doctor infusions, CBD not medically supervised for a month [IK very bad] just with dosing as labeled, opened up to those I could know, learned small talk scripts, talked to people even strangers , humans... together even if i was uncomfortable just being near my family, emptied my apartment to almost empty and now clearer headspace, visited national parks just for fun on a weekday its what kept me alive, woke up at 5 just to buy a latte and sandwich and watch the sunrise with a loved one , cry tears every night, Journaling very messy, tried being with others despite feeling disconnected, started to get a spark back, started to tell them friends to hang out, tried to put a smile and tell them how greatful I am to them. Checked up on them more often. Growth mindset so I didnt drag others with me. Looked for beautiful qualities instead of their flaws cause it used to make me think the world was a nasty place but the nasty one was me. I started to smile more at people instead of giving them a dirty look. I started giving mini thoughtful gifts. I felt a bit better. A year went by, and it hit harder than usual I told myself I wasn't gonna myself out and I recongnized this feeling it comes but soon its gonna go. I went to my doctor again and stocked my pantry full of vitamins.

Im not a smart person I just made millions of mistakes my entire life and it came with a heavy price tag. Life and hard mindset changes is the full length version on the other post in the r/depression subreddit. Ik yall prob disappointed it wasn't fully me without any supplements and stuff like that but its the full truth.

I thought i would be able to get myself out of the hole without taking anything but everytime i tried i dug myself deeper until I actually had to start taking my health seriously

Hi, I only just joined so if my post doesn’t meet standards, i’m sorry.

Since I was a pre-teen my mental health has been in the gutter, fighting intense loneliness that ended up putting me in terrible situations that were very exploitative to say the least.

Due to this, a lot of my time for self discovery was used to survive and now I am an adult (20f), with few friends, no partner and am just alone.

I’ve always struggled with hypervigilancy in my relationships because I learned that anyone can leave at any point and if I caught the problem early enough, I could make them stay.

Alas, my partner left me nearly a week ago because of my own actions, I know why I did what I did and am working to become a better version of myself.

Everyday is mine now, I can choose what to do with my time which is a very foreign feeling. Relationships, both friendly and romantic, kept me sane but also shackled me.

I feel both discomfort and freedom that I am not scanning for threats every second of the day, I feel every second go by and nothing is happening.

I’ve been trying to just do things that make me happy like, play games, watch videos and truly disconnect from the world for a while, but it just feels like there is a clock in the back of my brain. Waiting for something bad to happen, telling me to check, analyse, but there isn’t anything to analyse anymore.

I hate that my life is mine but I also love it, after like 7 years of being dependent on others to be happy or even alive, I feel kind of everything.

Grief from my breakup, guilt from my actions causing the breakup, yearning, peace, sadness, happiness. Genuinely every emotion has made its welcome in the last week and I really dont know what to do with it all.

Any advice is welcome and thank you for listening to my story 🩷

usually drinking makes me feel better but not today. i just want to be unconscious. i tried to do my hobbies, watch tv, and even doomscroll but nothing is helping. it’s only 9:30 pm i could sleep now but i still have to wake up tomorrow. what can i do

I caught myself in the mirror a minute ago and I feel disgusting. Since moving out and starting college, I've probably gained at least 50 lbs. At least that's how it feels. I don't know what i weighed before and i dont know what i weogh now. I've been depressed, and living without my parents means I'm eating worse than ever before.

I've always been a bit bigger ever since I was a little kid, never had a complex about it or anything, but now I feel so awful. Disgusting. I don't know what to do.

I don't have an ED, just the closest flair there is.

I've been fighting with my mental health for years now. It started as depression and anxiety, but in the last few years it turned into ocd and eating disorder.

Since I've developed my eating disorder I started to have problems with my bladder. I can't control it and it makes my ocd freak out. I can't leave the house or go anywhere. Even when I tried, I had a panic attack. I have a psyhologist that i see but I am scared to see her beacuse I am scared of leaving my house.

I am scared that I won't be able to fix these problems. Yes maybe when I gain weight my bladder problems will slowly fade, but what if they won't. What if they are a product of my ocd (that actually exists and it's called sensorimotor ocd connected to bladder).

I am scared that I will go insane from the fear, that I won't be able to go to college or find a job since I am so scared of peeing myself.

If you have any thoughts on what to do please help me. I am so so scared.

Im 17(F)

For the past year i have been noticing strange this about my existence and myself in general.

I have been aware about having brain fog almost everyday in my life. Thorough the day i usually feel dizzy, unreal, like i dont feel myself in my own body. At first I thought it was maybe my sleep schedule, so i started getting 7-8 hours of sleep instead of the usual 6 hours, nothing changed.

Then i tried maybe limiting too much unhealthy food, nothing happened. I exercise regularly, nothing changed at all.

I feel like i have no control over what i am saying sometimes to someone, either my friend or family member or maybe teacher at school. Its like my mind knows exactly what and when but when i actually talk everything feels unreal and i cant form my words properly, what is wrong with me…

I have been trying to ignore it but i cant deny that i feel like ill never feel like a normal person again, why is the easiest task ever so hard for me to do while others live so peacefully and do everything so unbothered?

I genuinely feel like i shouldnt get drivers license because my mind is so so clouded and loud all the time, its really irritating. I also often feel like an alien around other people

I feel like i used to be much more worried about life in the past but now its like nothing is really affecting me, like i cant express my emotions properly like i express everything so plainly and uninterested, i dont feel sad about bad grades, or when someone shares something that is supposed to be sad, its like i cant express the sadness w´properly on the outside, its like i lost empathy i once had, i just can no longer feel it.

Inalso figured i had a problem with malapdative daydreaming

Ever since i was little i wanted to ne a psychologist and help people, but now i cant deal with them at all, and id rather work in some personal psychological lab room than listen to people complaining.

Im not sure if it even bothers me anymore lacking basic human emotions like this or perhaps being too “unbothered” about something modt people would be stressed about. I have been living in it for long enough time its just glued to me.

I think i might be some shizotypal person but cant just talk for myself but i dont think this is some temporary feeling since its been dragging with me long enough

Can someone help me understand what is going on within me? I think this might actually be a mental illness