Why, on a nearly empty train, would you sit directly in front of me— put your chair all the way back AND smell offensive? 🥲

[u/ImportanceSharp9408]

Come on! I know I don’t own the train, I only paid for the seat. Theoretically, he could sit next to me and that would be fine. I could just move over a seat. I could move and sit next to him. Very mildly infuriated.

Update: I went to the restroom, after building up a big fart at the advice of wise Redditors but punked out on releasing it into the wild. I planned to move when I returned but he was gone! Perhaps it was a coincidence, when I left my seat with all my belongings, maybe that just happened to be his stop or maybe he was a creep. We may never know. Thanks for all your throughly hilarious responses though!

[u/Fast_Ad7203]

I dunno how can op start stinking on the spot

[u/SenorDiamond17 → u/Fast_Ad7203]

He should shit himself.

[u/TekieScythe → u/SenorDiamond17]

The orange special?

[u/Crafty_Clerk_1891 → u/TekieScythe]

The Hyrox Special.

[u/RogueWolfGypsy → u/Crafty_Clerk_1891]

That woman was disgusting and should be banned from every race ever. 🤢🤮

[u/Flomo420 → u/RogueWolfGypsy]

She Raab'ed Herself

[u/Jizz_mopper_Guy → u/RogueWolfGypsy]

Bro, you just don’t understand the drive these elites have. Stay in your lane.

[u/RogueWolfGypsy → u/Jizz_mopper_Guy]

No, biohazards are not acceptable at races. Or anywhere. You're fucking disgusting if you truly think what she did was acceptable.

[u/xeno0153 → u/TekieScythe]

Take a big steamy Trump right in his pants.

[u/PieHole_Poker → u/xeno0153]

LMFAO!! I will always refer to having diarrhea or sharting or any kind of shat-in-the-pants kinda thing as "the trumps" from now on

[u/FireFly_209 → u/PieHole_Poker]

In British English, a “trump” has always meant a fart, so it’s not that far off, really…

[u/TheFuckYounicorn → u/TekieScythe]

The Presidential Oath of Odor.

[u/Scrublord17 → u/TheFuckYounicorn]

O-Dor? The lord of Ranx and Evil ninjas?!

[u/GloomyLingonberry509 → u/SenorDiamond17]

[u/SMC540 → u/SenorDiamond17]

This is how you assert dominance.

[u/MissSharkyShark → u/SenorDiamond17]

Modern problems require modern solutions

[u/PeopleCryTooMuch → u/SenorDiamond17]

I mayyy be wrong, 2026 and all, but the pink purse, leg shape, and general demeanor in the text scream this is a “she,” lol.

[u/Rk_1138 → u/PeopleCryTooMuch]

She should shit herself

[u/Frangipani_25 → u/Rk_1138]

Ew? Women don’t shit

[u/Training-Internet-60 → u/Frangipani_25]

really now

[u/I_Ponders → u/SenorDiamond17]

Definitely a power move.
Bonus points to maintain eye contact while doing it.

[u/adorableoddity → u/SenorDiamond17]

I’m here for this level of petty energy lol

[u/mmoffitt15 → u/SenorDiamond17]

Ashart dominance?

[u/Nubenai → u/SenorDiamond17]

Shit the other guy instead.

[u/S3XWITCH → u/Nubenai]

“Somebody shit my pants again!”

[u/Twist_Ending03 → u/Nubenai]

Ah, shit his pants

[u/Fuhk_Yoo → u/SenorDiamond17]

Op's gotta get schwifty it seems

[u/yo_seriously_ → u/SenorDiamond17]

Fuck yeah man, that's the method

https://giphy.com/gifs/9uoYC7cjcU6w8

[u/BitchyBeachyWitch → u/SenorDiamond17]

She*

[u/justanawkwardguy → u/Fast_Ad7203]

Beans
https://giphy.com/gifs/4uaycjBacGyTS

[u/anthrocultur → u/justanawkwardguy]

Wow, I didn’t know Alfred E. Newman was a model for print ads before he got the Mad Magazine gig 👀🤔

[u/Linewate → u/Fast_Ad7203]

Rippin ass

[u/MediocreAndLukewarm → u/Fast_Ad7203]

Start talking

[u/Fr0gFish → u/Fast_Ad7203]

Many ways to do this.

[u/GrigorMorte → u/Fast_Ad7203]

Farting

[u/Prudent_Order_3361 → u/Fast_Ad7203]

Fart

[u/YOUTUBEFREEKYOYO → u/Fast_Ad7203]

There are 2 sinister options

[u/gitartruls01 → u/Fast_Ad7203]

Apply as a moderator for a subreddit

[u/GeraintLlanfrechfa → u/Fast_Ad7203]

Reek mode activated!

[u/Wild-Man-63 → u/Fast_Ad7203]

This is why you carry an emergency pickle jar.