Certain things just aren’t worth bringing up. Like is she happy how the kitchen is organized? Yah? Does it bother you it’s set up her way? No? Let it go.
If I commented every time my partner did something that pissed me off I’d be out of the most beautiful and thoughtful person I have ever met in my life. I’ll take the minor inconveniences for a lifetime of hanging out with my person.
Personally, I like to be very clear and communicative. If she doesnt use the space, why does she want to dictate how its laid out? Its obviously not optimal for the person using the kitchen. That seems like a very minor problem with probably very easy solutions.
Do what works for you, but to me, just being able to have that conversation without pissing someone off is a necessary trait in a partner. Just brushing stuff off and not acknowledging things that are pointlessly annoying to keep the peace is not how I want to be with a partner.
If you were I would think you understand what is being weak willed or standing up for actual important things, not how the fucking kitchen is set up lol.
The irony is that one party is willing to die on a hill about how the kitchen is set up when it doesn't affect her, and the one who it does affect you're telling to suck it up.
This problem isn't the real problem; it's a symptom, and fixing the real problem - one partner being domineering is absolutely something to take a stand on.
Did I tell him to suck it up? If it’s a problem handle it, what I’m pointing out is the guy saying they have ineffective communication is assuming this off a single sentence that he read one way when it could be meant as something entirely different. Judging a relationships communication off a Reddit post is absolutely ridiculous.
If you were I would think you understand what is being weak willed or standing up for actual important things, not how the fucking kitchen is set up lol.
Ridiculous is accurate, but you need to say it in the mirror.
Why does it have to be "standing up" for things? Can't you just talk to your partner about preferences? It should not be that big a deal where you have to start talking about picking battles or such
Original commenter was joking, of course, but still
That’s the point I’m making. If it was an issue say something if it’s not, it shouldn’t matter. People make it sound like the original comment guy is being domineered by his partner. Even if he was some people like that shit, stop pushing your communication standards on to others.
I guess my point is just something shouldn't have to be an issue for you to bring it up. This isn't your friend, this is your life partner. You should feel comfortable to bring up things that are only mildly bothersome
And yeah, it's his relationship not mine, but it's a public comment. He can do what he likes, but I still feel some type of way about it
I think I’m the original guy. Definitely not domineered, she handles the decorating. I know how to pick my battles and this one isn’t worth it. Been married 26 years.
I'm pretty sure if you do the cooking and the other person who doesn't cook dictates how things are set up, you're probably not happy with how it's set up.
I blame it on social media, everyone wants to share their “vision” and one small deviation is seen as the spark of a rebellion against someone’s reality.
I’ve even been guilty of this, when at work I had told someone they were putting supplies in the wrong spot, they then informed me why they were doing it like that, and I realized “hey that’s actually genius”
Social media has definitely amplified it, but as a kid I remember wanting to be an adult so I could be the one that could get mad and yell at people bc thats how my mom was.
I sometimes teach other coworkers at my part-time job and I tell them that I always have a rationale for why I do things a certain way- ask if they ever wonder why. It’s either safety, ergonomics, or efficiency. Obviously a combination of the three.
That’s the benefits of being an over-thinker and an always-improver.
Hot take: life is mostly uncontrollable and its nice to have at least some space you havr control over. Controlling the whole house? Red flag, controlling the kitchen or shed or man cave and not having to compromise? Go nuts
There is no "hot take" It's just virtue signalling that you are looking for a verbal confrontation.
We all want control over something. We all succeed and fail to some degree. In the areas were we succeed, we often go nuts. Not always good, not always bad, but we all enjoy it when it happens.
Okay but in that scenario, perhaps the answer is not to date that person anymore, as they aren’t a good or supportive partner and are quite likely being emotionally abusive.
ETA: just saw your other comments. Your choices seem pretty shitty, I’m sorry man. You might want to consider how seeing this type of dysfunction accepted by you will affect your kids in the longterm too though, and factor that into some of the loss you’ll deal with if you leave her. My parents not getting divorced when they should have kind of fucked up my idea of what a relationship should be / what kind of treatment I should accept, and it took me years to look for a different type of love.
We always hear “relationships are hard work”. I think a lot of people take that to mean “we fight all the time, but that’s normal. Relationships are hard work, right?”
People who don't cook but care about kitchen layouts have zero respect for pragmatism, and will focus on aesthetics and appearances.
Basically, it's the ol' "architect vs engineer" debate, i.e. architect is like "Hey this would look really cool!" and engineer is like "That...makes zero sense from a structural viewpoint, and would weaken the structure"
It doesn't matter if your grandmas ugly cast iron is your favorite pan, that shit is going in the farthest reaches of the kitchen while the fancy hex-clad that looks cool is going to hang up right in front of your face in the middle of the island for everyone to see.
Yeah I do all the cooking but I really don’t care that much about most home decor or furniture arrangements. My wife might make kitchen suggestions, but it’s pretty well established that it’s my domain. I have told her if she’d like to cook more she is welcome to move things around as long as I can still find my things. She doesn’t want to cook and I’m okay with that. Gotta talk
Have you ever tried to advocate for yourself but the other person doesn't listen because they only see things their way?
You can advocate as much as you like, and they will come up with a reason why it should be their way.
I had a guy at my office who used to move my motorcycle by a couple feet so he could jam his shitty car into the same parking spot as my bike. When I confronted him, he said if I parked better and more considerate that he wouldn't need to move my bike. I told him not to fucking touch it again.
In a week, I had about 4 different coworkers come up to me and ask if I could park my bike at the top of the stall so this dude could park his car out front instead of having to park out back (he arrived later than all of us). I drove my trunk in the next day and stopped riding my bike to work. I've been told I'm a petty asshole.
Good luck advocating for the right to a parking spot just like everyone else...
I also cook 90% of the time in my household but my wife picked the entire kitchen layout, down to the cups needing to be upside down in the cupboard even though it has a cabinet door. I clean the cups rim B4 I use them as it grosses me out they are sliding on the cupboard we only wipe out a few times a year.
I rearranged the pots one time because the one I use the most was always buried. Just changed the order of them from front to back. 1.5 months later my wife goes looking for the one I swapped places with. That was a fun day...
I share the other story instead, cuz people will just tell me I shouldn't put up with what I put up with at home... But such is life.
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u/crippledgiants 6h ago
This sounds like ineffective communication. Advocate for yourself man.