r/mildyinteresting • u/Educational-Dog-8317 • Aug 05 '26

edible engagement 🍭 Lunchables forgot to cut my ham ✨

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Opened my late night lunchable to a thick slab of ham today 😅

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u/EldenLordAjSoprano Aug 05 '26

Ma'am, that is an eleven pound whole slab of deli ham. It has no bones, fat, or connective tissue. It is an amalgamation of the meat of several pigs, emulsified, liquefied, strained, and ultimately inexorably joined in an unholy meat obelisk. God had no hand in the creation of this abhorrence. The fact that this ham monolith exists proves that God is either impotent to alter his universe or ignorant to the horrors taking place in his kingdom. This prism of pork is more than deli meat. It is a physical declaration of mankind's contempt for the natural order. It is hubris manifest. We also have a lower sodium variety if you would prefer that.

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u/Creative_Recover Aug 05 '26

2 pigs is optimistic; lunchable meat contains turkey and chicken meat too, as well as corn syrup, nitrites, sodium and food colouring. 

"Meat" is also stretching it a bit too, as most of it is mechanically reclaimed meat from old carcasses and is mostly stuff like gristle, fat & connective tissue rather than actual lean meat.  It's literally the dregs of the meat industry.

It's also why the "ham" has 0 texture because to mechanically reclaim meat you have to effectively press the carcass through a sieve. The odd pink colour is also  food colouring because if they didn't add it the meat would be grey.

I used to work in a meat processing factory and didn't touch the stuff for ages afterwards because of the foul smells, processes and hygiene standards in producing ultra-processed meats. I also had a friend who worked in a cheese factory; if you think this kind of meat is bad, lemme tell you about how they recycle cheese...

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u/Reasonable_Archer_99 Aug 05 '26

I want to hear about the cheese.