Husband going away for 3 weeks

[u/-wannabemermaid-]

Alright y’all, I need some insight. My LO will be 16 weeks old when I got back to work (3 days in office, two at home) and then my husband (a touring musician) is expected to go on a 3-week long tour the day after Thanksgiving until right before Christmas. So our daughter will be 18-ish weeks when he leaves.

We aren’t sending her to daycare because he’ll be the stay at home parent when he comes back from tour, but I am having MAJOR anxiety about him leaving me for 3 weeks straight, especially to do nights alone. Not to mention, the supposed 4 month sleep regression is going to be during that time, and I’m coming back during my industry’s busiest season.

We talked last night and I told him that I don’t think I’ll be able to handle him being gone that long (he’s not even playing on this tour, it’s not his band, so it doesn’t further his career in any kind of way, but that’s for another conversation).

Luckily, he doesn’t really want to go either even though the money is decent (I’m the higher earner in the relationship so I absolutely have to go back to work).

Anyone with experience, I’d greatly appreciate some advice! Or anyone with a newborn solo parenting, HOW DID YOU DO IT?! We can’t afford a night nurse so that’s out of the question.

[u/screwtoprose-]

no way i’d do this. why is he going if there is not benefit, and the con is leaving his postpartum wife and NEWBORN for 3 weeks.

i just did 4 nights without my husband and my son is much older than yours and i almost lost my marbles.

[u/screwtoprose- → u/screwtoprose-]

wait also am i reading correctly that you are going to be taking care of baby while you work? even more impossible tbh. hire a nanny until dad comes back.

[u/-wannabemermaid- → u/screwtoprose-]

Ah yes I forgot to mention that we’d hire a nanny during the week even while I WFHed!

[u/Solid_Might_9082]

I’m single mom with 3 kids and the youngest is 6 weeks now.

My tips:

Put all 3 kids to bed or in bed at the same time

Sleep also at the same time with the baby in the same room as you so you are in bed for 12 hours even if you wake up every 2

Baby wear

It’s ok if someone’s crying for a few minutes

Easy meals like frozen lasagna etc and use paper plates

Just do one huge load of laundry once a week

Let friends and family help or come by if they offer

Batch prepare stuff so when you make an ice coffee, for example, make like four and put them in the fridge ready for the next couple days

[u/Kindly_Concert6852]

My husband is military and will have been gone for almost 4 months by the time he gets home- same age. It sucks but you will be surprised at how strong you are and how fast 3 weeks goes by. You got this!

[u/Living-Tiger3448]

Where is the baby supposed to be when you’re in the office 3x a week and he’s gone? You definitely need to have a conversation about this in general. I presume this type of travel is something he’s going to do relatively often? Not to mention cold and flu season and returning right before Xmas

[u/screwtoprose- → u/Living-Tiger3448]

oh yes i didn’t even realize that about this set up, either.

[u/-wannabemermaid- → u/Living-Tiger3448]

Forgot to mention we’d hire a nanny during the weekdays! He’s been touring for our entire ten years together as it’s how he earns all his money, so we thought about trying it out. I am currently at my parents in Atlanta while still on maternity leave and this is the first trip where he’s been away for more than a week, and let’s just say, I’ve been losing it. My dad cannot help out as he has a stroke, so my mom is primary caretaker for him and her mother so I try not to ask her for any help since agree stretched so thin already.

[u/TortillaDilla]

Ask him to find a sub for the tour if it’s not a career advancing move. If he’s active on the scene he should be able to pass on this one opportunity without compromising too much future work. Is he going out as crew? I’m looking to get back on the road after a hiatus myself and wife and I have a 4 yr old and planning to expand our family, our general rule is going to be no more than 14 days in a row at a time

[u/Round-Arugula7347]

I’d say that if he is on the tour trying to make money, and he made an agreement, bowing out now is shitty but waiting longer is worse. He might not be playing, but if he’s getting paid he’s clearly doing something, and they have to fill that position.

[u/No-Nothing-9073]

I’m a touring musician and a mom! What does your husband do on the road? Is it money you really need? Does the gig pay well? Can he bow out and find a good sub? Can he do half the tour and then have someone fill in for him? You definitely need the support at home.

[u/Aggravating-Pin-6781]

My husbands left for 4 days 3 nights with my permission when baby was 8 weeks he went camping with my dad, I have an easy baby but never again am I doing that being alone 24/7 with a baby is hard even if baby is “easy” I wouldn’t do it if it’s not needed

[u/Youlittle-rascal]

Honestly backing out of the tour now would probably do more damage to his reputation in the industry than it would’ve if he had just turned it down. I think 3 weeks is doable with a nanny

[u/MakeMyOwnMerch]

Start sleep training, honestly. Meal prep and freeze meals ahead. Decide since NOW what you're comfortable using on the baby if she starts teething during those weeks. And straight up- ask friends if anyone would have nights available when you have major meetings or work event scheduled the day after to help support you.

I know sleep training can be hard on your heart and sanity for a bit, but for working parents, especially single, it helps. Both for day and night sleeps.