r/polyamory • u/Confident_Factor7147 • 10h ago
Struggling to enjoy time with partner
Nesting partner and I have been together for 6 years. We're extremely committed to each other, married, plan our lives around each other, hoping for a baby soon etc.
We've ways been open but usually it's been like more casual things. He's been seeing someone for kind of a while, a bit less than a year.
Throughout this time, I've struggled to understand my own feelings around their relationship. I find myself feeling jealous sort of often. I feel like my partner is so busy most of the time so we end up being more like roommates but when he goes over to meta's house he always finishes his work ahead of time, using "our time" to do so. they plan dates, they went on a trip (without actually asking if I was ok with that which i was nothing but we've addressed that I guess). they just do fun stuff together and when I complain that we're not spending enough quality time together and how that makes me feel, it usually ends up with both of us upset, them saying something along the lines of "I love you so much I don't understand how you can't see that, I'm trying my best". He has gotten better about this.
When we're spending time together my partner brings up meta, what feels to me, quite often and I've told them pleaseto talk about meta less. I see the two of them texting like all the time. I've said please don't text them so much while we're together. but... it seems unrealistic to expect them to never text or bring up a person who they really like to spend time with.
Meta says I love you but my partner doesn't... I think mostly just to spare my feelings but idk for sure.
Anyway, we're away this weekend just the two of us and like the day we get back he's going to sleepover at meta's house. and I'm really struggling to enjoy time with them because I'm feeling like he doesn't actually want to be here with me or something. I'm not sure just feeling really uneasy about it all. I think I'm being too jealous? but I also feel like I'm valid for being upset about a bunch of the stuff my partner and meta do.
10
u/Choice-Strawberry392 9h ago
How long has it been since the two of you really had a good time together? Really felt like your energy was pointed at the other? Really had fun?
It's classic in ENM for one partner to get default nesting time, and the other to get the fun play time. Not good. But that happens a lot.
Another thing that can happen is that two people who have mutual goals for the future and similar domestic habits can discover that they live well together, and like each other well enough... but they aren't really buddies in the play-together sense.
If you two have some sparky, playful, energetic fun in your past, then renewing it might be a matter of shifting time and effort. But if dating each other has always been a little fraught and half-measured and thin, then you may have other troubles.