r/regretfulparents • u/Rater917 • 7d ago
Venting - Advice Welcome So when does this get fun?
I have a 2 year old and 4 year old so life is pretty much hell.
Ive accepted hell and, but i was wondering when will this get better?
Like where is the fun in having kids?
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u/SillyPuttyPurple 7d ago
Mine is 10 now, and I'm still asking that question. Like, where's all this "super rewarding" stuff that I heard all about?
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u/Equivalent_Win8966 Parent 7d ago
Mine’s 17 and the answer is not yet.
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u/CherGirrl 7d ago
See who you were when you were little in them. Try your best to treat them the way you wish you would have been treated when you were little.
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u/sunnymoonbaby 7d ago
This is actually the most legit advice. If you can't necessarily enjoy parenting, you can benefit you both by being the parent you would have needed yourself at that age, and that is at least fulfilling to the parent by healing your inner child and beneficial to the child by having a higher chance at a healthy upbringing.
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u/psychobetty303 3d ago
This is the most insightful and wholesome comment I’ve ever read on this sub.
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u/run_daffodil Parent 7d ago
7 and 5 is more tolerable. I’m not wiping asses or helping them get on kiddie rides at the fair. The more independent they get, the more I can breathe.
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u/Curious-Bobcat341 6d ago
Thanks I have a 2 yr old and 4 yr old. Every single day is a drag. I have no energy to do anything, and they are so frustrating. Whining.
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u/fluffy_hamsterr Not a Parent 7d ago
Depends on what you like about kids. If it's nothing...then... never.
If you'll enjoy watching them get into hobbies/sports and teaching them about your hobbies... probably around age 8.
If you'll enjoy interacting with them on a more adult level the teen years could be interesting or at least you'll enjoy them after they are grown.
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u/Rater917 7d ago
You know what. I could probably get into that.
I guess i still got a ways to go before I start having fun with them.
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u/SagemodeMadara 7d ago
Yeah im also wondering when does it get better
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u/Rater917 7d ago
Someone said 8. Hang in there man
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u/rouxthless 2d ago
When they move out.
No, I’m kidding. The real answer is never. It’s never fun. It just is what it is. And in this economy, you’re lucky if they ever move out.
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u/sophie-fifafofie 7d ago
I struggled a lot when my kid was younger because I had to confront my own childhood traumas while parenting them. I'd say since age 7 or so it feels so easy and uncomplicated. Since my child's a headstrong and outgoing person since day 1, I can stay calm during emotional outbursts. It was an uphill battle for some time, though. What I realised later - the lack of sleep seriously fucked me up and made everything worse
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u/amanducktan 7d ago
7-8 things kinda even out. My sons almost 10 and he’s a cool kid. Toddlers are rough.
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u/thickasabrick89 Parent 7d ago
I only have one and she is nearly 5 but she mellowed a little by 3.5 so the tantrums weren't mental. She started full time compulsory school in September and I've seen another improvement in her ability to listen and follow instructions. I genuinely enjoy my time with her now and she is so funny and interesting.
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u/TurnPersonal Parent 5d ago
For you... Not anytime soon.. You have two whole kids!! Well maybe at 8 or 10 when they are more independent.
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u/shadowwithinthevoid 5d ago
I have what I call "Golden Moments" in life, usually concerning the kids but not limited to kids.
A Golden Moment, is like your brain actively letting you know this is a core memory. Whether it's a good moment or a bad one it's one of those moments that will stand out over time.
For example, when my boys where probably 2 and 4, I remember being so filled with love for those tiny little humans I had grown myself.
Or playing cards against humanity with the kids, it's almost always a few hours of pure laughter. Do we play games all the time? Hell no because then it wouldn't be fun anymore. We only play when everyone is in a decently good mood.
Oh another Golden Moment was when our first boy pooped all over Grandma. It was horrifying and nasty but hilarious. We all still laugh about it.
Been a mom for more than half my life at this point, it's not gotten easier over the years. Most days I feel like I am in my own person hell, but it's not all bad.
Just my take, hope it helps.
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u/djjudas21 7d ago
When they’re old enough to do most of the tedious activities (feeding, dressing, toilet) themselves.
As they are quite close in age, they will hopefully entertain each other quite a lot and need less attention from you.
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u/Gracenote70 7d ago
Best age was 10 and 11. Old enough to join me skiing,biking,hiking etc but young enough they still want to hang out with you.
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u/awillfang 6d ago
I have a 2 and 4 year old and I am reading this from bed in my RV at 12:30 in the afternoon as my husband tries to occupy them. We were so excited to camp this weekend for the first time in this RV. It’s amazing and so much potential for fun except for the 2 kids ruining everything
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u/No_Bridge_583 1d ago
For us it was around 5-6, after he started school. He was misbehaving at school but at home he started to be very nice and angelic 🤣 Like wth.
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u/yellow_postie_bike 7d ago
have a third, maybe then it'll get fun.
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u/sunnymoonbaby 7d ago
I hope this was a dry joke bc it made me laugh. Op, more redundant birth control may actually be in order.
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u/Profelee 6d ago
Esas edades son las más divertidas porque los niños tienen muchas ocurrencias, son un poco más autónomos y juegan mucho. Si no querías o no te parecía divertido por qué tuviste hijos?? No es hate solo simple curiosidad.
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u/Rater917 6d ago
At the time i was really big into Christianity.
If you know anything about the religion having kids is pushed pretty heavily.
And I thought i would enjoy it, but honestly I don't. We'll not right now
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u/Profelee 6d ago
Sí, mis papás lo son y somos tres hermanos. Te entiendo.. es muy honesto por tu parte.
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u/No_Bridge_583 1d ago
I think this is the problem: deciding to have them because someone else says so and you think it will be fun. It’s more fun when they are a bit older - but it’s way more hard than fun. Do you think there’s any value in creating your own humans? In having input into who they become or sharing your interests/hobbies/memories with them? I really like watching all my favourite movies from when I was a child with my son, reading the books I loved to him, taking him places that mean a lot to me, teaching him stuff. It’s hard if you don’t find joy in any of this. Also something to mention - if you’re pretty addicted to your phone/technology/gaming or any of this easy-dopamine stuff, parenting will feel like a punishment that takes you away from the ‘fun’. I would highly advise parent to give up all the ‘druggy’ stuff, whatever your ‘poison’ is. For me even if I am really into a book I can feel resentful for having to give it up and play with my son.
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u/Rater917 1d ago
I think once I get to that point where they want to watch my childhood movies it will be fun.
As far as value, I dont see it right now.
So far kids have added stress and debt to my life. Decrease time for myself and wife.
It hasnt been great imo
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u/No_Bridge_583 1d ago
Unfortunately this is something everyone should know before deciding to have kids. They add a lot of stress and if you see it as being about you and you enjoying it and having fun, it’s not the case. There are moments of fun and love and connection, but I think especially for men, if you don’t feel that calling to do this work that is hard but not about you, maybe don’t do it. You have to do it for the right reasons, children deserve that.
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u/Rater917 23h ago
I agree, which is why im a big advocate for people to not have kids.
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u/No_Bridge_583 19h ago
Some people can actually deal with it though, can cope well and actually enjoy caring for others and not being self-focused. Those people should have children.
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u/Charming-Cicada-2290 7d ago
You were fooled.