it gets better when they’re mobile

it gets better when they sleep through the night

it gets better when they’re done with bottles

it gets better when they’re can talk/communicate

it gets better when theyre potty trained

it gets better when they’re older so you don’t have to lug a stroller and a diaper bag everywhere

it gets better when they start school (LOL)

it gets better when they’re not in a car seat anymore and can buckle themselves in and out

it gets better when they’re socially independent and you don’t have to schedule play dates anymore

It gets better when they have their drivers license so you stop being a chauffeur

it gets better when they can prepare their own meals so you’re not a personal chef

it gets better when they’re older and wash their own clothes/ do chores

it gets better when the move out and have their own life

etc etc etc the goal post is ALWAYS moving further down the road .

————

LMAO i remember being a naive new mom and believing more experienced parents when they said “it gets better” i then realized it never got “better” the challenges changed out for different one - usually something more complex and emotionally draining .

The only thing I have been consistent with saying is “I’m so done with this shit” I can not do it anymore, i have cried more in the last 72 hours than I did when I was a newborn I’m sure!

I have 3 children, my eldest two children are fine, I’m happy with them I’m glad I had them, they’re the best!
My youngest daughter however a product of contraception failure has Autism if I had her first I’d be childless by now, the father is a useless drug addict so I have been a solo parent for 6 years.
I really cannot put up with her anymore (she’s 3) non verbal, constant meltdowns, waking at 3am everyday, taking her nappy off and swiping shit all over the place. I just can’t do it physically and mentally I’m weak, drained and a zombie.
I have 0 friends or family support, I live 4 hours away from my parents who cannot stand to be in a room with my children for more than an hour!
It feels like a jail sentence for a crime I didn’t commit, stuck in the same Groundhog Day for the last 3 years I can’t do it anymore.

Even though I am on the strongest anti depressants I’m still depressed :/

I have contacted children’s services to get some form of help but in reality I want her to disappear so I can have a normal life.
I know it sounds horrible how could I say this about my own child? I wish there was a test that could have told me before she was born that she would have these difficulties, I know I was not cut out to deal with a disabled child, no matter what it would have been I wouldn’t have put myself in this situation willingly.

I just needed to get this off my chests as “someone” to talk to I guess.

I just found out that my 7th grader is already failing three of his classes, two of them for stupid fucking reasons (not doing classwork, missing homework). I am so angry that I haven't even approached him about it yet because I feel like screaming at him, which clearly wouldn't be the healthy thing to do. As a child, I didn't need to be told to do my homework or classwork. Every day I ask him if he has homework and he says no, or that he did it already. Now I have to fucking be in constant contact with his teachers because he's clearly not telling the truth. Add it to pile of the million things I have to do. I'm at the point where I can feel stress in my body. I wake up and I'm immediately anxious, and even when I take a day off and do nothing, I don't feel "recharged." Having kids feels like a never-ending punishment.

New here and scared of these feelings. I've been coping with depression, burnout, and career worries (currently off on disability, but parted ways with first and only engineering job on poor terms).

Dad of two boys: 2.5 & 4. I can't help but wonder if having kids was a mistake. They seem to have loaded on way more work and responsibility than I can handle. Even now, with my mother living with us to help out and my load being lightened because I'm depressed, helping out with the kids is leading to overwhelm more and more quickly. I feel awful that I brought these children into the world but I'm not being there for them in the ways they need and my thoughts about the situation are getting worse and worse.

Yes, I'm receiving therapy and trying medication.

I know this is more likely them pretending they dont know any better but we just realized our 10 yr old has spent $500-700 on a video game in the past month in small charges. I was already sitting here stressed about having a kids birthday on thanksgiving, hosting halloween, and christmas within 2 months. Obviously we are super at fault for not paying attention to our account, and I suppose trusting them to play the game as a treat while we are cleaning or taking care of business after telling them not to use the store in game (my card is on there for membership).

I know this is common and I hope we get the money back but this is something I never thought about before having kids. The biggest one was a few weeks ago when my other younger child swung the car door open full stop and luckily the car next to us happened to just be far enough away to not smash their door in and im like omg! My car door was hit in January and it cost their insurance 4 grand to repair. That almost just came out of my pocket for a child opening a door.

I could go on and on and on but this is something for those without kids to think about outside of the usual this just sucks and is expensive in general. One little thing they do can devastate you financially because theyre children. Tv and electronics are a blessing to survive daily. Imagine how easy everything you own is to break and how expensive it is to replace. Fml!

I see regretful parents all the time here, however most of these posts are of parents who are still kind of new to parenting. Like...toddlers and such. Much less posts from parents of older children, so as a parent with older kids who still regrets becoming a parent...are there any of you who are still struggling with teens? My oldest is about to be 18 in a few months. It never got easier. Please tell me i am not alone.

yes I’m grateful I’m able to have some time to myself where I’m not with my child and I’m not working. but wow! time literally seems to go by at lightning speed. a full day to myself will feel like an hour or two. a 2 hour break feels like 15/30 minutes.

i am so grateful for the time away but it really is a drop in the bucket to feeling restored/“normal” again. and then I get whiplash when I go back to reality with a loud, clingy, hyper child.

becoming a mom has completely drained my soul . I don’t think I will EVER be back to my pre-child capacity.

My child has always been defiant and argumentative but now is threatening to kill me? At this point I wouldn’t even mind

I just don't know anymore these 2 kids just drain me everyday. I feel like a zombie after work and then dealing with my 2 small boys all night. I used to be so happy and vibrant...I need a vacation so bad from this life ..but it ain't happening for another 20 yrs which is crazy...

Hi, I'm a 31 year old mom. I have 2 kids, one is about to be 9 and the other is 7. I have struggled with mental health and suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember. I don't exactly feel "regret" but I am constantly thinking about how I am not a good or stable enough parent for them.

Since their dad and I divorced 3 years ago I have had absolutely no stability in any aspect. Any time I have finally started to make progress my life is turned around all over again out of my control causing me to just slip more and more. I have been in and out of psych hospitals since December. I am losing my home for the 5th time in 2 years. I am not good enough for them. I am no use to them how I am right now.

I don't have much option for places to go, but my mom recently moved to Iowa and told me I can come there to try to get stable. I am going to do this because I think I'm l getting out of the state I'm in where so much negative has happened and everything is a constant trigger just isn't helping me or them or anyone. However, I have to tell my kids the plan to leave today. Their dad will never leave our home state so I will have to go on my own. Even with my mom there I just wouldn't have the capability to have them and give them the care they'd need.

I know they are going to be upset and cry and be so fucking sad. They love me so much, they think I'm an incredible mother that I'm really just not. Now I am abandoning them. I will miss out on so much of their lives and it breaks me. I don't want to break their hearts like this. I know they will be able to visit there and I can come visit here, but this is a horrible position to be in. I think I'm horrible.

Hi I am 11 weeks pregnant and I hate it. I am 30 yeast old I have a good career and I make good money. I have great opportunities for my life. I feel like this pregnancy will ruin my life and everything else I am angry at myself for not aborting it earlier. I have been feeling so sad.

I don’t want to be a mom anymore. I hate it actually. I can’t stand how messy they are, how they never listen. I’m tired of not being able to have nice things and never being able to leave my house to go anywhere. We were two stupid teens who should’ve actually thought about it. I hate him too, literally despise him. Cheated on me so many times, put our living situation at risk sooo many times. He’s the reason I don’t have support from my foster family. I don’t want to be with him anymore and wish I could get up and leave.

But, they didn’t choose to be here so I’m forced to set all those feelings aside and take better care of them than I do myself 😭. I have to pretend and be nice to them so I don’t traumatize them. But I feel like I can’t take it anymore. I’m with them literally 24/7.

I did this shit to myself, I just want alone time and freedom. I don’t even know who I am, I don’t have hobbies or interests. I can’t work because he works a weird shift and I don’t trust daycares or baby sitters with my kids, I probably wouldn’t even be able to afford it honestly. All of my nice things get ruined. My body is ruined.

Im actually struggling so badly right now and everyone I keep trying to go to about it don’t take me seriously. I hate that this is my life, I hate that I chose this for myself. I wish I made smarter decisions and I wish I listened!!!! I feel so guilty and hate that I’m the mom my kids got.

I still haven’t even learned how to drive!!! The only thing I have going for myself is that I start college summer of 2027. I’m so tired of being tied down to him.

I’m tired of the endless laundry, the endless cleaning. I’m tired of cooking three meals a day all while I can’t eat anything myself. I’m tired of not being able to shower by myself, I can’t do my makeup without my son trying to get into it. I don’t get to eat by myself, I don’t get sleep by myself. Then when I show signs of mental illness he just meets me with annoyance and a “why are you just lying there, why are you getting so irritated” in a rude rushed tone.

I tried to end my life January 2025, everyone treated me like shit when I got out. Even people IN the mental hospital told me I’m a horrible person for doing that while I have kids. I thought I got better. I was doing better. But these past two months I’ve just started to realize how much I hate and resent their father. For everything he put me through, how horrible he treats me when I’m struggling the most. How the weight of EVERYTHING gets put onto my shoulders while he gets the luxury of “just working.”

Literally just told him yesterday my mental health is getting to the point it was before and I’m genuinely concerned about myself. Today he’s off and slept in until 4pm and when I ask him to make our kids something to eat he gets mad and stays in our room, it’s 6pm now. He eventually made them pb&js, but then went back to the room again leaving me alone with both of our kids. I didn’t sleep for three days straight, finally slept these last two for 4 hours. Still haven’t been able to eat anything in a week. I’m just so angry and sad. Using all my energy to make sure my kids are taken care of, fed, played with. It’s neglecting myself entirely. I. Hate. My. Life.

I’m 21 and THIS is my life 😭

eight months postpartum and i have been a sahm since i gave birth. i find myself so envious of my husband getting to go to work everyday and escape this life. we talk about it all the time. i bring up wanting to go back to work and he also counters that with “isn’t this what you wanted”. and he’s right. it is all i ever wanted (so stupid of me). i wanted to have kids and stay home with them. but now that im in it i hate everything about it and have became so depressed. i tell him he gets a break when hes at work and i dont. i’m clocked in 24/7. he says it isnt a break but it is. his job isn’t hard. he gets to socialize with adults. he gets to not have a baby screaming in his ear all day. he gets to sleep through the night while i am up with our baby multiple times because he needs his rest for work (his words not mine). he’s got it good. he gets free childcare and a free maid. i do all of the cleaning and house work. i make all of the meals. i am the primary parent. when he is home, he relieves me as much as he can with our son and pretty much takes over for the few hours before our baby goes to bed. but it’s not enough.

i’ve really been wanting to go back to work but my issue is 1) i have no drive or interest to actually work. i just want to escape this life and feel like a person again. 2) my son is a very difficult and unhappy baby. he is very high needs. he needs constant attention. i don’t think he would survive daycare. the teachers would hate him and i don’t want to put him in a position to get hurt or neglected. i worked in childcare and seen how they treat the harder babies. he also has some medical issues (nothing super major, but it does require more attention and more patience) and i wouldn’t trust anyone to be as a patient with him as i am.

my mental health is at an all time low. i know if i went to the doctors about how i am feeling they would call it postpartum depression they would want to shove antidepressants down my throat. would it technically be called postpartum depression, probably. but it’s not just postpartum hormones. it’s that my quality of life is so poor. all i do all day is try to soothe a crying baby or entertain a baby and my efforts are never good enough. he is always crying or screaming about something. from the minute he wakes up i cant wait for him to go back to sleep. i hate spending my days like this. it’s suffocating and i feel trapped.

The kid is 5 and it became less exhausting less miserable, I think 0-3 was hell.

anyway, it went from terrible to… just boring.

It’s just not interesting at all. This kid’s stuff. Dull as dishwasher.

Title says it all. I have two kids ages 3 and 9. I hate just about everything about it. When it was just the eldest at least it felt manageable. But I still struggled. In our society you are expected to do everything alone. I struggled even more when my dad passed while he was 2. Even living near family I felt incredibly alone. Everyone turned inward and I was left to take care of a 18 month old while he was dying and then after. The only reprieve I received was covid. It was magical for me. I know it wasn't great for a lot of people, but I had my partner at home and we hiked, and travelled, and got to be a family. I started working out and feeling good about myself again.

Things felt like they were headed in the right direction. My partner started to step up and work on himself and things started to fall into place. I got a full time job, he proposed, we got married and then I had my second. Things fell a part almost immediately.

My partner delved head first into drinking and drug use. I think he was jealous I made more money than him. My youngest is an absolute terror. He throws and kicks and destroys things when hes mad. I have an injury that doesn't allow me to move fast and I can't stop him in time. Other times I try to ignore him to downplay it and that only escalates it. We are renting a house and he tore up the blinds and broke a mirror. I was going to replace the blinds, but I can't do anything about the mirror.

I'm in the middle of divorcing my partner. He lied about going to work one day and left me to fend for myself watching our kids AND working full time from home. Then a year later he went away for a weekend and cheated. I ran our entire household, made the money, took care of the kids, and still I have to deal with this type of bull sh*t.

My eldest is sneaky and constantly touching things he shouldn't and then breaking them. He also is absent minded.

He has ADHD and thinks hes smarter than everyone. He left our freezer open the other day and defrosted all of the meats.

They both crash into me relentlessly. again, I have an injury and even when I wear a brace they drop metal water bottles on it. They step on me, claw at me, run head first into my crotch and body. they treat me like a punching bag. Even when I ask for space or let them know they are hurting me they don't stop.

My eldest throws himself around and hurts other kids too. he wildly threw himself down a slide and kick a toddler in the face. Luckily it was a light tap, but I had told him to stop and he ignored me. My youngest throws food when he's mad. My house looks like I foster feral dogs. the wall is splattered with food, toys and other items are torn up and left for me to clean up. Since separating from their dad it has gotten a bit better (as he lived like a slob), but I'm still spending my days cleaning and bargaining and repeating myself. Even when I'm like "Let's do something fun." I'm reminded I don't get to have fun anymore. Either My eldest pushes it to the extreme to see how much he can get out of me or my youngest flips out at the slightest inconvenience and launches a toy somewhere. I don't like taking them places because it is always that.

I took them to the beach one day with out planning and bought hot dogs and created a nice little set up complete with a sun shade, my eldest ran around kicking sand in people's face and my youngest fully melted down for two hours. When he melts down he purposely blows snot and spit everywhere, something he didn't do before going to nursery school.

My eldest will do things in front of you to see if you'll say anything. He will legit say "I was worried I was going to get in trouble" but still do it in your face.

I am also struggling to not hit them in retaliation. My parents beat the sh*t out of me for every inconvenience, my mom would implore psychological warfare if you did something she found annoying and would not let up for days. I find myself reverting to her demeanor and I hate it. I don't do nearly the damage she does but my kids literally point out that I'm not a "chipper" mom. No sh*t Sherlock.

I used to be fun. I used to flirt and laugh and dance. Now I spend my days nursing bruises and bumps from them crashing into me, constant "I'm hungry" but won't sit long enough or want to eat anything, and regardless if I had a partner or not, doing it all by myself. I might be able to survive more if I could lean on my tribe/ family, but no, they have nannies and my mother is deep in her religious psychosis (not to mention a horribly mean grandmother). My best friend literally lives halfway around the world. My other friends live in other states. Every mom I meet here "loves it" or is weird and I wouldn't want to leave my kids with.

I have no help. I am spiraling. I want my life back. I want my body back. I want time for myself and my hobbies. I am tempted to just hand them over to their dad and call it a day.

Firstly, I'm sorry if this isn't the kind of regret this sub is usually about, I hope it still fits because I truly can't think of anywhere else I could possibly turn to about this.

I didn't have any real problems with the idea of having children, but my wife really wanted at least one, it was a dream of hers to raise a family and I was happy to oblige because I loved her so much. I would have done anything for her. Her pregnancy went mostly okay, obviously it was really hard for her in all the ways pregnancies are hard for women but she was ultimately happy about the whole thing and thus so was I. I was nervous about the idea of being a father, my own wasn't great, neither was his father, so I was never sure I was ready to do it but with her at my side I thought it, no, I thought anything, was possible. At no point during the pregnancy was there any signs of complications.

Then it happened, the single worst day of my life. During childbirth some unforeseen circumstances lead to her not making it but our son being born nonetheless. I wish I didn't feel this way, I wish I could see it the way all my friends and family see it, that my son is a beautiful gift or continuation of her life that I should cherish but he isn't, to me he will always be the person who killed the one person that made me feel like I had a safe place in this world. My son is soon to turn 13, I've done what I can to raise him without taking these feelings out on him, although I know I have done a bad job at this, and the more he grows, the closer he gets to manhood the harder it is for me to separate him from what happened to her. I dread the day I have to look the grown man who killed my wife in the eyes and act like I don't hate him more than I thought it was possible to hate another person.

I don't feel like I have any way to let these feelings out or express them either. My family love him, he's doing well in school and I think if anyone else was raising him they'd be so proud to call him their son. All of his shortcomings are my own fault, I haven't been able to be a good dad, at my lowest and drunkest moments I've let some of these thoughts slip and regretted them deeply as I know he doesn't deserve to hear them. Yet I just can't stop feeling them anyway.

How do you feel about your own parents since having kids and ending up on this subreddit?

I had super religious boomer parents. I don’t blame them for my choices but I wish they’d been more honest about the realities of parenting. Even just “It’s hard,”. or being more open to a childfr3 lifestyle. We had a childfr3 auntie and everyone talked about her like she had failed at life 'poor aunt so and so'

I look at my own daughter and get upset thinking about her having this life. I want her to live her life.

If i actually would have known what came with being a parent I 1000% would not have any kids. Instead of enjoying being a mother, I instead find it more like a never ending chore. It’s ALWAYS something. No breaks only gas. I often wonder will I ever get to the point of actually enjoying motherhood or will I keep looking at it like a job I wish I never signed up for.

I want to start by saying I have a primal instinct to care for my child however I struggled with feeling the “bond”. I rely heavily on the idea that she will get older and we will share moments together, she will express her interests and we would find ways to connect that way. For some context I’m a single mom deep in the trenches of survival mode. Lately she’s been showing signs of a communication delay, maybe autism she is still young so we don’t know. But it’s bringing a reality to the surface which is if we aren’t able to bridge the gap in her communication it will be hard to achieve that bond along with the other complexities of delays. I don’t know that I can call myself a regretful parent yet. Im okay with parenthood. It’s this version of not being able to communicate with my child that may lead me to it. Has anyone else experienced a particular occurrence that brought you to be a regretful parent or was the regret from day one?

https://www.facebook.com/JimGaffigan/videos/572052988774318/?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&fs=e

so much of this “comedy” was true. how parenting only gets harder and the “it gets better” is total BS

I love when he says parenting made him a “better” person then corrected himself and says it actually made him a ”bitter” person LOL SAME

Today's feeling is trapped. How does everyone else feel?

Cause it’s like, what do you need me to help you with now?!?!?

https://bridges.monash.edu/articles/thesis/_It_s_just_a_crushing_kind_of_feeling_Maternal_Regret_and_the_Gendered_Conditions_of_Motherhood_in_Australia/33432481?file=68192347

The links to the podcast discussion on this research were posted a while ago - here is the actual article from Australia

I have a 2 year old and 4 year old so life is pretty much hell.

Ive accepted hell and, but i was wondering when will this get better?

Like where is the fun in having kids?

Recently, I (23M) had my first child in June. A girl. She seems to be in good hands with her mom thankfully.

I’m going to be honest, I didn’t want her. I’m young and there was a lot of angry tension between me and her mom. I didn’t feel it was okay to bring a child into this world where there are politicians who are touching kids, global warming is making everyday look more and more grim, and multimillionaires looking to exploit her for every penny.

Now that she’s a living breathing human, and out here in the world. I’m glad she’s here and alive. Something about the little baby face is so fucking precious and cute.

Her mom and I live separately, completely different lives. Her mom already has kids and is 10 yrs older than me and im a recent grad. The shame when I told my mom what happened was intense and terrible. I was thrown out of the house with no support.

Now I live in a little studio in the city away from my daughter and her mom. I still feel kinda resentful of the whole situation… I know I need to put it all behind me and do what’s best for my daughter, but the shame and guilt of seeing her mom is paralyzing. I genuinely can’t believe I put someone though what I put them through.

I feel like I have to put my feelings out somewhere. I’ve never felt more alone in my life than I am now. No car… empty fridge… idk maybe I’m making this post because I’m hungry lol

I miss my daughter and I wish I wasn’t a dead beat… nothing is stopping me except myself and I should just be better.

Anyway, if you’ve read this far, uhh thanks.