I don’t fit in with the soft spoken, easy going, almond moms I see everywhere. I’ve always been a loud person. Big personality with a ton of opinions. I’m pretty unapologetically myself and haven’t had many issues getting along with my peers but damn these moms at children’s groups are all cut from the same clothe. It’s the same personality over and over again.

I’m done going to the library groups. I feel like the odd one out. Side note but my bfing journey didn’t go as planned and at the group today every single one of the girls (4) just whipped out their boob to breastfeed. Which whatever I mean the law allows it but I’ve never felt so I comfortable. My daughter (7mo) is looking around like “why not me” and it broke my fucking heart.

I feel like I just suck at this. I wish I could go back and not do this if I’m being honest.

I was young and dumb, and married a HS sweetheart. I became a good little tradwife. I believed myself to be the pillar of my family, and so I sacrificed EVERYTHING. I didn't just cook and clean and take care of children. I was his therapist, his assistant, his UNPAID office manager. I was never sure if I wanted kids but I had them anyway because he wanted a big family.

And then he left me as soon as he became successful. 15 years into our marriage, when out oldest was 13 (and youngest was only 3), he left for some woman he met at a networking event. And that's not even the worst, the worst was that he left the children too. Suddenly, I was 35, with 4 kids, no job, no education, a house I couldn't afford (and had no way of selling as it was stuck in the divorce).

I know I can't blame my kids for this, but god, did I start to resent them for wanting a relationship with their father, even though he didn't care about it at all. Each time he cancelled his weekend, they would rage, cry, act out, and I had to be Mother Mary, endlessly patient and understanding. When my son turned 14, he even started blaming ME, acting as if his father left because I didn't take care of myself enough. My daughter (11 then) was more understanding at least, but also a handful. My 7-year-old started being agressive at school, and my toddler wouldn't stop crying for daddy. It was hell trying to juggle 3 low-income jobs, getting education and handling 4 kids. I was already regretful then, looking at his facebook pictures of lavish vacations while my kids kept treating me as a punching back on which they could unload or their frustrations.

It has been 5 years, I finally thought the worst was over but my ex husband's life fell to ruin and somehow, that's MY PROBLEM. He got diagnosed with cancer, his affair partner left him, he is self-employed so the second he is too ill to work, he will be in a financial hole (and potentially lose insurance). And guess what? NOW, he remembered he has kids! Now!

I was already suspicious when he wanted to renew contact with them. He didn't care about them for 5 years, the youngest doesn't even REMEMBER him, and now he is a loving father? Nah. Couldn't believe that. AND I WAS RIGHT.

It has only been about 8 months since he started seeing the kids (including the 18-year-old), and it has been more hellish than ever. For the last 3 months they have been trying to have me meet him. I refuse every time. Last night my oldest three actually had the audacity to sit me down, and tell me I AM BEING IMMATURE. Claiming he has changed, he loves me, loves them and wants to come back. BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, apperantely I OWE IT TO THEM to give him another chance. He is sick and alone, he NEEDS me, they said.

I have never hated my kids before, I felt resentful for the life I ended up having but I didn't hate THEM, but I DID hate them with passion in that moment. He couldn't so much as CALL when my eldest turned 18 or when our daughter was in the hospital and I had to beg for money to survive, but now they have the gall to say "they want their dad back"??? My 18-year-old told me the youngest NEEDS A FATHER. AS IF I TOOK HIM AWAY FROM THEM.

I have never been more resentful of being a parent. If I had never had children with him, I would be free. But now, I am COURT ORDERED to be in contact with him, to give him access to my youngest. I am trapped, I am angry, and I am one step away from telling my own son to fuck off from my house because I will not be bullied into taking my ex back

I know I don’t have to preface this with saying that I love my kids and I am so thankful for that. Of course I want the best for them and hope they grow into well-adjusted people, but this just SUCKS.

I realize now, much too late, that I absolutely hate being a parent. I have two boys with ADHD, ages 9 and 11, and the new challenges that arise as they get older are absolutely destroying me. I cannot say this to anyone in my real life because everyone looks at me like I should feel like the luckiest person in the world because to the outside world, these are good kids. They present well. They’re doing fine in school. They’re well behaved when we go out. And that is because they save everything for me. I mean everything. All the hate, all the name calling, all the volatile behavior. I was a stay at home mom for six years until they were school age and I think that set the tone for my hyper availability and my role as existing solely to cater to them. I enjoyed my time with them when they were younger, but in retrospect, I think because my primary role was to raise them and parent them, they can’t or don’t see me as existing in my own life. I am mom and nothing more. I live to serve and make their lives better.

But I’m not just a mom. I’m a mother, yes, but I also working a full time, demanding job in a career that I am actively trying to get ahead in. I’m trying to rediscover my own interests and hobbies that I had before I was forced to put all of that to the side for them. I’d like to start prioritizing my health again. And absolutely none of that is recognized or appreciated.

I try to have conversations with them, especially my 11 year old, about what is appropriate social behavior and what is and isn’t acceptable in terms of how we treat other people and he just doesn’t get it. He in particular is just so socially immature. He has a lot of surface level friends at school but not a ton of deep friendships and it’s because his lack of regard for others feelings is extremely concerning. He is most likely on the spectrum too, although I’ve never had him formally assessed as he doesn’t present with a ton of signs except for social delays.

And my younger one, the behaviors are criminal. We live in an apartment with terrible acoustics and anytime I place a demand on him, like tell him to clean up his desk because it’s time for bed, a switch flips. He’ll go right next to the window where he knows he can be heard from the outside and start screaming, “ouch why are you hitting me? Stop abusing me!” Meanwhile I haven’t laid a hand on him. He cannot self-entertain and never could. He relies on his brother to entertain him, and when his brother wants to do his own thing and be left alone, tantrum. He has zero interests in anything that’s not a video game. Doesn’t read, doesn’t draw, zero creative interests to the point where he will just stir shit up at home when he gets bored.

They mock me, swat at me, call me names, and are single handedly taking what I thought my life was going to look like and turning it on its head.

I’ve tried therapy, sports, discipline, earning back valued items with good behavior, nothing works long term. I used to care about being a good mom and doing everything right and now I just don’t give a shit. All I can do is pray they are functional enough to hold a decent job so they can move out of my house and I can have my life back.

I know you’re not supposed to compare your children with other people’s, but I really thought things would be different. I see our friends with boys this age spending quality time on the weekends, going to movies, sporting events, just ENJOYING each other. I don’t remember the last time I enjoyed my kids. Everything is just about surviving. I look forward to Mondays because that means I survived another torturous weekend and I can just go to work and be by myself a little bit.

My mental, physical, and financial health is at an all time low.

I never should have had kids. I’m struggling so hard to find peace and acceptance that this is my reality. I thought when they were younger that it’s supposed to get easier as they get older and gain independence but it’s just getting so much worse.

Long time reader. First time posting. Ive tried to keep this in but I just can't keep going. Every morning I wake up and I just wish I didn't. Kids are 5 and 6. Homeschooled because I have heart disease (unknown pre kids) so I can't afford to catch every single cold they'll get at school. I never wanted kids and somewhere along the way either my husband wore me down or life tricked me into it or idk what. But here we are. I am miserable. And theres no way out. What do I do?! We live 1000 miles away from family (military) so no help either which I know makes things way worse. Is this my life forever? Will I ever be okay? Anyone out there make it to the other side? How old were your kids by then?

I feel detatched as a new dad. I thought I'd be able to be more excited about this but Im just not and seem to be stuck in a negative loop. The demands of the child lack of sleep are hurting my performance at work. It's hard to see how no one ever told me about this. There is just so much stigma around discussing any negative aspect of having children. and my wife feels the same. We feel so isolated and lied to. Her recovery is worse then what it should have been. It's like we were tricked.

I am venting. My daughter woke up at 8 am, screamed for an hour because she didn't want to get dressed or eat breakfast. Nothing stops the screaming. I can't stand it anymore. She screams because she doesn't want to get dressed, brush her teeth, take a bath, go to bed, eat, or do ANYTHING. Even if I ask her if she wants to play in the basement or go to the park, she always says no. I don't even know what we spend all day doing besides fighting because she never wants to do anything. She used to love going to the park and playing outside, she used to be so agreeable. When she turned 26 months, everything changed. Before this, if she didn't want to do something like get dressed, I would say "do you want to walk there or be carried" as a warning, and it would make her walk and go get dressed. Now when I offer the 2 choices, she says "neither" and then I have to say "okay i'm making the choice for you and I have to carry you" which results in a screaming, kicking battle. And the worst part is that parents are expected to regulate our emotions, so even after all of this bullshit is finally over, I'm supposed to snap back like nothing happened and go on about my day being happy, cheery, playing like normal, which I almost can't do anymore. I can't stand having to pretend like the 1 hr tantrum over something that would take 3 min didn't just happen.

I am pregnant with my second child and I regret it. I don't want to do the toddler phase again. I am miserable. I hate being a parent to a fucking nightmare toddler who doesn't listen and is constantly screaming.

I just feel sad and stuck in life. Love my kids but im tired of working my dead end patt time job making 13 an hour not enough for a fkn happy meal .. just enough to get by on.

Tired of walking on egg shells with my toxic mother and being ignored by her.

Love my kids but im touched out. My car is broke down so were missing all the fun fall fesitivals.. just in the house day in and day out and were reserved to down stairs only my mom hates when the kids go up stairs.

I feel like im trying but im going in slow motion.

Change isnt coming fast enough. I have to wait till january to be able to work full time again ( autisitic son transitions back to public school)

Im praying i move by March.. bc this environment isnt it. Its really bogging me down.

I just want to be free. Trying not to give up. Son is 7 daughter is 5.

I know there can be positive aspects of parenting such as finding great meaning, purpose, love in raising a child. That's for another post though, this post is to discuss the shadow, darker, underbelly aspects of it. The less openly talked about aspects of parenting but that is talked openly about on this sub.

The reality is that parenting can often be emotionally, psychologically, and even physically brutal on parents. It can easily result in levels of exhaustion, depression, anxiety, and hopelessness. I experienced some of these firsthand as a parent and also observed these happening to others.

-lack of sleep that can accrue over years into chronic and severe physical and psychological exhaustion

-waking up to another day of exhausting child care and domestic non stop labor

-screaming, crying, shouting kids that destroy parents' nervous system, mental health over time

-children who endlessly fight with their siblings wreaking havoc on parents' mental health

-parents finding themselves in nearly impossible work situations- must juggle childcare with fulfilling work duties. For example, parents take sick days off to care for kids then must go to work sick themselves or take non paid days off.

-when parents get sick, they may be forced to soldier on going to work or actively caregiving to their children. They may have fever, aches, chills, nausea but the show must often go on and there may be no real rest or recovery for an ill parent. This can be very brutal to experience. A basic human need to rest when very sick is now stripped from the person. This leads into the next point...

-parents are often deprived of basic human needs like sleep, silence, down time, rest, fun, recreation, financial stability, time for basic self care, and general support or help. These deprivations can over time feel deeply oppressive.

-parents often do not get to rest, recharge on weekends or holidays. These days are spent at their other heavy labor job called 'parenting.' This creates serious burnout and exhaustion for the parents over time. Parents can over time feel that their life is one long running, decades long domestic labor camp situation.

-parents may take their kids out to eat, on vacations, on fun outings but this can end up being expensive and for what? These experiences with children can often be incredibly exhausting and stressful.

-parents may come to dread weekends and holidays because it can mean a heavy exhausting feeling of long days of caregiving versus any kind of rest, recovery, and recharge. Parents may wake up on these days and already feel intense overwhelming exhaustion and dread. They have another day ahead of domestic tasks like cleaning, food prep, laundry, endless tidying and picking up, and having to manage and keep children occupied from morning until night. This can be especially oppressive on very hot or cold days when the family is forced inside due to weather. These days can be very hard and long. Many parents wake up and simply can only look forward to getting through the day until putting the child to bed again. Some parents may be pushed to a point where they feel going to sleep again is the best part of their existence to get a break from the grueling days.

-parents over time can feel a total lack of joy, creativity, spark, passion for life. The light in them is dimmed out over time as they are always 'on' as parents. Many aspects of life that bring joy and passion to a person are closed off to parents- travel, free time, lazy aimless days to just be and recover, opportunities to explore the self such as hobbies, new career paths, new experiences.

-the parent is ever expected to put the child first. For example, the parent may spend years taking the child to lessons, sports camps, practices, tutors, playdates, parties, child centered vacations. Over time, the parent has been a giving and nurturing machine to the child but the parent is depleted, neglected, and exhausted leading to extreme caregiver burnout.

-parents can be expected to soldier on in the face of diminished mental health due to or in part due to parenting. They are expected to keep up the good parental performance, good parental mask but underneath they are suffering. There is often no real help or support for parents. It can be taboo or frowned upon to talk about any underbelly aspect of parenting.

-the teen years can feel traumatizing to parents. They have worked all those years to provide for and support their children. The teens may be ungrateful, too lazy, unmotivated and the parent is caught caring for a nearly deadweight teen in the home which is exhausting. The teen may show zero gratitude or care towards the parent and the relationship has morphed into a parasitic one of toxicity. The parent may be just viewed as a money machine, driver, cook, cleaner, personal assistant and the child only takes and takes. The parent feels a massive responsibility to somehow launch this teen into the world as a functional adult. This responsibility can feel hugely psychologically heavy and daunting to a parent. No one often cares about the parents' mental health, it is all about the child or youth. The parent is just expected to be a caregiving machine for years on end.

-the children grow up and usually leave the home. They head out into their young adult lives and the parent may feel left behind disoriented, lost, numb, just a shell of a person. They have spent decades in that role and now it is over. The parent is older now and must navigate leaving behind the parenting role and readjusting to life not as a parent ie Empty Nest Syndrome. It doesn't seem anyone cares. The parent is just expected to soldier on as always and cope. They may not hear from the adult child much and this can be psychologically jarring on the parent.

-parents who worked part time or stayed home to care for the kids, single parents may be hugely behind on their retirement due to these financial sacrifices.

-it can be daunting and hard enough in this world to survive financially. Kids can add massive expenses for costly daycare, after school care, camps, lessons and tutors, babysitters, private schooling, and later year expenses like cars and college. It can be too much for parents to shoulder all of this in addition to all other parenting demands. Every person should ask themselves, do I really want to embark on this Mt Everest sized task of having and raising children?

-parental relationships can be weakened and turn into just working roommate situations. Over the years, the children become front and center stage and the parents relationship can deteriorate due to the stress and exhaustion.

-one parent may find themselves now trapped in a toxic and/or abusive relationship situation. For example, a parent may now find themselves at the mercy of a toxic/abusive partner who they cannot easily leave. They find themselves now tethered and entangled with the person by sharing a child with them. They may be financially or in other ways dependent on this person and or others.

-parents may find themselves trapped in limited career, vocational paths. Once kid(s) arrive, it may now be very hard to go back and get further education/training to pursue other career paths. This can put parents at great financial risk if it means they are stuck in a low income situation.

-last but certainly not least, all the difficulties of actually having the baby. Birth injuries, PPD, sleep deprivation, breastfeeding challenges, body and hormonal changes, loss/change of identity issues. These initial changes, issues alone can be traumatizing to mothers.

I am actually glad to hear the birth rate is decreasing. I hope more younger people think long and hard if having a child is the right path for them. It can be the right path for SOME people. However, there is not enough honest talk, education about these possible darker, shadow side realities of parenting that do not occur infrequently.

Feel free to chime in how you may have experienced trauma from parenthood.

I wonder if anyone has any info on this. I came across a post about how high achieving and straight A student are likely to grow up with more negative experiences of parenthood. The post was about motherhood specifically. The rough explanation before my feed updated and the post disappeared was that the brain is wired for deadlines and a result/ external validation to confirm performance or something along these lines. I have had struggles with motherhood ever since my child was born 13 years ago. I was awarded 4 scholarships and recently completed my PhD. I am wonder what the relationship between these two could be. I wonder if anyone has more info on this?

The fact that "mom guilt" rolls off the tongue is enough of a reality check that we're the ones who most frequently deal with this feeling.

I want to say to people who are still "deciding" on future offspring: remember that it's for a lifetime. You do not cease being someone with mom guilt just because they are more independent and perhaps moved out of the house. Their needs and your inability to meet their needs or your interest in setting boundaries so as not to have to deal with all their needs will forever and always bring about some sense of mom guilt.

My older child is 23 and keeps wanting to come over to make breakfast and hang out. They've suggested it a few times as of late. They're like, "I miss you and my brother" (my teenager who has 1 more year at home). I think that's a sweet and lovely sentiment and all, but realistically, I see my adult child at least once per week, if not more sometimes. Like, kid, you moved out a year ago, and I've been around you every week since. I have not had the space to miss my kid.

There have been other moments like asking to come for dinner randomly. Coming to watch a movie. Etc. Usually, every request of hangout time, while a really nice reminder that my kid does enjoy my company, is always asked like less than an hour before they want to come over.

So often, I end up saying "no" for one reason or another. Either it's too late in the evening, it's during some other thing that I already planned for my day, it's going to add chaos (my two kids still get really loud and silly together, which adds to my inability to have quiet enjoyment at my home), it's a pain to then have to clean up after someone who doesn't do it well on their own, and so on.

I'm telling this story, and using this seemingly nice gesture to illustrate that you will always and forever be "On Call," and not just during difficult times. And if you're like me, you feel mom guilt every time you set a boundary of "not right now, I had other things on my to-do list, let's make a better plan for another day," and then hearing a super sad voice on the other end of the phone saying "okay fine." Mind you, we have monthly "mom dates" where just the 2 of us go do something fun together without the other kid or anyone else. Plus, like I mentioned, we see each other plenty during the month.

Ugh, I think it adds irritation for me because it's just dragging on and on because I have been parenting since age 18, and it still keeps going. Hence, my warning is that people really need to stop thinking that there's an expiration date to parenting. So if they're not committed for an entire life span (yours, most likely), then there's no point in having them. Take it from me, a single-mom who was a teen parent with very limited choices or help to figure out what my commitment level might be. Mom guilt will forever be with you if you have a kid.

i've been trying to make friends lately and i've started avoiding talking about my kid. i know that's selfish and stupid, but as soon as anyone finds out i have a kid, either one of two things happens. 1: they only ever want to talk about my kid, and we stop talking about anything else. or 2: they ghost me.

this probably has something to do with the fact that i'm 23. most people my age are not parents. which is a smart decision on their part. i got pregnant as a teenager due to birth control failure. i was always "the weird kid" and becoming a teen mom didn't help. so now, at the age of 23, i can't say i've had a single real friend. shit's hard

The only thing I have been consistent with saying is “I’m so done with this shit” I can not do it anymore, i have cried more in the last 72 hours than I did when I was a newborn I’m sure!

I have 3 children, my eldest two children are fine, I’m happy with them I’m glad I had them, they’re the best!
My youngest daughter however a product of contraception failure has Autism if I had her first I’d be childless by now, the father is a useless drug addict so I have been a solo parent for 6 years.
I really cannot put up with her anymore (she’s 3) non verbal, constant meltdowns, waking at 3am everyday, taking her nappy off and swiping shit all over the place. I just can’t do it physically and mentally I’m weak, drained and a zombie.
I have 0 friends or family support, I live 4 hours away from my parents who cannot stand to be in a room with my children for more than an hour!
It feels like a jail sentence for a crime I didn’t commit, stuck in the same Groundhog Day for the last 3 years I can’t do it anymore.

Even though I am on the strongest anti depressants I’m still depressed :/

I have contacted children’s services to get some form of help but in reality I want her to disappear so I can have a normal life.
I know it sounds horrible how could I say this about my own child? I wish there was a test that could have told me before she was born that she would have these difficulties, I know I was not cut out to deal with a disabled child, no matter what it would have been I wouldn’t have put myself in this situation willingly.

I just needed to get this off my chests as “someone” to talk to I guess.

I'm a mom (39) to a 2.5 year old boy who is a handful. He is fussy and cranky probably 70% of the time. I've gone through intense PPD when he was born and then sometime later I got better. However, about a month ago my son stopped all naps (he sleeps through the night ok 7pm-6am) but he refuses to get in the stroller and then when i give in and he walks he wants me to carry him. He whines, screams, throws tantrums and though I realize this is normal toddler behavior I started experiencing physical health issues. I now have very intense migraines, feel nauseous and dizzy whenever I'm around him. My anxiety gets so bad i feel a pit in my stomach every time he starts whining. I'm with him during the day and when my husband gets off work he takes him till he goes to sleep, so i feel sick throughout the day - i'm sad that my son makes me feel this way, sick to my stomach it feels like i never know what to expect from him as his moods are very unpredictable. Has anyone ever experienced this? I take handful of pain killers and anti nauseous medication just to feel ok. I'm upset at myself for having an allergic reaction to my baby - whom I wanted to have very badly. I just look at moms that have easy toddlers and deep down inside i'm jealous.

I love my kid endlessly and I'm not regretful I just keep posting here cause this is the most honest parenting forum in the history of humanity.

Anyways... A new day is always a new opportunity for my kid to find an annoying af habit.

I know she is a kid doing kids stuff and I'm not sure how much should I correct behavior cause it is just silly stuff...

What is concerning I correct immediately, she most of the time pays attention to me so I can correct successfully... Things like spitting.. and she gets it and stops doing it and the start of a habit dies.

But with other things like ... The constant tongue out 😝, putting her hands under her eyes to look like she is melting (I don't know how the hell to explain that), she does that out of fun... It is silly... It is annoying af but not really harming or disrespectful? So I don't want to crush her spirit pretending her to just don't do silly things... You know what I mean?

But at the same time is annoying af...

Or the constant wanting to help but actually creates more work, but also don't want to discourage that... Do you understand that freaking loop?

I love my kid, so proud of her... My phone is full of pictures and videos of her that I enjoy watching when I'm not with her.. but how can she at the same time being so annoying to me is beyond my comprehension. Lol.

My therapist says I'm not a bad mom for finding my kid behaviors annoying... I'm just unsure when to correct something that is really not harming or disrespectful, just annoying to me.

When she puts her tongue out to her teachers or other people I immediately correct... But she keeps doing it with family.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

first of I'm going to say I know I'm a horrible person. BUT my girlfriend has 2 children that are not mine. a 9 year old daughter that adores me and looks at me a strong father figure even calls me dad. she can be very dependent and is smart, but she has some sass. while her boy who's 7 I struggle with and don't care much for. I hate this it's not like he's a bad kid. he has his issue walks all over mom ignores her but nothing I can't handle. but for some reason I favor her oldest. now I want to say this. I would move heaven and earth for both of them, I would take a bullet for either one of them I've only been with her for a year and a half and we just had a baby of our own (that was not planned at all.) I love him but I never pictured myself taking care of a toddler so this is all new to me. I have had friends with kids that would spend weeks or even most of the summer with me but they ranged in age from 4-8 but. this is eating me alive I know I shouldn't have a favorite from her 2 kids. if it came down to it I would save her oldest over her younger boy. and that is not right. when I'm alone It tears my heart up knowing how I feel that I favor her daughter soooo much more. to the point I cry. no matter what I have tried I can't remedy this. I don't out right hate the kid because I know it's not his fault. I do my very best to treat them equally. but it's the fact in my heart that I favor her daughter the most then my own son then her son. I'm disgusted with myself. I have always wanted a daughter. I don't know if thats the issue or if it's the way they were brought up bc they were not raised in the greatest environment and I work my ass off to give her kids and my newborn everything they need and want. it's the fact that I know how much more I favor her daughter that is eating my alive bc growing up my little brother was my mom's favorite and everyone knows it and the fact that I am fighting this issue after everything I went through. I apologize for my grammar. and I'm looking for any and I mean any advice that can help me. I think if it was just a slight favorite to her older daughter it wouldn't be a issue but it's more then a slight favoriteism that has me so distraught. please don't hate on me trust me I hate myself more then anyone can I want to remedy my issues please. I'm not saying I don't love this kid it's just different. idk if bc I can tell that he doesn't act like a normal 7 year old boy he doesn't like getting dirty, he doesn't like being outside struggles in school but I am helping him with his school work and he's doing better. but please help me I don't want him to ever find out that I favor others over him. this is hard for me to say but my emotional support dog holds a bigger spot in my heart then him. if it wasn't for the fact that I accidentally got my girl pregnant that I would leave her so she could find someone that would love her as much as I do and both her kids equally. but accidents happened and now I feel like it would devastate my girl if I left her and told her that it's so shy could find someone better for her and her kids someone that will love both her kids equally. I'm her first boyfriend that got her out of her parents house that's full of drugs and a bad place for kids that's why I moved them in so quickly and I know she will have no choice to go back there with her kids if I left her with I don't want that for her and I definitely don't want that for her kids either and definitely not my infant. I feel so horrible, I know I'm a piece of shit that's why I'm looking for help.

“You’ll bounce back because you’re young”

No. Such a lie and I wish people would stop saying this. I’m 5’1 and 110lbs, I had my first at 19, I’ve never been fat, I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight after both kids within weeks of giving birth. BUT:

- I have loads of loose skin on my stomach, looks like a wrinkly ballsack and my waist has expanded outwards somehow, making me look even more boxy than before becoming a mother.

- my breasts are even more asymmetrical now, they say and they are extremely loose and they have no fullness after nursing my kids. Nope, never went back to normal!

- I had to have an episiotomy and forced delivery with my child at 19, which has permanently altered my opening down below and it’s now agape and there’s scar tissue surrounding it. It looks like a demogorgon’s mouth.

My partner said I can leave at any time. Well, no… I can’t. Because I love my kids, I won’t abandon them. And even if I did have the guts to walk away from my family, how am I ever supposed to pretend they don’t exist? My body is horrific, despite being slim, it looks like a post menopausal woman’s body. Actually, geriatric women have better breasts than me.

I’m 24 and I’m supposed to be attractive. My relationship has been a bit rocky with my partner at times and I wonder what man would ever love me if I were to leave? I’m completely unlovable because of these kids.
My mental health has been awful throughout my life anyway, but this is the cherry on top for me.

it gets better when they’re mobile

it gets better when they sleep through the night

it gets better when they’re done with bottles

it gets better when they’re can talk/communicate

it gets better when theyre potty trained

it gets better when they’re older so you don’t have to lug a stroller and a diaper bag everywhere

it gets better when they start school (LOL)

it gets better when they’re not in a car seat anymore and can buckle themselves in and out

it gets better when they’re socially independent and you don’t have to schedule play dates anymore

It gets better when they have their drivers license so you stop being a chauffeur

it gets better when they can prepare their own meals so you’re not a personal chef

it gets better when they’re older and wash their own clothes/ do chores

it gets better when the move out and have their own life

etc etc etc the goal post is ALWAYS moving further down the road .

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LMAO i remember being a naive new mom and believing more experienced parents when they said “it gets better” i then realized it never got “better” the challenges changed out for different one - usually something more complex and emotionally draining .

I just found out that my 7th grader is already failing three of his classes, two of them for stupid fucking reasons (not doing classwork, missing homework). I am so angry that I haven't even approached him about it yet because I feel like screaming at him, which clearly wouldn't be the healthy thing to do. As a child, I didn't need to be told to do my homework or classwork. Every day I ask him if he has homework and he says no, or that he did it already. Now I have to fucking be in constant contact with his teachers because he's clearly not telling the truth. Add it to pile of the million things I have to do. I'm at the point where I can feel stress in my body. I wake up and I'm immediately anxious, and even when I take a day off and do nothing, I don't feel "recharged." Having kids feels like a never-ending punishment.

New here and scared of these feelings. I've been coping with depression, burnout, and career worries (currently off on disability, but parted ways with first and only engineering job on poor terms).

Dad of two boys: 2.5 & 4. I can't help but wonder if having kids was a mistake. They seem to have loaded on way more work and responsibility than I can handle. Even now, with my mother living with us to help out and my load being lightened because I'm depressed, helping out with the kids is leading to overwhelm more and more quickly. I feel awful that I brought these children into the world but I'm not being there for them in the ways they need and my thoughts about the situation are getting worse and worse.

Yes, I'm receiving therapy and trying medication.

I know this is more likely them pretending they dont know any better but we just realized our 10 yr old has spent $500-700 on a video game in the past month in small charges. I was already sitting here stressed about having a kids birthday on thanksgiving, hosting halloween, and christmas within 2 months. Obviously we are super at fault for not paying attention to our account, and I suppose trusting them to play the game as a treat while we are cleaning or taking care of business after telling them not to use the store in game (my card is on there for membership).

I know this is common and I hope we get the money back but this is something I never thought about before having kids. The biggest one was a few weeks ago when my other younger child swung the car door open full stop and luckily the car next to us happened to just be far enough away to not smash their door in and im like omg! My car door was hit in January and it cost their insurance 4 grand to repair. That almost just came out of my pocket for a child opening a door.

I could go on and on and on but this is something for those without kids to think about outside of the usual this just sucks and is expensive in general. One little thing they do can devastate you financially because theyre children. Tv and electronics are a blessing to survive daily. Imagine how easy everything you own is to break and how expensive it is to replace. Fml!

I see regretful parents all the time here, however most of these posts are of parents who are still kind of new to parenting. Like...toddlers and such. Much less posts from parents of older children, so as a parent with older kids who still regrets becoming a parent...are there any of you who are still struggling with teens? My oldest is about to be 18 in a few months. It never got easier. Please tell me i am not alone.

yes I’m grateful I’m able to have some time to myself where I’m not with my child and I’m not working. but wow! time literally seems to go by at lightning speed. a full day to myself will feel like an hour or two. a 2 hour break feels like 15/30 minutes.

i am so grateful for the time away but it really is a drop in the bucket to feeling restored/“normal” again. and then I get whiplash when I go back to reality with a loud, clingy, hyper child.

becoming a mom has completely drained my soul . I don’t think I will EVER be back to my pre-child capacity.

My child has always been defiant and argumentative but now is threatening to kill me? At this point I wouldn’t even mind

I just don't know anymore these 2 kids just drain me everyday. I feel like a zombie after work and then dealing with my 2 small boys all night. I used to be so happy and vibrant...I need a vacation so bad from this life ..but it ain't happening for another 20 yrs which is crazy...

Hi, I'm a 31 year old mom. I have 2 kids, one is about to be 9 and the other is 7. I have struggled with mental health and suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember. I don't exactly feel "regret" but I am constantly thinking about how I am not a good or stable enough parent for them.

Since their dad and I divorced 3 years ago I have had absolutely no stability in any aspect. Any time I have finally started to make progress my life is turned around all over again out of my control causing me to just slip more and more. I have been in and out of psych hospitals since December. I am losing my home for the 5th time in 2 years. I am not good enough for them. I am no use to them how I am right now.

I don't have much option for places to go, but my mom recently moved to Iowa and told me I can come there to try to get stable. I am going to do this because I think I'm l getting out of the state I'm in where so much negative has happened and everything is a constant trigger just isn't helping me or them or anyone. However, I have to tell my kids the plan to leave today. Their dad will never leave our home state so I will have to go on my own. Even with my mom there I just wouldn't have the capability to have them and give them the care they'd need.

I know they are going to be upset and cry and be so fucking sad. They love me so much, they think I'm an incredible mother that I'm really just not. Now I am abandoning them. I will miss out on so much of their lives and it breaks me. I don't want to break their hearts like this. I know they will be able to visit there and I can come visit here, but this is a horrible position to be in. I think I'm horrible.