Update - How do I(23M) gently break up with my gf(25F) without putting myself in hot water?

[u/ThrowRAhh7sd]

OG

I was able to do it, thank god guys. So around 4 days ago, I just texted her it was over, and reported her to my apartment security, and asked them to disable her and my current key fobs for the place(my apartment has this electronic key fob instead of a physical key so thank god theres no need to change the locks or anything). They did it and I got new fobs. I had a pep talk with my coworkers(I gotta call them friends at this point, they have done so much to help me), and they guided me through the break up message and everything. I just did something along the lines of I am busy with work and want to focus on the new job, and we are different and incompatible, and we should see other people.

I told her that our mutual friends are more than welcome to come by and pick up her stuff, but she is not allowed back here. I know if she comes by or I see her here again, we’re just gonna sleep together again and I am back to square one. Couple of our mutual friends came by on Saturday to pick up her stuff, and yeah they showed a lot of attitude. Safe to say they may not be our mutual friends and just her friends. .

I went out for drinks with some of the guys from work after the ordeal was done. My friends from home follow her on insta(I blocked her on everything) and she made posts there about how she lost everything and the “love of her life” and essentially public messages directed at me. She also wrote some poems about being a changed person and what not. I got some of our high school mutuals messaging what happened, but I just left them on read or told them “it’s complicated but we broke up and we are over”. None of these morons except my actual friends even bothered contacting me after like the first two years of college but now that there is drama they suddenly care. So no tea for them lol.

The guys are helping me set up the dating apps and profiles again, but I am going to take at least a month or two, or fucking three and even four, to recover from this lmao. I think there will be some more fallout still. She showed up to the apartment on Sunday and got told by security they can’t let her in. I called our mutual friends(well hers now) and told them that they already picked everything up, and asked them why she’s coming and told them that she’s forcing my hand to take things the legal route. After that was when she made the online posts.

I am happy I was able to break free of this. I genuinely couldn’t even get myself to look at her without feeling guilty and regretting staying with her. This is better for me. And better for her too even if she can’t see it yet. She should be with someone who she doesn’t omit details of her past to, and someone who’s like cool with all that.

Being single again is certainly freeing. She hated when I wore Hawaiian tees cuz it made me look like older I guess, so I have been rocking my tees for now. She also hated the smell of red meat, so I never cooked steak or anything, got back into grilling. Well it’s only been like 4 days, so not really I’ve done it once, but you know what I mean.

Hope I don’t deal with this shit again in my next relationship. I will just make it clear in the beginning instead of assuming though, that I would prefer someone with similar views on sex as me though, and that way we both save time and hurt. I got some new friends here at least from all this fiasco. I never really made friends here, I only had my homies from high school and college, and now that I live in a new city, it’s so hard to make friends as an adult. But at least I got a gang of sorts here, and I am hoping it’ll be fun. Still miss the old dudes, but I can hop on discord with them at anytime.

Anyway, that’s all.

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[u/CrownedCount]

Glad to hear that, bro. Commented on your original post when you wrote, almost forgot about it. I’m glad it all worked out for you!

Good luck in the future, never put your wee wee in crazy (again😂) and try to do better background checks for your next partner!

[u/guessucant]

Did your bigbros have to hold your hand for you to form an opinion? Ugh both of you are so incredibly immature

[u/OogyBoogy_I_am]

I feel sorry for both of you.

You for being led on by someone trying to escape who they were, and her for failing to escape from who she was. But hiding is not escaping, it's just lying with extra sprinkles.

Has she changed? Undoubtedly she has and you can see that she desperately wants to put what she did well beyond her. Will she ever escape a past she willingly took part in? Hopefully one day she will but for now it's going to haunt her a bit longer. And that's going to be hurting her for quite a while.

But at the very least, you both have your own support networks so hopefully the pain all gets mitigated and dealt with properly.

[u/Competitive_Scar5347]

I'm sorry imm gonna call cap. Unless your Jane Does bf, I dont believe you. Maybe its the timing but