Roommates boyfriends over constantly every night

[u/Plus_Wish5724]

Am I wrong for being uncomfortable with my roommates constantly having guys over?
I live in a 5b/5b apartment with four of my friends. Two of my roommates constantly have guys over, and at this point it feels like they’re here 24/7.
When we decided to live together, I agreed to live with my friends. I obviously understood that they would have people over sometimes, and I have no issue with them having relationships or seeing people. But I did not agree to essentially live with their situationships/boyfriends.
They don’t give the rest of us any heads-up when they’re coming over, the guys are often really loud, and they’ll go into our shared fridge and eat my food. The guys also keep locking the deadbolt on the front door, which is frustrating because the other roommates then have trouble getting into our own apartment.
One of the guys in particular is also pretty toxic. When he and my roommate get into arguments, they slam doors and create a really uncomfortable environment for everyone else. What bothers me is that my roommates will justify their behavior with the “I pay rent here too” argument.
I understand that everyone pays rent and has the right to have guests. But I don’t think paying rent means you can have someone practically living in the apartment, disturbing everyone else, eating other people’s food, locking the front door, or creating an uncomfortable environment.
Our lease also specifically says that overnight guests cannot stay for more than 2 consecutive days or more than 4 times in a month. From what I’ve seen, some of these guests seem to be around way more than that.
I’ve tried bringing up my concerns, but I feel like I’m constantly being brushed off. I don’t want to involve management or create a huge situation because these are my friends, and I genuinely want to maintain our friendships. But at the same time, I shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable in my own apartment.
Maybe living together was a bad idea, but I didn’t sign up to live with multiple people who aren’t actually on the lease.

Am I being unreasonable? How would you handle this while still trying to preserve the friendships?

[u/PapaPuff13]

I would move. They are going to do what they want. Just don’t make a deal about it. This way the friends will stay friends. Normally I would say tell them to stop. Looks like you would be out voted. Maybe a studio apartment would be better for you

[u/Plus_Wish5724 → u/PapaPuff13]

No I wouldn’t be outvoted there’s 5 of us , and we’re only having an issue with 2 of the girls . But we are going to have a roommate meeting and set boundaries, and kind of just see how it goes because 3 of us are uncomfortable basically.

[u/PapaPuff13 → u/Plus_Wish5724]

Well then stand your ground and give them the boot

[u/Plus_Wish5724 → u/PapaPuff13]

But I don’t think we will be friends for much longer , be friends respect each other’s boundaries

[u/Wisewordsforlater]

What does the lease agreement say about this? It's not uncommon for a clause prohibiting a guest staying more than 3 nights a week.

[u/Plus_Wish5724 → u/Wisewordsforlater]

Yea no more then 2 nights in a week and no more then 4 nights in a month

[u/Love_Heals_408]

your not wrong. Paying rent means you live there. It doesn't mean your guest basically lives there too and eats other people's food. Your lease already has guest limits. Make a short house rule: tell people before overnight guests, don't eat other people's food, stick to the lease nights. If they keep brushing you off, talk to management.

[u/Much-Hedgehog3230]

you’re not wrong, and the lease pretty clearly backs you up; this isn’t about guests, it’s about unofficial roommates eating your food, locking you out, and making the place hostile, so stop debating

[u/RagnarokPXN]

Why not you and the other 2 roommates that are uncomfortable with their behavior just get a place with just you 3 then?

[u/zzaelia]

I think you should definitely say something. Exactly what you typed at the start of this post is a perfectly valid thing to say. Talk about laying down some boundaries and how that would look like from your perspective. The “I pay rent here too” argument can be tricky, but if they’re having the person over pretty much 24/7, or what feels equivalent to it, then you can totally lay down the argument that ‘he’ isn’t paying for the room. You are also well within your right to mention the lease agreement, it’s there for this exact reason (and money reasons).

What I would do is sit them down and “hash” it out. Unfortunately you can’t control how someone is going to react. You need to ask yourself what is more important, your comfortability or maintaining your friendships. If they’re good friends then they’ll hear you out, make an effort to make you feel more comfortable and come to a conclusion where you are all at an agreement.

[u/strex09]

Sorry, I don’t have much to suggest. But no, you are not being unreasonable. I would hate to be in your situation.

[u/Certain_Sock5259]

you are not being unreasonable and that is one of the reasons why I am moving this week to a place that seems to enforce guest rules in a more strict way. you can try talking to them though or telling the landlord