Women, I genuinely want honest answers about a situation I experienced a few years ago. I'm the roommate guy in this story, and I'm trying to understand where I stood with this woman and how she really viewed me.
Imagine you're living with a guy who has feelings for you. You know he's attracted to you, wants to be with you, and sometimes seems jealous or hurt because you have a boyfriend.
Now, from his perspective, you seem like the nicest person ever. You're sweet, gentle, soft-spoken, and kind toward him. You give him the impression that you're a genuinely caring person who wouldn't intentionally hurt someone.
But despite how nice you appear to be, he has this lingering feeling that you're putting on a front around him. He can't quite explain it, but something about the situation makes him question whether the kindness he sees is how you genuinely feel about him or simply how you choose to act around him.
There's another important detail about the roommate: he tries hard to hide his feelings and doesn't take them out on anyone. He doesn't confront her, start arguments, insult her boyfriend, or deliberately make their lives difficult. He tries to keep his emotions to himself and carry on as normally as possible.
However, whenever he discovers that she has yet again sneaked her boyfriend over into her room, he becomes noticeably solemn. He might grow quieter, seem down, or withdraw into himself.
The thing is, what he shows on the outside is very different from what he feels inside. Internally, he's absolutely livid. He's filled with anger, resentment, jealousy, and even hatred over the situation, but he keeps all of it bottled up. He doesn't lash out at her or her boyfriend, doesn't start arguments, and doesn't deliberately make their lives difficult. He hides his emotions and tries to deal with them privately, even when the feelings inside him are much more intense than his outward behaviour suggests.
At the same time, he tries to maintain an overconfident attitude whenever he moves around the house, as though he's completely fine and unaffected by what's happening. In reality, he's quiet and keeps to himself. Behind that outward confidence, he's struggling deeply. The situation hurts him so much that, at the time, he honestly felt like he wanted to kill himself, even though he kept those feelings to himself and didn't let others see how badly he was suffering.
He's not necessarily trying to make her feel guilty or get attention; he's struggling with his own emotions and trying not to let them show.
Then there's the situation with your boyfriend. You invite him over, spend time together in your room, and the two of you are laughing while the roommate who has feelings for you is somewhere else in the house.
But there's another detail that makes the situation more confusing. Before sneaking her boyfriend over, she would sometimes ask the roommate questions or bring up topics that seemed designed to figure out how long he would be gone or when he would be out of the house. It felt as though she was trying to establish when she would have the opportunity to invite her boyfriend over and spend time alone with him without the roommate being around.
This makes me wonder: why would you go to the trouble of asking your roommate questions to figure out when he'd be away, and then sneak your boyfriend over? Was it simply because you wanted privacy with your boyfriend, because you felt uncomfortable having him around the roommate who liked you, because you wanted to avoid an awkward situation, or was there another reason?
Did you feel you had to hide your relationship from him because you knew he had feelings for you? Were you trying to spare his feelings, avoid confrontation, or deliberately keep him in the dark? And if you were being so sweet and kind toward him, why not simply be straightforward about the situation?
When you're laughing with your boyfriend in your room, have you ever been laughing at your roommate because you know he likes you and is hurt by your relationship, or are you genuinely just laughing about your own conversations and things happening between the two of you?
Have you ever joked about him behind his back, made fun of his feelings, or found it amusing that he wanted you while you were already with someone else, all while continuing to act sweet and caring toward him whenever you saw him?
Or would you feel bad for him and make a conscious effort not to humiliate him, even though you had no romantic interest in him?
There's another thing I'm curious about. Why would you tell a male roommate who has feelings for you that you don't drink or smoke? Would that be because you genuinely don't drink or smoke, because you want to keep your private life private, or because you don't want him knowing what you might do with your boyfriend? For example, if you did smoke with your boyfriend, would you deliberately hide that from your roommate?
For context, I'm the guy who was the roommate in this situation a few years ago. She seemed incredibly nice and soft toward me, but I sometimes had the feeling that there was more beneath the surface, and I never knew whether I was misreading things or picking up on something real.
I'm not asking whether a woman owes a man affection or a relationship because he likes her. Obviously, she doesn't. I'm trying to understand whether someone can appear genuinely sweet toward a person while privately making fun of them, or whether my suspicions might have come from my own insecurity and uncertainty about the situation.
Women who have lived through something similar, I would genuinely appreciate your honesty.
Were you laughing at your roommate, or simply laughing with your boyfriend about your own things? Have you ever acted extremely sweet toward a guy while privately mocking him? Why might you hide things such as drinking or smoking from a roommate who has feelings for you? And have you ever deliberately tried to find out when a roommate would be away so you could have your boyfriend over without him being there?
Please, I'm only looking for answers and personal experiences, not arguments or debates. I want to understand the different possibilities because I'm still trying to work out where I stood with this woman.