Really starting to love the real me ❤️❤️🥺🏳️‍⚧️

I dont know how to put this into the proper words, how do you know if you are trans or under the umbrella. I feel so many different things daily about what/who I am. I don’t know if it’s how I feel or if it’s because I’m depressed or I’m depressed because it’s how I feel. I’ve ties using different pronouns and it doesn’t make a difference, well it kinda does like if she/her is used sometimes it make me happy sometimes I don’t think about it, when he/him is used I just don’t care like I don’t feel anything. I unfortunately can’t try and dress more feminine, I don’t have irl friends to talk to and use different pronouns. My dysphoria sometimes hits like a truck and other times nothing. It seam to be whenever I see other women I just sink into a pit, which I think it’s the whole joke of ‘ do I want to be with her or be her’ and I thinks it’s always be her. But I don’t want to…. Like I have thoughts of being a woman but I don’t know if it’s that I want to be more fem presenting and be nonbinary. There’s so many things that I keep seeing that I think/can relate to.but back to when I see women, I dink know if it just I want to look like them or if it’s something else. There’s so many things I think that I want/need but I don’t know how I should or do feel. I heart says one thing and my head another and it keeps swapping and changing.